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Old 29.01.2017, 11:25
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Parents attitudes

Interesting advert I have just seen - upcoming tv report... roughly translated : Looking to interview people for the RTS news – you are either a babysitter on the 31st December or parents who have trouble finding a babysitter over New Year.

Do people have kids & honestly expect to be able to carry on with their usual outings or social life without some kind of adaptation?
I see lots of adverts for people looking for nannies from early in the morning to sometimes quite late in the evenings & even overnighters + weekends, as well as wanted someone to clean their flat/house. I wonder what the kids will turn out like.. independant or not knowing what family is or feeling unloved?
It seems to me rather a First World problem not be be able to find a babysitter at New Year. You either don't go out or you visit friends so the kids can sleep if they are too young to stay up.
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Old 29.01.2017, 11:30
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Re: Parents attitudes

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Do people have kids & honestly expect to be able to carry on with their usual outings or social life without some kind of adaptation?
Yes, though personally I'm the sort of person that dragged their kids everywhere, including motorcycle meets via motorcycle.

Tom
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Old 29.01.2017, 11:50
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Re: Parents attitudes

Interesting. I wouldn't try to assume that this particular reportage is going to be about parental negligence. I hope it will try to see the situ from a wide angle - expensive country with ridiculously expensive and often inaccessible child care, many derooted families with no 3rd generation help, expensive mobility, not much of a small jobs market for the youth wanting to make some extra cash as sitters, the parental roles bound to gender are changing, etc. I think it is easy to say - you need a sitter so you can sleep off your hangover, well - what if it is not the case?

Otherwise - sure I wouldn't dream of pawning my kid to a stranger to party over holidays. Duh.
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Last edited by MusicChick; 29.01.2017 at 12:52.
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Old 29.01.2017, 11:51
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Re: Parents attitudes

Unfortunately, yes.. I know people like that. Who, btw, go to great lengths to come across as normal, fun-loving, family focussed when they are anything but..
I have helped out a family whose nanny needed some time off, but mostly because I felt sorry for the kid.. not to mention the overworked young nanny. The kid was wonderful in our house, well-behaved, followed the rules, polite, but as soon as Mum or Dad walked in the door to collect him.. good grief, talk about personality change.

Eventually, I just distanced myself when I realized they were dumping kid on all in sundry when nanny wasn't there to raise the child. Very sad! You would wonder why people have children and then spend all that energy pretending they love them, or even like them.

Like Tom, ours go everywhere with us. Have the opposite problem, rarely get any length of time on my own.. Just wait till they leave home, will throw a year long party.. and everyone is invited
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Old 29.01.2017, 12:21
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Re: Parents attitudes

We made sure our son is popular enough at school to be invited to friends' birthday parties. That way we get the occasional free babysit for a couple of hours.
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Old 29.01.2017, 12:50
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Re: Parents attitudes

Playing devil's advocate:

As a poor student I welcomed opportunities to work on holidays. Babysitting on NYE, serving hors'd'oeuvres on Christmas day, entertaining tutoring the children during a family weekend - that's how I was able to afford university fees and ramen noodles.

I happily worked holidays and looked for opportunities to do so. Often at a price premium to boot, thanks to busy parents who were made to feel a tad guilty by the tut-tutting of outsiders.

tl;dr: There is no one-size-fits-all.
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Old 29.01.2017, 13:05
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Re: Parents attitudes

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Unfortunately, yes.. I know people like that. Who, btw, go to great lengths to come across as normal, fun-loving, family focussed when they are anything but..
I have helped out a family whose nanny needed some time off, but mostly because I felt sorry for the kid.. not to mention the overworked young nanny. The kid was wonderful in our house, well-behaved, followed the rules, polite, but as soon as Mum or Dad walked in the door to collect him.. good grief, talk about personality change.

Eventually, I just distanced myself when I realized they were dumping kid on all in sundry when nanny wasn't there to raise the child. Very sad! You would wonder why people have children and then spend all that energy pretending they love them, or even like them.

Like Tom, ours go everywhere with us. Have the opposite problem, rarely get any length of time on my own.. Just wait till they leave home, will throw a year long party.. and everyone is invited
Hahahah..I might welcome myself to your year long grownup party, tbh. Avoiding fusion.

I do know an odd household or two like this, but it is honestly quite rare to trace a phenomenon. Maybe workaholism and certain imported work culture in some careers distances parents from kids, I can't see many folks with moderate income having too much cash to go to big parties, pay expensive holiday sitters, etc. Not sure. But wouldn't get in an outrage over holiday sitting. Personally, traditions are nice and kids should be exposed to them. If anyone wants to ski instead and adult party, why morally police them.

Most of kids I know - older, really, dream of anything else but spend hols with folks. Maybe parents of small kids forget that there is a small window when kids actually want to spend time with them.

And then there are people who actually have no choice but work through the festivities. Daycares are closed, family far away. Tell the moral police push on their parental ethical compass.
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Last edited by MusicChick; 29.01.2017 at 14:28.
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Old 29.01.2017, 13:37
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Re: Parents attitudes

New Year's Eve generally means nothing to young kids but it's a great time for adults.


I'd question the adults who hired a baby sitter for Christmas eve or Christmas day.
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Old 29.01.2017, 14:08
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Re: Parents attitudes

I'm with meloncollie on this one. Easy for us to judge from our comfy couches.

I've seen plenty of stories here on EF from worn-out parents just trying to stay sane. Sometimes both parents must work, and in order to afford housing they live further out and have to commute - meaning childcare is needed at odd hours. I can't fault a couple that works hard to provide for the family and wants NYE as a little time for themselves. As for Christmas, if they aren't a Christian family then I don't see the problem.
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Old 29.01.2017, 14:21
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Re: Parents attitudes

If it's a one time thing because you want to make a change after 10 years of doing the family new years party...I see no issue there.

