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  #21  
Old 30.09.2015, 07:29
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Re: Cleaning out the toxic people

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Only on EF - and that's what the "ignore" button is for.

Ah yes the ignore button. Not interested in it, dont want to know about it.

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  #22  
Old 30.09.2015, 11:14
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Re: Cleaning out the toxic people

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I don't catagorize people like the OP and others who have commented here about 'toxic people'.

My life and me are not a warehouse with which I find I have to make an inventory every so often of my 'friends' because of the narcissist view that I'm the one who can choose anything as absurd as my circle of friends. I am a loner, I'm very happy with my own company, I don't need friends and see it as ridiculous to expect so much of people. I have many with whom I can call on if I am in trouble or need to see for whatever reason, and the same for them as I am always open and positive if I am needed to help them too but I have none who owe me their precious time if they don't want.

Usually I only call (and therefore see) any acquaintance if I need something from them and vice versa, then we may have a chance to have dinner or drinks based on payback.

Family members are permanent persons with which I am obligated to, work colleagues the same (to an extent), the rest as I have mentioned but for sure, anyone who even begins to think of anyone as toxic well, maybe you really need to re-direct where you life is going....
Toxic relationships is something that exists, nobody is making it up. Good for you if none have came your way, cause the experiences you get with that kind of people are really harsh.
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  #23  
Old 30.09.2015, 11:54
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Re: Cleaning out the toxic people

I don't know any toxic person, never had. Or am I too stupid to recognize them?
I know people that I found stupid or boring but actually they just have different life than I have and it was me who put that sticker on them. But they are not toxic. I don't spend time with them.
I met girls with whom I had unsuccessful relationship, some moments were painful. But pain comes mostly from being rejected or having to reject someone. This is just our reaction, we get over it and this is also not toxic.
Friends, relatives etc, sometimes we have to do things for them that ask some effort from us. But usually we can ask the same from them.
I mean, relations with people are as toxic as we allow them to be (if you don't count minority of sociopaths).
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Old 30.09.2015, 12:06
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Re: Cleaning out the toxic people

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Now this should provide some fodder for those who have opinions to express & I should maybe keep it for Friday, but it's on my mind now.

So you have identified those who are toxic around you and have managed to clean them out of your life. What happens when you then realise there's almost no one left? Is it a case of expecting too much from others? Or is it at a certain age various family members have died & it's part of the grief process to feel lonely? Is all this part of the famous midlife crisis?
Do you have toxic people in your life? Have you managed to do the cleaning? What are you left with?
Or have you never managed to get rid of the toxic people & wish you could?

(Please would the men in white coats form an orderly line).
I did this once and really became a much happier person, though this was more with friends than family. There is no reason to have any negative influences in your life if you can help it. It's simply a case of identifying those people and if reasoning with them is not possible, then simply cut them out of your life with no more contact. You will then in time meet new friends who will then be the positive and supportive influences that you need. It works.

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I don't catagorize people like the OP and others who have commented here about 'toxic people'.

My life and me are not a warehouse with which I find I have to make an inventory every so often of my 'friends' because of the narcissist view that I'm the one who can choose anything as absurd as my circle of friends. I am a loner, I'm very happy with my own company, I don't need friends and see it as ridiculous to expect so much of people. I have many with whom I can call on if I am in trouble or need to see for whatever reason, and the same for them as I am always open and positive if I am needed to help them too but I have none who owe me their precious time if they don't want.

Usually I only call (and therefore see) any acquaintance if I need something from them and vice versa, then we may have a chance to have dinner or drinks based on payback.

Family members are permanent persons with which I am obligated to, work colleagues the same (to an extent), the rest as I have mentioned but for sure, anyone who even begins to think of anyone as toxic well, maybe you really need to re-direct where you life is going....
While I'm sure you are well-intentioned, your black and white view of the world doesn't allow for any subtlety and you clearly fail to grasp the contextually obvious point of the OP, who is talking about people that they perceive are, for whatever reason, negative influences in their life (even as that can work both ways). They do exist and most of us have dealt with them at some point.
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  #25  
Old 30.09.2015, 12:20
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Re: Cleaning out the toxic people

I believe that you get to a age where you are more confident to clear these people out of your life.
I am convinced that a lot of toxic behaviour stems out of jealously.
When the phone rings and you think - hey its ... and enjoy a good chat but when it rings and you sigh and don't answer, then it is time to let go.

I am blessed with fantastic friends who I know would do anything for me and vice versa but the "frenemies" have been cleaned out and I feel happier for it.
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  #26  
Old 30.09.2015, 19:04
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Re: Cleaning out the toxic people

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I believe that you get to a age where you are more confident to clear these people out of your life.
I am convinced that a lot of toxic behaviour stems out of jealously.
When the phone rings and you think - hey its ... and enjoy a good chat but when it rings and you sigh and don't answer, then it is time to let go.

I am blessed with fantastic friends who I know would do anything for me and vice versa but the "frenemies" have been cleaned out and I feel happier for it.
You are so right about the jealous part ... Jealousy is definitely toxic in itself.
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  #27  
Old 30.09.2015, 21:10
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Re: Cleaning out the toxic people

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You are so right about the jealous part ... Jealousy is definitely toxic in itself.
Which is not exclusively reserved to friends and romantic relations. And yet many, if not most people wouldn t stop relations with a jealous family member and suffer more or less hidden attacks a whole life. I guess we were raised with a tabu about finishing close blood relationships even when toxic, or evil, or whatever you want to call it.
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