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Old 15.01.2019, 11:06
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School Bullying > Advice Needed

I read the "most recent" thread on the topic and felt like I need to post a fresh one. At the very least, I don't want a school bullying to become a fighting tournament, where the best trained martial arts are the safest...

This morning, my wife was taking a group of kids to school and witnessed the known school bully pickup a smaller guy by the backpack and slam him in to the ground face-down. She helped the victim up, while the bully was loud-and-proud, honestly not giving a f* and continuing to verbally abuse the victim from a distance.

My #1 concern is that if I were to witness this, I will likely react (God forbid, physically). Don't get me wrong, I know this is the worst course of action, but if a little shit is abusing someone weaker, I go MMA...

Have you been faced with a similar situation? What did you do? If not, what would you do? Please share. Help a father do the right thing, not allowing this to exist or sweep it under the rug with "someone else's kid, not my concern". Our kids could be next.
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Old 15.01.2019, 12:48
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

Talk to other parents? Surely you're not the only one concerned.

Round here, you can report serious bullying to the police and they take action. It's probably only effective if the victim or the victim's parents make the complaint.

A few years ago, a kid (13 years old?) was trying to beat up a smaller kid on the street I was cycling along. I stopped, picked him up (the bigger kid) by the scruff of the neck and yelled in his face "You - get out of here!". He ran off.

I was really annoyed that I'd had to intervene. I mean, I had to - he was blocking my path.
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Old 15.01.2019, 13:55
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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This morning, my wife was taking a group of kids to school and witnessed the known school bully pickup a smaller guy by the backpack and slam him in to the ground face-down. She helped the victim up, while the bully was loud-and-proud, honestly not giving a f* and continuing to verbally abuse the victim from a distance.
That's the problem. The bullies are known to the parents, to the school teachers and to the other children as the bullies but that's not enough. The teachers here seem pretty impotent in getting to the bottom of this.

We're taking time off work this week to take our youngest to a child psychologist (at the insistence of the school) because he keeps running away from school.

On a bullying website I found, there is a checklist of symptoms of bullying of your child. Mine gets a check for absolutely everything. There's a known bully who is constantly picking on my son. The teachers consistently say my son is at fault.

However, last week, there was a school trip week and there, it was pretty obvious to the teachers that this boy was indeed picking on my son - constantly.

They put the boy in a separate group and my son has been happy for the first time in ages.

I'd like to go around to the parents' house and tell them to sort themselves out.

Both me and my wife have done this where we lived before.
When the teachers or parents throw up their arms, exclaiming nothing can be done and kids will be kids, I just tell them that I'll let the Police deal with it instead (it's that serious at times) and then they do something, and it stops.

It's a pretty poor show when you have to threaten Police action for anyone to actually do anything.

Before anyone thinks my kids are a soft target - other kids have got bullied by the known bullies before ours and no doubt others will afterwards.
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Old 15.01.2019, 14:10
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

Thank you, @Tom1234 > it is exactly the "pff, this isn't my responsibility" from the school/teachers that drives me insane. Quick question: if I assault the bully in the school yard, are you going to do something? "Of course, we call the police". So, how is this f*ing different when the bully assaults someone on the premises?

WAKE.THE.F.UP.

Teachers/school should not shrug it off and make it a parent problem, because some may go the True Detective route...


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Old 15.01.2019, 14:10
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

The Swiss in general are entirely too passive and prefer not to get involved in any conflict, even in the name of justice. I've seen it numerous times and its the only thing that really irks me in this otherwise great country. Unfortunately this passiveness ties into the schooling of children as well. The attitude is "certainly your child must have done something to provoke the bully".

Best thing is to work with your child to document evidence of the bullying and do not let back on your complaints to the school. If you try to discipline the child yourself, you'll unfairly look like the bully.

All the best!
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Old 15.01.2019, 14:23
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

Hi ,

First, let me say that I don't have much experience with bullying.

Secondly, what are the ages of the children involved ? This might be relevant on how the situation should/could be handled.

For younger children, breaking up the fight and asking questions as to why the fight occurred might help.

Parents on both sides should be notified if possible. If not, then the school should be notified , and hopefully then they can get in contact with the parents.

