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Old 24.08.2010, 20:24
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Separation- Mid Life crises?

My family have just moved to zurich- my wife swiss and me a non eu national. We had a fantastic marriage and lovely kids. Upon our arrival to switzerland my wife has asked me to leave and wants a separation. I have been living alone since 4 weeks, and she has reused any sort of communication.

I really dont know whats hit me. Im confused, depressed stunned in a foreign country.

I really need some help from anyone been through a similar situation.

When she asks for separation is that one step away from a divorce? Is separation a legal term?. I was so unprepared for this and I am totally lost.

Its like I dont know this person who I married.

Is this a midlife crises that she is going through?.

Please any advice is appreciated.

Thanks
  #2  
Old 24.08.2010, 20:31
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Re: Separation- Mid Life crises?

Very sorry to hear of your situation GPA. This can't be easy for you.
Nobody can see into your wife's mind but may be you can find some help and answers via this site:
http://www.binational.ch/en/home.html
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Old 24.08.2010, 20:33
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Re: Separation- Mid Life crises?

Breathe. Do not panic. Life has hit you hard but you are still alive. And you will survive. Things have changed. It will take a long time for you to understand it, or you may never understand it at all. In the end, it doesn't really matter.

Stay true to yourself. Find peace. Don't do the blaming game because that is just wasted energy. Plan for your future and stay healthy. This is a major bump in your road but the journey is not over yet. Just different.

Good luck.
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Old 24.08.2010, 20:51
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Re: Separation- Mid Life crises?

Yes I am trying to see the positives. I have no anger/bitterness/resentment just love for my wife. However I just want this nightmare to end- but it just seems ongoing.

Also I only speak english and don't know how I will survive
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Old 24.08.2010, 20:57
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Re: Separation- Mid Life crises?

do you have a job here ?

Do you think she was planning it and wants to keep the kids in Switzerland ?

Ouch....sounds like you need some counselling and legal advice....fast!
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Old 24.08.2010, 21:01
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Re: Separation- Mid Life crises?

My first impression with the infos you gave us, it sounds to me she did prepared this before you left to come here. Probably to get the kids, household, etc? Is the law here is more on her side then in your country? Maybe she wanted to do it here for this reason?

You should seek the advice of a lawyer from the country you are from. To know what is on your side.
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Old 24.08.2010, 21:03
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Re: Separation- Mid Life crises?

No job- I was a stay at home dad- I have no idea whether she was planning it- she refused counselling- I dont want to pursue the legal route- I just am trying to give it time and be compassionate- hope that helps.
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Old 24.08.2010, 21:06
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Re: Separation- Mid Life crises?

Sounds to me like you need a job...and fast....what is she expecting you to do financially ?
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Old 24.08.2010, 21:07
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Re: Separation- Mid Life crises?

I'm posting a link of Kantonal Counselling Centers for Separation and Divorce. You might want to contact one and get some more specific info. Ask for a counselor who speaks English.
http://www.scheidungsberatung.ch/
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Old 24.08.2010, 21:09
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Re: Separation- Mid Life crises?

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No job- I was a stay at home dad- I have no idea whether she was planning it- she refused counselling- I dont want to pursue the legal route- I just am trying to give it time and be compassionate- hope that helps.
I understand you don't want. But right now, you HAVE to know what is going on. If she still don't want to go counselling and request an official divorce, you hve to be prepared.
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Old 24.08.2010, 21:15
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Re: Separation- Mid Life crises?

Nev's link is excellent. To go directly to information on separation and divorce of binational couples, click here: http://www.binational.ch/en/fragen/trennung.html
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Old 24.08.2010, 21:22
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Re: Separation- Mid Life crises?

There is lately a mushrooming of new members with complex personal problems. Did other members also notice that?

OK back to GPA.

1) where were you living before coming to CH?
2) how old are your kids, boys or girls?
3) how many years married?

--> why I am asking that: could be that your wife does not want the kids to grow-up in countries where girls have less chances than boys, where conservative mentality do not enable them to think like free people.

