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Old 26.12.2018, 08:39
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Partner refuses to leave

Hi all,

First post here and not a positive one I’m afraid.

My partner and I are unmarried. She lives with me and has a B permit which we struggled to get because we weren’t married.

The relationship has broken down and she’s turned to drinking an awful lot. I know I have played some kind of contributory part in that, but there’s a whole complex back story.

The relationship has turned very sour and when she drinks heavily she gets aggressive and abusive. Like I said, I know I’m partially responsible
For her issues. However I wish to end it but she simply won’t leave. It doesn’t matter how I try to tackle the situation with talking about it when things are relaxed, it always ends in her drinking more and then becoming aggressive, waking up neighbors through screaming and shouting etc. (sometimes she’s drunk so much it baeely makes any sense)

She sub-let’s from me ‘formally’, but doesn’t contribute to paying the rent. Is there somewhere I can get (affordable) legal advice (preferably in English) about this impossible situation? I simply can’t bear it any longer and I’m worried it will escalate more than it already has.

There are a lot of nuances to the situation. I’m looking to fix the situation, either by working things out with her, or having her leave. I just can’t cope with the status quo any longer.

Many thanks for any helpful advice in advance
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Old 26.12.2018, 09:17
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Re: Partner refuses to leave

And you can‘t leave because...
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Old 26.12.2018, 09:23
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Re: Partner refuses to leave

Because I can’t afford to. But I have been looking into that. Thanks.
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Old 26.12.2018, 09:32
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Re: Partner refuses to leave

If you have a sublet agreement, then invoke the termination clause for it, simple. Also tell your commune/gemeinde admin office that the relationship has broken down and you don't want her permit tied to yours anymore. No place to live and no permit, she more or less has to leave. And if she's getting aggressive, call the police.
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Old 26.12.2018, 09:37
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Re: Partner refuses to leave

Thanks very much. I didn’t know I could ‘unlink’ permits. I’m also weary as I don’t want her to end up on the streets. But these things in combination might be the right way forward.

Only a couple of replies and I already feel a little anxiety relief
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Old 26.12.2018, 09:50
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Re: Partner refuses to leave

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Thanks very much. I didn’t know I could ‘unlink’ permits. I’m also weary as I don’t want her to end up on the streets. But these things in combination might be the right way forward.

Only a couple of replies and I already feel a little anxiety relief
Well, I don't know if it will work or not. One of the conditions is that you're financially responsible for her while she's living here, even if the relationship breaks down. But if she doesn't have a permit she'll either need to find a job herself to get a permit or leave the country is my guess. Anyway check with your admin office exactly what the situation is before making any final decisions.
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Old 26.12.2018, 10:36
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Re: Partner refuses to leave

So what does your partner want? Presumably she's not happy, but do you know exactly why, and what, for her, would be an acceptable outcome?

It's always sad to see a relationship go down the pan, and I do sometimes wonder whether all parties have tried their utmost to either reconcile their differences or reach an equitable compromise.
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Old 26.12.2018, 10:47
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Re: Partner refuses to leave

Thanks Ace1.

It’s very unclear what she wants. After the drunken outbursts she’s very apologetic, usually the following afternoon. Insists that we can work things out. Then it repeats itself. She’s very unhappy but I think also extremely stubborn. I’d love to know what we can do to repair things, but it seems so broken I just don’t know if I can carry on with it.

After thinking about it, it might just be best if I left, I just need to find a cheap place to move to by myself.
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Old 26.12.2018, 10:47
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Re: Partner refuses to leave

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Thanks very much. I didn8217;t know I could 8216;unlink8217; permits. I8217;m also weary as I don8217;t want her to end up on the streets. But these things in combination might be the right way forward.

Only a couple of replies and I already feel a little anxiety relief
It is honorable that you care for her and own up, maturely, to your share of why things aren't working out. Alas, nobody should spend their lives being a hostage to other people's addictions if those folks aren't willing to even address their problem. No relationship is worth that, the violence it comes with, reputation and annoyance that you don't deserve, etc. Good luck and thumbs up for reaching out! Help her get help, it is an illness, but she may have to go through it without you. Sometimes staying in a protected place does feed the addiction instead of motivating the ill person to address it. Hugs.
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Old 26.12.2018, 11:22
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Re: Partner refuses to leave

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it is an illness, but she may have to go through it without you. Sometimes staying in a protected place does feed the addiction instead of motivating the ill person to address it. Hugs.
I understand your best intentions here, but it's perhaps worth considering that while alcoholism can indeed be a causal factor in situations like this, it's also very common for excessive drinking* to be a symptom of underlying problems, rather than a cause per se. Writing the whole thing off as "an addiction" she needs to address may actually be unhelpful if it diverts the focus away from the question of why she's drinking in the first place.

