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Old 24.08.2009, 09:59
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What wrong to be a single child?

The title says it all..

Why a woman have to want to have children? If you don't have one and don't want it, you have people who has to tell you how wrong it is, and how you should live your life with kids and not being selfish, bla bla bla.

If you have a child, they ask you right away not IF but WHEN you will get the second one. If you have enough guts to say you don't want a second one, HORROR!

How dare you bring a child in this world and being so selfish to not want to give a sibling to that poor only, should I say lonely child?



This is a personal decision, it shouldn't be someone else business.
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Old 24.08.2009, 10:01
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Re: What wrong to be a single child?

It is a personal decision - and many of my friends are sticking with having 1 child or none at all.

i tend to find its the older generation that always ask - whens the next one then
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Old 24.08.2009, 10:03
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Re: What wrong to be a single child?

TBH I personally dont think this is such a big thing. People are naturally curious. If you are single they say "when are you getting a bf", if you have a bf "when is the big day" once your married "when will we hear the sound of tiny footsteps", when you have one "when is the second..." etc etc etc. Some people are like that and say it as they are probably at a bit of a loss as to what to say to you (especially someone from an older generation). But its more cliche than fact I think. We have one child and I have never been asked when is a second coming, possibly at some stage someone might ask it and when they do it wont bother me in the slightest.

If you let yourself get worked up by the smallest things then you will never cope with the real big things.

Ignore them Nil.
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Old 24.08.2009, 10:05
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Re: What wrong to be a single child?

We keep getting asked the same thing which is then followed up with "it's a shame for them to be on their own, isn't it..?"

My son very rarely gets an opportunity to be on his own - he's at nursery most of the week and has a plethora of fellow toddler pals for the weekend.

I don't think I could go through the whole sleepless nights for a second (or third) time round.
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Old 24.08.2009, 10:05
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Re: What wrong to be a single child?

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The title says it all..

Why a woman have to want to have children? If you don't have one and don't want it, you have people who has to tell you how wrong it is, and how you should live your life with kids and not being selfish, bla bla bla.

If you have a child, they ask you right away not IF but WHEN you will get the second one. If you have enough guts to say you don't want a second one, HORROR!

How dare you bring a child in this world and being so selfish to not want to give a sibling to that poor only, should I say lonely child?



This is a personal decision, it shouldn't be someone else business.

I agree -- a personal decision. You really are not selfish. Everyone is individual and needs to honor that. We are all different. Some mothers can deal with 4 or 5 kids Good on them! It takes a particular temperament.

I would ignore the passing comments and try not to let them get under your skin.
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Old 24.08.2009, 10:07
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Re: What wrong to be a single child?

I wish if it was true in my case, but most of the time, it's girls my age who seem totally in shock to hear me saying I'm totally fine and happy with my princess.

I believe I'm a very good mother, and I know I am not going to be as good with two kids. I see so many mothers with 2 or more kids completely exausted.
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Old 24.08.2009, 10:09
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Re: What wrong to be a single child?

There is nothing morally wrong with having a single child, for many it's the best option financially and so that they can focus all their love and attention on that one child. However, as a single child, I always wanted a brother or sister, it can be very lonely as an only child, even with the best and most attentive parents in the world.

The plus sides however is that I never wanted for anything, have a hugely vivid imasgination, and the ability to entertain myself for hours, days even without company. I do not get bored easily.
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Old 24.08.2009, 10:14
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Re: What wrong to be a single child?

I can call myself a single child as well, even if I have a brother. When I was 4, my parents got divorce, and get that, the judge decided to divorce to children as well, so I went with my mom, and my brother with my dad.

I grow up as a single child, I was like richdog. I learn to play by myself and I don't mind to be on my own. I'm very social and love to be around people. But if I'm alone, I'm good on my own.
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Old 24.08.2009, 10:20
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Re: What wrong to be a single child?

I think nosy busy bodies should stop and think before asking insensitive questions like 'when are you having kids' or 'when are you having another' some people can't have them some people may only be able to have one - there are a whole load of 'other' reasons going on in peoples private lives which makes these questions flippant and insensitive
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Old 24.08.2009, 10:28
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Re: What wrong to be a single child?

I respect everyone's decision to have none, 1 or many children - our decision was to have none and we certainly had lots of pressure and questions. We asked people to respect our decision, some did willingly and some more reluctantly.

I must add that as an only child I still today often wish that I had a brother or sister to help care for them. Having said that, many large families end up with only 1 child taking responsibility for aging parents anyway so there is no guarantee.

If there is one thing I would say to anyone only having 1 child, PLEASE be sure to put money aside for your retirement, DO NOT become a financial burden on your child!

Cheers
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Old 24.08.2009, 10:28
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Re: What wrong to be a single child?

