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  #21  
Old 26.08.2018, 20:04
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Re: Professional Help for Domestic Violence

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- Keep originals and copies of your important paperwork in a safe location
- Prepare financially for an emergency and have money readily accessible in a bank account not known to him
Yes. Excellent advice. "Important paperwork" should include copies of all the finances, jointly and separately, of you and your husband. A "safe location" in this instance means outside of your home and place of work, and with someone who is not also a friend of your spouse. If you have no-one else to turn to, you could ask at a local church (even if you are not a member), for this, or ask your doctor.

There are not yet many refuges for men abused by women, but for any man reading this and who is in a similar situation suffering abuse and needing help, the German searchword is "Männerhaus" (meaning, literally men-house), as opposed to "Frauenhaus" (literally women-house).

Last edited by doropfiz; 26.08.2018 at 21:44.
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  #22  
Old 27.08.2018, 22:48
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Re: Professional Help for Domestic Violence

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A "safe location" in this instance means outside of your home and place of work, and with someone who is not also a friend of your spouse. If you have no-one else to turn to, you could ask at a local church (even if you are not a member), for this, or ask your doctor.

The very safest place is probably a safe deposit box at your bank. Cost is about Fr 80/year but it is absolutely secure and absolutely nobody can or will get into it. Obviously normally only accessible while the bank is open.
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  #23  
Old 28.08.2018, 00:21
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Re: Professional Help for Domestic Violence

That depends whether the bank is already accustomed to dealing with both spouses as a unit. In that case, they may give one spouse access to the other spouse's papers. Source: experience, not my own, but yes, it happened.

If you go for the bank safe deposit box, set it up at a bank to which your husband has no access to your accounts and box, nor will any statements or correspondence from that bank arrive, by mail, to your joint home address.
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  #24  
Old 28.08.2018, 07:48
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Re: Professional Help for Domestic Violence

Another website I found at our doctor's surgery yesterday which may be useful.

www.violencequefaire.ch

Some of the info is in English.
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Old 28.08.2018, 09:03
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Re: Professional Help for Domestic Violence

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That depends whether the bank is already accustomed to dealing with both spouses as a unit. In that case, they may give one spouse access to the other spouse's papers. Source: experience, not my own, but yes, it happened.

That doesn't sound right. I told my bank I was separating, set up a new account in my name only, and from that moment on was treated as completely separate by the branch (mind you my bank manager is superb)
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Old 08.10.2018, 21:46
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Re: Professional Help for Domestic Violence

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Hi everyone!

I am a victim of domestic violence. I am trying to convince my husband to go for professional help. He cannot control his temper and anger. I would like to help him and hope he will not be violent again.

There are two barriers: ego and financial.

Ego: He is always apologetic after abusing me and promise not to do again. I persuaded many times to him to get professional help but he always think he could control his temper in the future. I could understand he must have felt embarrased to get help.

Financial: He always tell me it will cost a lot of money and he is not willing to pay for it. Is there any social support available so that this would not be his excuse?

Anyone here has the same experience or could give advice/ tips? I want to save my marriage.

Thanks!
Yes, sounds like your hubby needs a blood test. Good news: this blood test will be cheaper than a divorce lawyer or a therapist. AND, if lucky, your marriage will be saved: get his hormones tested! This “irritable male syndrome,” as it’s often referred to, is the result of low levels of testosterone (low T) and high levels of the stress hormone cortisol. And men do suffer from low testosterone, and 90 percent go untreated. Resulting behaviors include anger, sarcasm, frustration, sadness, depression, being withdrawn, hostile, and/or anxious, and dissatisfaction. Low energy can also be a problem with low T. I hope you are still well (some time have passed since your first post). Love and peace.
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  #27  
Old 10.10.2018, 11:07
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Re: Professional Help for Domestic Violence

I know this thread is a bit old but still... There is a book by Lundy Bancroft entitled "Why does he do that?" I recommend it.
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  #28  
Old 05.11.2018, 18:15
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Re: Professional Help for Domestic Violence

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Yes, sounds like your hubby needs a blood test. Good news: this blood test will be cheaper than a divorce lawyer or a therapist. AND, if lucky, your marriage will be saved: get his hormones tested! This “irritable male syndrome,” as it’s often referred to, is the result of low levels of testosterone (low T) and high levels of the stress hormone cortisol. And men do suffer from low testosterone, and 90 percent go untreated. Resulting behaviors include anger, sarcasm, frustration, sadness, depression, being withdrawn, hostile, and/or anxious, and dissatisfaction. Low energy can also be a problem with low T. I hope you are still well (some time have passed since your first post). Love and peace.
This is one of the most ignorant / amusing things I've read about abusive relationships. If only a mere blood test could 'cure' the abusive men of the world...

