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Old 28.02.2019, 12:58
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Mental health issue

My son, 48 years, appears to be suffering severe depression. He has not worked or applied for work in 2 years now and prefers to stay in the house, rather than going out. He goes out for groceries and that's about it. He does not socialise at all and spends all his time in front of the computer watching sport or listening to classical music. His wife has tried to get him to go to a doctor but he refuses. She has had to leave Switzerland in order to work and try to support herself and the kids.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how she can force him to get help. Does anyone know of a doctor in Zurich who would be able to go to the house to see him?
I am rather desperate as I am not in Zurich and he won't communicate with me.
Hoping someone can help. thank you.
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Old 28.02.2019, 13:10
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Re: Mental health issue

Truth is that nobody can force him. And forcing him might even have the effect that he distances himself from daily life even more, if he really wants to sit on the couch he can do so.

If possible I think the wife should step up and in a friendly way start helping him find a job, if there are friends she could ask them over or have a child sitter and take him out some more, but we don't know him, maybe he is simply best of by her telling him that she will leave if he decides to live on the couch, just the kick or shock he might need.
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Old 28.02.2019, 13:14
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Re: Mental health issue

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If possible I think the wife should step up and in a friendly way start helping him find a job, if there are friends she could ask them over or have a child sitter and take him out some more, but we don't know him, maybe he is simply best of by her telling him that she will leave if he decides to live on the couch, just the kick or shock he might need.
If he's suffering from depression, it's a mental illness and most certainly needs medication and professional help and not threats or otherwise from his family.
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Old 28.02.2019, 13:21
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Re: Mental health issue

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My son, 48 years, appears to be suffering severe depression. He has not worked or applied for work in 2 years now and prefers to stay in the house, rather than going out. He goes out for groceries and that's about it. He does not socialise at all and spends all his time in front of the computer watching sport or listening to classical music. His wife has tried to get him to go to a doctor but he refuses. She has had to leave Switzerland in order to work and try to support herself and the kids.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how she can force him to get help. Does anyone know of a doctor in Zurich who would be able to go to the house to see him?
I am rather desperate as I am not in Zurich and he won't communicate with me.
Hoping someone can help. thank you.
You can't "force" him to do anything... he is a grown man and unless he is at a recognizably high risk of hurting himself (suicidal) or others (psychotic/schizophrenic etc) then he is free to do what he wants without intervention.

All you, his wife or his friends can do is talk to him and try and make him see sense in getting help. You cannot simply get a psychiatrist to go and visit him at home without his permission.
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Old 28.02.2019, 13:23
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Re: Mental health issue

All those suggestions have been tried with no success.
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Old 28.02.2019, 13:26
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Re: Mental health issue

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If he's suffering from depression, it's a mental illness and most certainly needs medication and professional help and not threats or otherwise from his family.
And so we both start our postings with "if"
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Old 28.02.2019, 13:34
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Re: Mental health issue

If...

Chop the plug off the router and see what he does about it.
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Old 28.02.2019, 14:01
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Re: Mental health issue

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All those suggestions have been tried with no success.
Then it's his life, his decision and you just have to deal with as best you can.
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Old 28.02.2019, 14:37
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Re: Mental health issue

The first question that is usually asked is whether your has son expressed by himself the feeling of being depressed/unhappy/unable do do things.

Of the first things you (or your daughter in law) can do is to try to talk your son's "family doctor" explain him the situation and ask for advice. You can also try to get further and seek advice from a psychiatrist on how to handle this - but he won't consult the "patient" directly without his own accord. But the family doctor is the best point to start - on the basis of the existing relationship as a doctor he may have the ability to get involved.

As someone said earlier, depression can be a serious condition, but it needs to be properly diagnosed, and this needs professional help.

Also don't discount perhaps consulting with some of the mental health associations or charities - they may have advice on how to deal with this. But be mindful of your own son's privacy and ultimately his ability to make his own choices.
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Old 28.02.2019, 16:06
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Re: Mental health issue

I believe in LifeStyle - learning to understand & accept that we can make health just as much as damage ourselves. The genes can not be blamed - there is already everything that is possible in the genes, but the genes react only to the way of life (thoughts, emotions, environment, etc.) ("Intelligent Cells" by Dr. Bruce Lipton ).

Dr. Eric Berg has some YouTube on depression - as a motivation to take control over our own wellbeing. He isn't my favorite though - I believe the ph level of our internal fluids affects every cell in our bodies. If left unchecked, it will interrupt all cellular activities and functions, from the beating of your heart to the neural firing of your brain. In summary, over-acidification interferes with life itself. This understanding and approach is missing with Dr. Eric Berg.

If stuck in front of the computer then why not use this opportunity to educate?
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Old 28.02.2019, 16:16
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Re: Mental health issue

Unfortunately neither he nor my daughter in law have a family doctor, neither having had the need for one which is why I was hoping someone on here may have information about a doctor who deals with this sort of condition.
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Old 28.02.2019, 16:28
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Re: Mental health issue

If he is unable to 'help' himself. Then his wife needs support. If she does not have a family doctor, then perhaps she should find one.



