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Old 25.03.2008, 13:38
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Re: Advice to my 14 year old, why not to look at porn!!

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Old 25.03.2008, 13:46
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Re: Advice to my 14 year old, why not to look at porn!!

I am betting that him and his mates know that you have posted a thread, and he is going to come home and call you by your username
  #23  
Old 25.03.2008, 13:46
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Re: Advice to my 14 year old, why not to look at porn!!

Something that I think is of more value to your son than buying him porn magazines is to get him this book. "The Guide to Getting it On"

http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Getting-.../dp/1885535104

It explains the ins and outs of sex (yes horrible joke okay) and answers questions about everything imaginable. It also stresses love and respect in relationships while answering more "kinky" or "sexually deviant" questions in a factual, straight forward manner. He could read it at his own pace (yes there are explicit drawings) and figure it out for himself. It also has things for the more expierenced of us as well

Anyway just an idea. . .
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Old 25.03.2008, 13:49
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Re: Advice to my 14 year old, why not to look at porn!!

The only thing Brother Kelly ever taught me which was of use was on a school holiday in France. Our little gang in our chalet had er, procured some illicit material, which of course had us enthralled. Bro. Kelly walked in unannounced and confiscated the artwork.

His only comment was "This isn't the way to learn about sex, boys" which was quite wise of him, we felt. There was NOTHING in the World he could do to stop our curiosity - and he didn't cause trouble - but he also let us know he didn't approve.

Fair play, until the said publication was later seen sticking out of his bag several days later...

My point being you'll do more harm than good in a) trying to stop him and b) embarrassing the hell outta him.

Perhaps a gentle word from a male figure (I assume you're female) to be a little more discrete in future may be in order. Your son really, really, really doesn't want to discuss this issue with his Mother!

It doesn't have to be an issue. Kids on farms know everything there is to know. Nature takes it's course.

This weekend, give him some cash to go out to a store and kit himself up in cool clothes and a fancy haircut. He's obviously ready to rumble. He's likely not to get as far as rumbling, but the suit must fit. Trust him!
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Old 25.03.2008, 13:52
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Re: Advice to my 14 year old, why not to look at porn!!

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Something that I think is of more value to your son than buying him porn magazines is to get him this book. "The Guide to Getting it On"

http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Getting-.../dp/1885535104

It explains the ins and outs of sex (yes horrible joke okay) and answers questions about everything imaginable. It also stresses love and respect in relationships while answering more "kinky" or "sexually deviant" questions in a factual, straight forward manner. He could read it at his own pace (yes there are explicit drawings) and figure it out for himself. It also has things for the more expierenced of us as well

Anyway just an idea. . .
I think that the book would be a great educational resource, but I don't think that the book alone would resolve the issue here (unless the drawings are REALLY good). The fact is that 14 year old boys have needs.....
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Old 25.03.2008, 13:55
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Re: Advice to my 14 year old, why not to look at porn!!

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Thanks Woodsie,
I agree that stopping him looking at it will make it more interesting. We live in a very protected country, (Switzerland) everything is very controlled. I feel that one of the ways our children will try to rebel is with sex and teenage drinking. A big problem with his peers.
The more you try to suppress and control, the more likely he will rebel and hang out other kids who have also had their natural and normal puberty energy and sex education suppressed and controlled, that is where things go perverted and unhealthy. If you take the trouble to open these themes with him now and help him along the way, he won't need to reject you in favor of "the gang". The more he feels at home with you and his father in this sense, the better it is going to go all around.

I'd say you have to face one thing, and that is that there is nothing more powerful than the sex urge, biologically and psychologicaly, in a 14 year old and it will be like that for a few years to come. How he gets along in sex and relationships for the rest of his life will depend heavily on your relationship with him, and that is a responsibility you need to see clearly. If you are not comfortable with this and can't handle it, you should talk to somebody about it, it's important.
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Old 25.03.2008, 13:55
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Re: Advice to my 14 year old, why not to look at porn!!

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I think that the book would be a great educational resource, but I don't think that the book alone would resolve the issue here (unless the drawings are REALLY good). The fact is that 14 year old boys have needs.....
Understood. Not pitching it as a substitute just as a better "scientific" reference as the parents, something fun to read and informative. There are certain things you just can t ask the "rents" you know . . . .
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Old 25.03.2008, 13:58
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Re: Advice to my 14 year old, why not to look at porn!!

Thanks Polarise, I read the article quite shocking that parents don't care about how they are dressed or where they children are! There were some interesting and valid points.
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Old 25.03.2008, 14:08
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Re: Advice to my 14 year old, why not to look at porn!!

thanks Darkphoenix,
We do have a similar type of book, which was good a couple of years ago. I do recommend them as they do answer questions that they are too uncomfortable to ask.
  #30  
Old 25.03.2008, 14:21
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Re: Advice to my 14 year old, why not to look at porn!!

