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Old 23.07.2019, 15:05
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Re: Happy - are you?

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Albert Bandura did a lot of interesting work on self efficacy. And I think itís separate from personal responsibility which always seems to carry so much blame.
Many words today are used as weapons to produce guilt and shame. The word responsibility is used to say do your duty. Parents say to their children , be responsible the way I think you should respond. Break up the word and it is response ability. The ability to respond in an appropriate manner. You need to figure out what is the best way for you to respond in your environment not on what people expect you to do.
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Old 26.07.2019, 21:23
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Re: Happy - are you?

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Break up the word and it is response ability. The ability to respond in an appropriate manner. You need to figure out what is the best way for you to respond in your environment not on what people expect you to do.
Sometimes the "best" way to respond is different from what one truly feels, and moving away from one's own inner plumb-line can feel uncomfortable (and certainly make one unhappy).

For example, knuckling down to work hard to take responsibility to provide for one's children, financially, physically, emotionally and relationally can - for someone who is exhausted and beset by serious problems - be a terrible strain (even if she loves them dearly). She may still [have to] decide that working very/too hard is the "best" way for her to respond to her children, their teachers, the neighbours, etc.

In some ways, in fact, she may end up choosing to do exactly or even only "what people expect her to do" because that is what is needed to feed, clothe and house her children.

By the time she has dealt politely with the rude social worker, pacified the child whose teacher bullies him, bit her tongue and not spoken the truths that would get her dismissed from her second but much-needed job, suffered the humiliation of her ex/mother/sister/whoever claims to know better insulting her... she may be far, far away from having the ability to respond to the world in what would be the best way for herself.

The more dire the circumstances and the more desperate the needs, the more the necessity of responding to the environment as that environment demands can eclipse the response that is best for oneself.

Put the other way round, having the ability (and the financial clout) to freely choose one's responses (and then to bear the consequences) is rather a luxury.
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