Go Back   English Forum Switzerland > Help & tips > Family matters/health  
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 20.06.2017, 17:07
roegner's Avatar
Moderately Dutch
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Zurich
Posts: 10,392
Groaned at 349 Times in 291 Posts
Thanked 12,424 Times in 5,968 Posts
roegner has a reputation beyond reputeroegner has a reputation beyond reputeroegner has a reputation beyond reputeroegner has a reputation beyond reputeroegner has a reputation beyond reputeroegner has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What do I do if my ex wife is denying me visitation with my son.

Good luck, hope it works out for you!
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank roegner for this useful post:
  #22  
Old 21.06.2017, 20:25
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Zurich
Posts: 38
Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post
Thanked 18 Times in 8 Posts
Max Biaggi has earned some respectMax Biaggi has earned some respect
Re: What do I do if my ex wife is denying me visitation with my son.

So I talked to Kesb. Sort of cause they don't speak English. They told me to Call the courts. Talked to the courts, they said call kesb. Fun.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank Max Biaggi for this useful post:
  #23  
Old 21.06.2017, 20:32
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: What do I do if my ex wife is denying me visitation with my son.

Quote:
View Post
So I talked to Kesb. Sort of cause they don't speak English. They told me to Call the courts. Talked to the courts, they said call kesb. Fun.
Nightmare.

Can you maybe get someone to do the lingo for you? A Swiss friend or maybe someone on here can get together with you and sort out a list of questions you want to ask.

Grit your teeth, take a deep breath and be prepared for banging your head on a brick wall.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank for this useful post:
  #24  
Old 21.06.2017, 20:45
curley's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: canton ZH
Posts: 11,508
Groaned at 184 Times in 152 Posts
Thanked 12,928 Times in 6,760 Posts
curley has a reputation beyond reputecurley has a reputation beyond reputecurley has a reputation beyond reputecurley has a reputation beyond reputecurley has a reputation beyond reputecurley has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What do I do if my ex wife is denying me visitation with my son.

Quote:
View Post
So I talked to Kesb. Sort of cause they don't speak English. They told me to Call the courts. Talked to the courts, they said call kesb. Fun.
The answer is take someone along who translates?
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank curley for this useful post:
  #25  
Old 21.06.2017, 21:22
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Zurich
Posts: 141
Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanked 249 Times in 74 Posts
Amazonna has an excellent reputationAmazonna has an excellent reputationAmazonna has an excellent reputationAmazonna has an excellent reputation
Re: What do I do if my ex wife is denying me visitation with my son.

There is free legal advice at the Zürich courthouse a few times a week:
http://www.gerichte-zh.ch/organisati...sauskunft.html

Tuesdays 1:30-3:30pm and Fridays 9am-11am

You go, take a number, and wait until it's your turn. You have about 15 minutes to chat and see what your options are. Bring someone who speaks German.

It does say not applicable to folks who already have court pending, or already have a lawyer, but come on you are getting the run-around from everyone else.

Good luck!
Reply With Quote
The following 5 users would like to thank Amazonna for this useful post:
  #26  
Old 21.06.2017, 22:37
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Zurich
Posts: 4,770
Groaned at 240 Times in 142 Posts
Thanked 5,358 Times in 2,439 Posts
ZuriRollt has a reputation beyond reputeZuriRollt has a reputation beyond reputeZuriRollt has a reputation beyond reputeZuriRollt has a reputation beyond reputeZuriRollt has a reputation beyond reputeZuriRollt has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What do I do if my ex wife is denying me visitation with my son.

Quote:
View Post
Hi. Does anyone know who I can contact if my ex wife is denying me contact with my son, in canton Zürich? We have a divorce agreement which states I am to see him twice a month but she is not letting me see him. It has been a month. Thanks.
OK, back to basics.
Under the usual agreement, a court here likes to ensure that where possible a child can be with each parent for a a full weekend, every other weekend. Can confirm that this works out wonderfully when handled well between the parents - even in extreme circumstances.

