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Old 08.08.2009, 16:27
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Have a child on the way, but no girlfriend - What are my rights

Hi people,

My ex girlfriend and i have split up, she is pregnant and the baby is due in january.

Although its not the best situation for a child, i am still looking forward to being a father and would like to offer as much support to the mother as i can.

In the last couple of weeks she has became very bitter, she doesnt want me attending the doctors appointments with her, she doesnt reply to my txt messages or emails and although i work next door to where she lives, she goes out of her way to avoid me.

Now, she has brought all receipts from clothes that she had to buy during the pregnancy (bra's, trousers, etc) and demands that i pay the half. If she had came to me and asked for help with money, then i would have been more than happy to help, but the fact is, she quit her job already and is now unemployed, now she comes to me demanding money. I dont have a high paid job by any means, but am putting as much aside as i can in savings for january.

Does anybody know what my rights are? Do i need to pay these clothes for her even though the baby is not due for another 5 months? Does anyone know what i will need to pay after the baby is born? Will i be entitled to see the child although we were never married?

Any further advice would be appreciated.

Tony
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Old 08.08.2009, 16:51
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Re: Have a child on the way, but no girlfriend - What are my rights

Hi Tony,
I am sorry that you guys split up. Is there no hope of getting
back together? It sounds like you need an attorney to know what
your rights are.

I would help the mother out where you can even if she is not
cooperating.
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Old 08.08.2009, 17:33
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Re: Have a child on the way, but no girlfriend - What are my rights

Why don't you get in touch with an organization like this. They should be able to help you find out what your rights and obligations are and will be able to direct you through the bureaucracy of being a dad. Although times are changing, Switzerland still favors mothers (particularly unwed mothers) over fathers, so it pays to be on the ball.
Congratulations all the same on becoming a dad!
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Old 08.08.2009, 17:41
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Re: Have a child on the way, but no girlfriend - What are my rights

Because swissmama said it all, all I would like to say is that I hope its hormones and that she'll get over it.

big hug
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Old 08.08.2009, 18:02
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Re: Have a child on the way, but no girlfriend - What are my rights

An unfortunate situation but there are some things you should do to make sure you get your rights as a father. The first thing is a Vaterschaftsanerkennung, ZGB 260. Basically, according to Swiss law, the parent-child relationship is automatically established to the mother through birth. For you to be recognized as the father, you need to go through the recognition process. That means basically acknowledging the child as yours before a Zivilstandsamt. Once this is done, and it can be done before the child is born, you have certain rights, including visitation, and certain duties such as maintenance obligations.

The mother has the right to child support; she does not have the right for any other maintenance costs. That means you do not have to pay for half the costs of her maternity clothing. That said, it doesn't mean you shouldn't help her out but legally you don't need to and she can't make you.

You could also draw up a child support contract with your ex, stating what costs will be paid by whom, etc. This needs to be approved by the Vormundschaftsbehörde for it to be legally valid. If this is not done but you have been legally recognized as the father, the courts can decide how much you have to pay for the care of your child.

This site explains what is necessary in Kanton Zürich, unfortunately only in German: http://www.stadt-zuerich.ch/content/...erkennung.html

It seems you need to call to find out which documents are needed and then go by the Zivilstandsamt with your ex-girlfriend.

This site has an information sheet in English explaining everything I just said: http://www.stadt-zuerich.ch/content/...nberatung.html

They also provide consultation for working out child support.

Good luck.
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Old 08.08.2009, 18:41
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Re: Have a child on the way, but no girlfriend - What are my rights

Did both of you agree on the having the child?

After establishing your legal rights, you would have to consider a long-term approach towards the child and her/his mother.

I have seen many complicated situations arising from such (for your future relationships/marriage/future kids). Please take your time and it would be best to talk through with your ex-girlfriend.

All the best...
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Old 08.08.2009, 19:29
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Re: Have a child on the way, but no girlfriend - What are my rights

Thanks for all your help, these websites were exactly what i was looking for
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Old 08.08.2009, 19:34
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Re: Have a child on the way, but no girlfriend - What are my rights

Sorry to hear the situation you find yourself in.

