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  #21  
Old 17.12.2019, 14:16
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Re: Divorce - Expertise for my three children

Just my opinion but if your ex and her lawyer are behaving in unethical ways, it could be potentially dangerous for them to realise you have no lawyer and extend the case further. Is it possible to pay in installments?
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  #22  
Old 17.12.2019, 16:41
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Re: Divorce - Expertise for my three children

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Just my opinion but if your ex and her lawyer are behaving in unethical ways, it could be potentially dangerous for them to realise you have no lawyer and extend the case further. Is it possible to pay in installments?
Might be possible to pay in installments; I have another lawyer (for free) tomorrow to advise me.

Essentially to settle it, I am proposing to agree on the remaining items about money and assets to agree with what the other side have asked for.

Of course they might ask for more but the judge is to be fair pretty good and I would hope not allow that.

Yes, there is the risk they could ask for delays but I believe they have to be valid.
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Old 17.12.2019, 17:02
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Re: Divorce - Expertise for my three children

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........
Frustrating as my -ex-‘s lawyer just fights unreasonably; the judge gave us 5 minutes to come to an agreement, it took me 60 seconds to get that, it’s not that hard. (after all both sides should benefit by getting an additional 200K each) ........
That should be enough to pay the lawyer.
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Old 17.12.2019, 17:11
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Re: Divorce - Expertise for my three children

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That should be enough to pay the lawyer.
I also thought about this, but I assume it takes some time to be paid out, and he needs the advance payment. However, if the lawyer knows it is coming, maybe it helps along with instalments to keep things at a good level
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Old 17.12.2019, 17:15
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Re: Divorce - Expertise for my three children

OP wow, it sounds like you have been treated very unfairly and unreasonably and I hope the end of the road is near and that you get the outcome you want and deserve. It's such a shame that divorces can't just be settled fairly and amicably in all cases and all it takes is some greed and a money-grabbing lawyers to really make the journey a living hell.

Threads like this add another few items to my long list of reasons why I am happy I never married earlier in my life.
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  #26  
Old 17.12.2019, 17:51
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Re: Divorce - Expertise for my three children

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I also thought about this, but I assume it takes some time to be paid out, and he needs the advance payment. However, if the lawyer knows it is coming, maybe it helps along with instalments to keep things at a good level
My wife's lawyer waited 15 years to be paid for various work he had done for her over the years (23k total), didn't even charge interest!

Tom
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Old 17.12.2019, 18:02
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Re: Divorce - Expertise for my three children

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My wife's lawyer waited 15 years to be paid for various work he had done for her over the years (23k total), didn't even charge interest!

Tom
I also not once had a lawyer who demanded pay in advance.
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  #28  
Old 17.12.2019, 19:37
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Re: Divorce - Expertise for my three children

Magic, you’ve been so brave throughout the years.
Good to read you again.
Why not contact help associations ?
I found this http://www.crop.ch/
La coordination romande des organisations paternelles
They would surely be able to guide you and help you find pro bono legal advice.
Take care and don’t hesitate to let us know if you need help with the French.
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  #29  
Old 18.12.2019, 14:26
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Re: Divorce - Expertise for my three children

Update after speaking to another lawyer this morning:

1. Yes I can terminate the existing lawyer and represent myself.
2. I am then allowed to directly negotiate with the other lawyer.
3. I am legally allowed to represent myself
4. Always go from a position "of this is best for the children"
5. Have to inform all parties that I am represented myself.
6. Small tip about my -ex- not working 100%

Considering it was me who negotiated the settlement of the apartment during the court hearing and not my lawyer; honestly this just needs to be closed.

I have a high level of confidence in the children being heard by the judge and how to frame my wishes in that regard.

Going to pass this by a couple more people, one who is a lawyer and see what they think.

One last thing he told me was that in Zurich the average cost of a divorce was between 2K to 5K and that I was being asked for almost 9K was outrageous.

