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  #81  
Old 03.09.2019, 16:32
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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bullying should be dealt with by the school.
That's not the way it works here.

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  #82  
Old 03.09.2019, 16:42
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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If it were me, I don't think I'd want it to go so far as going public. Even if they protect your name and/or the school or whatever, the right circle of people would know who you are.

Haul the responsible people over the coals, for sure, but I think I'd rather it be used as a springboard for discussion over how they can up their game.

I would be mortified if it turned into one of those "sad-face" family shots pointing at the school building in the local rag...
I meant wider than the school public, not the nearest local paper! The education board or whatever it's called.
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  #83  
Old 03.09.2019, 16:49
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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There are systems in place. This link to a brochure from the KAPO, although it's in German, might be helpful for anyone stumbling on this thread and needing assistance. There's guidelines, info and a bunch of contact numbers at the end.

Obviously there are cases which go unresolved and go really sour but they are the ones that you are more likely to hear about. My son was bullied but it was dealt with effectively and quickly so I'm not likely to start a thread about it. The story of it will only come up in a thread like this as a sort of "it's not all bad" kind of thing.

It's the same as everything else - nobody reports the success stories so the bad stories are then taken as the norm.
That is good to know for those who will ever be in this situation. As far as know (didn't dealt with this stuff personally) there are mixed opinions about how the school handles these things, in some cases it was more like in Tom's situation, in others the school got involved and involved the parents too.

Btw, not even all private schools handle bullying very well. I know of one case where someone's child was jumped by another boy on the head (yes, you read it well) and suffers even today from some health consequences. This parent (Swiss) has asked his lawyer to gather a file and file an official complaint against the school. There are ways to even close that school, apparently (again, it's just hearsay). Of course, that won't function for a public school.
Edit- I just remembered there are other parents unhappy with that school too (so there are chances to have smth. like people vs. school sort of thing), but I will not name it here.
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  #84  
Old 03.09.2019, 17:38
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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If it makes you feel better.

I was also a prefect, librarian, 100m champion, the Easter Bunny and a pillar box just outside Oxford.
PS, no I wasn't a bully, nor was I hinting at it. I was a boring bookworm at school.
I was bullied a few times (not as seriously as some people described here though, it was more like teasing or looking for my attention probably) but that wasn't because I was meek or weak, those kids were just little shites. That actually made me more sympathetic with the "underdogs", always tried to protect the unpopular or "weird" kids.
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  #85  
Old 03.09.2019, 17:48
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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Not always. Plenty of "meek" kids aren't bullied. Words often work just as well, if not better than, fists and feet. Thumping someone isn't solving a problem, it's creating a long term new one.
I'm talking about a meek response to the bullying.
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  #86  
Old 03.09.2019, 18:16
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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Obviously there are cases which go unresolved and go really sour but they are the ones that you are more likely to hear about. My son was bullied but it was dealt with effectively and quickly so I'm not likely to start a thread about it. The story of it will only come up in a thread like this as a sort of "it's not all bad" kind of thing.

It's the same as everything else - nobody reports the success stories so the bad stories are then taken as the norm.
Well, I have posted here a few times that all three of my kids experienced bullying. The eldest managed it himself quite effectively but kept us informed. For the other two, we worked with the school, and after the fear of whatsit was put into the kids doing the bullying, that stopped as well.

Probably what helped most is that even when they were teens, we, as a family, kept talking. My wife and I worked hard to ensure they had good self-esteem and critical thinking. Mind you, over the years now they are adults, they share things that they kept from us as kids. They didn't tell us everything. They did know that we were there for them and pretty implacable about ensuring our kids were protected (not mollycoddled).
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Old 03.09.2019, 20:03
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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We put our son in karate lessons.

After a few weeks, when we was being bullied again, rather than run away, he punched the bully to the ground and then kicked him a few times in the head.

Why he didn't continue lessons as obviously he must have been very talented at Karate to have learnt so quickly ?


To combat violence with violence rarely works long term
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  #88  
Old 03.09.2019, 20:09
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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Probably what helped most is that even when they were teens, we, as a family, kept talking. My wife and I worked hard to ensure they had good self-esteem and critical thinking. Mind you, over the years now they are adults, they share things that they kept from us as kids. They didn't tell us everything. They did know that we were there for them and pretty implacable about ensuring our kids were protected (not mollycoddled).
This. Very wise strategy, NotAllThere. Younger parents should really, really read your post!
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  #89  
Old 03.09.2019, 20:55
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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Why he didn't continue lessons as obviously he must have been very talented at Karate to have learnt so quickly ?
If you read my post, you'd realise he didn't use karate moves.