I think giving this kind of false hope to this woman is a bit silly, don't you? Low testosterone is not an excuse for a grown man to raise his hand against a woman...
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Old 05.11.2018, 19:08
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Re: Professional Help for Domestic Violence

Newtoall: please don't troll on a thread like this. Unacceptable.
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  #30  
Old 05.11.2018, 19:48
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Re: Professional Help for Domestic Violence

RufusB: stop accusing me of trolling when you have no opinion and/or constructive opinion to the matter mentioned above/earlier. Got something to share? EG is there to listen.
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Old 05.11.2018, 19:56
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Re: Professional Help for Domestic Violence

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Newtoall: please don't troll on a thread like this. Unacceptable.
Already put Newtoall on my ignore list way back
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  #32  
Old 05.11.2018, 20:01
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Re: Professional Help for Domestic Violence

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RufusB: stop accusing me of trolling when you have no opinion and/or constructive opinion to the matter mentioned above/earlier. Got something to share? EG is there to listen.
Seriously, behave. If you want to get your kicks like this so badly start another thread. Reported.
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Old 25.11.2018, 12:05
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Re: Professional Help for Domestic Violence

Hi there,
my experience as a psychotherapist is that not only your husband needs help but the both of you. I would advise you to consider seeing a psychotherapist.
All the best.
Dorothe
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Old 08.04.2020, 13:07
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Re: Professional Help for Domestic Violence

Please help, I’m in the same situation and I don’t know how to get out.....
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  #35  
Old 10.04.2020, 19:34
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Re: Professional Help for Domestic Violence

Are you are in immediate, urgent danger? If yes, then call the police on 117. They are very likely to come if you call them. Please do this most especially if there are children living with you and your partner.

The primary focus of the police will be to get the victim (and the children, if any) into safety. This may be by removing the abusive person from the home, or may be by assisting the victim to leave the home. This measure is usually temporary, for a few days or weeks, to enable everyone to work out what the next steps need to be.

If you are not in urgent danger, right now, then start to plan carefully.
You can get phone advice here:
https://www.frauenberatung.ch/
https://www.frauennottelefon.ch/languages/english
or the Helping Hand, dial 143.

Wherever you call, they may not immediately speak English. Tell them all the languages you can speak, and they might tell you a time when you should call back, when a person is there who speaks your language.
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  #36  
Old 10.04.2020, 19:39
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Re: Professional Help for Domestic Violence

If you need to leave the home quickly, take with you as many documents as you can. The most important of these is your passport and the children's passport, and birth certificates, and permits. Also, any banking papers you can grab.

If you have time to plan carefully, over a few days or weeks, then you might find this thread helpful. It was written about someone in different circumstances from yours, but the thread contains advice on how to keep your paperwork safe, and lists of important documents, and ways to structure them as you gather them. Also - in case you might later need a lawyer - tips to keep the lawyer's costs down. https://www.englishforum.ch/housing-...t-anymore.html
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  #37  
Old 10.04.2020, 19:55
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Re: Professional Help for Domestic Violence

Help for Children and Young People
Child and young persons' helpline dial 147.
https://pj.projuventute.ch/Beratung-...47.1377.0.html
They also offer advice by mail.
Also https://www.sorgentelefon.ch/ dial 0800 55 42 10

Help for Parents
Parents' lifeline dial 0848 35 45 55
They also offer help by mail, through the website https://elternnotruf.ch/.
Advice for parents: https://pj.projuventute.ch/Elternberatung.2585.0.html

Help for anyone needing to talk (or to be re-directed to help services)
General lifeline / someone to talk to dial 143.
https://www.143.ch/

I have linked to the German-language versions of the sites. Some exist in French, or maybe also Italian. Even if you do not know any of these language, it is worth trying in the language(s) you do know. Sometimes, you might be asked to call back later, when a person who speaks your language will be there.

As always, when calling an advice centre: if at first you are not well met, or don't get the answers or advice you need, remember that they are staffed by many different people, some of whom are volunteers. Therefore, if you don't like their response on your first attempt, it can be worth it to phone back in a few hours' or days' time, when you might have the good fortune to be attended to by a different person.
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  #38  
Old 13.04.2020, 08:25
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Re: Professional Help for Domestic Violence

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Please help, I’m in the same situation and I don’t know how to get out.....
Very sorry to hear that you're currently going through this. I think doropfiz has shared some valuable resources that you should refer to.

Just know that there are resources, organizations and support groups to help you at this time. Please use them and do not be shy, ashamed or scared to reach out to them. You are not alone.

To reiterate, if you are in immediate danger please call the police ASAP and take the necessary precautions to put your safety first.If you choose to leave, please do make a safety plan and do not inform your partner of your plans.

It may be very difficult before it gets better, but deep down your heart knows the safest option and decision for you. Listen to your intuition about the reality of your situation and not the fear about leaving and starting over.

There is hope for a better future after all of this. Wishing you all the best.
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