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  #21  
Old 15.02.2020, 13:40
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Re: How do I protect myself from my wifes excessive spending?

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That assumes one person can cancel such agreements, seems unlikely to me
With no funds going in, the account will soon grind to a halt...
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  #22  
Old 15.02.2020, 13:54
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Re: How do I protect myself from my wifes excessive spending?

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Should add, yes, I would cancel all joint accounts all credit cards, and I hope she actually has her own bank account that you can transfer into for the living costs for her...

And are you both on the lease/loan for the house ? If loan, make sure you cancel the redraw, and notify them that you are separated. This will lock access to further credit. And if you are leasing, you should inform the landlord that you have moved out...
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That assumes one person can cancel such agreements, seems unlikely to me
This.
And he can inform the landlord but it won't make a difference. Teh "familyflat" can only be cancelled by both and both are reliable for the rent (on in full if worst comes to worst).

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With no funds going in, the account will soon grind to a halt...
And cost charges for nothing.
Call me mean but as long as he has access to the joint account, he knows what's going on.
Wonder if she reads EF too.
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  #23  
Old 15.02.2020, 16:03
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Re: How do I protect myself from my wifes excessive spending?

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Hello Forum,

I need to understand what recourse I have to protect against my wifes spending.

My wife and I are in the process of separation. I have moved out the house. We have a mediator to manage the separation to avoid high legal costs buts its taking a long time ( 2 months already and we dont have an agreement).

I am the sole breadwinner. She can not work (chronic disease), but receives no AI yet.
We have a joined account and we have equal access to the money.
What an amazing guy you are.. Funny that, how a) you have moved out of the house when it seems, she has no AI yet (in other words she has been recently diagnosed with chronic disease) b) (she may have needed funds for her treatment although) you now both have no means of communication. c) the separation is taking a long time, 2 months, (really a long time isn't it especially as she is very sick).

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In the meantime my wife is cranking up expenses that are way beyond our means.
eg. 175 chf a week on femme de menage
She is engaging a lawyer behind my back. (no idea how she is paying for it)
Going out for lunch & dinner
Expensive HairDresser

I asked her today to agree to reduce costs & painted clearly my salary situation (which is decreasing by the way).

She refuses to do that without lawyers.
She has since blocked me on phone & email. Net there is no discussion, and is acting completely irrationally.

How do I protect myself from being liable for her expenses ? eg : Her Lawyer bills. (remembering we do not yet have the separation agreement in place).
If she incurs credit card debt, am I liable ?
So, she refuses to reduce costs without lawyers. She is going out to lunch and dinner because (quite possibly) she can't cook well. She needs haircuts...expensive ones.

My view is that she became very sick and you abandoned her. Then you started blaming her to reduce your guilt. it would be very interesting to know how long you have been married?

Try and stop being a complete **** about it and realize that during this time she might possibly have totally regretted her marriage to you. It never ceases to amaze me how EF churns up these disgraceful characters.
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  #24  
Old 15.02.2020, 16:41
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Re: How do I protect myself from my wifes excessive spending?

There are always two sides of the story when it comes to a couple splitting up. Some of you guys are quick to judge either way.
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  #25  
Old 15.02.2020, 17:19
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Re: How do I protect myself from my wifes excessive spending?

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Hello Forum,

I need to understand what recourse I have to protect against my wifes spending.

My wife and I are in the process of separation. I have moved out the house. We have a mediator to manage the separation to avoid high legal costs buts its taking a long time ( 2 months already and we dont have an agreement).

I am the sole breadwinner. She can not work (chronic disease), but receives no AI yet.
We have a joined account and we have equal access to the money.

In the meantime my wife is cranking up expenses that are way beyond our means.
eg. 175 chf a week on femme de menage
She is engaging a lawyer behind my back. (no idea how she is paying for it)
Going out for lunch & dinner
Expensive HairDresser

I asked her today to agree to reduce costs & painted clearly my salary situation (which is decreasing by the way) .

She refuses to do that without lawyers.
She has since blocked me on phone & email. Net there is no discussion, and is acting completely irrationally.

How do I protect myself from being liable for her expenses ? eg : Her Lawyer bills. (remembering we do not yet have the separation agreement in place).
If she incurs credit card debt, am I liable ?
How crazy to bring this on a forum!! Have a bit of respect!!
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  #26  
Old 15.02.2020, 18:27
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Re: How do I protect myself from my wifes excessive spending?

When you post something like this, you will get a lot of judgement and speculation on this forum. Engage a lawyer, get some advise and then have a chat with your wife. Be sensible and balanced. Protect yourself and be fair to her. Hope things get Better.
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  #27  
Old 15.02.2020, 18:32
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Re: How do I protect myself from my wifes excessive spending?

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How can you jump to these conclusions?
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My view is that she became very sick and you abandoned her. Then you started blaming her to reduce your guilt.
Hausamsee, you are hilariously hypocritical in the most forehead-slapping way possible. You never cease to amuse.
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  #28  
Old 15.02.2020, 19:54
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Re: How do I protect myself from my wifes excessive spending?

Assuming everything is true that OP said, and the other side of the medal doesn't bring anything massively different up:

-Open up your own account. Have 50% of your joint account (at time of separation) moved into it, as well as all future income.

-Pay any expenses occuring now from your own account.