Thank you all for those who pm'd me, help always appreciated.
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  #30  
Old 18.12.2019, 23:09
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Re: Divorce - Expertise for my three children

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One last thing he told me was that in Zurich the average cost of a divorce was between 2K to 5K and that I was being asked for almost 9K was outrageous.

Ah, as my lawyer friend once told me: "The Divorce is cheap. It's the Settlement that is always expensive"."


The 2k to 5k range covers what I paid in the UK for the Divorce. The settlement legal bills ran to 5 times that and more. And in my case, no kids involved. Just a greedy conniving ex spinning out the costs.


Good luck with your final step. It's worth it when its done.



Regards




Ian
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  #31  
Old 21.07.2020, 15:35
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Re: Divorce - Expertise for my three children

Thought I would give a short update on this saga ....

Court hearing on the 26th June 2020 and the last two items on the list were agreed & granted divorce by judgement on the 29th June

I conceded about 20K additional and an additional 500 CHF a month for two of my children.

The other lawyer pushed for more on the day but fair play to my -ex- she had had enough & told the judge we had agreed between ourselves so was going to stick to that (judge happy her lawyer not so).

Apartment will be sold in 20 months and my -ex- is as eager as I am to sell it. I can then settle all my debts & maybe have a small amount of cash left over.

Just need to try and navigate debts & repayments over the next 20 months, having a bill of 19K for court costs was unexpected plus I still have not paid my lawyer.

On a positive note my -ex- is putting the children first now and we are working together to apply for Swiss citizenship for all three of them. They are all individually doing much better than before.

This is going to be over 10 years before the ink is dry and it all completely settled. I have less than 6 years to retirement so makes me wonder about the future ...

Take care everyone & hope no one ends up having to go through a similar nightmare ...
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  #32  
Old 21.07.2020, 15:55
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Re: Divorce - Expertise for my three children

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..... I have less than 6 years to retirement so makes me wonder about the future ...
Off to new adventures then! Happy sailing.

Next time you decide to land somewhere, don't dry-dock.

Thanks for updating.
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  #33  
Old 07.09.2020, 19:23
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Re: Divorce - Expertise for my three children

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.....

Wow! Magic you have been through a lot! Your posts on my other thread makes more sense now. Try to stay positive and strong!
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  #34  
Old 08.09.2020, 11:46
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Re: Divorce - Expertise for my three children

Man what a story... tell me, when looking back, why the heck did you marry such a person aand even more had kids with her? Please don't take this question in any bad manner, just curious.

Judging from your salary and location you may be in trading, which has this typical setup of trophy wife, usually damn hot paired with pretty bad personality. Maybe I am wrong in this assertion.

I generally see a lot of people, guys & gals, who have some sort of 'unbalance' in their personality, ie childhood issues they can't process, selfish, self-centered, whatever. Why would people decide to spend rest of their lives with such a person? Physical attractiveness will be gone in 10, max 20 years (and love much sooner), and what remains is the personality with all the warts and such (which can get a bit worse over time but not much, usually doesn't get better) and how you two mix together.
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  #35  
Old 08.09.2020, 16:25
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Re: Divorce - Expertise for my three children

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Man what a story... tell me, when looking back, why the heck did you marry such a person aand even more had kids with her? Please don't take this question in any bad manner, just curious.

Judging from your salary and location you may be in trading, which has this typical setup of trophy wife, usually damn hot paired with pretty bad personality. Maybe I am wrong in this assertion.

I generally see a lot of people, guys & gals, who have some sort of 'unbalance' in their personality, ie childhood issues they can't process, selfish, self-centered, whatever. Why would people decide to spend rest of their lives with such a person? Physical attractiveness will be gone in 10, max 20 years (and love much sooner), and what remains is the personality with all the warts and such (which can get a bit worse over time but not much, usually doesn't get better) and how you two mix together.
Keep it short we met in 1995 progressed to marriage in 1999 & first child born in 2003, we agreed that we would wait three years before having children. That way we could have some us time!

