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  #61  
Old 28.07.2019, 07:22
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

Yes my suspicions were correct, and yes we will get divorced. Next step finding the right time to tell the kids. We will do this together and will try to do this right for them. Going to be hard.
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  #62  
Old 29.07.2019, 21:46
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

I’m sorry that I do not feel as much sympathy for you as everybody else does because this discussion seems to me to be a one-sided display.
You and your spouse may or may not get divorced.
Nobody ever really knows what goes on in a mariage.
Regardless.. your children will never ever divorce either of you, so this thread is a rather mean public display about their mother and should they ever find it, it could truly hurt their hearts when love is and will be what they need most.
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  #63  
Old 30.07.2019, 08:54
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

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I’m sorry that I do not feel as much sympathy for you as everybody else does because this discussion seems to me to be a one-sided display.
You and your spouse may or may not get divorced.
Nobody ever really knows what goes on in a mariage.
Regardless.. your children will never ever divorce either of you, so this thread is a rather mean public display about their mother and should they ever find it, it could truly hurt their hearts when love is and will be what they need most.
Quit the moralising. No names or identifying info have been given. The OP has asked for advice and has been given it.

I suspect growing up between parents for the next 15 years might have more of an impact on their lives than the off chance they read some anonymous forum thread and figure out it is about their folks.

EF really does bring out the worst in some people.
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  #64  
Old 30.07.2019, 09:28
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

Sky's advice is very practical considering the next 15 years.
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  #65  
Old 30.07.2019, 09:38
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

To each his/her own opinion.
And here, everybody has one.
This thread only has one side. Nobody knows other people’s lives.
4 pages of comments about this other silent party is quite disturbing.
Then again.. society will do that.

But why would we care? It’s just an internet thread to us.
One of so many here. We’re just ready to all paint it with our own colours.

The potential impact on their children, or on their mother, should they find a thread splashing their life in public is just not the same.

Seeing potential hurt makes me cringe.
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  #66  
Old 30.07.2019, 10:07
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

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Seeing potential hurt makes me cringe.
Not enough to elicit much sympathy though, eh?

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I'm sorry that I do not feel as much sympathy for you as everybody else does
Yes, this thread has only one side, but that's irrelevant to feeling sympathy for the OP, his kids and his wife - it's clear from this side of the story that there is plenty of pain to go round now, and sadly in the future too.

The OP has used a pseudonym, would you care to tell me what in this below post is specific enough to track down, and not like 100 other divorce threads on here?

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She met someone on a business trip. Then did a private trip abroad to meet with him as he does not live here.

She is away with a female friend at the moment, coming back today, then will go meet him tomorrow and stay overnight as he is coming here.

She is not aware that I know. She also wants a divorce.

How does this affect the divorce process ?

Feel like my heart is being torn apart.
So, again, enough of the judgments and offer some practical advice or hold your peace.
  #67  
Old 30.07.2019, 10:12
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

I agree with Sky.

Although no names were given, if his wife starts googling for divorce procedure information, she could stumble upon this thread. No one would like his/her very private life to be displayed - especially when it is one sided.

Cheating is definitely not acceptable. But like Sky says, NO ONE knows what goes on in a marriage. From the outside, one may seem like the nicest, caring and fun spouse, when in reality, once behind closed doors - is the absolute opposite. Of course that doesn't make it right to cheat, but I can very well understand if someone keeps getting dismissed/disrespected by his/her spouse, one could stray.

Imagine IF this was the case hypothetically - and the OP's wife finds this thread....how would she feel....?

I can also understand the OP's initial shock, and wanting to just get this off his chest as men usually won't go running to his buddies as women would. It would just probably have been better not to share the details of how she cheated - that could be identified....

OP - I just really send you my best wishes for your children.
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  #68  
Old 30.07.2019, 10:28
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

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EF really does bring out the worst in some people.



Doesn't it just
  #69  
Old 30.07.2019, 10:52
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

Switzerland is a small country so things can come out pretty quickly. Nevertheless, EF was created to help all English speakers in Switzerland and has done so innumerously. The OP asked for help and support and got it so the forum goal was accomplished again. I don't feel the wife was overly-demonized but, moreover the OP's concerns were addressed in mostly an objective way. Divorce happens in almost 50% of marriages which makes the topic extremely relevant.

It would be worse if the children were to find out about their parents' issues by coming across this thread first. I rather doubt it will happen but it does show the need to stay anonymous and provide facts without making it apparent who the OP is.

We're here to help people which also includes helping those with marriage problems. It goes without saying that any thread posted is open to both positive and negative opinions and can lead to a train wreck but we've got great mods to help control the content. Without them, EF wouldn't be here today.
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Old 30.07.2019, 11:23
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

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Although no names were given, if his wife starts googling for divorce procedure information, she could stumble upon this thread. No one would like his/her very private life to be displayed - especially when it is one side
What private life? She isn't named, her friend isn't named and her paramour is also not named. Her holiday destination isn't named, where she met Mr X isn't named and where she is going to meet him isn't named.