If you give your ex-girlfriend monies towards anything (maternity clothes etc.) I would request a receipt from her that you have given her monies or make payments clearly into her bank account in case they have to be proved at a later date.
I don't understand the maintenance laws in Switzerland but that is what I advise my clients in the UK.
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Old 09.08.2009, 20:05
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Re: Have a child on the way, but no girlfriend - What are my rights

Thanks folks, my plan is as follows:

Cash will only be paid if she provides a receipt which i will copy

I will only pay via internet banking so i have proof its been paid

All correspondance regarding payments and after the child is born will be made through email, she has become very devious and i would like to keep a record of all correspondance that she sends me regarding visiting and important information like health and education. These are things i am entitled to know as a paying father.

I spoke to a friend who is going to set up Legal insurance for me, it only takes effect as of 3 months so i am a bit late but it may come in handy after the baby is born should she continue to make demands which i deem to be unfair, knowing her, i think she will try to squeeze every penny out of me ot help her pay off her 10,000.- debt from a previous relationship. I will only pay what i feel the child needs in the way of living, food, clothes, education........

I am looking for a lawyer in basel which specialises in such things and would like to make an appointment this week, i have googled "Familien Advokat Basel" and have also checked through previous posts on this forum but cant seem to find anything. Any advice on that matter?

cheers
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Old 09.08.2009, 20:09
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Re: Have a child on the way, but no girlfriend - What are my rights

Get in touch with the British Embassy, or the nearest vice consul, as they may be able to direct you to a lawyer. Don't forget telephone calls. If you can record them this might be useful.

Last edited by Blonaybear; 09.08.2009 at 20:11. Reason: added phone calls.
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Old 10.08.2009, 12:26
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Re: Have a child on the way, but no girlfriend - What are my rights

Before you pay for your legal insurance, make sure it covers civil affairs; last time I looked into this, I couldn't find anyone who offers that kind of insurance
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Old 13.08.2009, 11:14
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Re: Have a child on the way, but no girlfriend - What are my rights

Someone said it earlier: Vaterschaftsanerkennung. I would discuss this with her and tell her that you will help her with anything reasonably possible if she would cooperate with that. If I were her, I would also not be very enthousiastic to have my ex with me at doctors appointment. This does not necessarily have to mean that she does not want you in the kids life.

Good luck with that!
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Old 15.08.2009, 02:03
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Re: Have a child on the way, but no girlfriend - What are my rights

Nothing will ever stop you being the childs father. unless something very sad hapens, which it does sometimes.

Act like a potential father. If you and the soon to be mother cannot get on now and you resent paying the consequences of your deed then the future is grim for you and rightly so.....

Too many people these days do not pay for their action. That creates an awful society.

Put your hand in your pocket and become the man you were when you f***ed her.
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Old 15.08.2009, 06:58
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Re: Have a child on the way, but no girlfriend - What are my rights

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Nothing will ever stop you being the childs father. unless something very sad hapens, which it does sometimes.

Act like a potential father. If you and the soon to be mother cannot get on now and you resent paying the consequences of your deed then the future is grim for you and rightly so.....

Too many people these days do not pay for their action. That creates an awful society.

Put your hand in your pocket and become the man you were when you f***ed her.

Whoa! You are way out of line here. Didn't you read the original post? This guy is asking about how to ensure he has his rights as a father. There is no question that he is stepping up and taking responsibility for his child. Supporting the child, however, does not necessarily mean supporting in every way the mother. You certainly do not know what went on between the two or who has done what to whom. What is clear is that this guy wants to play a role in his child's life. That deserves respect, not some kind of judgmental voodoo crap like "the future is grim for you and rightly so".
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Old 15.08.2009, 11:12
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Re: Have a child on the way, but no girlfriend - What are my rights

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Nothing will ever stop you being the childs father. unless something very sad hapens, which it does sometimes.

Act like a potential father. If you and the soon to be mother cannot get on now and you resent paying the consequences of your deed then the future is grim for you and rightly so.....

Too many people these days do not pay for their action. That creates an awful society.

Put your hand in your pocket and become the man you were when you f***ed her.
Yes it's out of line here!
Especially the poor guy said he wants to pay!

