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Old 09.02.2019, 21:44
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Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

Sky is faster-n-me! And than my PS and PPS.
  #22  
Old 10.02.2019, 12:10
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Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

OP, whether this is your own story or that of your sister, I think there is no point in remaining(or becoming further) involved with "Bob" unless you (or "Greta") are/is ready to accept what started in his past and will continue into his future.

Bob became a father knowingly and Petros is never, ever going away.

No Court Order reducing the maintenance to Fr. 10 per month, nor joint custody or residence, nor adoption by Alfred, nor even, in fact, the death of Sue or of Petros himself, is ever going to un-make the connection between Petros and Bob.

However things go forward from now, if Greta stays with Bob she will ALWAYS be involved, to a greater or lesser extent, with Petros' existence.

Greta will ALWAYS be confronted with Bob's feelings about Petros and Sue, and with Bob's decisions about them and the lawyers and Courts, and the time, energy and money Bob decides (or is ordered to) spend on them.

If Greta is not willing to accept Bob's situation and Petros' existence with grace, dignity and compassion, she should leave Bob.
Meloncollie put it so well in your other thread.
https://www.englishforum.ch/2918924-post42.html

If Greta stays, but continues to protest against the realities of Bob's life, she is likely to place herself under permanent stress, and to make Bob's already complex life more difficult to manage. The more so if she adds the pressure of her own wish for children into the relationship, while knowing full well that Bob is infertile.

Moreover, the child's needs have priority, and Petros' needs will change as he grows up, and Bob may [gradually or suddenly] have to or want to fulfil some of those, and this quite irrespective of the terms specified in the legal documents.

Even if Bob hardly ever sees Petros, he may find himself having to accompany the 5-year-old Petros in hospital because Sue is ill and Alfred away on business.

Bob could be called in by a teacher, social worker or the police if Petros misbehaves.

If Alfred doesn't adopt Petros, and Sue dies, Bob will be fully responsible for Petros.

The 14-year-old Petros may need to attend a school too far from Sue's place but round the corner from Bob's place, and move in with Bob.

Even if Bob and Petros never see each other and Petros grows up well with Alfred, an angry 18-year-old Petros may come banging at Bob's door, demanding explanations.

Who knows, Petros may want contact later in his life. And if Petros never does, Bob may feel relieved, or he may suffer.

Bob may end up as the obvious man to taxi Petros' wife up and down to her chemo, or become a granddad to Petros' children.

That's life. It's full of strange twists and turns. And none of these is ever improved through denial.

To stay with Bob peacefully, Greta will need to accept the facts as they are:

MOTHERHOOD
1. Greta is highly unlikely to have a child with Bob.

2. Bob is highly unlikely to give his consent for another donor.

3. Bob is highly unlikely to qualify to adopt.

(1., 2. and 3. mean that Greta is not going to become a mother, if she stays with Bob and is sexually faithful to him.)

FATHERHOOD
Even if Bob never sees Petros (and Sue), they simply EXIST in Bob's life. For now, they are definitely part of his budget and his monthly schedule. They may be a consideration in his life-planning. In and case, they are in Bob's memories and heart, happily or bitterly - sometimes more, sometimes less, sometimes unexpectedly - until his dying day.

Last edited by doropfiz; 10.02.2019 at 12:14. Reason: Adding link to meloncollie's excellent post
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  #23  
Old 10.02.2019, 13:16
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Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

Worth adding that bob has been done up like Karen the Kipper by Gerald the nutjob Judge.
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Old 10.02.2019, 21:44
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Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

The court system here is unfair towards mothers as well, it's not just fathers.

besides fighting in court for the normal every other weekend + 1 night a week there is little more to be done.

Possession means a lot to the swiss I have found in my own case. Who has the kids can win by default as they aren't keen to move them.

The system is not always fair.
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Old 11.02.2019, 08:41
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Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

A few months later and now your sisters boyfriend is your boyfriend?


https://www.englishforum.ch/2918897-post29.html


https://www.englishforum.ch/3039195-post1.html
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  #26  
Old 11.02.2019, 16:49
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Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

Hello

Firstly, thank you for all the responses. I got no notification on my email so wasnt even aware that there were any replies.