Talking to the parents of the bully isn't always so helpful, as the child acting out might be doing it because of problems in their home. Never the less, the bully's parents should know what's going on.

If the bullying is ongoing ( and no matter the age ) then maybe a chat with the school counselor or psychologist is in order . This could be beneficial for both parties, and really a school psychologist should be trained to handle such situations.

If the problem is really bad, and the children are in the same class . Then maybe one of the children needs to be switched to another classroom.

For older children ( physical bullying seems to affect boys more ), I hate to say it, but learning some self defense moves seems to help. I've known parents that have put their boys in martial arts courses to learn some defensive moves and it has helped.

I really don't think aggression and violence is a way to deal with bullying either, but in martial arts they teach you how to defend yourself - not attack others.

The child could also learn how to run or do track and field. This will help them grow confidence too, and they can probably out run the bully.

If there's a way that this child could walk with a sibling, friend, or group of friends that will help keep the bully away. When a bully is outnumbered, they're going to be less likely to try anything.

The parents dropping off their child and picking them up will surely stop the bullying, at least to and from school. However, if the parents aren't able to do this maybe they could even pay an athletic looking teenager to walk the child, lol . Sounds silly, I know, but remember that the bully is a child and sometimes one just has to look 'tough' for them to cower away.

Or if the child has a 'cool' biker Uncle that could take him to school or pick him up on his Harley ? Again, I think anyone who looks tough and is showing that they're this kid's entourage will help.

Lastly, and unfortunately, I've known people who've been bullied and sometimes ugly altercations have to happen in order for the bullying to stop. It really should be avoided, because some serious injuries could occur, and it's not a way to teach children to resolve issues.

That being said, a wise Sensei once said, " You should never start a fight, but you should end it " .

** Quick martial arts tip ** Sweep the legs
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Old 15.01.2019, 14:27
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

My two rappen: your wife should report what she saw and heard to the school. Both verbally and in writing. Every teacher in that school should have a zero tolerance approach to bullying or else they shouldn't be doing the job.

I feel very sorry for the children. I feel a little sorry for the horrid bully too, but for different resons.
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Old 15.01.2019, 14:37
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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Have you been faced with a similar situation? What did you do? If not, what would you do? Please share. Help a father do the right thing, not allowing this to exist or sweep it under the rug with "someone else's kid, not my concern". Our kids could be next.
We live in a family oriented area, so plenty of kids of various ages around here. I've made some "friends" - two 10 y.o. boys whom I've caught bullying my upstairs neighbours' daughter. I've (naturally) tried to talk with them but I was astonished at the lack of respect they have for adults*. I told my neighbours what I have seen a good few times and they took it from there. I don't think things got better after they talked with those rascals' parents, teacher etc tbh. I feel very sorry for this girl but at the end of the day I can't do anything.

Oh, and you know what? Apparently her teacher said something along the line of "she's also provoking them" (i.e. has a big mouth or something). In situations like this, the school doesn't do anything here. Apparently.

*one of them called me auslander and said they don't have to listen to me. But I think in the end I scared them off because every time they see me they walk faster. Goooood.
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Old 15.01.2019, 14:49
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

In my son's school the few incidences of bullying have been dealt with pretty effectively. The school always involves both sets of parents and acts as mediator so the parents of the victim don't feel the need to do all the proactive stuff.

My son was victim to a few weeks of minor bullying which pissed him off rather than ruined his life. The bullying kid seemed to crave the attention from my son but didn't have a clue how to go about it, so settled on using his fists to get the message across. The school dealt with it really well.

To the OP, definitely mention it to the school in any way you see fit - either in person, phone or writing.

If he's a known bully then maybe a written account would be a good idea so the school can start a sort of "rap sheet", for want of a better expression, to go to the parents and say "Look, this is what kind of a little shit your son is, and all these people have reported him."
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Old 15.01.2019, 14:55
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

I'm surprised those kids here with the weird huge school rucksack bag things don't get remorselessly bullied like they would anywhere else in the world
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Old 15.01.2019, 15:10
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

if its not on school property half the time the school dont care and will tell you its not their problem.

