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  #21  
Old 20.07.2019, 00:24
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Re: British nationals - swiss divorce

Thank you all for your really useful information and for taking the time to post. I have been separately advised and they say the same-that I must have the case heard in CH but British law can be applied to the children.

Now I am looking to make the best of it!

My husband has been incredibly underhand in his actions. I understand that the Civil law system doesn’t allow tricks and manipulation because it’s judge led and not adversarial. I feel certain that someone will have an opinion on that! What should I look out for?

I also understand that the children will be interviewed. Can they say that they don’t want to spend time with him - this is true and not coerced by me.

Thank you again for all your help
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  #22  
Old 20.07.2019, 00:30
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Re: British nationals - swiss divorce

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Thank you all for your really useful information and for taking the time to post. I have been separately advised and they say the same-that I must have the case heard in CH but British law can be applied to the children.

Now I am looking to make the best of it!

My husband has been incredibly underhand in his actions. I understand that the Civil law system doesn’t allow tricks and manipulation because it’s judge led and not adversarial. I feel certain that someone will have an opinion on that! What should I look out for?

I also understand that the children will be interviewed. Can they say that they don’t want to spend time with him - this is true and not coerced by me.

Thank you again for all your help

If the kids are resident in the UK for 2 years how would they be interviewed in Switzerland? That makes zero sense unless here is something you haven't mentioned.

The jurisdiction for the custody is where the kids are domiciled. If the role was reversed and the kids in CH and him in the UK he would have to file in Switzerland. I've been round in circles with UK vs Swiss divorce law so I'm skeptical.

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doesn’t allow tricks and manipulation
Well in my own case I have found this is not true and it is allowed with zero repercussions.
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  #23  
Old 20.07.2019, 01:43
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Re: British nationals - swiss divorce

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My husband has been incredibly underhand in his actions. I understand that the Civil law system doesn’t allow tricks and manipulation because it’s judge led and not adversarial. I feel certain that someone will have an opinion on that! What should I look out for?
You should have all your facts straight, and also be fully aware of all your rights without acting arrogant. Yes it is a judge who decides, problem with divorces is that even tho the judge will hold all against the law a lot is still opinion based and the law does not set fixed amounts and arrangements (if so a Judge would be sort of useless and most could just be done by filling a form at a desk at city hall), the law gives upper and lower limits, and how both party's act and present everything and what they all present can alter his opinion more towards a favourable situation for one of the party's..
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  #24  
Old 20.07.2019, 09:22
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Re: British nationals - swiss divorce

Thank you for your advice and I am sorry if I sounded arrogant- please believe me when I say that I am quite the opposite and closer to the terrified, tearful and uncertain.

I am currently engaging a Swiss lawyer and a uk lawyer and the only thing I am certain of is that I can’t possibly afford to carry on more than a few weeks without bankrupting myself. Unlike my husband who is a senior figure in a prominent Swiss firm. He holds absolutely all the cards!

I feel doomed. I owned my own house before we were married. I sold it and used the profit as a deposit for a joint house which we bought 2 days before we were married. We sold that house to buy our lakeside house, sold in 2017 - profits in his account or hidden somewhere. I now live in a tiny rented house with 3 children on money sent by him. If he stopped or reduced my payments I would literally have nothing. I have applied to over 50 job adverts, had 3 interviews, no job offers!!!!
Anyone want my life?
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  #25  
Old 20.07.2019, 09:31
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Re: British nationals - swiss divorce

Keep it civil but maybe try to state the downfalls of a public divorce to him and his reputation in this big Swiss company
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  #26  
Old 20.07.2019, 11:21
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Re: British nationals - swiss divorce

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Thank you for your advice and I am sorry if I sounded arrogant- please believe me when I say that I am quite the opposite and closer to the terrified, tearful and uncertain.

I am currently engaging a Swiss lawyer and a uk lawyer and the only thing I am certain of is that I can’t possibly afford to carry on more than a few weeks without bankrupting myself. Unlike my husband who is a senior figure in a prominent Swiss firm. He holds absolutely all the cards!

I feel doomed. I owned my own house before we were married. I sold it and used the profit as a deposit for a joint house which we bought 2 days before we were married. We sold that house to buy our lakeside house, sold in 2017 - profits in his account or hidden somewhere. I now live in a tiny rented house with 3 children on money sent by him. If he stopped or reduced my payments I would literally have nothing. I have applied to over 50 job adverts, had 3 interviews, no job offers!!!!
Anyone want my life?
You are clearly entitled to your money from your own house plus any percentage growth (or loss) in the other properties that occurred during the marriage. In addition you will get 50% of pension fund & any other assets acquired that accrued during marriage.
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  #27  
Old 20.07.2019, 12:19
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Re: British nationals - swiss divorce

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Anyone want my life?
Had the t-shirt, and you aren't doomed. Hold on to your integrity and children, it is more than he'll ever have.
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  #28  
Old 20.07.2019, 12:58
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Re: British nationals - swiss divorce

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Keep it civil but maybe try to state the downfalls of a public divorce to him and his reputation in this big Swiss company
You understand that if she speaks to people about it and he looks the bad guy she will be convicted? The law is weighted with a man's reputation being higher than the abuse and or truth.
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  #29  
Old 20.07.2019, 13:22
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Re: British nationals - swiss divorce

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Thank you for your advice and I am sorry if I sounded arrogant- please believe me when I say that I am quite the opposite and closer to the terrified, tearful and uncertain.
Oh no, not in this topic. Just don't do it in court (Which you might have never intended to do anyway)
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  #30  
Old 20.07.2019, 14:34
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Had the t-shirt, and you aren't doomed. Hold on to your integrity and children, it is more than he'll ever have.
Thank you- you are so right!