Secondly, as i 've no account on this forum, I used my sister's. I actually forgot she posted similar question a while ago. Sorry for the confusion.

Third, I know what the law is, but law doesn't always mean justice. Looks like she can do whatever she pleases and there are no consequences.

My question was if anyone won a custody battle (getting 50%) if the mother absolutely isn't cooperative and agrees to nothing. My bf didn't do anything to her. He is one of the most genteel person I know. She lied in court saying that her husband became aggressive and violent after the insemination. She had a hard time explaining to the judge how she ended up with another man at 5 month into her pregnancy.She lied even more, hence the supervised visits. Even after her lies were proved ( they were not even credible ), it didn't change anything, no consequences. So there is absolutely no justice.

Also, the judge gave the permission for the adoption. However, we are trying to see if there is a way my bf can be the father, not only the sponsor. If it isn't possible, the adoption is the best solution. I still have some hope that it is possible, but maybe I m wrong, and there s no point in fighting.

Thanks
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Old 11.02.2019, 16:50
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Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

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Maybe first he can work on reducing the 'very high' alimony that he pays?
Tried, doesn't work
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Old 11.02.2019, 16:53
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Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

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That's not really the point, is it? I bet if you asked the OP's boyfriend whether he'd rather see his child at least 50% of the time, or pay less alimony, he would pick box #1.
Exactly,
  #29  
Old 11.02.2019, 17:14
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Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

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Also, the judge gave the permission for the adoption. However, we are trying to see if there is a way my bf can be the father, not only the sponsor. If it isn't possible, the adoption is the best solution. I still have some hope that it is possible, but maybe I m wrong, and there s no point in fighting.

Thanks
How can he be only a "sponsor" if the child was conceived during the marriage before her leaving the husband ? (it doesn't matter if the child was conceived using a donor). The judge must have recognised a family tie between your "sister"'s bf since he established regular visits and child allowance. What's written in that child's birth certificate?There are some details which are not logical.
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Old 11.02.2019, 17:15
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Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

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Hello

Firstly, thank you for all the responses. I got no notification on my email so wasnt even aware that there were any replies.

Secondly, as i 've no account on this forum, I used my sister's. I actually forgot she posted similar question a while ago. Sorry for the confusion.

Third, I know what the law is, but law doesn't always mean justice. Looks like she can do whatever she pleases and there are no consequences.

My question was if anyone won a custody battle (getting 50%) if the mother absolutely isn't cooperative and agrees to nothing. My bf didn't do anything to her. He is one of the most genteel person I know. She lied in court saying that her husband became aggressive and violent after the insemination. She had a hard time explaining to the judge how she ended up with another man at 5 month into her pregnancy.She lied even more, hence the supervised visits. Even after her lies were proved ( they were not even credible ), it didn't change anything, no consequences. So there is absolutely no justice.

Also, the judge gave the permission for the adoption. However, we are trying to see if there is a way my bf can be the father, not only the sponsor. If it isn't possible, the adoption is the best solution. I still have some hope that it is possible, but maybe I m wrong, and there s no point in fighting.

Thanks
Please register an account on the forum using your own email address... it's not difficult and you really ideally should not be sharing someone else's account.
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  #31  
Old 11.02.2019, 18:06
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Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

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Hello

Firstly, thank you for all the responses. I got no notification on my email so wasnt even aware that there were any replies.

Secondly, as i 've no account on this forum, I used my sister's. I actually forgot she posted similar question a while ago. Sorry for the confusion.

Third, I know what the law is, but law doesn't always mean justice. Looks like she can do whatever she pleases and there are no consequences.

My question was if anyone won a custody battle (getting 50%) if the mother absolutely isn't cooperative and agrees to nothing. My bf didn't do anything to her. He is one of the most genteel person I know. She lied in court saying that her husband became aggressive and violent after the insemination. She had a hard time explaining to the judge how she ended up with another man at 5 month into her pregnancy.She lied even more, hence the supervised visits. Even after her lies were proved ( they were not even credible ), it didn't change anything, no consequences. So there is absolutely no justice.

Also, the judge gave the permission for the adoption. However, we are trying to see if there is a way my bf can be the father, not only the sponsor. If it isn't possible, the adoption is the best solution. I still have some hope that it is possible, but maybe I m wrong, and there s no point in fighting.

