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Old 13.03.2007, 11:09
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maybe divorce - where on earth to begin re rights etc

I only found out on Saturday about husband's affair.

We're both English & have 3 kids, 2 of whom born here. We all have C permits.

Obviously too early for me to make decision, but I am very very confused and scared. Don't know if any one can advise on these current issues going round my mind? :-

1. Phone Migrationsamt this morning to ask if I am entitled to stay. They said yes, as long as I have a job and can fund myself. Yikes, I am a housewife, so dependant on husband completely. Also said as long as C-permit valid (til 2010) but couldn't say what would happen then? Does anyone know, on average, if in 2010 they could just chuck us out??

2. On the other hand, maybe going to UK is best, but I'm not allowed to leave with my kids without his written permission, is that also correct? Not that I would ever 'steal' them, I want, whatever happens, for them to have good relationship with their daddy. But does make me feel rather trapped.

3. Where on earth do I get good advice from?

4. I went to some place yesterday (don't kbow name, sorry, Kantonal advice place?) where she just gave very general advice, that was obvious really - he'll have t pay maintenance, and not much more, other than the divorce forms to complete. But she did say as we're both British we could get UK divorce. But how on earth do I know which would be better. If we divorced in UK how would terms be enforced.

How do I find an answer to all these zillions of questions??? Sorry, panicking a bit.
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Old 13.03.2007, 11:11
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Re: maybe divorce - where on earth to begin re rights etc

your man is duty-bound to support you and the kids until they are of school-leaving age.

I think there's been a thread or two about this topic plus www.swisswiki.ch does have a page about this very topic, I believe.

Is there no chance for husby to pull his finger out and for you to forgive him?
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Old 13.03.2007, 11:14
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Re: maybe divorce - where on earth to begin re rights etc

Slow down, an affair doesn't mean the end of your marriage. Obviously we don't know the full circumstances but give yourself time to think about this. Get some marriage counseling then make your decision. It's too soon and you are more than likely still in shock so in no frame of mind t make life changing decisions. I wish you all the best.
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Old 13.03.2007, 11:21
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Re: maybe divorce - where on earth to begin re rights etc

I'm not saying I def want divorce, btu I need to find out where I stand and what my options are. I feel extremely vunerable, no money of my own, no friends here, no family, no job, no rights of my own (all inntrinsically bound up in husbands).

I feel very weak and vunerable and need to find out what's what. I am not making hasty decisions.

Of course I know an option is to try and save my marriage, but as my husband is "madly, wildly, obsessively" in love with another woman (his very words to her) that kind of seems a bleak and remote possibility right now.

Will check out links, ta
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Old 13.03.2007, 11:35
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Re: maybe divorce - where on earth to begin re rights etc

Ernst, firstly it's not possible to get a UK divorce:

"Either party can apply to the court in England or Wales for the marriage to be dissolved, provided one or other is domiciled here or has been habitually resident here for at least one year before the application to the court is made. It is not possible to start divorce proceedings within the first year of marriage"

There's some info on the procedure here in Switzerland: Swiss Divorce

From my point of view I think you should separate - what future would you and your children have living under "that" cloud. However, I think the mechanics of divorce are way down the list of priorities. That's a knee jerk reaction to what he's done and there are more important things to think of now.

I have a "Relate" book about coping with an affair which helps put some of the feelings you are now experiencing into perspective. If you PM me with your address I'll send it to you.

Last edited by Yorkie; 13.03.2007 at 11:37. Reason: HTML LINK
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Old 13.03.2007, 11:41
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Re: maybe divorce - where on earth to begin re rights etc

Ernst, firstly to relax and look at your options.

Panicky state = bad moves & choices

Secondly, chances are if you don't have the custody of the children, you husband will still be staying in Switzerland and you'll be missing them greatly.

So at the moment don't think about going back to the UK, yet.

Since you have a "C" permit, you can still stay in Switzerland and your chances of getting a job in Switzerland is brighter than those with a "B" permit.

How's your proficiency in the local language?

Good luck and be strong.
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Old 13.03.2007, 12:32
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Re: maybe divorce - where on earth to begin re rights etc

thanks so far, yorkie, that's be great, how do I get my address to you?

I'm honestly not making any decisions, I just want to find out where I stand, at the moment I feel like a lamb to the slaughter, I need to know these things in order to make decisions.

Gut feeling is I don't want to go back to uk, but don't know if I'll be able to manage here alone with 3 children if splitting up is what happens.

seem to be getting lots of conflicting advice (can stay, maybe can't) etc
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Old 13.03.2007, 13:07
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Re: maybe divorce - where on earth to begin re rights etc

Hi Ernst,
I've sent you a Personal Message so if you reply to that with your address.
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Old 13.03.2007, 13:28
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Re: maybe divorce - where on earth to begin re rights etc

Hi Ernst,

I was (am still in), a similar position as you. See thread below.

http://www.englishforum.ch/family-ma...hlight=husband

Here's some info for starters:

Free Advice: Every Monday evening from 7-9 in the Schulhaus Gubel in Oerlikon there is a free legal aid clinic - go along and get a preliminary opinion - you cannot reserve a space so may have to wait some time. I found this on www.zav.ch

www.helponline.ch

Paarberatung (couple counselling) Zürich
Birmensdorferstrasse 34
8004 Zürich
044 242 11 02

Frau Maja Ernst
Zürich
01 825 33 79
Speaks English and is a divorce mediator. So should you part then it's cheaper than a lawyer.

Divorce Lawyer
Michael Salzer, MLaw
Attorney-at-Law
Löwenstrasse 59
CH - 8001 Zürich
Tel.: +41-44 225 99 33
msalzer@salzerlaw.ch

As a woman with children you are "looked after" here in CH. Feel free to PM me.
Hang in there
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