*Which is not necessarily alcoholism.
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Old 26.12.2018, 11:37
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Re: Partner refuses to leave

I take it she doesn't work? If not working, where does she get money for the alchohol??

If she is working, then she needs to get her B permit attached to her employment and not via you. The first step towards her independence.
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Old 26.12.2018, 11:43
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Re: Partner refuses to leave

Thanks both.

@Ace1: yes I agree, there are contributing factors, it would be great if she would take some time and speak to someone about this. At the moment though I don’t think she sees it as an issue, just a symptom, and therein lies the problem. Alcohol amplifies the situation. When it gets like that I usually end up leaving the house.

@swisstree: yes, working. I guess that means her employer would need to sponsor her residence permit in some way?
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Old 26.12.2018, 11:57
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Re: Partner refuses to leave

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Thanks both.
@swisstree: yes, working. I guess that means her employer would need to sponsor her residence permit in some way?
Yes, that is the first thing you both need to do so she is not out on the street as you put it. Make some definite plans with time limits, meanwhile begin to look for another apartment for yourself. Nothing like a notice to leave an apartment for a definite time frame, eh?

Her options: her own B permit, house share for cheaper accommodation, or leave/ return home. Also get her some info on AA support, your local Gemeinde will have some information for you to share with her.

In this situation it is you who needs to be definite and clear if you want things to move forward.
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Old 26.12.2018, 14:26
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Re: Partner refuses to leave

Interesting responses so far. But we don't have a definitive answer if she is on a dependent permit. Did you sign a form with immigration that you are supporting her?

If so, you can't just 'unlink permits', cancel the sublease contract and dump her on the street. YOU are financially responsible for her if she wants to stay.

Eta. Thinking a bit more, perhaps you can cancel the sublease, but you're responsible to pay her new rent.
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Old 26.12.2018, 21:46
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Re: Partner refuses to leave

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Interesting responses so far. But we don't have a definitive answer if she is on a dependent permit. Did you sign a form with immigration that you are supporting her?

If so, you can't just 'unlink permits', cancel the sublease contract and dump her on the street. YOU are financially responsible for her if she wants to stay.

Eta. Thinking a bit more, perhaps you can cancel the sublease, but you're responsible to pay her new rent.
That's where things can turn into a real nightmare for the OP. In the worst case, assuming the relation won't improve, what would be the option, leave CH to cancel the liability?
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Old 26.12.2018, 23:04
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Re: Partner refuses to leave

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That's where things can turn into a real nightmare for the OP. In the worst case, assuming the relation won't improve, what would be the option, leave CH to cancel the liability?
That would be my guess. Once his permit is canceled, hers will be as well unless she gets her own. But I don't know and we don't know yet if it's a dependent permit or not.
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Old 27.12.2018, 08:00
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Re: Partner refuses to leave

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Hi all,

First post here and not a positive one I’m afraid.

My partner and I are unmarried. She lives with me and has a B permit which we struggled to get because we weren’t married.

The relationship has broken down and she’s turned to drinking an awful lot. I know I have played some kind of contributory part in that, but there’s a whole complex back story.

The relationship has turned very sour and when she drinks heavily she gets aggressive and abusive. Like I said, I know I’m partially responsible
For her issues. However I wish to end it but she simply won’t leave. It doesn’t matter how I try to tackle the situation with talking about it when things are relaxed, it always ends in her drinking more and then becoming aggressive, waking up neighbors through screaming and shouting etc. (sometimes she’s drunk so much it baeely makes any sense)

She sub-let’s from me ‘formally’, but doesn’t contribute to paying the rent. Is there somewhere I can get (affordable) legal advice (preferably in English) about this impossible situation? I simply can’t bear it any longer and I’m worried it will escalate more than it already has.

There are a lot of nuances to the situation. I’m looking to fix the situation, either by working things out with her, or having her leave. I just can’t cope with the status quo any longer.

Many thanks for any helpful advice in advance
Is she pretty. Send her to me then
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