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Old 30.10.2019, 21:42
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LAVI- how to complaint against them

Good evening everyone,

I hope you are having a nice evening. I am seeking advice on behalf of a friend. He is going through a very high conflict divorce. His ex is going through all the textbook steps to try to destroy him, character and reputation-wise solely to try and win back the custody of the children that he has. nd one of the channels she used is by going to LAVI to put a complaint for being "abused", by claiming that she was called "liar, child manipulator, despicable" and that "an elbow was shown close to her face".
LAVI concluded that she was a victim of :
Art 126 al voices de fait réitérées and art 180 al 2 Menaces, y menace de mort compris, based solely from her claims.
After 2 and half years of waiting the Prosecutor decided to strike a balance to condemn my friend for lésion corporalles simples qualifées Art 123 ch 1et 2al 3CP
injure art 177a 1CP
menaces qualifées art 180 al 1et 2 1 et a CP, solely based on her testimony, mothers, her psychiatrist and LAVI who is paying for her sessions with therapy by LAVI chosen psychiatrist, in this case the one who gave the report.
In two instances Prosecutor refused the list of witnesses for my friend and also the new hearing that is in December, the court refused the same without an explication.
He is livid, and even though his lawyer says there is no way to complain about LAVI, he is still seeking advice on how to tackle this fundamentally wrong approach that anyone walking in the office of LAVI and claim they are a victim, get certified without taking in consideration facts or the other side of the story.
I would be grateful for any advice
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Old 30.10.2019, 21:45
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Re: LAVI- how to complaint against them

Listen to the lawyer, he knows the law a lot better than a bunch of expats.
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Old 30.10.2019, 21:49
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Re: LAVI- how to complaint against them

It is not the question of who knows better, it is about if someone had a similar experience or knows some other ways, like an ombudsman
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Old 31.10.2019, 02:26
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Re: LAVI- how to complaint against them

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It is not the question of who knows better, it is about if someone had a similar experience or knows some other ways, like an ombudsman
Your posting history would seem to suggest you have far more experience than we do....
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Old 31.10.2019, 06:07
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Re: LAVI- how to complaint against them

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I am seeking advice on behalf of a friend. He is going through a very high conflict divorce. His ex is .....
....
He is livid, and even though his lawyer says there is no way to complain about LAVI, he is still seeking advice on how to tackle this fundamentally wrong approach that anyone walking in the office of LAVI and claim they are a victim, get certified without taking in consideration facts or the other side of the story.
I would be grateful for any advice
My advice to your friend would be:
  1. Do not take any action at all, until you've moved beyond feeling livid. That may be an entirely understandable feeling, especially if one feels wronged, but it is not conducive state of mind for making careful, rational, wise decisions. In other words, first calm down, then think things through slowly.

  2. You can either focus on the battle with your ex-wife, or you can try to disengage from that, as much as possible, and re-set your focus on the relationship with the children. In each choice you make, use that as one of the yardsticks for your decision: "Am I being guided by my feeling that my ex is unfair, unreasonable and cruel?" Or: "Am I working to try to ensure that the needs of my children have first priority?" In other words, engage in the matters with the ex ONLY IF so doing will be in the best interests of the children. Otherwise, try not to stay involved in the trouble she is trying to make.

  3. Be completely sure that you understand all the legal documents, assessments, reports, decisions, rulings, etc. This both in terms of the French, and in terms of what the terminology does, and does not, mean in Swiss law. You cannot reasonably begin to change anything until you know what the papers mean. In this, too, try to separate the matters, to see if there are any parts that are primarily about your ex-wife, but do not actually have any bearing on your connection with the children. If there are such parts, set them aside.

  4. Next, be sure that you understand exactly how your contact with the children is now, newly, officially regulated, and what arrangements there are about maintenance/alimony/support payments. Ensure that you fulfil ALL of those arrangements completely, punctually, just as the Court documents set them out. Do not leave the door open for anyone, ever, to accuse you of not having done exactly what you were supposed to do, in terms of the Court orders (or other binding rules).

  5. Whatever conflicts you are having to go through, try to protect your children from them as far as possible. Tell them, clearly: "You are very, very important to me. I love you. You know that your mother and I don't agree, and I realise that I don't always understand or like the systems here in Switzerland. Even so, I think it's important that you know that it is rational to obey those rules, and so I will. I want you to know, in your hearts, that I am trying to do the right thing. For me, your well-being has priority over just about everything else, and of course I will work towards that, while sticking to the law." Don't spend the precious minutes or days you have with them, moaning about the Swiss law or about their mother. Just focus on their needs.

  6. Find someone else, besides your children, with whom to talk to about YOUR needs.

  7. As far as the issue of custody is concerned, find out at what age the children are entitled to voice their own opinion, and to whom. Find out to what extent their own view is relevant, or will be regarded, should they express the wish to live with you, or to live with their mother, or later change their minds again. In this regard, consider factors of their lives, e.g. their route to school, to their friends' homes, their favourite sports team or cultural focus, etc.. Remember that children and more especially teenagers are typically self-focussed, so that, for them, such matters may feel much more important than with which parent they live.

  8. Calculate, for yourself, how many more years there are. Sometimes, especially if the child is, say, 14 or over, the custody issue is not as critically important as keeping that relationship going, through the turbulent teenage years. Remember that, soon, this vulnerable child will suddenly be an adult (upon turning 18), anyway.

In summary: I am not, for a moment, saying that it is okay for any person to make false accusations against another, ever, in order to discredit them, be it in front of a social-worker, teacher or judge. I am, however, saying that it is worth finding the fine line inside yourself by which to divide the two feelings:
  • "I'm angry and hurt! It's not fair and it's not right and she shouldn't be able to get away with this and so I want to prove my point against her!",
    and
  • "No matter what she does, no matter what the teachers believe at the moment, I am going to stay withing the letter of the law, and love, honour and respect my children, and support and nourish them as best I can. I will teach them, by my example, how to stay rational and oriented towards solutions, rather than wasting energy and time doing battle with someone, if there might be good ways to avoid that."
I think that it is worth knowing the difference, so you can decide where you spend your energy, and whether your doing so is the best for your children.

Remember that many parents are kinda terrified that the decisions they take about their children might not be the right ones, that they might fail somehow, and many find it hard to know what to do next. One way to measure things is to try to imagine which course of action will be least likely to cause the child permanent damage into their adult lives or, put another way, choose the course of action for which they will most likely be able to forgive you for the negative parts.

I realise you were probably hoping for a shared story of someone who has faced such accusations and come out triumphant on the other side. Sorry, I can't offer you that. I can also understand that you may be feeling highly frustrated if it feels like you are losing ground. But I'd like to encourage you: even while the waves of the system are crashing all around you, you do hold in your power the decision of how you next choose to behave, and I would wish for you that you can find ways to keep the damages as small as possible, and to make sure that the conflicts take up the least possible amount of place in your lives. The most likely thing that will change the assessment of any social-worker, teacher or judge, to regard you in a better light, will be your consistent rational, friendly, helpful presence, working towards the best interests of your children.

Essentially, it's the same sort of advice as you were given here: https://www.englishforum.ch/family-m...72-advice.html

Good luck, and I wish you both wisdom and comfort.

Last edited by doropfiz; 31.10.2019 at 06:25.
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Old 01.11.2019, 13:42
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Re: LAVI- how to complaint against them

Thank you very much for these useful advices. For other few users that replied before their posts were deleted, thank you also and I wish you will never have similar experience like mine and my friend's one. And also I hope that you will never receive the same response you gave from others. It is easy to kick someone whilst on the ground rather than offer the hand to at least to get up.
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