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Old 17.06.2014, 14:44
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Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

Hi All,


I kindly seek the communities help for a rather difficult topic I am going through with my wife.

If anyone can point me to a very good counselor in the Paffikon to Zurich area will be great. Topics maybe include, marriage, post natal or even depression/anxiety counselors will be great. I have been told having a man speaking to a woman patent works well, not sure..

Its getting serious now, I go to work and my phone is blasting with messages demanding that I come home now due to her frustration with the child, it scares me as I dont know if she will hurt her or not (luckily she has not but what if one day she cant take it).


I dont know what to do, is there a social worker I can see? I fear the worst will happen if I dont make an attempt to help her beyond hiring a cleaner and baby sitter.. And yes I do make time for ourselves but she falls back..

We need serious help asap, I am willing to do anything asap.. I dont want my child or her being hurt through this process... I stopped having anger months ago when I found out she had post partum stress.. It was easy to walk away with the issues that comes with this outlook but I dont want too, even if I have to take a few bullets to the chest its worth the sacrifice. She denies that she has any distress, she also denies she has any anger or depression.

Background:

She was excellent, tolerant and kind for the past few years of marriage, during pregnancy she was also fine, nothing out of the norm. After pregnancy things just went down hill and continues to go into a darker abyss. We are expats living here with no family or close friends to lend a hand.

I know there maybe some gaps to my story but If I can fill any please let me know. Its hard being the sole provider financially (meetings, travels, bosses demands) etc.., but its even harder being the wife at home with a child. We have one child who is 1.2years old.

I am pulling all the stops to support, even taking time away from meetings or my job (Which is impacting my work performance). We hired a baby sitter to come for a few hours a week 2x a week, plus we have a cleaning person 1x a week. This still does not help, it seems shes gotten worst. She also takes part in mommy activities but finds fault and dislikes these activities.

I did not want to believe she had post partum stress disorder, but the more I talk to those who know her, and read articles online, the more I am seeing the symptoms.

I Found this article that greatly describes what I am going through now;
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/post...depression.htm

Any help or advice please let me know... I am stuck in a place where the only outlet is to leave this country, my job and go back home to try to help her.. But i dont want to give up on what this country offers us as she loves it as well.

Im extremely scared and dont know what to do in terms of contacting external help to guide us..

Your sincere thoughts are appreciated.
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Old 17.06.2014, 14:49
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

Mumsnet might be a site you both may find info and help. Good luck.
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Old 17.06.2014, 14:53
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

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Mumsnet might a site you both may find info and help. Good luck.
I don't think that would be particularly suitable for people in a fragile state of mind, to be honest. It's a bit like being thrown to the wolves.

I would recommend that the OP gently tries to arrange an appointment with her doctor or even her gynae and go along with her in a supporting role, although it sounds from his post that she hasn't yet acknowledged there is a problem, so it could be difficult.
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Old 17.06.2014, 14:53
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

Here are a few threads that discuss the topic. Maybe you'll find a nugget of helpful information there? Wishing you, your wife, and your child the best as you work through this.

Postpartum depression... to anti-depressant or not to anti-depressant?

postpartum depression
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Old 17.06.2014, 14:54
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

Consult your GP (doctor) immediately. This is not really a subject for a public forum...
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Old 17.06.2014, 14:56
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Thank you... I also got this info from this thread.

I will start with her Gyne first.

postpartum depression

Any personal experiences or advice?

Quote:
I don't think that would be particularly suitable for people in a fragile state of mind, to be honest. It's a bit like being thrown to the wolves.

I would recommend that the OP gently tries to arrange an appointment with her doctor or even her gynae and go along with her in a supporting role, although it sounds from his post that she hasn't yet acknowledged there is a problem, so it could be difficult.


This is true. I have not officially talked to her about post partum stress disorder just yet.

Infact I am extremely scared to approach her as I fear that she will blow up and turn things around on me, but I will try to talk to her about it in a calm manner.

Last edited by 3Wishes; 17.06.2014 at 15:55. Reason: merging successive posts
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Old 17.06.2014, 15:05
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

I'm afraid I have no experience or ideas for help in Switzerland, but I have previously come across this UK-based website which seems to offer a fair bit of information:

http://www.app-network.org/

I hope someone will be able to provide a more directly practical response to your request.
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Old 17.06.2014, 15:16
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

I think you should contact either your wife's GP or OB yourself, and explain your worries. Then go with her to the appointment, and reexplain your worries. Non-judgmental, but firm and explicit.

Post-partum depression is a disease, and is taken very seriously by doctors. I know that at the CHUV (Vaud) there's a special unit dealing with it, and in severe cases they even hospitalise mummy and baby together.

What about your local cantonal hospital? I'm sure there must be an equivalent.

I got severe pre-partum depression with my daughter, and I got followed very carefully after her birth by a bunch of specialist, all from the CHUV.
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Old 17.06.2014, 15:18
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

For the OP and everyone else. If you're sick, mind or body, contact your GP

Not mumsnet, a counsellor, an obgyn or anyone else. Just your GP. They will know what to do.
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Old 17.06.2014, 15:21
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

post natal depression is a serious condition and from what i have read can happen to anyone. i'd try and convince her to see her doctor for advice. from what I've read it is also totally fixable, so the sooner you go the better.

here are some stories from the daily mail (from the last year) of women who suffered in silence with disastrous consequences.