But at the same time I'm seeing it as well....people want a nanny that takes care of the kids all day long and when they come home, they expect the place to also be cleaned like it belongs to an older retired couple's house (generality) and it seems when I talk to these couples, they just want to have the kids for sake of having kids but want nothing of the work involved. OK, I understand, nobody really wants to do the work, but that's the point of raising YOUR kids and hopefully you teach them how to take care of themselves over time as if they always have their nanny/maid....they'll expect this service all through their life. Then the parents who never do the work....are the kids really their kids or just some young people they conceived that they like to hang out with? Get where I'm getting at here?
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Old 29.01.2017, 14:21
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Re: Parents attitudes

I think there is a stark difference between parents who need/deserve a well-earned break and those who have a completely separate social life to that of their kids, where kids are simply not welcome.
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Old 29.01.2017, 14:24
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Re: Parents attitudes

*shudder* Kids, who has those nowadays?!
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Old 29.01.2017, 14:31
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Re: Parents attitudes

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Otherwise - sure I wouldn't dream of pawning my kid to a stranger to party over holidays. Duh.
I'm pretty sure 'pawning' your child isn't quite what you meant...

Unless your babysitters normally withhold your child until they receive full payment?

On second thoughts do you have a contact number..?
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Old 29.01.2017, 14:32
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Re: Parents attitudes

Total opposites in one family, I got an overdose of the mothering genes and seldom to almost never had a babysitter to indulge in private fun and if, it was to go to for 2hrs to hairdresser or doctors appointment and such stuff.

It was me who decided to have kids and wanting them, warts and all.... so it was only natural and normal for me to look after them myself. Despite some hardships along the way, I wouldn't want to miss it.... now they've grown or will soon flow the nest I can, should I fancy it, indulge in me-time and my own poursuits.

OTOH, my parents more or less raised my sister's son as he was not an essy kid with ADHS.... she pulled stints such as going on holidays with her boyfriend to Portugal for three weeks, leaving the boy then 14 home alone just with enough money to buy food, of course when i found out i took him in until Madam came back.
Or after my parents watching him for two weeks when she went away on hols, they got a cursory message... the boy would stay longer as she just booked another trip to ..... with friends. She also dumped him on whoever would offer to look after him


So we've been raised the same, she was perhaps a tad more spoilt, thus I think, it is a matter of your character, maturity and how egotistic you are, as well as your capability to forego stuff for the benefit of your kids.
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Old 29.01.2017, 18:34
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Re: Parents attitudes

We take Little Rufus to most places with us... and she is generally pretty good. She was dancing up a storm to Wang Chung at a wedding this weekend. However that's not to say we don't enjoy the odd day or night out without her if my parents are willing to look after her. Because I like to remind myself I'm a separate organism.

Warehousing your kids all day and night because you can is one thing, doing it because you have to is another. Kids are expensive in both time and money and I think that cost is underestimated because so many people just look like they are floating serenely through parenthood as little Tarquil munches on organic carrot sticks and Peony is ferried to Akido... whereas I'm one of the mums feverishly buying Microchips as a last ditch attempt to get her to eat something other than pain au chocolat or doughnuts because she is "too busy building" with duplo to come to the table. Ketchup is pretty much a vegetable, right?

I fantasise about a week somewhere with 5 star room service, an adjoining spa, cocktail bar and all the books I can eat. But I suspect that in reality I would be missing her desperately by Tuesday teatime. Wednesday lunchtime, definitely...
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Old 29.01.2017, 20:31
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Re: Parents attitudes

I may sound like on a high horse at times, who did nothing else than babying her offspring, nothing could be further from the life I had, than such a notion.

It is not that I didn't want to go out for a meal or some such thing. It was not an option for me to have sadly for a fee reasons.

So i sought my pleasures elsewhere e.g intellectually to satisfy my wants and needs and it satisfied me just as well as perhaps having gone for a meal to a restaurant.

I wouldn't deny anyone some free time from the kids at all!! It is the number of times perhaps one takes time off to follow their own wants and needs.....
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Old 29.01.2017, 20:56
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Re: Parents attitudes

I think couples therapists these days will disagree with the outrage. If there is a strain on a couple, a night in a hotel without kids will do wonders for those two. Who cares it happens to be on NYE. Maybe even better.
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Old 29.01.2017, 21:34
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Re: Parents attitudes

When I was a toddler growing up on a housing estate in the early 70s it was commonplace for the kids to be placed in one house while the grownups partied in another. Never did me any harm.
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Old 29.01.2017, 21:46
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Re: Parents attitudes

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I fantasise about a week somewhere with 5 star room service, an adjoining spa, cocktail bar and all the books I can eat. But I suspect that in reality I would be missing her desperately by Tuesday teatime. Wednesday lunchtime, definitely...
Consider a children compatible hotel. We used to go to this one about once a year: http://www.maerchenhotel.ch/maerchenhotel

We went for periods varying between a weekend, and a week.

Very good food, stuff for the kids to do, pool, cocktail bar... The children enjoyed it as much as we did, and everyone came home happy and relaxed.

It wasn't as cheap as a tourist box, but also not as expensive as a 5 star hotel.
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Old 29.01.2017, 21:55
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Re: Parents attitudes

So, let me get this straight, people with children should just 100% give up on any adult entertainment? And that's because of?

And children with parents that hire nannies so they can have a child free evening once and a while are the devil?

You know what? Children might turn bad/good no matter what you do. Your sanity might actually improve with a child free evening. And a child with parents that happen to be sane, might just be happier.

I enjoyed my New Years very much, thank you, with adult entertainement and child free, and still managed to love my child, and give him a very nice birthday party (which so happens to be on the 31st December).
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