It happened to my friend, he could not even see his 2nd daughter (first one was 2, and the new one..all new!)
And believe me he has been the best father ever, paying everything, etc...
She just got completely mad and created big mess, family assaulting him so he buys a car, etc...

In 1 year what happened is my friend lost £20 000 savings paying for that stupid parasite (the ex), got nothing, still depressed for good time, etc...

And if we had to give our own personal opinion, the real man would be to tell that stupid ex-GF to off, as she ignores him, reject him as a father, and yet still come to collect money for her own clothes!

His he her credit card???
No.

End of!
And if he legally has to pay Child Support, I would still do every thing I can to prove her behavior and make that money to the minimum.

Thats fair reaction to her horrible attempt to remove him his own children.

And then we hear everyday women are victims, etc... there's no right for fathers in most Europeans society, so why bothering?
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Old 15.08.2009, 16:01
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Re: Have a child on the way, but no girlfriend - What are my rights

It was quite obvious that this guy wants to do the upmost for the child in both being there and financially supporting the child.
We don't even know what actually happened? Was the child planned? Is the exes behaviour due to hormone issues with pregnancy? This is just the start.

I see and am involved in so many split up in relationships as an accountant for clients.
Sometimes you can see the father couldn't give a hoot and has no intentions of paying any maintenance or/and ahs no interest in the child etc. Some times you see the female out to milk the ex for whatever she can get; not for the welfare of their children but for her personal gain and pleasure.
Often hear that "it is going to me an amicable and fair split". I haven't seen one yet and hence my suggestion to get any payments made signed for irrespectable of the situation.
It is a strain on allparties involved for at least 18 years.

One cannot and shouldn't slate either of them and I am sure there is not one of them that is totally at fault.
I just hope that they are mature enough to realise and understand the situation and work things out. Perhaps there has been a misunderstanding, perhaps she has hormonal problems and they will have feelings for each other again.
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Old 16.08.2009, 06:11
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Re: Have a child on the way, but no girlfriend - What are my rights

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Nothing will ever stop you being the childs father. unless something very sad hapens, which it does sometimes.

Act like a potential father. If you and the soon to be mother cannot get on now and you resent paying the consequences of your deed then the future is grim for you and rightly so.....

Too many people these days do not pay for their action. That creates an awful society.

Put your hand in your pocket and become the man you were when you f***ed her.
And if the mother to be refuses to help in the "getting on"? What then?

You're taking a far too simplistic view of things. If the OP had posted, "I got this woman pregnant and now I want to get out of taking any responsibility", then maybe - just maybe you'd be warranted in your flip response to the OP.

But he's already said that he wants to help out the ex-gf. Like another poster said, he just wants to make sure he's supporting his child and not the ex's extravagance. He doesn't resent anything. His ex is making this situation difficult.

And since when does the ability to put your d*ck in anything prove that you're a man? I'll give you a hint - it doesn't. Stepping up to the plate like the OP is doing does.

Morg
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Old 16.08.2009, 06:38
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Re: Have a child on the way, but no girlfriend - What are my rights

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I am looking for a lawyer in basel which specialises in such things and would like to make an appointment this week, i have googled "Familien Advokat Basel" and have also checked through previous posts on this forum but cant seem to find anything. Any advice on that matter?

cheers
You can look up one at http://www.swisslawyers.com/.

Good Luck. Hope the two of you will find a good solution together - in the end your child will benefit of a stable situation.
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Old 17.08.2009, 09:59
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Re: Have a child on the way, but no girlfriend - What are my rights

Ignore Bravesocks....he is a troll of the worst kind and will be lapping up the attention right now
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Old 17.08.2009, 13:08
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Re: Have a child on the way, but no girlfriend - What are my rights

Hey congrats to you on both becoming a father and trying to do what's right. I hope you can both make this work. It would be best of course if you can get along, for the kid's sake, but try to see the big picture and stay strong either way. Remember your ex is having a difficult time dealing with it too, and that's where the bitterness is most likely coming from.

It's not easy being a father these days, in any situation. There's plenty of support out there- just remember to ask for help when you need it.

Good luck to you all.
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