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To combat violence with violence rarely works long term
I think we all realise that.

Someone else who needs a reality check like Sandgrounder. This was an eight-year old acting on his own and wasn't condoned or encouraged by us.
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  #90  
Old 03.09.2019, 21:04
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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To combat violence with violence rarely works long term
Depends on the level of the violence... (Nuke the site from orbit...).
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  #91  
Old 03.09.2019, 21:04
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

Are there any Swiss gangs?
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Old 03.09.2019, 21:11
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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If you read my post, you'd realise he didn't use karate moves.

Excuse me for being dense, so he just fought with new found vigour and kicked the other guy in the head afgter a few karate lessons.....
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  #93  
Old 03.09.2019, 21:35
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

@Todayonly
OMG, let's stop it here, please. The child shouldn't have been put in the position to scare off the other child. Kids don't always react in the best possible way, they are just kids. It makes me sad because they have to go through stuff like this...school should be a happy time. But I guess we all have to learn our lessons starting with childhood, even though psychologically we are not really equipped to deal with senseless, random adversity.
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Old 03.09.2019, 21:40
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

One of the problems with bullying is, that most often it happens when teachers aren't looking: during breaks, between classrooms, on the way to and from school. By the time teachers find out, it has often progressed quite far. At our school we work on student awareness continuously. It isn't easy to keep on top of it.
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  #95  
Old 03.09.2019, 21:54
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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Excuse me for being dense, so he just fought with new found vigour and kicked the other guy in the head afgter a few karate lessons.....
Isn't 90% of life just confidence
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Old 03.09.2019, 21:56
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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To combat violence with violence rarely works long term
doesn't it always work long term?
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  #97  
Old 03.09.2019, 22:01
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

I also have a "Swiss public school bullying success story". My child was in one of the two local secondary schools, and there was a bully picking on them and a couple of other kids. Within a month the school replied to let us know what they had started doing to address it and, when it wasn't better after another month, they arranged to transfer the bully to the other school - away from his "supporters", as somebody else posted. An incident happened on his last day at my child's school, and the staff made him come back to that school the next day to publicly apologise to my child and another child involved in that incident - which was enough to "break" the bully's power over his "supporters" (who were mostly just trying to avoid being the next victim).
Took just over two months from when we reported it until it was over, with various offers of support along the way.
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Old 03.09.2019, 22:13
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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If you read my post, you'd realise he didn't use karate moves.

Someone else who needs a reality check like Sandgrounder. This was an eight-year old acting on his own and wasn't condoned or encouraged by us.
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We put our son in karate lessons.

After a few weeks, when we was being bullied again, rather than run away, he punched the bully to the ground and then kicked him a few times in the head.

You should heard the other kid's mum moan to us on the phone that night about her son with his bloodied, black, bruised face.

My son was never bullied by that kid or any others again.

He left the karate school soon afterwards - it wasn't really his thing.
So just for the sake of "reality", you can see how some people assumed your son used his new found karate skills on the bully. I'm not being contentious - I'm just trying to clarify a misunderstanding seeing as you seem to be singling me out for needing a "reality check".

For clarity, I'm not condoning bullying of your son or anyone else simply because I'm asking you for clarification.
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Old 03.09.2019, 23:45
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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So just for the sake of "reality", you can see how some people assumed your son used his new found karate skills on the bully. I'm not being contentious - I'm just trying to clarify a misunderstanding seeing as you seem to be singling me out for needing a "reality check".
The Karate Kid movie isn't real life.
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Old 04.09.2019, 08:27
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

It is not a fault with the “system”. It is up to schools and teachers to follow a proper policy in regard to bullying. And if not, then you get formal on them in the ways already suggested on this thread.

In response to the “karate kid” sketch: As somebody who trains in martial arts on a weekly basis, it is never the intention to learn how to kick the <autmoderated> out of anybody. In fact, 99% of the martial arts practitioners I have met personally are as soft as butter. However the training does give one a sense of self confidence when dealing with confrontations - physical or verbal. To be able to use any martial art effectively in a “street fight” takes years of dedicated training.

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Christ, and folk wonder why I have concerns about the CH school system. It should literally be more than a teacher's job is worth not to do something about bullying, perceived or otherwise. All should be taken seriously and investigated and sorted. Makes me feel sick with anger that it's not. Kids are kids. They're all so different and not many have the ability to truly stand up for themselves that's why adults must. The school has a duty of care, surely to the gods...?
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