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-   -   I don't want to do anything. (https://www.englishforum.ch/family-matters-health/237826-i-don-t-want-do-anything.html)

NKJune 27.07.2015 23:18

I don't want to do anything.
 
Hi, I'm from Japan and living a small municipality in Switzerlad with my husband and 2 little kids. I'm not an employee.


I have gradually gotten used the daily life, but, it is not that I like here.
Recently I don't want to anything.
My friends ask me to go to eat, but I want stay at home alone.
My dauther's classmate's moms invite us to thier house, but I want to refuse their asking.
I don't want to see someone who I know when I'm outside.


About my daily life, I can manage it without problem for now.
However, it seems that I intentionally to avoid involving with others.
When I meet someone who I know accidentally, I can behave socially. I think it is like acting.


I never know the reason why I lost my sociality.
Do you think that I have any mental problem?
Should I go to see a doctor?

MsWorWoo 27.07.2015 23:33

Re: I don't want to do anything.
 
If you think you should see your dr you should see your dr.
Sounds to me like apathy, which is a sign of depression, very treatable.
But might be viral... Epstein Barr. Or nutritional.
See a doctor and be honest with them.

banadol 28.07.2015 11:34

Re: I don't want to do anything.
 
Maybe it's just a bout of expat blues, maybe you are getting depressed. If you are not feeling happy, and you feel like seeing a doctor, you should definitely do it.

We all have darker moments but there should be lots of sunshine in between. All the best and hope you feel that sunshine again soon!

Phil_MCR 28.07.2015 12:02

Re: I don't want to do anything.
 
Welcome to my world. :p

Vlh22 28.07.2015 12:17

Re: I don't want to do anything.
 
If your feelings are worrying you, go and see your doctor.

You might find it helpful to write a list of how you are feeling before you go, as going to talk to your doctor about something like this can be very overwhelming and you may find that you get there and struggle to talk.

Your doctor may refer you to a psychiatrist. This does not mean that you are 'mad' and is not something to be ashamed of. It's just that here most mental health problems are treated by a psychiatrist (or a psychologist working under a psychiatrist). Your doctor may or may not feel capable of treating you.

I hope you find the help you need. Please don't wait... your health is the most important thing you have and some problems need treating as soon as possible.

smackerjack 28.07.2015 20:47

Re: I don't want to do anything.
 
You really need to confide in your husband about your feelings and maybe he can come with you to visit the Drs.
From your profile you seem to have not been that long in Switzerland and maybe now reality has set in you might be feeling depressed if your previous life entailed a career and you feel a bit lost.
Do you have a close friend who you could confide your feelings to, if you have not discussed this with family.
Feelings like this are very common and i have known many people who have moved from familiar surroundings to another country.
Seek help and let us know how you get on.

FrankZappa 31.07.2015 13:53

Re: I don't want to do anything.
 
As well as the other suggestions that have been made, you might like to check out "journal therapy". It may sound improbable, but writing a diary of your feelings is often very helpful in defining a problem and even moving towards solving it. It costs nothing and is often very effective.

You already had the good idea of sharing your problem on englishforum. Don't hesitate to come back whenever you feel the need to express yourself.

oosoo 31.07.2015 14:37

Re: I don't want to do anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by FrankZappa (Post 2426917)
You already had the good idea of sharing your problem on englishforum. Don't hesitate to come back whenever you feel the need to express yourself.

Exactly, maybe start from "talking" with people online, family/friends/EFers...

Hope you get better soon!

NKJune 04.08.2015 23:27

Re: I don't want to do anything.
 
Thank you all, and sorry for the belated reply.


After posting this thread, I talked with my best friend and sisters in-low about my condition first. (Because to see a doctor about the mental issue is high hurdle for me because of my English skill.)
They say, the reason why I'm trouble with my condition is definetly the relationship with my husband.
Actually, I have a problem with my husband. It is the old story, right?
I have thought those 2 issues are completely different, but their opinion may be true.


Do you know the phrase " A couple is a opposite mirror."?
I believe this, so I have tried to introspect and improve our relationship for the last 2 years.
Now, I may want to get off this game and take a rest.
My husband has lived with me and our kids like a single man. He is a good father, but he might not be able to understand the other's pain.
Anyway, I stopped to make effort any more.
I'm tired. That's true.


I will come return to my home country with my kids if the condition would get worse.

Guest 04.08.2015 23:54

Re: I don't want to do anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by NKJune (Post 2428722)
Thank you all, and sorry for the belated reply.


After posting this thread, I talked with my best friend and sisters in-low about my condition first. (Because to see a doctor about the mental issue is high hurdle for me because of my English skill.)
They say, the reason why I'm trouble with my condition is definetly the relationship with my husband.
Actually, I have a problem with my husband. It is the old story, right?
I have thought those 2 issues are completely different, but their opinion may be true.


Do you know the phrase " A couple is a opposite mirror."?
I believe this, so I have tried to introspect and improve our relationship for the last 2 years.
Now, I may want to get off this game and take a rest.
My husband has lived with me and our kids like a single man. He is a good father, but he might not be able to understand the other's pain.
Anyway, I stopped to make effort any more.
I'm tired. That's true.


I will come return to my home country with my kids if the condition would get worse.

I found a Dr in Geneva who might possibly speak Japanese - perhaps you might want to call him up and ask him if he can refer you to a dr colleague or a psychologist who speaks Japanese?
Here's another Dr, apparently they speak Japanese.
Take care of things before they get worse, don't wait until they do and then burden yourself with the hunt for help.