Thanks
You are looking for justice, on somebody else's account?

By publicly venting all these intimate and quite particular details of somebody else's pregnancy and relationships?

I am starting to dislike this mission...no matter where your justice is
  #32  
Old 11.02.2019, 18:27
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Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

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You are looking for justice, on somebody else's account?

By publicly venting all these intimate and quite particular details of somebody else's pregnancy and relationships?

I am starting to dislike this mission...no matter where your justice is
I don't know what mission you re talking about. I asked if ANY father won his rights that have been violated. In this forum people write about all sort of things, I vitro, fertility etc. I have not given any names; hence is anonymous. I saw a few publications in swiss newspapers from fathers that have been fighting to no avail. My bf lost completely faith in the system and said that he knows no father who won in situation as his. I tried to lift his spirits up asking around if anybody has achieved so.

On the other hand, if I don't give any details, people start commenting that there are some details missing.

If you can't help, please refrain yourself from commenting.
  #33  
Old 11.02.2019, 18:31
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Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

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How can he be only a "sponsor" if the child was conceived during the marriage before her leaving the husband ? (it doesn't matter if the child was conceived using a donor). The judge must have recognised a family tie between your "sister"'s bf since he established regular visits and child allowance. What's written in that child's birth certificate?There are some details which are not logical.
I 've no clue what's in the judge's head.Child's support is obligation, it's not a privilege not right, not fatherhood.
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Old 11.02.2019, 18:31
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Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

jerry jerry jerry .......
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Old 11.02.2019, 19:44
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Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

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I 've no clue what's in the judge's head.Child's support is obligation, it's not a privilege not right, not fatherhood.
What your bf needs is a very good lawyer, a "shark"...I doubt there's anyone here able to help. And I'm assuming those who won a custody lawsuit under complicated or difficult situations would rather refrain from commenting here. But who knows, people can be more open in private messages. Good luck.
  #36  
Old 11.02.2019, 20:18
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Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

I know someone who did, but he was the stay at home parent at the time.

All other cases I know of were by mutual consent.

Tom
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  #37  
Old 11.02.2019, 20:36
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Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

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I don't know what mission you re talking about. I asked if ANY father won his rights that have been violated. In this forum people write about all sort of things, I vitro, fertility etc. I have not given any names; hence is anonymous. I saw a few publications in swiss newspapers from fathers that have been fighting to no avail. My bf lost completely faith in the system and said that he knows no father who won in situation as his. I tried to lift his spirits up asking around if anybody has achieved so.

On the other hand, if I don't give any details, people start commenting that there are some details missing.

If you can't help, please refrain yourself from commenting.
Moderators are here to comment. And more so if somebody comes under someone else's ID.

Yes, people share quite a bit here about themselves. You are sharing details about somebody else's womb and legal arrangements.
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  #38  
Old 11.02.2019, 21:33
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Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

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What your bf needs is a very good lawyer, a "shark"...I doubt there's anyone here able to help. And I'm assuming those who won a custody lawsuit under complicated or difficult situations would rather refrain from commenting here. But who knows, people can be more open in private messages. Good luck.
Thank you, he is already changed 2x, they re not cutting in, unfortunately. Need one by recommendation. But maybe is already futile.
  #39  
Old 11.02.2019, 21:50
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Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

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Please register an account on the forum using your own email address... it's not difficult and you really ideally should not be sharing someone else's account.
Thank you, will do. I had aan ccount here years ago but I haven't been able to access the email that I used to register in English forum. ( I havent used it for years, forgot password). It was way faster to use my sister account for this time. I didn't have energy to search my house for the password for my old email.
  #40  
Old 14.02.2019, 21:29
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Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

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Also, the judge gave the permission for the adoption.

However, we are trying to see if there is a way my bf can be the father, not only the sponsor. If it isn't possible, the adoption is the best solution. I still have some hope that it is possible, but maybe I m wrong, and there s no point in fighting.
Thanks
Could you please explain this part?
Is it possible for a judge to approve an adoption against the father's wishes?
Who brought the application for adoption?
Or has the father (your partner) by now changed his mind about wanting access to and co-custody of his son?

I find this confusing and it sounds as if perhaps he is (and you are?) not really certain which way you want this to develop.
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