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Old 07.02.2017, 22:02
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Need a mediator, he's in Switzerland and want to divorce me.

We've been married for 20 years. He took our 2 daughters to Switzerland for a further education last year. Our marriage is having a problem since 2 years ago, but there's no talk about separation nor divorce. I was expecting that we can sort it out easier when the children aren't around anymore.

He told me that he wants a divorce and I told him that I want to sort the problem out, but he was so upset that he just hung up and didn't want to even read my messages afterwards.

I can go to Switzerland to face him, but I just want to be prepared in case he slammed the door and didn't let me in or he just walked out and stay somewhere else.

We rented 2 bedroom apartment in Ticino for the kids, 17 and 20. I don't believe that he has another woman.

We have a fight only when he drinks, but it's so rare that I don't want it becomes an issue of our marriage, but in fact it was the cause of our problems 2 years ago.

I've read in the internet that there's an option of a mediator, but can't find any in Ticino. I also don't know whether I have to pay for his or her service or whether I can afford it.

I was hoping there's a kind of support group who can help me, a kind of volunteer or charity where I can seek advice and help for free or just for a small donation.

Thanks and look forward to get some advice. Lawyer is too expensive and in any case I don't want to have a divorce after 20 years.
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Old 07.02.2017, 22:36
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Re: Need a mediator, he's in Switzerland and want to divorce me.

Sounds complicated ageloc, good luck.

Though your daughters are adults so that's a relief.

You should do the best for yourself.
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Old 07.02.2017, 22:41
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Re: Need a mediator, he's in Switzerland and want to divorce me.

17 is not adult.

Tom
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Old 07.02.2017, 22:45
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Re: Need a mediator, he's in Switzerland and want to divorce me.

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17 is not adult.

Tom
I mean almost.

They are not little girls, they can cope with this.
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Old 07.02.2017, 22:52
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Re: Need a mediator, he's in Switzerland and want to divorce me.

Why not ask at the court offices if there's a mediation service of any kind? Or ask at the commune admin office of the place he's living in, they'll likely know.

More on divorce here

https://www.ch.ch/en/divorce/
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Old 07.02.2017, 23:05
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Re: Need a mediator, he's in Switzerland and want to divorce me.

If you don't agree, it will take at least two years and a mediator will be assigned.

However, if either of you does not agree to mediation, the mediator goes away.

I haven't been through this, but my wife has, and my replys are based on her experiences.

Tom
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Old 07.02.2017, 23:55
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Re: Need a mediator, he's in Switzerland and want to divorce me.

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We've been married for 20 years. He took our 2 daughters to Switzerland for a further education last year. Our marriage is having a problem since 2 years ago, but there's no talk about separation nor divorce. I was expecting that we can sort it out easier when the children aren't around anymore.

He told me that he wants a divorce and I told him that I want to sort the problem out, but he was so upset that he just hung up and didn't want to even read my messages afterwards.

I can go to Switzerland to face him, but I just want to be prepared in case he slammed the door and didn't let me in or he just walked out and stay somewhere else.

We rented 2 bedroom apartment in Ticino for the kids, 17 and 20. I don't believe that he has another woman.

We have a fight only when he drinks, but it's so rare that I don't want it becomes an issue of our marriage, but in fact it was the cause of our problems 2 years ago.

I've read in the internet that there's an option of a mediator, but can't find any in Ticino. I also don't know whether I have to pay for his or her service or whether I can afford it.

I was hoping there's a kind of support group who can help me, a kind of volunteer or charity where I can seek advice and help for free or just for a small donation.

Thanks and look forward to get some advice. Lawyer is too expensive and in any case I don't want to have a divorce after 20 years.
It doesn't say where you are (or I can't find it), your profile says you're in Ticino, which doesn't agree with your post.
A mediator can not help you force your way in if he slams the door on you and can not force him to stay, should he decide to avoid you. Both parties need to agree to mediating.
A helpgroup can only help you dealing with your side of the problem/feelings/fears so you don't need one on Ticino.
In Switzerland you can stall a divorce for the two years separation time - which you seem to have had already or almost. After that the divorce will take place even against your will.
While there is often one partner who does not want the divorce, your husband is a free human being. Why do you want to hang on to somebody who - apparantly desperately - wants to break free?
Pick up the pieces and move on ...... there is a lot more life left to live. And if you need a straw to cling on: The best chance to get him back is to let him go unless you really want him to hate you in the end ..... and you got kids together so a friendship would still be better, no?
Sorry for not saying the kind of things you would probably rather hear just not. Good luck for you.
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Old 08.02.2017, 01:22
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Re: Need a mediator, he's in Switzerland and want to divorce me.

Thanks everybody, really appreciate your respond.

Medea Fleecestealer, do you know what is the court office and commune admin office in Italian? I've read the link before I post mine. I've read other threads here as well. Thanks

Curley, he's in Ticino. I'm not in Switzerland. I just filled all the boxes when signing up then edited all the information. Looks like that I forgot to edit the TI column.

I was thinking that maybe a mediator can talk to him if I can't. He left last year so it's not even a year separation yet. After 18 years happily married, 2 years problem shouldn't destroy it in my opinion. And knowing him that long, I don't think that he's desperately wants to break free and how we can become friends if he doesn't want to talk to me?

Thanks st2lemans. Do you know whether a mediator can help me by trying to talk to him when I'm not residing in Switzerland? And who'll appointed the mediator to help us? The court? Does it means that I have to wait till next year for him to submit the divorce first? Then I have to say to the court that I don't want a divorce? I was thinking that I can consult a mediator soon then meet when I'm in Switzerland?

Thanks
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Old 08.02.2017, 08:19
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Re: Need a mediator, he's in Switzerland and want to divorce me.

ageloc, this is the link for Ticino's justice system.

http://www4.ti.ch/index.php?id=22345

I doubt anyone from their offices is going to mediate on your behalf though unless divorce proceedings are underway. They may be able to tell you of any help groups that may be able to advise you, but I think that would be about it unless he files for a divorce.

As you know where the flat is simply google the town's name and that should give you their website and you will either find the info you need there or there will be a contact address you can e-mail them to find out.
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