Best of luck.

NKJune 05.08.2015 21:38

Re: I don't want to do anything.
 
Quote:

I found a Dr in Geneva who might possibly speak Japanese - perhaps you might want to call him up and ask him if he can refer you to a dr colleague or a psychologist who speaks Japanese?
Here's another Dr, apparently they speak Japanese.
Take care of things before they get worse, don't wait until they do and then burden yourself with the hunt for help.

Best of luck.


Thank you so much for your kindness. I didn't know those doctor.
Today I gave up to appeal to my husband and asked him to care of our kids. I could spend the time only for myself. I know I need more relax..

Guest 05.08.2015 21:44

Re: I don't want to do anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by NKJune (Post 2429081)
Thank you so much for your kindness. I didn't know those doctor.
Today I gave up to appeal to my husband and asked him to care of our kids. I could spend the time only for myself. I know I need more relax..

Wonderful of you to reply! :)

Please call the doctors and get them to help you, it looks like you need to get outside help. Perhaps with this help you will be able to better deal with your husband and kids, but first and foremost, I hope it helps you feel better.

If you can't reach the doctors on your first try, please clearly tell the person on the phone that you are in need of a doctor now and that the Japanese language requirement is very important for you to state your needs completely and in the way you'd like to. Ask for the doctor to call you back ASAP and say that you will call back next day in case you miss the doctor's call. Ask which timespan is best for you to call - and don't let people try to tell you things are good if they aren't - you're the best judge of your feelings and state of health.

Again, best of luck!

NKJune 05.08.2015 21:47

Re: I don't want to do anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by FrankZappa (Post 2426917)
As well as the other suggestions that have been made, you might like to check out "journal therapy". It may sound improbable, but writing a diary of your feelings is often very helpful in defining a problem and even moving towards solving it. It costs nothing and is often very effective.

You already had the good idea of sharing your problem on englishforum. Don't hesitate to come back whenever you feel the need to express yourself.





Thank you for youre advice. I have only to write a diary?

Chuff 05.08.2015 21:56

Re: I don't want to do anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by NKJune (Post 2425086)
Do you think that I have any mental problem?
Should I go to see a doctor?

Sounds completely normal for a Japanese person forced to interact with those dishonourable Gaijin. Don't worry, you're fine.

Guest 05.08.2015 21:57

Re: I don't want to do anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by NKJune (Post 2429090)
Thank you for youre advice. I have only to write a diary?

Perhaps, maybe showing it to your therapist/doctor might be helpful to help evaluate things further.
Maybe FZ will chime in later. :)

NKJune 08.08.2015 00:02

Re: I don't want to do anything.
 
Quote:

Perhaps, maybe showing it to your therapist/doctor might be helpful to help evaluate things further.
Maybe FZ will chime in later. :)


I got it. Certainly.
To write even the first word is hard to me for now, I think it is helpful to sort out my feelings.
Thanks.

slammer 08.08.2015 00:39

Re: I don't want to do anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Phil_MCR (Post 2425264)
Welcome to my world. :p

Aww Phil buddy I would never have guessed:msnsad:

RTN 08.08.2015 09:11

Re: I don't want to do anything.
 
The diary is a good first step.
Use doctor. ch to search for doctors they list languages .
If you are considering a therapist, try and find a male therapist, not being sexist just that if your husband attends with you at some stage he will feel less threatened if he is not that open. Also a male can explain things to a male in terms which are more acceptable, been there myself.

Lastly, any lasting change requires a first step this is not easy. One way is to act 'as if ' so you can practice being outgoing even if you are not feeling it inside, like fitness it doesn't come with one trip to the gym, it happens as a byproduct of repeated actions.

planetali 08.08.2015 12:39

Re: I don't want to do anything.
 
Although in a different home situation from you NK I have felt the same way. It is good if you can force yourself to go out and socialise, as RTN says, with practice it can become easier and will improve your mood. But if you're really beyond that, go get help from a doctor. I appreciate this is difficult, not just because of the language, but the cultural aspect you mention. But a good doctor can help you to sort out what the underlying problem is - it may not be your husband, friends, although they mean well - and they may be right - may not be objective enough to assess the situation fully. You've taken the first step asking for help here, well done - that's a big one, but we're not professionals either and we don't know you. Take the next step, be brave. And if it leads to medication, don't be ashamed. I remember once speaking to a counsellor at my workplace in the UK and saying I didn't want medication, I was scared of the stigma. She said, you know, 50% of the employees here (big corporate employer) are on it!

FrankZappa 08.08.2015 12:42

Re: I don't want to do anything.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by RTN (Post 2430161)
The diary is a good first step.
Use doctor. ch to search for doctors they list languages .
If you are considering a therapist, try and find a male therapist, not being sexist just that if your husband attends with you at some stage he will feel less threatened if he is not that open. Also a male can explain things to a male in terms which are more acceptable, been there myself.

Lastly, any lasting change requires a first step this is not easy. One way is to act 'as if ' so you can practice being outgoing even if you are not feeling it inside, like fitness it doesn't come with one trip to the gym, it happens as a byproduct of repeated actions.

I must disagree with the idea of choosing a male therapist. First, I imagine that the problem would be much easier to discuss with a woman. Second, it is a very bad idea for the second member of a couple to join an ongoing client/therapist relationship. I think many decent therapists would not even allow it. If a couple needs to consult together, then they should find another therapist.


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