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Old 11.01.2007, 11:19
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Husband wont leave apptmnt - just split

Hi All,

I am fairly new to the forum and since you guys seem to know a lot of good info I'm turning to you all for some advice.

Split from my husband this morning. We are both brits. And have a 19 mth old son. Hubby has since told me that he will NOT move out of the apprtmnt. I said that isnt the way here in CH (as far as I know). I told him that it is just until we (baby & I) have somewhere to move into - which will take time to sort out. I also told him that I am not ultimately after the appartment he can have it, but be reasonable in the mean time. It seems that he doesnt plan on being reasonable.

What should my first steps from here be?
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Old 11.01.2007, 11:29
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Re: Husband wont leave apptmnt - just split

it isn't the way anywhere. Woman and children come before man - fact.

Does he have any friends upon whom he could impose? He should.

And this is coming from a bloke.
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Old 11.01.2007, 11:49
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Re: Husband wont leave apptmnt - just split

Bails, I am very sorry to read your post. Are you really 100% sure that this is the end of your marriage? Otherwise, you are about to start on a long and painful chapter in your life - and that of your young son. And your husband seem determined to make it difficult from the start - it usually doesn't get any better.

Is there any chance of talking your problems through with professionals at this? I'm sure there are mediation services/ marriage counselling available in English here...
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Old 11.01.2007, 12:09
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Re: Husband wont leave apptmnt - just split

Unfortunatley this is the END. I thought marriage was forever! Stupid, I know.
Believe me, if it could be sorted out I would do whatever it took This is a long bumpy road that I had hoped would never happen to me (especially with a child involved). However, there comes a time when it's best for all involved to part ways.

Yes, he could quite easily go stay with his best friend & wife. However, that would involve explaining things....they don't think he treats me well either!

He SENT us back to the UK early december (he did the same last yr) and since it was nearly xmas I didn't want the hassle. I returned with every hope that things would be better/work out but that's not the case. And as you say he should be the one to move out but insists that he will not.

Does anyone know of any help available in English?
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Old 11.01.2007, 12:32
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Re: Husband wont leave apptmnt - just split

have a look in this thread; I think there are some links


http://www.englishforum.ch/family-ma...s-divorce.html
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Old 11.01.2007, 14:07
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Re: Husband wont leave apptmnt - just split

Quote:
He SENT us back to the UK early december (he did the same last yr) and since it was nearly xmas I didn't want the hassle. I returned with every hope that things would be better/work out but that's not the case. And as you say he should be the one to move out but insists that he will not.
Hi Bails
Firstly, very sorry to hear about your current situation. I hope it all works out for you.
One thing to think about, it may be better for you to bite the bullet and just move out yourself. From an emotional point of view it may just cost you more energy at an already stressful time if you try to force him out. Lob is absolutely right, the parent with the child should come first and your ex should leave you in peace. But the harsh reality is that he has the potential to frustrate you and you don't need that right now.
It may not be practical but it's worth consideration and if you need a hand moving then I'm sure that there are some people here that would help.
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Old 11.01.2007, 15:55
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Re: Husband wont leave apptmnt - just split

Thanks Mikey. I agree, I don't have much more energy to waste at this point.....lost 2 kgs in one week! Back to pre-christmas dinner weight

However, as I pointed out to him it is easier for him to find somewhere to stay as he is just one person. Whereas trying to find somewhere for me & the little 'un well that's different. I have places I could stay but it would be a few nights here and a few there. Not good for the bub I'm sure you'd agree. Plus he is already distressed by the (tense) situation at "home" and isn't sleeping very well. So would you want to be woken 4 times in the night by a crying baby and get up for work the next day? Me either...but I have to. And I don't want to put that on friends.
And besides, his best friend moved into a new house a few months ago with 3 spare bedrooms!!
He is just being damned awkward unfortunately. Thankfully he's travelling for work for 2 weeks, from Monday. So a breather is on the horizon.

