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Old 26.07.2019, 08:01
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Discovered wife cheating what to do?

She met someone on a business trip. Then did a private trip abroad to meet with him as he does not live here.

She is away with a female friend at the moment, coming back today, then will go meet him tomorrow and stay overnight as he is coming here.

She is not aware that I know. She also wants a divorce.

How does this affect the divorce process ?

Feel like my heart is being torn apart.
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Old 26.07.2019, 08:07
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

Oh mate
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Old 26.07.2019, 08:52
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

Doesn't affect it at all as far as I know.

https://www.ch.ch/en/divorce/

Question may be how you found out. If it was reading her e-mails then you could be in trouble.

https://www.englishforum.ch/daily-li...-s-emails.html
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Old 26.07.2019, 09:40
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

OP - she might as well know now. It is not like that this communication is very discrete here.
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Old 26.07.2019, 09:54
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

An email popped up on a shared iPad that is setup with her email.
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Old 26.07.2019, 10:25
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

Why not ask if you can join in?
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Old 26.07.2019, 11:07
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

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An email popped up on a shared iPad that is setup with her email.
Ah... the iCloud, responsible for countless splits and divorces.

So sorry to hear, really. Wishing you peace in this difficult time.
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Old 27.07.2019, 08:26
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

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An email popped up on a shared iPad that is setup with her email.
You really think that EF is a place to discuss this?
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Old 26.07.2019, 10:53
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

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How does this affect the divorce process ?
It doesn't.

Tom
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Old 26.07.2019, 10:57
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

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Feel like my heart is being torn apart.
Wow, that's a terrible situation to be in.

Strictly legally speaking, in Switzerland, extra-marital relationships have no bearing at all on the divorce, not procedurally, nor financially. With the exception of physical violence, which is considered very seriously, the Swiss laws and courts do not use the concept of blame, at all.

Emotionally, feeling betrayed may very well have an influence, of course, on how you go about this divorce… if it happens.

Although it might not feel like this to you, right now, it is probably worth talking to your wife, asking her to tell you what's going on and explain how she feels. And if you can muster it, try to do this with as few accusations as possible.

There is always a small chance that you have misunderstood the mail you read, and that there is some other explanation. That may sound far-fetched to you, right now, but I have been there, done that, when the person who was visiting was, in fact, just a cousin and not a lover.

Even if your wife is having an affair or a relationship, it may well be better if you hear what it is about.

If "just" an affair, a fling, then yes, that hurts, yet some couples go on to find out what that is about, what happened that it got that far, what's missing, and some marriages actually work well enough afterwards, once they've spoken honestly about it all.

Even if your wife is having a real relationship and even if she is certain about wanting a divorce from you, the pain about the matter can sometimes be lessened when the parting couple can establish a dialogue about what's happening, or, more to the point, about where things will go from here. This latter is especially important if there are children involved (and permits).

I wish you courage. If you can, try to get support from your circle of friends or family, from anyone who will help you not to do anything rash right now, until you've managed to understand all the information, and to figure out your own feelings.
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Old 26.07.2019, 13:49
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

Air BnB. At least you have 48 hours to pack and move out. Like a ghost. Empty the safe on your way out the door and burn it to the ground.


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She met someone on a business trip. Then did a private trip abroad to meet with him as he does not live here.

She is away with a female friend at the moment, coming back today, then will go meet him tomorrow and stay overnight as he is coming here.

She is not aware that I know. She also wants a divorce.

How does this affect the divorce process ?

Feel like my heart is being torn apart.
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Old 27.07.2019, 03:42
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

Gotta stay calm dude, emotions will cloud your judgement. Be careful about how you speak, don't betray yourself by saying too much. If you are certain that she is meeting another, does she somehow want you to know? If so, is it because she wants you to fight for her, or for you to end it? If she doesn't want you to know, then she is unfulfilled and treacherous.

This may to hurt to hear, but your relationship is failing. It is a horrible feeling, this type of thing happens to almost everyone at some point, although your case seems like a brutal example. You are going to have to fight with passion to keep this thing alive, or if you want a divorce, let her cheat and get evidence or catch her in the act. That may not help legally, but it will help peoples perception of you.

If it were me, I would call her out. I think she wants you to know, either consciously or subconsciously. She probably wants a reaction out of you, however childish that seems. Good luck, remember that even the deepest pits of anger and despair have moments of beauty
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Old 27.07.2019, 14:14
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

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Gotta stay calm dude, emotions will cloud your judgement. Be careful about how you speak, don't betray yourself by saying too much. If you are certain that she is meeting another, does she somehow want you to know? If so, is it because she wants you to fight for her, or for you to end it? If she doesn't want you to know, then she is unfulfilled and treacherous.

This may to hurt to hear, but your relationship is failing. It is a horrible feeling, this type of thing happens to almost everyone at some point, although your case seems like a brutal example. You are going to have to fight with passion to keep this thing alive, or if you want a divorce, let her cheat and get evidence or catch her in the act. That may not help legally, but it will help peoples perception of you.

If it were me, I would call her out. I think she wants you to know, either consciously or subconsciously. She probably wants a reaction out of you, however childish that seems. Good luck, remember that even the deepest pits of anger and despair have moments of beauty
I like that sentence. Sounds like it came out of Wuthering Heights.

Either way, not everyone would be inclined to play some kind of chasing game, OP sounds sad and tired, worried about the kids. I doubt that he was all that surprised by the whole thing, though. Shared IPad? Going straight to the EF with this? Where are your real life friends, OP - hang onto them.
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Old 27.07.2019, 15:03
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

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Shared IPad? Going straight to the EF with this? Where are your real life friends, OP - hang onto them.
Real life friends and family can be a minefield of loyalties at a time like this.

I was very close to my ex-husband's family, but never spoke to any of them about the separation and divorce until it was all over. I believed that he would need them in the days to come, and it wasn't my place to go bad mouthing him to them. They had to believe his version of events or it could have destroyed their family unit. In hindsight, I'm glad I did it that way. They came out of it hating the other woman and having a lot of understanding for me.

As for 'straight to EF'...the beginning of my divorce was played out online by the other woman on a local forum, and that was in 2002. It took a concerted effort by friends to have her account banned and all her posts removed. As long as the OPs posts aren't too malicious, the anonymity can be a way of bouncing around ideas, thoughts and feelings, and 'getting all your ducks in a row'. I believe the OP has conducted himself very well so far and hope this continues. On the other side of wherever the OPs marriage goes, he will need to have a great big dollop of self-respect intact for his own sake.
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Old 27.07.2019, 15:45
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

On a lighter note, on the danger of reading peoples mail.. My wife once confronted me after reading my mail, all of the dating sites I was a member of, all of the ladies waiting to meet me, ladies sending me their private links etc..

Yeah it was my spam folder :-)
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Old 27.07.2019, 15:53
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Re: Discovered wife cheating what to do?

What a shit boring theme. If you want sex counselling get a professional. But not here!
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