Would you like to add any info. about why your access to your child has been restricted.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank ZuriRollt for this useful post:
  #27  
Old 21.06.2017, 22:58
st2lemans's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Lugano
Posts: 29,178
Groaned at 2,044 Times in 1,527 Posts
Thanked 34,738 Times in 16,505 Posts
st2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What do I do if my ex wife is denying me visitation with my son.

Quote:
View Post
So I talked to Kesb. Sort of cause they don't speak English. They told me to Call the courts. Talked to the courts, they said call kesb. Fun.
Why would they speak English?

Tom
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank st2lemans for this useful post:
  #28  
Old 22.06.2017, 00:19
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Zurich
Posts: 38
Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post
Thanked 18 Times in 8 Posts
Max Biaggi has earned some respectMax Biaggi has earned some respect
Re: What do I do if my ex wife is denying me visitation with my son.

So hey yeah. I didn't expect that they would speak English but it would have been easier. I don't really want to escalate this as my ex is a sensitive soul and that is why I agreed to it in the first place and I didn't have a lawyer shen she had two. I wanted her to feel more comfortable and I thought it was better than nothing which is what I had before. Things were getting better and visitations were going ok until a month ago when she asked me what kind of activities I might suggest for him. I said swimming lessons. She said she thought horseback riding and then went apeshit. She is on Krankenkasse and does not work for being crazy. Has three kids now with different men. Mine isn't the middle one, the other two give her no money and live abroad, take little interest.

Just trying to do the right thing.
Reply With Quote
The following 5 users would like to thank Max Biaggi for this useful post:
  #29  
Old 22.06.2017, 06:29
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: ZH
Posts: 7,142
Groaned at 68 Times in 55 Posts
Thanked 10,385 Times in 4,248 Posts
doropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What do I do if my ex wife is denying me visitation with my son.

With most family disputes, the professionals who are looking at the case end up trying to decide if there is a rational, reasonable adult anywhere in the constellation.

You could ask for accompanied visitation: a centre staffed by qualified children's carers, teachers, etc., who have special training in de-escalation, and whose aim is to enable child-parent contact such that everyone stays safe.

Accompanied visitation is usually known as being a way for a child to be able to see a "bad dad" such that the child is safe and the mother is not terrified. However, there are many other situations in which accompanied visitation can help, for example if the mother is violent and the father wants to ensure that he can see the child in safety. Or if either parent might be plotting to kidnap the child, or if the child feels afraid to leave the mother, and the accompanied environment is nice enough to feel calm.

Sometimes these centres are used only for the transfer of the child, when it is necessary that the two parents not see each other all: mom drops the child off into the care of the professional staff, dad fetches the child there, and then the other way round at the end of the afternoon or day.

Here's the info for Zurich
http://besuchstreff-schweiz.ch/bbt-t...zurich/zurich/.

Artergut is a beautiful old house set in a lovely park with old trees and a playground.

Such a centre can be a good place to start, because the saftely of the physical space, and the support of teachers (or similar) can help the adults who have thus far been uncooperative to feel safer, and become more likely to begin to work together to make the visits possible. It can be seen, as it were, as the first basic steps towards re-building just enough trust for the child to have access to both parents.

I wish you well!
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank doropfiz for this useful post:
  #30  
Old 22.06.2017, 06:54
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Zurich
Posts: 38
Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post
Thanked 18 Times in 8 Posts
Max Biaggi has earned some respectMax Biaggi has earned some respect
Re: What do I do if my ex wife is denying me visitation with my son.

Yeah, we did that for a couple years. In the past yearish it was just her and I until her recent breakdown or flip out or whatever. I don't think she wants to do it anymore because she recently moved to the edge of the canton. It takes nearly three hours each way on the train to get there from my place. I still have to work every day too. Every day.
Reply With Quote
  #31  
Old 22.06.2017, 07:25
slammer's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Lummerland
Posts: 5,212
Groaned at 135 Times in 94 Posts
Thanked 8,980 Times in 3,395 Posts
slammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What do I do if my ex wife is denying me visitation with my son.