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You understand that if she speaks to people about it and he looks the bad guy she will be convicted? The law is weighted with a man's reputation being higher than the abuse and or truth.
Thank you- that is worth bearing in mind! I haven’t run him down but I so relate to the man’ reputation being higher than the abuse and or truth!

I did send him a text this morning gently saying are you going to be ok going public with this and he replied

“Thank you for your concern. The wonderful thing about the Swiss system is that they recognise no fault divorce. Should you feel inclined to air any grievances you think you may have it would only serve to take up court time and cost you money. “

Last edited by 3Wishes; 20.07.2019 at 16:00. Reason: merging consecutive replies
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  #31  
Old 20.07.2019, 14:48
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Re: British nationals - swiss divorce

I like such answers, polite, short and factual.
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  #32  
Old 20.07.2019, 16:43
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Re: British nationals - swiss divorce

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Thank you- you are so right!



Thank you- that is worth bearing in mind! I haven’t run him down but I so relate to the man’ reputation being higher than the abuse and or truth!

I did send him a text this morning gently saying are you going to be ok going public with this and he replied

“Thank you for your concern. The wonderful thing about the Swiss system is that they recognise no fault divorce. Should you feel inclined to air any grievances you think you may have it would only serve to take up court time and cost you money. “
People often divorce because they need to claim back their own accountability. If you feel justified texting him this, his is the kind of up front answer that you will get and I bet it feels like sh... Abstain from this. His moral conscience is not your responsibility. Your homework is to have your life back. You have to do that even if/when he is unreliable.
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  #33  
Old 20.07.2019, 17:08
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Re: British nationals - swiss divorce

Be careful with texts like that. Also if someone in English means something different then it does in German it will still be against you.

Better to say nothing, even if it's super hard and I fail at it all the time
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  #34  
Old 20.07.2019, 17:17
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Re: British nationals - swiss divorce

If I were in your position, I would not publish what your husband is writing to you in private, on a public forum. Nor your own tactical battles.

I recommend you read all of BLP's threads about her divorce, so learn from what happened to her, about texts of mails, so that you can conduct your divorce more judiciously.
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  #35  
Old 20.07.2019, 17:19
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Re: British nationals - swiss divorce

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If I were in your position, I would not publish what your husband is writing to you in private, on a public forum. Nor your own tactical battles.

I recommend you read all of BLP's threads about her divorce, so learn from what happened to her, about texts of mails, so that you can conduct your divorce more judiciously.
Well he doesn't follow the laws which doesn't help me having little self control to call him out on his actions.

But yeah I'm not the best example of self control.
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  #36  
Old 20.07.2019, 17:23
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Re: British nationals - swiss divorce

BLP, I referred Lava to your threads so that she could learn that what she is doing now, already, which seems to her perfectly reasonable, may be seen differently by the Swiss courts. Just as happened to you.
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  #37  
Old 20.07.2019, 17:25
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Re: British nationals - swiss divorce

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Well he doesn't follow the laws which doesn't help me having little self control to call him out on his actions.

But yeah I'm not the best example of self control.
You may never understand this.

There is no "right" in a divorce. It's pointless to try to convince the other that they're in the wrong. There's also no point in trying to have the "last word". Go to the courts well prepared, and distance yourself as much as you can from your feelings. It's not easy, but preferable to spending the rest of your life playing "but s/he said/did/didn't..."
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  #38  
Old 20.07.2019, 17:27
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Re: British nationals - swiss divorce

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You may never understand this.

There is no "right" in a divorce. It's pointless to try to convince the other that they're in the wrong. There's also no point in trying to have the "last word". Go to the courts well prepared, and distance yourself as much as you can from your feelings. It's not easy, but preferable to spending the rest of your life playing "but s/he said/did/didn't..."
no right?

I point out when someone forges documents, lies and doesn't follow court orders.

That is all factual not he/said she said
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  #39  
Old 20.07.2019, 17:28
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Re: British nationals - swiss divorce

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no right?

I point out when someone forges documents, lies and doesn't follow court orders.

That is all factual not he/said she said
Q.E.D.

I forgot to mention, there is also no such thing as a just divorce.
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  #40  
Old 20.07.2019, 17:31
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Re: British nationals - swiss divorce

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Q.E.D.

I forgot to mention, there is also no such thing as a just divorce.
Our actual divorce was quick, a few months, it was everything after that, was the nightmare.

But in this country people usually stck to the law, so when people don't, the court is more unsure what to do
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