Go Back   English Forum Switzerland > Help & tips > Family matters/health  
Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 07.02.2019, 22:52
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Lausanne
Posts: 43
Groaned at 2 Times in 2 Posts
Thanked 7 Times in 6 Posts
adventural has no particular reputation at present
How a father can win a custody of his child

I m looking for a help from fathers who won in a court a joint custody of their children. It seems that in ch the courts are exclusively in favour of the mothers no matter what they do. My bf has been fighting for 3 years and all his got is 3h every 2 weeks. It is his wife who left while she was 4 months pregnant for another man with whom she has had another child. The son of my bf calls the other guy daddy. My bf is only the sponsor: he pays very high alimony. She cheated and left and he is punished for that. I can't believe that justice allowed it.
  #2  
Old 07.02.2019, 23:08
fatmanfilms's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Verbier
Posts: 17,623
Groaned at 281 Times in 230 Posts
Thanked 14,988 Times in 8,349 Posts
fatmanfilms has a reputation beyond reputefatmanfilms has a reputation beyond reputefatmanfilms has a reputation beyond reputefatmanfilms has a reputation beyond reputefatmanfilms has a reputation beyond reputefatmanfilms has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

Quote:
View Post
I m looking for a help from fathers who won in a court a joint custody of their children. It seems that in ch the courts are exclusively in favour of the mothers no matter what they do. My bf has been fighting for 3 years and all his got is 3h every 2 weeks. It is his wife who left while she was 4 months pregnant for another man with whom she has had another child. The son of my bf calls the other guy daddy. My bf is only the sponsor: he pays very high alimony. She cheated and left and he is punished for that. I can't believe that justice allowed it.
No fault divorce in CH, what someone did is irrelevant.
The following 4 users would like to thank fatmanfilms for this useful post:
  #3  
Old 07.02.2019, 23:53
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: ZH
Posts: 4,428
Groaned at 30 Times in 26 Posts
Thanked 6,026 Times in 2,468 Posts
doropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

Yes, Fatmanfilms is right. Exceptions in the case of domestic violence, sexual or verbal abuse, in which case the victim is afforded some protection.

Moreover, the two issues "payment of maintenance" and "parent-child contact" are treated as two separate matters. The duty to pay what the Court ordered exists whether or not the paying parent also sees the child. Likewise, the child's right to see both parents exists and can be asserted even if a parent does not fulfil his/her financial obligations.

What counts in Switzerland is "the best interests of the child". Not of either parent.

Accirdingly, any application is more likely to succeed when the proposed change can be shown to be better for the child, and is more likely to fail when the parent making the application is claiming rights or wants of his/her own rather than those of the child.

Last edited by doropfiz; 08.02.2019 at 00:05.
The following 9 users would like to thank doropfiz for this useful post:
  #4  
Old 08.02.2019, 07:13
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Zurich
Posts: 11,403
Groaned at 632 Times in 466 Posts
Thanked 15,270 Times in 5,982 Posts
Chuff has a reputation beyond reputeChuff has a reputation beyond reputeChuff has a reputation beyond reputeChuff has a reputation beyond reputeChuff has a reputation beyond reputeChuff has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

Quote:
View Post
I m looking for a help from fathers who won in a court a joint custody of their children. It seems that in ch the courts are exclusively in favour of the mothers no matter what they do. My bf has been fighting for 3 years and all his got is 3h every 2 weeks. It is his wife who left while she was 4 months pregnant for another man with whom she has had another child. The son of my bf calls the other guy daddy. My bf is only the sponsor: he pays very high alimony. She cheated and left and he is punished for that. I can't believe that justice allowed it.
Maybe first he can work on reducing the 'very high' alimony that he pays?
This user would like to thank Chuff for this useful post:
  #5  
Old 08.02.2019, 07:26
Medea Fleecestealer's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Misery, but not the SoT one
Posts: 20,059
Groaned at 349 Times in 264 Posts
Thanked 14,595 Times in 8,388 Posts
Medea Fleecestealer has a reputation beyond reputeMedea Fleecestealer has a reputation beyond reputeMedea Fleecestealer has a reputation beyond reputeMedea Fleecestealer has a reputation beyond reputeMedea Fleecestealer has a reputation beyond reputeMedea Fleecestealer has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

"How is custody organised?