The person I married, religious, really strong family values, etc is nowhere near the person she is now. The fact she had the priest come and talk to use once/twice a week for three months before we married, is still with me today! I can remember the lectures and about being faithful etc ... I would go as far to say I don't recognize her as the person I fell in love with and married.

... so much more to this story but I have accepted it, it is not fair on any level but especially for our children, this is the part that hurts me the most.

Yes, I am in trading but there is currently zero and below money left each month but that will pass in time. (certainly in 20 months time, I will be able to breath)
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  #36  
Old 08.09.2020, 19:49
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Re: Divorce - Expertise for my three children

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Keep it short we met in 1995 progressed to marriage in 1999 & first child born in 2003, we agreed that we would wait three years before having children. That way we could have some us time!

The person I married, religious, really strong family values, etc is nowhere near the person she is now. The fact she had the priest come and talk to use once/twice a week for three months before we married, is still with me today! I can remember the lectures and about being faithful etc ... I would go as far to say I don't recognize her as the person I fell in love with and married.

... so much more to this story but I have accepted it, it is not fair on any level but especially for our children, this is the part that hurts me the most.

Yes, I am in trading but there is currently zero and below money left each month but that will pass in time. (certainly in 20 months time, I will be able to breath)
Hang on in there, magic. People change....and not always for the better. Their feelings can change too, there's no way you could have predicted what's happening now. Your kids will grow up and your financial burden will be lighter sooner than you expect. I hope you have visitation rights and can still enjoy some time with them at least on weekends. Make the most of it. Try to enjoy small things - a good book, a long walk, talk to people you know. It's very hard now, but you'll find your peace some day.
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  #37  
Old 08.09.2020, 22:57
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Re: Divorce - Expertise for my three children

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Try to enjoy small things - a good book, a long walk, talk to people you know. It's very hard now, but you'll find your peace some day.
What about getting married again
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  #38  
Old 09.09.2020, 11:20
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Re: Divorce - Expertise for my three children

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Hang on in there, magic. People change....and not always for the better. Their feelings can change too, there's no way you could have predicted what's happening now. Your kids will grow up and your financial burden will be lighter sooner than you expect. I hope you have visitation rights and can still enjoy some time with them at least on weekends. Make the most of it. Try to enjoy small things - a good book, a long walk, talk to people you know. It's very hard now, but you'll find your peace some day.
I have one son who lives with me 100% and my other two children I have every other weekend & 50% holidays. My daughter starts to visit more often than the minimum too

The ruling was that now the other two are older there is no reason they cannot visit more..

Yes I try and make the most of nature, walks, reading books etc. The rest is "work in progress" to regain a meaningful life.
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  #39  
Old 09.09.2020, 11:31
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Re: Divorce - Expertise for my three children

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What about getting married again

Maybe flying solo is what OP really needs for the time being....

And why should he btw? If he finds someone else they can just live together.

OH and I got married when we decided to have children, have a family. As you can see from other people's experiences, that piece of paper alone won't keep you together.
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Old 09.09.2020, 14:46
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Re: Divorce - Expertise for my three children

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Maybe flying solo is what OP really needs for the time being....
.
Indeed being -alone- for a while is what I need as I find the post shock-waves difficult to deal with at times.

I just got a stern letter from the court via my lawyer about not having complied with the judgement, more specifically not having transferred part of my pension to my -ex-. (along with a judgement to my pension fund directly which is not going to help either)

I had spent a complete afternoon translating the judgement line by line, map it all out and any actions I needed to do.

Of course I did this but as my -ex- took another job at the beginning of 2018 the funds details are not correct in the judgement(well this has gone on so long it is no surprise, even the glaciers have moved faster)

Icing on the cake is my lawyer is going to send me a bill for just informing me

This along with a stressful job where I feel everyone is demanding something from me every five minutes makes it hard to not go and buy some alcohol and or junk food to try and calm me down.

Alas I have realized that it is just harming me if I do that

I finish in just over an hour, will have a cat-nap and then go for a swim in the river.
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