Very often kids education is a big source of dispute in binational couples
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Old 24.08.2010, 21:34
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Re: Separation- Mid Life crises?

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[...] - she refused counselling- [...]
That does not mean you should not go by yourself.
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Old 24.08.2010, 21:44
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Re: Separation- Mid Life crises?

Please be very careful where you stand with regards being non-EU and living separately from your Swiss wife. A friend of mine did just that and was then sent a letter to get out of the country, which really added to the stress they were already under.

As others have said, seek advice and make your position here safe.

Gal. x
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Old 24.08.2010, 21:54
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Re: Separation- Mid Life crises?

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There is lately a mushrooming of new members with complex personal problems. Did other members also notice that?

...cut.....


Very often kids education is a big source of dispute in binational couples
Okay, I been helping a friend thru a similar problem, so am a bit familiar with this divorce thingy here in CH.

Seems the OP is the defendent ... and his wife is seeking the divorce ... so.....

Basically, there are three methods of obtaining a divorce here..

Under Articles 111 & 112 of the Swiss code of Civil Law - which is a Joint Application.

Article 114 - By a period of seperation (2years)
Article 115 - By unreasonableness of continuing the marital bond.

If the divorce application is on her side only, she is using the Articles 114 and 115 of the Swiss Code of Civil Law - which means she is petitioning. And the only means of petitioning is to claim

a) Violence
b) When living together has become intolerable, from an objective point of view.
c) When the overall picture emerges from various circumstances is serious that one spouse cannot reasonably be expected to maintain the marriage for the 2 year seperation normally called for to prove irretrievable breakdown of the marriage.

Generally, Final Breakdown of the marriage is established by the seperation agreement ... after 2 years from date of application... whereupon the divorce is granted.

Major features of a divorce here is the Financial side of things ...... 50/50 split of ALL assets/property/pension funds. AND the welfare of the children.

All divorces are finalised only after Joint Agreement ... which means each partner is called in to discussion ...... to reach agreement..... so the divorce is finally granted under the Articles of 111 and 112.

If the children are Swiss Nationals, the sued partner can be granted residence, to enable commitment to the children.

And that is all my brain is capable of spewing forth at this moment in time.
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Old 24.08.2010, 22:06
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Re: Separation- Mid Life crises?

Donīt know what to say, the above advice seems sound.
My only recommendation is to clench your bum and remember that this time in your life will someday be ten years in the past.
Good luck
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Old 24.08.2010, 22:44
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Re: Separation- Mid Life crises?

Yes, but it will be very difficult since I only speak english. I am university educated but have given up my life for my kids and wife
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Old 24.08.2010, 22:50
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Re: Separation- Mid Life crises?

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Yes, but it will be very difficult since I only speak english. I am university educated but have given up my life for my kids and wife
English is no problem .. most educated folk here speak it.

Ah so .... you have moved out, although you were the house-husband and caring for the children? Your wife was financially supporting the family?

So, now, who is caring for the children? You need to look at your life, squarely in the face and face facts at this time.

Like most relationships, you need to be open, and then others will be open towards you.... and that is how support is engendered.... Tis the same on forums like this.

There are all sorts of connotations to divorce in this land. I gave you the bare facts, but much hinges on your active role in the family home.
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Old 24.08.2010, 22:50
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Re: Separation- Mid Life crises?

We are from the US...married 12 yrs..young pre teen kids who are suffering immensely due to all this stress. We were a really happy family prior to all this. Anyone have experience with midlife crisis....is this likely an emotional outburst/phase that will be forgotten?? I really have no clue whats going on and I don't recognise the woman I was so deeply in love with for so long. Yes we did have our ups and downs but nothing like this.
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Old 24.08.2010, 22:52
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Re: Separation- Mid Life crises?

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Yes, but it will be very difficult since I only speak english. I am university educated but have given up my life for my kids and wife
I am sorry that you find yourself in this sad and difficult situation. However, you have received some excellent advice above and if I were you I would take expert legal advice, as a priority, as your position does indeed sound vulnerable.

Good luck and best wishes for a favourable outcome.
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