Tell him (with as straight face as possible) that as a responsible parent you will sit down and look through his chosen websites with him, answering any questions he might have.

Porn will never have quite the same attraction for him again!

Seriously though, and as others have said on this thread, if you put a ban on it you just make it more irresistible.

I read a tip on a "Safety on the Internet" site that you should situate a computer in a room used by the whole family (lounge or dining room). Computers shut away in bedrooms or in the study make it too easy to start looking at dodgy material.

Last edited by Sandgrounder; 25.03.2008 at 14:27. Reason: typo
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Old 25.03.2008, 14:29
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Re: Advice to my 14 year old, why not to look at porn!!

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I think he needs to have his own experiences before he thinks he should be doing things he might have seen on line. Let me know your thoughts.
What, like the Houdini or the Double-Fisted Donkey Ride? Haha sorry.

I think the worst thing YOU can do is try to explain or interfere with his newfound 'research'. Mother-Son sexual discussions are commonly the most awkward. Let your husband have a talk with him and just warn him about the really bad things out there.
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  #32  
Old 25.03.2008, 15:13
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Re: Advice to my 14 year old, why not to look at porn!!

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Let him know your disapproval and disappointment. But also educate him that porn is an unrealistic representation of sex.
Easy to see you are not married Woodsie!

I would agree that a lot of porn appears to be an unrealistic representation of sex but what is the realistic representation? Hardly what you get (presumption on my part here I hasten to add) in an average, tired suburban once-a-fortnight-for-the-kids-sake marriage.

Hard-core porn is the only role-model many people have and lets face it. the innovation cycle in the self-help market trails porn by decades. Ever try to find an erotic film (as in soft-porn) in City-Video?

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There are also a lot of emotional and mutual respect issues that he has to understand when dealing with sexual relationships.
That's the problem with immature boys watching porn - they misunderstand it and take it for a realistic representation - it's their first few girlfriends that have to bear the brunt of re-education.

Hans
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Old 25.03.2008, 15:21
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Re: Advice to my 14 year old, why not to look at porn!!

Is "Woodsie" your porn-star-name, Woodsie ? We should be told.

dave

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Easy to see you are not married Woodsie!
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Old 25.03.2008, 15:31
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Re: Advice to my 14 year old, why not to look at porn!!

[quote=Lob;194572

Buy him a few magazines and suggest that he get his rocks off with those and to avoid online experiences?[/quote]

Im with Lob my dad did this for my 2 brothers, no porn on line at our house (when i lived at home)
  #35  
Old 25.03.2008, 15:39
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Re: Advice to my 14 year old, why not to look at porn!!

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That's the problem with immature boys watching porn - they misunderstand it and take it for a realistic representation - it's their first few girlfriends that have to bear the brunt of re-education.

Hans
Very true Hans, but these days what's to say their first girlfriends have a realistic view or expectation? I guess the re-education goes both ways.

Barbra.
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Old 25.03.2008, 15:43
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Re: Advice to my 14 year old, why not to look at porn!!

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Im with Lob my dad did this for my 2 brothers, no porn on line at our house (when i lived at home)
As a student I worked in a Jewish restaurant on Long Island. It was run by a Mexican who delighted in telling us that his son was turning 13 and he was going to show him how to masturbate - after all his father showed him too - the waitresses (wasp (-ish)) were suitably impressed
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Old 25.03.2008, 15:45
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Re: Advice to my 14 year old, why not to look at porn!!

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That's the problem with immature boys watching porn - they misunderstand it and take it for a realistic representation - it's their first few girlfriends that have to bear the brunt of re-education.
This, I doubt. At the first sign of cheesy 70s background music and a role play of a false-mustacheod "pool-cleaner" the girlfriend is likely to run out of there just as soon as she can pick herself up off the floor laughing.

Teenage boy gets his first reality check...
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Old 25.03.2008, 15:47
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Re: Advice to my 14 year old, why not to look at porn!!

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As a student I worked in a Jewish restaurant on Long Island. It was run by a Mexican who delighted in telling us that his son was turning 13 and he was going to show him how to masturbate - after all his father showed him too - the waitresses (wasp (-ish)) were suitably impressed
Oh my god my dad didn`t go that far.
  #39  
Old 25.03.2008, 16:15
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Re: Advice to my 14 year old, why not to look at porn!!

What surprises me is that at 14, in this day and age, he is not computer savvy enough to be able to cover his steps, and hide what he has been up to.
Perhaps it would be worth sending him on some computer training course? That might take his mind off it, until such time as he finds a regular girlfriend.
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Old 25.03.2008, 16:23
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Re: Advice to my 14 year old, why not to look at porn!!

My better half says I am spending way too much time staring at EF and she is thinking about taking away my computer. I am going to refer her to this thread.
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