Be assertive with the parents and tell them its not acceptable behavior. if it doesn't change then call in the authorities. would they like their sons face introduced to the pavement? probably not.

Therefore, its not acceptable for him to do it.
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Old 15.01.2019, 16:03
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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I'm surprised those kids here with the weird huge school rucksack bag things don't get remorselessly bullied like they would anywhere else in the world

I've heard about kids getting bullied for NOT having those stupid rucksacks, not for having them!!
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Old 15.01.2019, 16:19
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

This won't go down well with the rest of you, but how about next time you see it happen deal out the same thing to the bully and then say loud and clear "do unto others as you would have them do unto you".

I think we've gone from the days when kids knew anyone was likely to give them a clip around the earhole if they acted up to the other extreme of not wanting to get involved no matter what's happening. If I'd seen a kid smash another's face into the ground, I'd have marched them down to the police station and insisted they be charged with assault. Because this is beyond bullying and if not dealt with promptly will lead to more such actions in the future.
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Old 15.01.2019, 16:25
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

The way from or to school is not in the responsibility of the school.
We had an issue with bullying some years ago. After a talk with the parents incl. the kids on the same table, issue was solved.
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Old 15.01.2019, 17:39
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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This won't go down well with the rest of you, but how about next time you see it happen deal out the same thing to the bully and then say loud and clear "do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
I think the lesson teach by that is:
- you are contradicting your own words, rarely a recipe for success
- you actually confirm the bully by acting like one yourself. You get to beat other people simply because you're stronger.

The conclusion the bully will walk away with is that he'll have to be more careful and not be caught. Nothing entices him to stop what he's doing.
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Old 15.01.2019, 17:51
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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The Swiss in general are entirely too passive and prefer not to get involved in any conflict, even in the name of justice.
My daughter (the one who wants to join the police) works as a classroom assistant and regularly has to supervise the playground. She deals with trouble fairly effectively. Her only regret is she's not allowed to be armed...
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Old 15.01.2019, 18:05
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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Hi ,
For older children ( physical bullying seems to affect boys more ), I hate to say it, but learning some self defense moves seems to help. I've known parents that have put their boys in martial arts courses to learn some defensive moves and it has helped.

I really don't think aggression and violence is a way to deal with bullying either, but in martial arts they teach you how to defend yourself - not attack others.
I've often found that the bullied kids who go to martial arts classes learn more of self confidence than super fighting moves. This confidence makes them stand a little taller and walk a little prouder meaning bullies are less likely to target them. Of course that just means the bully will go and pick the next person.

It's the bully that needs help, otherwise he'll just go find another victim. So I'd make sure the school is aware. I'm just wondering if you called the school and said you saw said bully crying on the way to school would they bring him in for a chat?
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Old 15.01.2019, 18:07
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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This won't go down well with the rest of you, but how about next time you see it happen deal out the same thing to the bully and then say loud and clear "do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
It's assault whoever does it. I can sympathise with the emotion but can't condone. Plus I don't think that eye-for-an-eye thing tends to work out so well.
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Old 15.01.2019, 18:10
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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My daughter (the one who wants to join the police) works as a classroom assistant and regularly has to supervise the playground. She deals with trouble fairly effectively. Her only regret is she's not allowed to be armed...
She needs an arsenal consisting of: the "don't mess with me little boy" glare, the " you're being ridiculous " raised eyebrows, the "I'm a bigger bitch than you'll ever be" stance and the "you'll be very sorry" tone of voice.

I was never allowed a taser.

Last edited by RufusB; 15.01.2019 at 18:32.
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Old 15.01.2019, 18:50
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Re: School Bullying > Advice Needed

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I've often found that the bullied kids who go to martial arts classes learn more of self confidence than super fighting moves. This confidence makes them stand a little taller and walk a little prouder meaning bullies are less likely to target them. Of course that just means the bully will go and pick the next person.

It's the bully that needs help, otherwise he'll just go find another victim. So I'd make sure the school is aware. I'm just wondering if you called the school and said you saw said bully crying on the way to school would they bring him in for a chat?
Krav Maga works like a charm. Plus it is a philosophy to avoid unnecessary and expensive direct contact.
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