Yup another poor kid being dragged through the courts, do you people know, realise or even care how traumatic situations like this are for a child?
Sometimes, just sometimes it may be the better strategy just to back off, not force the issue and let things take their course. The child will at some point want to see it´s dad and things will fall into place without spending a lot of money on idiot lawyers and risking a strained relationship with the child in later life.
It sucks and hurts, sucks and hurts big time but sometimes you just got to let go.
__________________
Lummerland
Eine Insel mit zwei Bergen,
und im tiefen weiten Meer,
mit viel Tunnels und Geleisen
und dem Eisenbahnverkehr
nun wie mag die Insel heißen
ringsherum ist schöner Strand
jeder sollte einmal reisen
in das schöne Lummerland
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank slammer for this useful post:
The following 2 users groan at slammer for this post:
  #32  
Old 22.06.2017, 07:32
JagWaugh's Avatar
RIP
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Eglisau
Posts: 7,273
Groaned at 47 Times in 46 Posts
Thanked 14,131 Times in 5,506 Posts
JagWaugh has a reputation beyond reputeJagWaugh has a reputation beyond reputeJagWaugh has a reputation beyond reputeJagWaugh has a reputation beyond reputeJagWaugh has a reputation beyond reputeJagWaugh has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What do I do if my ex wife is denying me visitation with my son.

Quote:
View Post
Sometimes, just sometimes it may be the better strategy just to back off, not force the issue and let things take their course.
...
It sucks and hurts, sucks and hurts big time but sometimes you just got to let go.
Sad but true. If one, or both, parents insist on taking escalation route every time then the child suffers even more.

Some games can only be won by not playing.
Reply With Quote
The following 4 users would like to thank JagWaugh for this useful post:
  #33  
Old 22.06.2017, 08:58
slammer's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Lummerland
Posts: 5,212
Groaned at 135 Times in 94 Posts
Thanked 8,980 Times in 3,395 Posts
slammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What do I do if my ex wife is denying me visitation with my son.

Quote:
View Post
Sad but true. If one, or both, parents insist on taking escalation route every time then the child suffers even more.

Some games can only be won by not playing.
I did not play that game with HER regarding my son, not going to happen, not on HER terms and not on HER turf, I kept the communication going with my son over the years and recently he has shown more backbone then I could have ever imagined by sticking up for his rights, he went to see his grandmother for the very first time, he called and met his sisters including Pokemon and in six weeks he will be here on Malta for 15 days.

Take that bitch.
Reply With Quote
The following 3 users would like to thank slammer for this useful post:
  #34  
Old 22.06.2017, 09:12
FriendlyKiwi's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Shoppinzentrum
Posts: 1,784
Groaned at 20 Times in 16 Posts
Thanked 914 Times in 551 Posts
FriendlyKiwi has a reputation beyond reputeFriendlyKiwi has a reputation beyond reputeFriendlyKiwi has a reputation beyond reputeFriendlyKiwi has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What do I do if my ex wife is denying me visitation with my son.

Quote:
View Post
Some games can only be won by not playing.
That is SO true

Act reasonably
Fairly
Don't stoop to other people's lows
Don't play their stupid games
Sometimes the best response is no response
Maintain your own dignity

Been There.
Done That.
Reply With Quote
The following 3 users would like to thank FriendlyKiwi for this useful post:
  #35  
Old 22.06.2017, 09:26
JagWaugh's Avatar
RIP
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Eglisau
Posts: 7,273
Groaned at 47 Times in 46 Posts
Thanked 14,131 Times in 5,506 Posts
JagWaugh has a reputation beyond reputeJagWaugh has a reputation beyond reputeJagWaugh has a reputation beyond reputeJagWaugh has a reputation beyond reputeJagWaugh has a reputation beyond reputeJagWaugh has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What do I do if my ex wife is denying me visitation with my son.

Quote:
View Post
...
Been There.
Done That.
"If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;"
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank JagWaugh for this useful post:
  #36  
Old 22.06.2017, 11:22
curley's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: canton ZH
Posts: 11,508
Groaned at 184 Times in 152 Posts
Thanked 12,928 Times in 6,760 Posts
curley has a reputation beyond reputecurley has a reputation beyond reputecurley has a reputation beyond reputecurley has a reputation beyond reputecurley has a reputation beyond reputecurley has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What do I do if my ex wife is denying me visitation with my son.