Curiosity is a lame excuse for asking anyone when a Mother and Father of one child are having another baby - with miscarriages on the up, many women having fertility treatment, someone ill in the family - there are so many reasons why a couple are not having anther child other than just choosing not to have one. People really should mind their own business and really should know better - for those very reasons, I wouldn't dream of asking anyone *when* are you having the next.

Do you not think though Nil, that often the older generation have often regretted not having more kids if they have had only one or two.. if so, it's probably just a projection on to you.. fill the world with babies.. and anyway Nil you shouldn't just have another one, you should have seven

Nicky - great minds think alike
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Old 24.08.2009, 10:30
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Re: What wrong to be a single child?

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I wish if it was true in my case, but most of the time, it's girls my age who seem totally in shock to hear me saying I'm totally fine and happy with my princess.

I believe I'm a very good mother, and I know I am not going to be as good with two kids. I see so many mothers with 2 or more kids completely exausted.
I know a lot of women (and men) who grew up as only children and they seem to be the ones who always wanted a house full of kids. Those of us who grew up with many siblings seem to be content with smaller families.

It is really very rude of others to ask if you are having more children. But you should not feel the need to apologize that you are happy with your daughter.
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Old 24.08.2009, 10:32
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Re: What wrong to be a single child?

it is definitely a personal decision...sometimes I get the impression people ask because they don't know what else to talk about to break the ice...

There is nothing wrong with having no kids, 1 kid, 2 or 3 or more. The more, the merrier, for all and the wallet as well!
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Old 24.08.2009, 10:54
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Re: What wrong to be a single child?

To own a dog you need a licence, etc.

The ultimate miracle of nature could also been seen as the ultimate act of selfishness. Right?
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Old 24.08.2009, 10:59
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Re: What wrong to be a single child?

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To own a dog you need a licence, etc.

The ultimate miracle of nature could also been seen as the ultimate act of selfishness. Right?
Given the amount of sacrifice you have to make as soon as the blue line appears in the pregnancy test, it can hardly been seen as a selfish act.

You give up the word "myself" in your vocabulary and replace it with "ourselves".
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Old 24.08.2009, 11:02
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Re: What wrong to be a single child?

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it is definitely a personal decision...sometimes I get the impression people ask because they don't know what else to talk about to break the ice...

There is nothing wrong with having no kids, 1 kid, 2 or 3 or more. The more, the merrier, for all and the wallet as well!
I think based on my own childhood I will definately make every effort to have two kids, hopefully a boy and a girl. I think it's important to remember that while yes it's an additional expense and responsibility to have more than one child... what you are giving them is essentially someone who (presuming all goes well) will be with them to support them through thick and thin for the rest of their life, their best friend and blood. I think the importance of that can never be under-estimated, and I also personally think it gives you a distinct advantage in life, provided both kids are well raised, catered for, and want for little during adolescence.
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Old 24.08.2009, 11:05
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Re: What wrong to be a single child?

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Given the amount of sacrifice you have to make as soon as the blue line appears in the pregnancy test, it can hardly been seen as a selfish act.

You give up the word "myself" in your vocabulary and replace it with "ourselves".
Something motivates people who want children to sacrifice so much. The ultimate selfish decision, perhaps? I'm yet to hear a wannabie Mother say she wants kids without the use of the first person in justifying the decision. It usually involves her dreams and wishes. Which isn't really the point, but hey. Oh, wait. It is the point.

QED.

Not dissing parenthood, mind.
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Old 24.08.2009, 11:06
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Re: What wrong to be a single child?

Of course it feels like an invasion, but don't take it as such. It is a natural question especially if the couple is really great and/or there is already a fantastic child. One cannot guess if there is no desire or problems otherwise..

At different times of our live there are questions that we might find invasive: "Where are you going to university?", "When are you two getting married?", "Why aren't you divorced yet?", "When are you going to retire?", "Why are you in Switzerland?".

Answering does not mean you have to give an excuse.
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Old 24.08.2009, 11:08
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Re: What wrong to be a single child?

I wonder though how much a woman can really influence the decision. I suspect it is all biological and comes down to our genes.



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Something motivates people who want children to sacrifice so much. The ultimate selfish decision, perhaps? I'm yet to hear a wannabie Mother say she wants kids without the use of the first person in justifying the decision. It usually involves her dreams and wishes. Which isn't really the point, but hey. Oh, wait. It is the point.

QED.

Not dissing parenthood, mind.
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Old 24.08.2009, 11:12
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Re: What wrong to be a single child?

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Something motivates people who want children to sacrifice so much. The ultimate selfish decision, perhaps? I'm yet to hear a wannabie Mother say she wants kids without the use of the first person in justifying the decision. It usually involves her dreams and wishes. Which isn't really the point, but hey. Oh, wait. It is the point.

QED.

Not dissing parenthood, mind.
For us it wasn't "I" it was "we" and not the royal kind...

Not so many generations ago, a large family was a necessity for the running of the family business or farmland.

To break it down to a weird (selfish) biological angle - child bearing can protect women against some cancers.
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