Mother who killed her two babies while suffering post-natal depression returns after two years to £1.5million home in South London's 'Nappy Valley' - with the husband who has stood by her

'I fantasised about killing my baby': Mother, 20, suffered extreme and terrifying form of postnatal depression

Mother of newborn twins who had longed for children leapt to her death from multi-storey car park after battling post-natal depression

'An amazing mum, daughter, sister, wife and friend': Family pay tribute to GP found dead after suffering post-natal depression

'I wanted to throw myself and my beautiful baby girl under a bus,' says CLOVER STROUD: After the deaths of two mothers with postnatal depression, a powerful insight into how it can hit even the happiest women
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Old 17.06.2014, 15:22
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

Uhm, please don't try and scare/bully people into seeking help when clearly the OP is already motivated to do so.
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Old 17.06.2014, 15:29
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

You really think linking sensationalist stories from a bollocks rag like the Daily Mail is going to help?
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Old 17.06.2014, 15:38
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

Have you spoken to, or are you able to speak to someone at your company to make them aware of the situation? They may be able to provide some support or at least some understanding if you need to take extra time off at the moment or if your performance is suffering.
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Old 17.06.2014, 16:04
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

OP,

could you perhaps use some vacancy time to spend with her? Or alternatively, travel her mother/sister in?

I can imagine what it feels like being a newly-turned mom in a foreign country with so little human touch. Esp. if you come from a Latin country, Brazil, or Southern USA.

I pray that everything works out fine for your family.
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Old 17.06.2014, 16:05
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

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You really think linking sensationalist stories from a bollocks rag like the Daily Mail is going to help?
what is sensationalist? they happened and they happened to women from all walks of life, there are more stories like this.

Add to that most husbands simply don't know what to do when their normally competent wives implode and don't step in in time. The man making this post is willing to step into a very confusing situation, he's already ahead of the men in these stories.
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Old 17.06.2014, 16:38
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

I suffered with PND after the birth of both my boys.
My advice would be to go to the doctor with her. If she won't go then you should make an appointment to explain the seriousness of the situation to the doctor.
And as hard as it is for your job if she asks you to come home then do. She is crying to you for help as she must trust you.
Does the baby cry a lot? I found the crying very difficult to deal with. A pacifier for my son helped me a lot. I just couldn't bear to hear the crying.
Good luck Op. You will come out the other side and so will your wife.
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Old 17.06.2014, 16:42
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

I agree with Steppenwolf, involving her sister/mom might give her a huge emotional and care support, especially if you can't really get her to see a professional. Alternatively, if you know any other woman form the same country as your wife here in Switzerland to spend some time with her. Perhaps organize a girl's time when you have a babysitter at home for her to relax. If you know no one, then perhaps asking in this forum might help?
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Old 17.06.2014, 16:46
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

I would like to chime in and agree that your first point of call should be the general practitioner. I would go further and say that it may be appropriate for you to make an appointment first (and soon!) yourself, to talk things through first, before deciding how to approach your wife.

The other potential help would be the 'mutterberatung' - mother and baby nurse.

The key to the difference between postnatal depression and the more serious postnatal psychosis is whether the woman has insight - does she recognise that she feels depressed/anxious/suicidal. If she does, then reassuring her that lots of women to through this and it is a recognised reaction to severe stress related to childbirth/caring for a small baby/trauma/hormones/being away from good support networks. This is the first message - she is not alone. And what she is feeling is 'understandable' given the stress she has been under. Second message is that help is available. The usual recommended treatment is a combination of counselling/cognitive behavioural therapy, which is a pretty straighforward psychological thing, and/or anti-depressant medication.

The third message is 'i love you and I am here to support you with whatever we need to do together to make this feel better'.

Fourth message? It is treatable, there is a light at the end of the tunnel....

Maybe, writing a love-letter explanung your feelings and giving her time to read and think about it, would be a good idea. Maybe giving her some information on postnatal depression might help her to rcognise it in herself. Maybe she already suspects that she is unwell but does not know how to ask for help...
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Old 17.06.2014, 16:49
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

This happened to a close friend of mine when his wife suffered from Post-Natal Depression after the birth of their daughter.

The only solution they found - and it meant him giving up his chance of working for the UN - was to return to his wife's family and live there, so that she had a full support network.

While I am not advocating something as such, I cannot stress enough that this is a very serious issue and that, in my opinion, the health and mental well-being of your wife is paramount.

Good luck and all the best.
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Old 17.06.2014, 16:56
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Re: Serious Situation: Help! Postpartum Depression (After birth)

Do you know the WAC in Uster? She could join some mother baby groups, a supportive women's group could help.
However, it is really serious and that alone is not enough. As others said you need to contact her dr. or the hospital where she gave birth to have them follow her and support her. She needs you and them, and a support group of other moms.
As Sweetpea said, she needs to know you are there for her and love her 100%.
Just imo, if she doesn't know that first and foremost, you run the risk of lighting dynamite when you tell her you want her to seek help.

As a side note, I would like to say that you are amazing for seeking help for her.

Last edited by TheCatintheHat; 17.06.2014 at 17:10.
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