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-   -   Anyone wanna be friends? (https://www.englishforum.ch/family-matters-health/295703-anyone-wanna-friends.html)

justintheexpat 14.12.2019 15:43

Anyone wanna be friends?
 
Hi everyone.

Been living in Basel for 8 months really really lonely donít have any friends Iím 23

Does anyone wanna go for a drink any lads a similar age on here to me and girls? Anyone wanna be friends?
Iím really really lonely sorry for posting this.

Jaceq 14.12.2019 17:30

Re: Anyone wanna be friends?
 
I am not your target group ;)
However if you are struggling on that level lookup interesting meetups in your area, it's a good chance to meet people with similar interests etc.

roegner 14.12.2019 17:44

Re: Anyone wanna be friends?
 
Did you try anything people advised you to get out and make friends? Enroll in a course, go to a pub etc?

doropfiz 14.12.2019 18:10

Re: Anyone wanna be friends?
 
Hi Justin,
I tried this: I googled:
guys basel 23 girls let's meet for a drink

and that took me first to a dating site (I skipped that) and then to
https://www.meetup.com/de-DE/Basel-Together/.

Seems that today a group went to the Basel Christmas market, and for tomorrow Sunday 15th December 2019, as many as 21 (!) people have signed up to join the trip to the Christmas market in Freiburg, Germany. Of course, it's usual that some won't actually turn up, but with such a large number, there's sure to be at least someone at their meeting point and Basel Badischer Bahnhof, at 12h20, tomorrow.
All the details (including about how they intend to get a cheaper train fare for the group) are here:
https://www.meetup.com/de-DE/Basel-T...nts/266879664/

justintheexpat 14.12.2019 19:03

Re: Anyone wanna be friends?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by roegner (Post 3129841)
Did you try anything people advised you to get out and make friends? Enroll in a course, go to a pub etc?

No do you think I should go to bars alone? Just feels weird and last time I went out I got attacked and nearly died and stayed in hospital for a while lol Iím so lonely

The only thing I enjoy is drinking lol what do I do 😭😭😭

curley 14.12.2019 19:37

Re: Anyone wanna be friends?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by justintheexpat (Post 3129851)
No do you think I should go to bars alone? Just feels weird and last time I went out I got attacked and nearly died and stayed in hospital for a while lol I’m so lonely

The only thing I enjoy is drinking lol what do I do ������

It is still quite an achievement to get attacked in the streets of Switzerland. :msnthink:

I believe you might be more successful finding people to meet up for a drink or so on facebook than here?

Then do report back: Did you try all the tips you have been given here? And why did they not work out? Maybe you can get more tips on how to go about those groups and meet-up addresses better.

You will not attract people to chat with you when just sending out "I'm lonely". Don't get me wrong, it's okay for you to do that here. But in real life people will notice you if you show interest in what's going on around you. Nobody will just approach you at BarfŁsslerplatz and pull you out of your down. (Except maybe Heilsarmee and the Jehovah's Witnesses but you don't want that :))

In bored moments, think what would you do if you were home? Then go and do the next best thing here.
As to this forum: Take part in other threads which are not about you and you feeling down. Take part in other subjects, crack a joke every now and then. Develop interest, have an opinion, show us who you are!
Practice here, then go and show entire Basel. :D

The world is your oyster but you gotta go crack it. It will not hand you it's pearls just like that. :)

As to those who will no doubt come up with depression subjects and how to handle them.
If OP does suffer from medical depression they should go see a doctor now, it's been going on to long if that is the case.

doropfiz 14.12.2019 20:10

Re: Anyone wanna be friends?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by justintheexpat (Post 3129851)
No do you think I should go to bars alone? Just feels weird and last time I went out I got attacked and nearly died and stayed in hospital for a while lol I’m so lonely

The only thing I enjoy is drinking lol what do I do ������

Wow, if you got attacked that badly, then no wonder you can't seem to face just going out to a bar, alone! I can understand that.

Even so, I think Curley's advice is excellent. You will have to try something. If ya keep doin' what ya done, ya'll keep gettin' what ya got. Whatever you've been trying to be less lonely, up till now, hasn't worked, so your attempts should be at something different.

That's why I sent you the link to the excursion to the Freiburg Christmas market tomorrow. One big advantage is that those people (remember most of them will not know one another, either) are intending to go out in the daytime. That makes it less scary and easier to be with them, or with only some of them, or to wander off by yourself, if you find you don't actually connect to any of them.