-Send a reasonable amount to your joint account monthly for regular expenses. If you pay all "normal" bills from your to-be-opened new account (rent, health insurance, taxes, water/power etc.) and she only has to pay for food, personal hygiene, clothing, transport etc. for herself (add 50% if there is a teenager in the house, as mentioned somewhere in the thread) then I'd say 1000 CHF is a decent amount, BUT if she spent much more in the past, then better send more for the time being.

-It's a bit unclear to me if you've further expenses which could be avoided (cleaning, for example) and if she just is too lazy or indeed couldn't run the household with her illness. From what I read, I'd assume she's too lazy and/or basically before your seperation, you both just enjoyed having some household help running. If you were fine with that beforehand, then you'd probably have to pay for it as long as your divorce hasn't gone through, too.

-Do not access your joint account anymore, and strongly suggest to her to open her own account as well and take whatever money left in the joint account into her own one.

Good luck!
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  #29  
Old 15.02.2020, 22:43
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Re: How do I protect myself from my wifes excessive spending?

Maybe I'm wrong, but I guess the lawyer adviced her to spend more...

The ex-wife of my husband's friend did that during their divorce (in Switzerland). She kept all the receipts and later presented them to the judge and insisted that it's the quality of life to which she got used.

My husband's ex-wife, keeping in mind the story above, also tried to do that during their own divorce. But because they were married less than 3 years and also lived in Switzerland less than 3 years by that time, she couldn't insist on the divorce in Switzerland. They divorced in their country of origin and all the receipts she kept were useless (everything is just split 50/50 there and that's all).

This is my humble opinion on why she started to spend much more than usually. Hire a lawyer.
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  #30  
Old 17.02.2020, 16:28
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Re: How do I protect myself from my wifes excessive spending?

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Close the joint account.

Tom
Right. Without her signature?
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  #31  
Old 17.02.2020, 16:31
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Re: How do I protect myself from my wifes excessive spending?

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Right. Without her signature?
So don't close it, just empty it and add no more funds.

Tom
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  #32  
Old 17.02.2020, 16:34
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Re: How do I protect myself from my wifes excessive spending?

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Right. Without her signature?
Assuming both parties can access the funds the OP could remove all the monies from the joint account on his own authority. (As could she). No need to close the account, other than the fees.
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  #33  
Old 17.02.2020, 17:03
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Re: How do I protect myself from my wifes excessive spending?

for a bit of balance can you post up all your spending in the past month?
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  #34  
Old 17.02.2020, 17:09
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Re: How do I protect myself from my wifes excessive spending?

This is one of those "just don't be a dick" threads isn't it.
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  #35  
Old 17.02.2020, 17:35
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Re: How do I protect myself from my wifes excessive spending?

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This is one of those "just don't be a dick" threads isn't it.
She has, according to him (yup, we only have his side of the story), blocked him on phone and email, won't discuss anything and is acting irrationally... he has every right to be concerned. Even if he moves some (three quarters?) funds aside as a temporary measure it may be wise to protect them and restart discussions, though obviously he has to leave enough money in the account for her to live normally. It's all going to be divided formally soon enough anyway.
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  #36  
Old 17.02.2020, 17:52
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Re: How do I protect myself from my wifes excessive spending?

Oh I do love a good mansplainer.
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  #37  
Old 17.02.2020, 19:51
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Re: How do I protect myself from my wifes excessive spending?

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Oh I do love a good mansplainer.
I'm happy that you've learnt a new word of empowerment. Now try learning some more useful ones that don't include gender bias that you can put into proper sentences and use to write some actual logical arguments.
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  #38  
Old 17.02.2020, 20:04
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Re: How do I protect myself from my wifes excessive spending?

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Hello Forum,

I need to understand what recourse I have to protect against my wifes spending.

My wife and I are in the process of separation. I have moved out the house. We have a mediator to manage the separation to avoid high legal costs buts its taking a long time ( 2 months already and we dont have an agreement).

I am the sole breadwinner. She can not work (chronic disease), but receives no AI yet.
We have a joined account and we have equal access to the money.

In the meantime my wife is cranking up expenses that are way beyond our means.
eg. 175 chf a week on femme de menage
She is engaging a lawyer behind my back. (no idea how she is paying for it)
Going out for lunch & dinner
Expensive HairDresser

I asked her today to agree to reduce costs & painted clearly my salary situation (which is decreasing by the way) .

She refuses to do that without lawyers.
She has since blocked me on phone & email. Net there is no discussion, and is acting completely irrationally.

How do I protect myself from being liable for her expenses ? eg : Her Lawyer bills. (remembering we do not yet have the separation agreement in place).
If she incurs credit card debt, am I liable ?
Nothing to worry about. Women always spend excessively!
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  #39  
Old 17.02.2020, 20:05
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Re: How do I protect myself from my wifes excessive spending?

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Nothing to worry about. Women always spend excessively!
Hahaha
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  #40  
Old 17.02.2020, 21:03
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Re: How do I protect myself from my wifes excessive spending?

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I'm happy that you've learnt a new word of empowerment. Now try learning some more useful ones that don't include gender bias that you can put into proper sentences and use to write some actual logical arguments.
Ok.

You need to refamiliarise yourself with the meaning of the following:

Empowerment
Sentences
Logical.

To slightly misquote Inigo, those words don't mean what you seem to think they mean. Especially the latter.

Some gender- bias free words: condescending, patronising (though now I think about it, patron, pat - , father?) inaccurate, amusing.
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