My usual 'first stop' suggestion for migrant women in Zurich is 'infodona' - it's a migrant women's advice service. If your daughter-in-law needs support, then I would focus on her... what information/support/finances/advice can she get to equip herself.


We have a great organisation in Australia called 'beyond blue'. I assume your son has been on unemployment insurance for a period of time and it is now running out - is he supportive of his wife in other ways - does he cook/clean/care for the children ? Remember, if the gender was reversed (Him working, her travelling to support the family) most people would accept that as normal... but for a man in that situation we often have very different expectations. ...
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Old 28.02.2019, 16:31
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Re: Mental health issue

maybe a long shot, but maybe these people can offer advice, or at least pass him on to somebody who knows how to help

http://mannebuero.ch/
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Old 28.02.2019, 16:35
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Re: Mental health issue

SwissPea. I am also in Australia and was hoping there was a similar programme in Zurich my DIL could contact. Unfortunately, after contributing for many years he refused to apply for the unemployment insce. His attitude was that it was dole bludging. Wouldn't listen to advice about it. the trouble is that his wife had to leave Switz. in order to get work that would support her and allow her to send some money to support the kids. He looks after them and well but that's it. cleaning, communicating, socialising doesn't come into it.
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Old 28.02.2019, 16:41
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Re: Mental health issue

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SwissPea. I am also in Australia and was hoping there was a similar programme in Zurich my DIL could contact. Unfortunately, after contributing for many years he refused to apply for the unemployment insce. His attitude was that it was dole bludging. Wouldn't listen to advice about it. the trouble is that his wife had to leave Switz. in order to get work that would support her and allow her to send some money to support the kids. He looks after them and well but that's it. cleaning, communicating, socialising doesn't come into it.
Can it be that he just feels that taking care of the kids is a continuously thing causing him to feel he does not have time to do those things, and after some time the lust to do those things just disappears as some form of self protection. This happens to more stay at home parents, and it is a "trap downwards" to easily fall into.

Have they considered to put the kids in daycare for one day a week, and he would use that day to do some of the things he liked to do earlier, and also to look for work.
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Old 28.02.2019, 16:56
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Re: Mental health issue

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SwissPea. I am also in Australia and was hoping there was a similar programme in Zurich my DIL could contact. Unfortunately, after contributing for many years he refused to apply for the unemployment insce. His attitude was that it was dole bludging. Wouldn't listen to advice about it. the trouble is that his wife had to leave Switz. in order to get work that would support her and allow her to send some money to support the kids. He looks after them and well but that's it. cleaning, communicating, socialising doesn't come into it.
If he is with the kids and you think he is depressed and not even doing basic things like cleaning then it sounds like a case for social services... I cannot believe the mother would leave the kids with him in this worrying situation. Surely she could get a cleaning or supermarket/store job etc in Switzerland where although the money wouldn't be great she could at least be around the kids?
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Old 28.02.2019, 17:36
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Re: Mental health issue

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Unfortunately neither he nor my daughter in law have a family doctor, neither having had the need for one which is why I was hoping someone on here may have information about a doctor who deals with this sort of condition.
Does your son have the (compulsory) swiss health insurance? Does he have a HMO or family doctor model or the free doctor choice model? Because if it's one of the former two he might need to get a family doctor to be able do anything.

As said earlier, you can't ask yourself a doctor to consult him without his own accord. What you can do you can get some advice as a "caregiver" on how to deal with the situation.

If all else fails you can always go big guns and call the Psychiatry department at the University hospital (https://www.pukzh.ch/). Some of their liaison staff may be able to advise you - maybe connect you to social workers. They also may be able to connect you to teams that deal on-site with emergency cases (think people at the border of suicides, severe schizophrenia, etc - but maybe they will look at your case).


Otherwise a quick Google search comes up with this clinic
https://www.praevmedic.com/en/dynasite.cfm?dsmid=513724
I know nothing of this but looks legit - you could try to give them a call. But do check what is the cost, what is covered by insurance, etc
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Old 28.02.2019, 17:45
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Re: Mental health issue

The kids are not young. Girl 20, boy 18, but still studying so reliant on parental support. This is difficult for them too. My DIL is not fluent in German so a lot of work is out of reach for her. She has a rather good job at the moment but it doesn't pay enough to maintain 2 residences so this is a huge strain on her. I will pass on the recommendations of the university hospital and the other site and see what she can do.
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Old 28.02.2019, 18:00
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....I will pass on the recommendations of the university hospital and the other site and see what she can do.
This is the social worker contact at the hospital - they do "advice to relatives"

https://www.pukzh.ch/unsere-angebote...oziale-arbeit/
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Old 28.02.2019, 18:01
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Re: Mental health issue

thank you so much
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