Thanks 2 u all for your comments. It really does help!
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Old 11.01.2007, 16:10
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Re: Husband wont leave apptmnt - just split

watch it - I believe your other half has a login to this site too. Do you share a computer?
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Old 11.01.2007, 16:20
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Re: Husband wont leave apptmnt - just split

wouldn't surprise me. He knows that I found this forum b4 xmas.
Should be fun when I get home then....
thanks for the heads up.
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Old 11.01.2007, 16:33
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Re: Husband wont leave apptmnt - just split

Sorry to hear the news, but a small point:

You husband might be considering that he moving out proves to the courts later that he is not the primary caregiver of your child and you are, thus damaging him in any future custody and alimony battles. I know this is something looked at in the US and Canada, but likely in CH you have far more traditional female rights...

As a side point, I'm not so sure you can move out with your child without his permission (get it in writing!) since otherwise you could be preventing him lawful partial custody of his child...

You need a lawyer! And definitely don't move out till you get one.
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Old 11.01.2007, 17:01
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Re: Husband wont leave apptmnt - just split

Quote:
watch it - I believe your other half has a login to this site too. Do you share a computer?
In that case then maybe he'll take a polite hint and go and stay with his mate. In the long run it would help to difuse the situation and give Bails and the little one some space to breathe. You might not think much of each other right now but do what's best for the kid eh?
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Old 11.01.2007, 21:21
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Re: Husband wont leave apptmnt - just split

Hi Bails,

Please PM me. I will give u a few tips on how to stay in your apartment
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Old 23.01.2007, 16:24
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Re: Husband wont leave apptmnt - just split

Check your PM!!

Keep smiling honey am sure it will all work out OK and we're here to help!

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Old 23.01.2007, 16:38
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Re: Husband wont leave apptmnt - just split

Quote:
the parent with the child should come first and your ex should leave you in peace.
"Parent with the child should come first" wtf? Father is not a parent?
We don't know anything about the situation and we have already condemned the father as the guilty party?

Good luck to both of you.
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Old 23.01.2007, 16:41
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Re: Husband wont leave apptmnt - just split

Quote:
"Parent with the child should come first" wtf? Father is not a parent?
We don't know anything about the situation and we have already condemned the father as the guilty party?

Good luck to both of you.
Hey Mr Rum where does Mikey say "Mother with child", he clearly says parent with child, that could be either mother OR father .
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Old 23.01.2007, 16:45
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Re: Husband wont leave apptmnt - just split

Quote:
Hey Mr Rum where does Mikey say "Mother with child", he clearly says parent with child, that could be either mother OR father .
He whispered it in my ear
Edit- Anyway let's not take the thread off track as the lady needs help. Ain't I a good member for saying that? :-)
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Old 23.01.2007, 16:46
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Re: Husband wont leave apptmnt - just split

plus some other characters needed to make the post.
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Old 23.01.2007, 23:11
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Re: Husband wont leave apptmnt - just split

Quote:
He whispered it in my ear
Careful Rum, I only whisper in to the ear of women who beat me fair and square at Twister, even if they do smiley me

Quote:
Hey Mr Rum where does Mikey say "Mother with child", he clearly says parent with child, that could be either mother OR father .
Thanks Lou for pointing this out. I would say exactly the same if it was the bloke left holding the baby. Rare, but it happens.
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Old 24.01.2007, 08:16
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Re: Husband wont leave apptmnt - just split

Bails,

You obviously have your reasons for wanting the man to move out. Good luck to you. I wish you strength and determination and I know you are going to get what you want.

The first step to getting what you want is knowing what you want. And you are doing the right thing here, increasing your contacts with people who have been through the same thing.

Play your favorite music and keep strong, Lady! Christina Aguilera's "Here to Stay" is in my head (for you) right now.

The babe is lucky to have such a good mommy looking out for him. I know his stress levels will go down soon!
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Old 03.08.2007, 21:20
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Re: Husband wont leave apptmnt - just split

Hi sweetie just read your post. I am sorry to hear about your situation. I have just moved to Lugano 3 weeks agao from the UK and I am a fully qualified counsellor and Psychotherapist and also child and family counsellor. I am not sure if I am allowed to advertise this on this forum but just want to help. I will be setting up my counselling service here soon and I offer telephone / e mail support as well. My Uk website is www.suffolk-counselling.co.uk so you can get an over view of me and if i can help then just e mail ok
Take care caroline
x
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