The divorce court settles the rights and obligations of parents, in particular concerning parental responsibility and the child’s residence, contact or the sharing of parental duties, and the child support contribution. Normally, the parents are given joint parental responsibility.

Sole custody is only awarded to the mother or the father in specific cases. The child’s welfare is the main priority. If the child’s interests require specific protection, the court awards custody to only one parent.

If there is a significant change in circumstances, a reassessment can be made of who should be assigned parental responsibility. If the parents agree, the child protection authority is responsible for this assessment, and if the parent cannot agree, the court decides."

https://www.ch.ch/en/divorce-parental-authority/

And see here for maintenance contributions info:

https://www.ch.ch/en/divorce-and-mai...contributions/
This user would like to thank Medea Fleecestealer for this useful post:
  #6  
Old 08.02.2019, 07:43
Belgianmum's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Neuchâtel
Posts: 10,255
Groaned at 121 Times in 110 Posts
Thanked 14,601 Times in 6,434 Posts
Belgianmum has a reputation beyond reputeBelgianmum has a reputation beyond reputeBelgianmum has a reputation beyond reputeBelgianmum has a reputation beyond reputeBelgianmum has a reputation beyond reputeBelgianmum has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

Quote:
View Post
"How is custody organised?

The divorce court settles the rights and obligations of parents, in particular concerning parental responsibility and the child’s residence, contact or the sharing of parental duties, and the child support contribution. Normally, the parents are given joint parental responsibility.

Sole custody is only awarded to the mother or the father in specific cases. The child’s welfare is the main priority. If the child’s interests require specific protection, the court awards custody to only one parent.

If there is a significant change in circumstances, a reassessment can be made of who should be assigned parental responsibility. If the parents agree, the child protection authority is responsible for this assessment, and if the parent cannot agree, the court decides."

https://www.ch.ch/en/divorce-parental-authority/

And see here for maintenance contributions info:

https://www.ch.ch/en/divorce-and-mai...contributions/
That’s not a very accurate translation from the French. It uses custody as a translation of ‘autorité parentale’ without specifying what type of custody. You have legal custody which relates to the decision making for all things related to the child and you have physical custody which relates to the place where the child resides.
Shared parental authority (legal custody) is the norm in Switzerland but that does not necessarily mean shared physical custody.

It seems in this case that the op’s case the parents were not married so there is no ‘divorce’ as such just the childcare and visitation rights to be taken into account.
The following 5 users would like to thank Belgianmum for this useful post:
  #7  
Old 08.02.2019, 10:08
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Ostschweiz
Posts: 7,155
Groaned at 237 Times in 202 Posts
Thanked 8,653 Times in 4,523 Posts
Urs Max has a reputation beyond reputeUrs Max has a reputation beyond reputeUrs Max has a reputation beyond reputeUrs Max has a reputation beyond reputeUrs Max has a reputation beyond reputeUrs Max has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

Quote:
It seems in this case that the op’s case the parents were not married
Nope.

Quote:
It is his wife who left while she was 4 months pregnant
  #8  
Old 08.02.2019, 10:19
22 yards's Avatar
Only in moderation
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Basel-Land
Posts: 8,290
Groaned at 242 Times in 195 Posts
Thanked 15,378 Times in 6,347 Posts
22 yards has a reputation beyond repute22 yards has a reputation beyond repute22 yards has a reputation beyond repute22 yards has a reputation beyond repute22 yards has a reputation beyond repute22 yards has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