For meeting any new person, it's a good idea to think of three things you could ask them, and three things you could tell them. You can practice alone at home, building up a repertoire of info and questions that are likely to lead to a conversation, rather than just a one-sentence response. And then try using some of them when you meet folk.

doropfiz 14.12.2019 20:11

Re: Anyone wanna be friends?
 
I'd also heartily recommend this:
https://www.englishforum.ch/general-...-carnegie.html

doropfiz 14.12.2019 20:25

Re: Anyone wanna be friends?
 
If you do feel so down and trapped that you just can't seem to make yourself even put on your jacket and get out of the house, then yes, perhaps you might be depressed and need therapy.

In addition to (or sometimes instead of) going to a psychiatrist or psychologist, in their practice, there is also a home-based nursing service whereby psychiatric nurses (so, the same people who would be providing nursing conversations and skills training if one were in a clinic) come to meet you either in your home (if that's what is best for you) or in a cafť or park near your home, or occasionally in their office. They can help you figure out what the issues are, and see if they can work with you to remove the stumbling blocks.

To get such a service, you have to have a prescription from a doctor (as you would, for example, for physiotherapy). Often, then nurses run their own small business or network, and they typically know of a doctor whom you can see to get the prescription. This is covered by the basic mandatory medical insurance (although you might have to pay a small proportion, yourself).

Here are some examples of such nurses. None of the following is to be taken as a personal endorsement, as I don't know them and simply googled with "psychiatrie spitex basel".
http://www.undxund.ch/angebot/
http://www.undxund.ch/team/

http://www.fapp-net.ch/fapp-net/ (here you can click on your area in Basel)

http://careandyou.ch/

Here's an article in the Beobachter (a respected magazine about social and medical matters and consumer rights), explaining what such a nurse does:
https://www.beobachter.ch/burger-ver...llein-gelassen
It's in German, so you'd have to run it through deepl or similar.

Naturally, I have no way of knowing whether you're feeling just a little down and lonely, and have it within you to give yourself a push and grab hold of one of the suggestions in your several threads, or whether you have additional matters which would make home-visits from a psychiatric nurse appropriate and helpful.

If you think it might be something for you, don't be afraid to phone around, or mail them, to ask if there's someone who speaks English.

Pachyderm 15.12.2019 01:05

Re: Anyone wanna be friends?
 
@doropfiz -- you seem like a very thoughtful person. Well done. Maybe I should try dispensing that blobby stuff for the first time in my 8 years here.

Rjellsch 15.12.2019 12:07

Re: Anyone wanna be friends?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by justintheexpat (Post 3129851)
No do you think I should go to bars alone? Just feels weird and last time I went out I got attacked and nearly died and stayed in hospital for a while lol Iím so lonely

The only thing I enjoy is drinking lol what do I do 😭😭😭

You serious, Clark?

Guest 15.12.2019 12:10

Re: Anyone wanna be friends?
 
Have you tried Centrepoint in Basel? They have various social things throughout the year and IIRC weekly meet n greet coffee mornings on Fridays.

greenmount 15.12.2019 12:53

Re: Anyone wanna be friends?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by justintheexpat (Post 3129851)
No do you think I should go to bars alone? Just feels weird and last time I went out I got attacked and nearly died and stayed in hospital for a while lol I’m so lonely

The only thing I enjoy is drinking lol what do I do ������

Then it's an obvious sign you shouldn't go to bars alone. You go to bars after you meet a nice company. Maybe you should look more into this drinking thing. How serious is it? I might sound like your mom or rather, older sister, but can't help it.:o
Don't go to bars, go to coffee houses.

NotAllThere 15.12.2019 13:27

Re: Anyone wanna be friends?
 
If drinking is an issue, try English speaking AA. From memory there are three meetings a week in Basel - but you can get definitive information online.

You'll definitely meet some very interesting people -most of whom are without attitude and very accepting.

doropfiz 21.03.2020 01:36

Re: Anyone wanna be friends?
 
Here's a video from "Kurzgesagt" (In a Nutshell) about Loneliness.
https://youtu.be/n3Xv_g3g-mA

A brief overview, including an explantion that loneliness is a normal emotion felt by everyone, more or less, at some point in their lives, and why that is so. Gentle, practical advice from 10:53.


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