Quote:
Some games can only be won by not playing.
Oh I bet thinking that feels comforting.

A father who does not help / fight can cause a "lesson learnt" in a child that lasts a lifetime - popping up in all the wrong situations later.
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank curley for this useful post:
  #37  
Old 22.06.2017, 11:33
JagWaugh's Avatar
RIP
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Eglisau
Posts: 7,273
Groaned at 47 Times in 46 Posts
Thanked 14,131 Times in 5,506 Posts
JagWaugh has a reputation beyond reputeJagWaugh has a reputation beyond reputeJagWaugh has a reputation beyond reputeJagWaugh has a reputation beyond reputeJagWaugh has a reputation beyond reputeJagWaugh has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What do I do if my ex wife is denying me visitation with my son.

Quote:
View Post
Oh I bet thinking that feels comforting.

A father who does not help / fight can cause a "lesson learnt" in a child that lasts a lifetime - popping up in all the wrong situations later.
Thanks for the benefit of the doubt.

As a matter of fact, it isn't comforting, not in the least. It's soul destroying to know that much of what you do will make the situation worse for your children.

Even if it's true, "Your mother/father is a monster." isn't something that's going to have a beneficial effect on a child.
Reply With Quote
The following 3 users would like to thank JagWaugh for this useful post:
  #38  
Old 22.06.2017, 14:22
slammer's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Lummerland
Posts: 5,212
Groaned at 135 Times in 94 Posts
Thanked 8,980 Times in 3,395 Posts
slammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond reputeslammer has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What do I do if my ex wife is denying me visitation with my son.

Quote:
View Post
Oh I bet thinking that feels comforting.

A father who does not help / fight can cause a "lesson learnt" in a child that lasts a lifetime - popping up in all the wrong situations later.
Fight? Fight who? The courts? There is no "Fight." Talk about tilting at windmills, the outcome is a forgone conclusion; mummy gets everything! You may get a concession or two if your lawyer was a bit more expensive than hers but that is just about the limit of things, the courts will, except in exceptional circumstances, side with the mother, you will get nothing.

Last edited by slammer; 22.06.2017 at 14:45.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank slammer for this useful post:
  #39  
Old 22.06.2017, 15:07
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Zurich
Posts: 38
Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post
Thanked 18 Times in 8 Posts
Max Biaggi has earned some respectMax Biaggi has earned some respect
Re: What do I do if my ex wife is denying me visitation with my son.

I think I am back where I started. Thanks for all the help and perspectives, we will have to see what the future holds. Got no money for any kind of a lawyer anyhow. Sometimes these episodes with her pass after a time. Her oldest gets it I think, he is six. Couple quotes from him"mommy are you always mean to him?" "No one knows where my dad is but at least I have you". So sad for the little guy.
Reply With Quote
The following 2 users would like to thank Max Biaggi for this useful post:
  #40  
Old 23.06.2017, 00:55
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: ZH
Posts: 7,142
Groaned at 68 Times in 55 Posts
Thanked 10,385 Times in 4,248 Posts
doropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What do I do if my ex wife is denying me visitation with my son.

Quote:
View Post
It takes nearly three hours each way on the train to get there from my place.
I recommend couchsurfing as a way of managing to travel and to maintain relationships, even when the distances are tiring, time-consuming and costly.

If you make a strong, interesting couchsurfing profile, something that describes a number of your interests and what you'd willingly share (e.g. a chance for other to practice their English with you), then you might well find potential hosts near where your child's mother lives. Or all along the route, even half way home from there. That might leave you more options, for once every two weeks or once a week, or so, as you plan your journeys to and from work, and to and from the child, so you still get enough sleep.
Reply With Quote
This user would like to thank doropfiz for this useful post:
Reply




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Should my wife take over my finances? Do I really suck with contracts?! idefix General off-topic 21 28.09.2013 09:55
My ex employer is denying me the "Arbeitszeugnis" Galawant Complaints corner 25 13.01.2012 20:50
L permit - can I take my wife and son with me? jarkoos Permits/visas/government 2 10.05.2010 15:23
What do i do if my swiss friend is being racist?? Juliette Other/general 4 09.06.2008 11:34


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 13:07.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0