Quote:
View Post
Maybe first he can work on reducing the 'very high' alimony that he pays?
That's not really the point, is it? I bet if you asked the OP's boyfriend whether he'd rather see his child at least 50% of the time, or pay less alimony, he would pick box #1.
  #9  
Old 08.02.2019, 11:02
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Zurich
Posts: 11,403
Groaned at 632 Times in 466 Posts
Thanked 15,270 Times in 5,982 Posts
Chuff has a reputation beyond reputeChuff has a reputation beyond reputeChuff has a reputation beyond reputeChuff has a reputation beyond reputeChuff has a reputation beyond reputeChuff has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

Quote:
View Post
That's not really the point, is it? I bet if you asked the OP's boyfriend whether he'd rather see his child at least 50% of the time, or pay less alimony, he would pick box #1.
Maybe his wife would be willing to give him more time with the kid than a pitiful 3 hours per 2 weeks if the gravy train wasn't quite so gravy.
  #10  
Old 08.02.2019, 11:13
MsWorWoo's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Zürich Nord
Posts: 1,805
Groaned at 48 Times in 28 Posts
Thanked 2,868 Times in 1,085 Posts
MsWorWoo has a reputation beyond reputeMsWorWoo has a reputation beyond reputeMsWorWoo has a reputation beyond reputeMsWorWoo has a reputation beyond reputeMsWorWoo has a reputation beyond reputeMsWorWoo has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

By being the primary carer before the divorce. If he was the stay at home dad while she went out to work then he is likely to get primary residency.
The following 2 users would like to thank MsWorWoo for this useful post:
  #11  
Old 08.02.2019, 11:22
st2lemans's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Lugano
Posts: 26,025
Groaned at 1,619 Times in 1,245 Posts
Thanked 30,193 Times in 14,416 Posts
st2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond reputest2lemans has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

Quote:
View Post
By being the primary carer before the divorce. If he was the stay at home dad while she went out to work then he is likely to get primary residency.
Yes, that happened to a friend.

Another possibility is if the mother gives it to him, I know of two cases where that happened.

Tom
This user would like to thank st2lemans for this useful post:
  #12  
Old 08.02.2019, 12:17
Belgianmum's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Neuchâtel
Posts: 10,255
Groaned at 121 Times in 110 Posts
Thanked 14,601 Times in 6,434 Posts
Belgianmum has a reputation beyond reputeBelgianmum has a reputation beyond reputeBelgianmum has a reputation beyond reputeBelgianmum has a reputation beyond reputeBelgianmum has a reputation beyond reputeBelgianmum has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

Quote:
View Post
By being the primary carer before the divorce. If he was the stay at home dad while she went out to work then he is likely to get primary residency.
That doesn’t seem very likely in this case since his wife left him when she was four months pregnant and before the baby was born.

Quote:
View Post
Nope.
Yep, I got mixed up. The op is not married to the guy, the guy was married to the mother of the child.
This user would like to thank Belgianmum for this useful post:
  #13  
Old 08.02.2019, 12:51
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Vaud
Posts: 2,435
Groaned at 139 Times in 96 Posts
Thanked 4,018 Times in 1,535 Posts
Mikers has a reputation beyond reputeMikers has a reputation beyond reputeMikers has a reputation beyond reputeMikers has a reputation beyond reputeMikers has a reputation beyond reputeMikers has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

Quote:
View Post
I m looking for a help from fathers who won in a court a joint custody of their children. It seems that in ch the courts are exclusively in favour of the mothers no matter what they do. My bf has been fighting for 3 years and all his got is 3h every 2 weeks. It is his wife who left while she was 4 months pregnant for another man with whom she has had another child. The son of my bf calls the other guy daddy. My bf is only the sponsor: he pays very high alimony. She cheated and left and he is punished for that. I can't believe that justice allowed it.
This is very sad and catastrophically unfair. As the woman left for anither man before even having the child then the father should be given priority in the arrangement and that he gets 3 hours every two weeks makes comedy of the legal process.