It would be hard to convey any sort of story and be more anonymous.

Cheating is irrelevant anyway, there's no fault divorce here as many have pointed out - it WAS relevant to the OP's question though, as I am sure he thought it might be a factor in asset division after divorce.
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  #71  
Old 30.07.2019, 11:57
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

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What private life?
The timing is very specific and we don't know the ages/computer savviness of the kids. If the OP chooses to have the thread deleted, that's up to him.
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  #72  
Old 30.07.2019, 12:32
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

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If the OP chooses to have the thread deleted, that's up to him.
I fully agree. It is up to him.
  #73  
Old 30.07.2019, 13:04
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

The OP asked for advice and I believe my advice is genuinely kind.
No matter how difficult the situation, the OP will be sharing emotions and events with his (ex)spouse for the rest of their lives.
They’ll share the emotions of their children’s birthdays, graduations, weddings, successes and all events in the rollercoaster of growing up.
They’ll need to find strength, sometimes in each other, to help their children be ok with the new situation. They’ll even need to have a heart big enough to let their children like and appreciate their ex’s new partner when the time comes.

Starting on this difficult journey by trashing the mother or the father of your children in public is not a good idea, no matter how bad you might feel.
Only kindness from all parties, for the sake of the children, will see one through.
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  #74  
Old 30.07.2019, 13:57
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

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Starting on this difficult journey by trashing the mother or the father of your children in public is not a good idea
Please point out the "trashing" in the OP's post.

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She met someone on a business trip. Then did a private trip abroad to meet with him as he does not live here.

She is away with a female friend at the moment, coming back today, then will go meet him tomorrow and stay overnight as he is coming here.

She is not aware that I know. She also wants a divorce.

How does this affect the divorce process ?

Feel like my heart is being torn apart.
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  #75  
Old 30.07.2019, 14:25
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

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..
as females get older they want more from a partner (eg a healthy lifestyle) and the male partner most likely wants to, for example, drink more beer, have new kinky sex, urinate standing up etc. (hence the men who , in later life, prefer eastern european women (who tend to offer things that other women wouldnt..
Wut.

Only for him and his kind.


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  #76  
Old 30.07.2019, 14:32
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

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What private life? She isn't named, her friend isn't named and her paramour is also not named. Her holiday destination isn't named, where she met Mr X isn't named and where she is going to meet him isn't named.

It would be hard to convey any sort of story and be more anonymous.


You are not getting it. I am not talking about the public finding out who they are (although there was already one poster who said he might have an idea who he is and offered to contact him). I am talking about the wife finding out her husband went on a forum about her cheating. SHE will very easily recognize it is about her with the information he shared.
  #77  
Old 30.07.2019, 14:48
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

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Only kindness from all parties, for the sake of the children, will see one through.
This is a highly unrealistic possibility in many cases.

I agree with Stirb, there is nothing untoward or public about the OP post. I do see your point that posts are one sided. Aren't all forum posts? Perhaps we should castigate BLP for not demanding her ex to come on here and defend himself, for example?

If you disagree, feel free to send further reports.
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Old 30.07.2019, 14:54
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

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You are not getting it. I am not talking about the public finding out who they are (although there was already one poster who said he might have an idea who he is and offered to contact him). I am talking about the wife finding out her husband went on a forum about her cheating. SHE will very easily recognize it is about her with the information he shared.
She may suspect, but she could not be certain with the information given.

Incidentally, do you really think it's likely that if she recognized it, she'd have gone crazy at him, therefore revealing his suspicions to be true?

A mind is a terrible thing to waste.
  #79  
Old 30.07.2019, 15:47
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

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unfortunately it is a sad fact of life, most people get divorced.

Get it over quickly to lessen the pain and look forward to your future, and dont get married again.

as females get older they want more from a partner (eg a healthy lifestyle) and the male partner most likely wants to, for example, drink more beer, have new kinky sex, urinate standing up etc. (hence the men who , in later life, prefer eastern european women (who tend to offer things that other women wouldnt, and of course expect a swiss passport in return). that is my experience from my male swiss housemate who got divorced recently. and I have seen this phenomenon with other Swiss males.
Interestingly I found Swiss women in their 40's best for kinky sex, although I recently married an English women in her late 50's & she can do kinky sex too.
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Old 30.07.2019, 15:48
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

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as females get older they want more from a partner (eg a healthy lifestyle) and the male partner most likely wants to, for example, drink more beer, have new kinky sex, urinate standing up etc. (hence the men who , in later life, prefer eastern european women (who tend to offer things that other women wouldnt, and of course expect a swiss passport in return). that is my experience from my male swiss housemate who got divorced recently. and I have seen this phenomenon with other Swiss males.

Really? Quite a generalization
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