English Forum Switzerland

English Forum Switzerland (https://www.englishforum.ch/forum.php)
-   Family matters/health (https://www.englishforum.ch/family-matters-health/)
-   -   Discovered wife cheating what to do? (https://www.englishforum.ch/family-matters-health/293213-discovered-wife-cheating-what-do.html)

SwissOne 26.07.2019 07:01

Discovered wife cheating what to do?
 
She met someone on a business trip. Then did a private trip abroad to meet with him as he does not live here.

She is away with a female friend at the moment, coming back today, then will go meet him tomorrow and stay overnight as he is coming here.

She is not aware that I know. She also wants a divorce.

How does this affect the divorce process ?

Feel like my heart is being torn apart.

Guest 26.07.2019 07:07

Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?
 
Oh mate

Medea Fleecestealer 26.07.2019 07:52

Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?
 
Doesn't affect it at all as far as I know.

https://www.ch.ch/en/divorce/

Question may be how you found out. If it was reading her e-mails then you could be in trouble.

https://www.englishforum.ch/daily-li...-s-emails.html

MusicChick 26.07.2019 08:40

Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?
 
OP - she might as well know now. It is not like that this communication is very discrete here.

SwissOne 26.07.2019 08:54

Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?
 
An email popped up on a shared iPad that is setup with her email.

Ace1 26.07.2019 09:25

Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?
 
Why not ask if you can join in?

krlock3 26.07.2019 09:34

Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ace1 (Post 3085965)
Why not ask if you can join in?

That is a totally inappropriate remark, especially for a moderator. I am struggling not to call you an idiot.

MusicChick 26.07.2019 09:37

Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ace1 (Post 3085965)
Why not ask if you can join in?

I don't think the OP is in a state of mind to appreciate that at least he knows. And get the hell away from somebody uncommitted keeping him in a limbo and drip-feeding the BS for years.

Or what have you had in mind?

Jim2007 26.07.2019 09:39

Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ace1 (Post 3085965)
Why not ask if you can join in?

Probably time to consider your position.

magic 26.07.2019 09:48

Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?
 
Talk to her nicely, I know it is hard and I feel for you.

Agree to the divorce and get it done by mutual agreement and fast.

The more time goes by and the more other parties get involved, especially lawyers the more expensive it will become, not to mention the heartache.

I speak from a position of deep and bitter experience, seven years on I am still not free.

Ace1 26.07.2019 09:51

Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by krlock3 (Post 3085966)
That is a totally inappropriate remark, especially for a moderator. I am struggling not to call you an idiot.

Bloody hell, SOH failure or what?

st2lemans 26.07.2019 09:53

Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by SwissOne (Post 3085940)
How does this affect the divorce process ?

It doesn't.

Tom

Mikers 26.07.2019 09:55

Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ace1 (Post 3085973)
Bloody hell, SOH failure or what?

Normally thats a fair point and I'm the first to make light hearted jokes out of serous situations myself, but something about the way the first posting is made - to me at least - makes this seem that this is a genuinely upset person who has just found out a very very sad piece of information. Honestly, I think the chap needs some technical advice and probably a bit of sympathy right now. I am sure there would be times for looking at the gallows humour side of it later.

doropfiz 26.07.2019 09:57

Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by SwissOne (Post 3085940)
Feel like my heart is being torn apart.

Wow, that's a terrible situation to be in.

Strictly legally speaking, in Switzerland, extra-marital relationships have no bearing at all on the divorce, not procedurally, nor financially. With the exception of physical violence, which is considered very seriously, the Swiss laws and courts do not use the concept of blame, at all.

Emotionally, feeling betrayed may very well have an influence, of course, on how you go about this divorce… if it happens.

Although it might not feel like this to you, right now, it is probably worth talking to your wife, asking her to tell you what's going on and explain how she feels. And if you can muster it, try to do this with as few accusations as possible.

There is always a small chance that you have misunderstood the mail you read, and that there is some other explanation. That may sound far-fetched to you, right now, but I have been there, done that, when the person who was visiting was, in fact, just a cousin and not a lover.

Even if your wife is having an affair or a relationship, it may well be better if you hear what it is about.

If "just" an affair, a fling, then yes, that hurts, yet some couples go on to find out what that is about, what happened that it got that far, what's missing, and some marriages actually work well enough afterwards, once they've spoken honestly about it all.

Even if your wife is having a real relationship and even if she is certain about wanting a divorce from you, the pain about the matter can sometimes be lessened when the parting couple can establish a dialogue about what's happening, or, more to the point, about where things will go from here. This latter is especially important if there are children involved (and permits).

I wish you courage. If you can, try to get support from your circle of friends or family, from anyone who will help you not to do anything rash right now, until you've managed to understand all the information, and to figure out your own feelings.

krlock3 26.07.2019 10:01

Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ace1 (Post 3085973)
Bloody hell, SOH failure or what?

I think the failure in this case is on your part to understand that your reponse is stupid and heartless.

doropfiz 26.07.2019 10:02

Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?
 
Please, Ace1, just stop.

Susie-Q 26.07.2019 10:07

Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by SwissOne (Post 3085957)
An email popped up on a shared iPad that is setup with her email.

Ah... the iCloud, responsible for countless splits and divorces.

So sorry to hear, really. Wishing you peace in this difficult time.

Jim2007 26.07.2019 10:34

Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ace1 (Post 3085973)
Bloody hell, SOH failure or what?

Like I said, time to consider your position!

greenmount 26.07.2019 11:00

Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mikers (Post 3085976)
Normally thats a fair point and I'm the first to make light hearted jokes out of serous situations myself, but something about the way the first posting is made - to me at least - makes this seem that this is a genuinely upset person who has just found out a very very sad piece of information. Honestly, I think the chap needs some technical advice and probably a bit of sympathy right now. I am sure there would be times for looking at the gallows humour side of it later.

You see, the thing with these "light-hearted" jokes is that usually they're not appreciated by those who are on the receiving end.

That being said, I think Ace1's joke was just a joke, that maybe OP will take it lightly - who knows (after all he was a third wheel in this relation whether you like it or not), and most EFers here are not in the position to grandstand Ace. Lots of cruel jokes around, when the victim seems helpless/not backed up by anyone. Just saying.

OP,

Time to slowly move on with your life, think of your marriage as something that was beautiful while it lasted! Maybe some things happen for a reason, she clearly wasn't committed to it and now you know. Better later than never.
As for the divorce, if you don't have children and are in agreement on how to split common assets, it should be a very smooth process. In time, you'll be convinced that it's not the end of the world and there are plenty of women out there.

henk 26.07.2019 11:07

Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?
 
Wouldn't call it a "light-hearted" joke at all, but maybe there should be another thread about moderators making prick remarks out of respect to OP...


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 07:10.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0