What stops the woman getting a job and taking the 3 hours every 2 weeks her side I wonder.
  #14  
Old 08.02.2019, 13:46
22 yards's Avatar
Only in moderation
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Basel-Land
Posts: 8,290
Groaned at 242 Times in 195 Posts
Thanked 15,378 Times in 6,347 Posts
22 yards has a reputation beyond repute22 yards has a reputation beyond repute22 yards has a reputation beyond repute22 yards has a reputation beyond repute22 yards has a reputation beyond repute22 yards has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

Quote:
View Post
Maybe his wife would be willing to give him more time with the kid than a pitiful 3 hours per 2 weeks if the gravy train wasn't quite so gravy.
Let me get this straight: the father should apply to cut the alimony he pays in the hope that the reduced payment would influence the mother to become more cooperative, and let him see more of their child...

OP: On the subject of access, three hours every 14 days is suspiciously little time. Usually the father would be allowed at least a full weekend (including two or three nights) every fortnight with his child. Did something untoward happen between your boyfriend and his ex, or his child? If not, there should certainly be grounds to request more access, through the courts if your boyfriend's ex refuses.
__________________
Partially impartial
The following 4 users would like to thank 22 yards for this useful post:
  #15  
Old 08.02.2019, 15:02
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Zurich
Posts: 11,403
Groaned at 632 Times in 466 Posts
Thanked 15,270 Times in 5,982 Posts
Chuff has a reputation beyond reputeChuff has a reputation beyond reputeChuff has a reputation beyond reputeChuff has a reputation beyond reputeChuff has a reputation beyond reputeChuff has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

Quote:
View Post
Let me get this straight: the father should apply to cut the alimony he pays in the hope that the reduced payment would influence the mother to become more cooperative, and let him see more of their child...
She can hardly cut him out any further of the kids life any further for reducing her payments without maliciously making up BS stories about why he shouldn't be seeing the child at all... can she? I would hit her in the wallet because it sounds like she thinks she is holding all of the cards and dictating the situation (unless he is the actual cause of the 3 hour fortnightly viewing in which case that is different).
  #16  
Old 09.02.2019, 17:36
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: ZH
Posts: 4,428
Groaned at 30 Times in 26 Posts
Thanked 6,026 Times in 2,468 Posts
doropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

It seems to me this thread is a sequel to
https://www.englishforum.ch/family-m...al-issues.html
This user would like to thank doropfiz for this useful post:
  #17  
Old 09.02.2019, 18:45
ZuriRollt's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Zürich
Posts: 4,020
Groaned at 108 Times in 80 Posts
Thanked 4,548 Times in 2,047 Posts
ZuriRollt has a reputation beyond reputeZuriRollt has a reputation beyond reputeZuriRollt has a reputation beyond reputeZuriRollt has a reputation beyond reputeZuriRollt has a reputation beyond reputeZuriRollt has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

Quote:
View Post
I m looking for a help from fathers who won in a court a joint custody of their children. It seems that in ch the courts are exclusively in favour of the mothers no matter what they do. My bf has been fighting for 3 years and all his got is 3h every 2 weeks. It is his wife who left while she was 4 months pregnant for another man with whom she has had another child. The son of my bf calls the other guy daddy. My bf is only the sponsor: he pays very high alimony. She cheated and left and he is punished for that. I can't believe that justice allowed it.
I'm sorry, have read your post several times, but can't grasp the situation, particularly gender related.

If you'd like to articulate? Otherwise I hope you got good advice from previous posts, otherwise there is a good link:

https://www.itv.com/jeremykyle/be-a-guest
  #18  
Old 09.02.2019, 19:34
Sky's Avatar
Sky Sky is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Somewhere special far away
Posts: 3,903
Groaned at 47 Times in 33 Posts
Thanked 5,614 Times in 2,195 Posts
Sky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

Is this thread related to your other thread?

https://www.englishforum.ch/family-m...al-issues.html

….if so it throws a completely different light on your story
This user would like to thank Sky for this useful post:
  #19  
Old 09.02.2019, 20:25
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: ZH
Posts: 4,428
Groaned at 30 Times in 26 Posts
Thanked 6,026 Times in 2,468 Posts
doropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond reputedoropfiz has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

Quote:
View Post
I'm sorry, have read your post several times, but can't grasp the situation, particularly gender related
]
ZuriRollt, I agree that it is confusing. I've read both threads, too, and I'm still not sure what their aim is.

I think it goes like this.

Bob and Sue are married.
Sue wanted to have a baby, but Bob is infertile, so Sue and Bob agreed to using sperm from a donor, Max.
Sue got pregnant.

Before the baby (Petros) was born, however, Sue left Bob.

Bob and Sue are separated but not divorced. The Court set a monthly amount of maintenance that Bob must pay Sue for Petros (and possibly for Sue, too, since Petros is still very young).

The Court also specified that Bob can see Petros for 3 hours every second weekend, and that this visit must take place under supervision.

Petros is legally Bob's child, since born in wedlock. A paternity test would show that Bob is not the biological father, but that fact is already known, and does not diminish Bob's rights and duties as a father, since he had agreed to the use of a donor.

Next, Sue moved in with Alfred. She conceived again, and bore Alfred's child (Leila).
Sue, Alfred, Petros and Leila live as a family, and both small children see Alfred as their father.

Petros has, in some sense, three fathers: Max, Bob and Alfred.

Bob is in two minds about what he wants (at least as far as I can understand from OP). On one hand, since he is infertile, he sees that Petros is the only child he is ever likely to have, and wants more contact with him. On the other hand, he resents having to pay maintenance for a child he doesn't see much. Even so, he has spent a great deal of money already, on lawyers, trying either to sever the ties to Petros or to gain dual custody of Petros, shared with Sue.

This has been going on for three years.

Bob now has a new partner, Greta.
Greta would like to have children and so Bob is undergoing fertility treatment, so far to no avail.

Greta has a sister, Ava. Ava is OP, who had started two threads on this forum, about the same matter, because she is worried about Greta's future.

Ava (or Greta) might like Bob to have more access to Petros (so Greta would at least be a step-mother since she is unlikely ever to get pregnant if she stays with Bob and does not, herself, choose the route of a donor... to which Bob is unlikely to agree, given his experience with Sue and Petros). Or else Ava (or Greta) would like Bob to be financially relieved of any duty to Sue and to Petros, or else that Alfred adopt Petros so that he would, as Ava (or Greta) imagines, no longer be part of Bob's life.

"Ava", please correct me if I've misunderstood any part of your story.

PS. I've realised that OP may not be Greta's sister but her brother. In that case, not Ava, but Kevin.

PPS. Perhaps OP is, in fact, Greta and there may be no Ava/Kevin.

Last edited by doropfiz; 09.02.2019 at 20:41.
The following 8 users would like to thank doropfiz for this useful post:
  #20  
Old 09.02.2019, 20:39
Sky's Avatar
Sky Sky is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Somewhere special far away
Posts: 3,903
Groaned at 47 Times in 33 Posts
Thanked 5,614 Times in 2,195 Posts
Sky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How a father can win a custody of his child

Wow!!!!!

Only in thread A, Bob is Greta's sister Ava's boyfriend
In thread B, Bob is Greta's boyfriend

Perhaps OP was just shy in thread and it was easier to say "my sister".

Either that or I've missed a chapter, or it's an IQ test.
The following 6 users would like to thank Sky for this useful post:
Closed Thread

Tags
custody battle




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
How to claim child maintenance from father in England ? Shishi Family matters/health 9 16.07.2018 10:22
Where and how I can get a support for my son from his father Gretha Other/general 3 20.01.2018 21:40
Foreign Father of a Swiss Child ramseees Permits/visas/government 8 02.03.2015 07:28
Any anecdotal cases of father getting custody? tmou Family matters/health 15 16.10.2012 09:12
custody of a child of unmarried parents rachel oconnor Family matters/health 7 13.06.2008 07:59


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 16:34.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0