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  #21  
Old 29.10.2015, 12:21
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Re: Divorce - alimony issues / calculation

Thank you Medea. I am EU,also my husband. He is born here but Italian Citizen
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  #22  
Old 29.10.2015, 12:22
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Re: Divorce - alimony issues / calculation

As I wrote before, try not to allow your unhappiness to interfere with your separation & judgement, it will only prolong the process and create more fees for lawyers.

The Court is not interested in your previous matrimonial squabbles, only in the future physical and financial well being of the child(ren) and parent. Joint guardianship is normal here, so try and begin sensible negotiations with your ex-partner, it will pay off!

After the Court hearing on separation, you should have a document stating how much has to be paid to whom, and the exact times when husband/wife can visit his/her child. The higher earner can claim tax relief on payments to the spouse. The receiving spouse has to pay tax on the money received.

After the divorce, the joint property, alimony, child support money and access are finalised.
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  #23  
Old 29.10.2015, 12:25
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Re: Divorce - alimony issues / calculation

I dont want him to not have contact with our son, I actually said I can sign anything needed for him to come to visit us every day if he wants( but given the fact the he does not do anything now...unlikely he will do it after it). I know about the joint cvustody,I find it very ok when both parents are..parents. I have always been mom at 200% (very very happy with it )
my job is very very stable so I am not depending(nor was) on his salary
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Old 29.10.2015, 12:35
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Re: Divorce - alimony issues / calculation

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After the divorce, the joint property, alimony, child support money and access are finalised.
Thank you Sbrinz

I guess is big plus for me the fact that I work. I cannot understand why was he threatening me all the time ,if the law is very clear. I always worked, kept the house, child,him with everything needed...Plus the fact that with our son he never had any contact(only the fact that they both live in the same house in the evenings...but he does not know any of our son's friends,nanny,shoes sizes,clothes,what he eats etc)

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Old 29.10.2015, 22:42
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Re: Divorce - alimony issues / calculation

Abuse is about control. His threats come from both desperation and a need to have power to control the situation.

Unfortunately, if he cannot take the child away legally, there is a risk he will do it illegally. I suggest that you speak to a women's advice service or domestic violence counsellor.

In zurich there is a service called 'infodona'. It is a free advice service for migrant women. They should be able to connect you with the right support services to protect yourself and your child. The law is quite clear and quite strongly supports women/mothers.

I am amazed how some people can be so unware of the rights within the country that they live, but perhaps if he understood what he will lose by allowing the relationship to break down, he would try harder to do things differently.

A friend of mine whinged to me that he knew someone who was payinh 45% of his salary to his ex-wife and child... Until I pointed out that if they were married and raising the child together, he would be paying 100%
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Old 29.10.2015, 23:57
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Re: Divorce - alimony issues / calculation

Got to chip in here, it works both ways, I refuse to pay my ex (not married) alimony for our son.
Until I get the chance to see him and talk to him without control from her, have him here with me, at least on the holidays, she will not see one frisking cent.
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Old 30.10.2015, 00:35
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Re: Divorce - alimony issues / calculation

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A friend of mine whinged to me that he knew someone who was payinh 45% of his salary to his ex-wife and child... Until I pointed out that if they were married and raising the child together, he would be paying 100%
Umm, in this case, she works, he is unemployed.

Guess who will pay whom.

Tom
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Old 30.10.2015, 07:48
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Re: Divorce - alimony issues / calculation

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Just found this thread.. I am looking for a good lawyer to help me get on the right street with a separation/divorce from my husband.
Even though we are married only from 2012,he never wanted a wife,only a servant( cook,clean,keep the house,have a child because everybody said it was time for him etc). we have now 2 years of actually living separated in house,although for him this is the ''normal marriage'': he does not give me any money at all(he only pays rent and health insurances),he said to me many many times that he does not work to maintain me(which would not be the case because I work from the first month I arrived here ..for him). With my salary(work 60%) I pay everything needed for me ,our son( actually only mine because he never ever does anything with the child:never plays,feed,cleans,baths,puts clothes,buys ..nothing),food in the house,products for cleaning,washing etc etc. he never wnated to go in any excursion with us,or with me,never wanted any photos,family memories etc...
he did threaten me a lot saying that if I will go to ask for divorce he will take the child from me,he will make in way that I will remain alone without anything etc etc....how will the money for the child be calculated( he recently got fired)...
Please encourage me,those of you who are already separated. I know we(me and my angel) will have a better life after all this,but right now I am a bit....
And what seems to be the problem here?
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  #29  
Old 30.10.2015, 08:26
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Re: Divorce - alimony issues / calculation

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Got to chip in here, it works both ways, I refuse to pay my ex (not married) alimony for our son.
Until I get the chance to see him and talk to him without control from her, have him here with me, at least on the holidays, she will not see one frisking cent.
And she probably will not let you see your kid as you don't pay alimony. You're in a vicious circle there.
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Old 30.10.2015, 09:53
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Re: Divorce - alimony issues / calculation

Thank you for your words and help.
The problem is/was,that I trtusted him a lot and thought that everything he said was true. now I started looking myself,asking people,etc..and now that he hears me with a strong voice he does not threaten anymore...so bad.
I waited so so long,even though this situation is for many years now(but for him this is the normal way),because I trusted that he will see the wrong and try to do it right..no chance. and then I said to him that since we are not a couple,by his choice, and I do not want to raise the child in a house where the women is the slave and the man does not only expects like a king,I would like the separation.but like friends,always for the good of the child. I do not want my son to see us fighting or with hate to each other.
I want us to be civilized people,maybe even friends for my son's good.
for my husband is very very convenient like this: a young wife,with a good job,always clean,cooked,raised the child alone so he is always relaxed ....,we have a very nice apartament. I dont care about the money. I want peace and serenity for my son and me. I desearve to be respected and loved,the same that I do for others and most important my son desearves a good plain stable male figure
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Old 30.10.2015, 09:56
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Re: Divorce - alimony issues / calculation

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Umm, in this case, she works, he is unemployed.

Guess who will pay whom.

Tom
I work,he got fired last week BUT anyway he will have to pay the money for our son and the rest for me until I reach the amount had during marriage. The swiss law says that even if he is unemployed,if he receives 80% of his last salary he has to pay...because he earns money.
He receives anyway 80% now of his last salary ..and he will not be unemployed for life.
But I do not care about the money
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Old 30.10.2015, 09:59
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Re: Divorce - alimony issues / calculation

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Got to chip in here, it works both ways, I refuse to pay my ex (not married) alimony for our son.
Until I get the chance to see him and talk to him without control from her, have him here with me, at least on the holidays, she will not see one frisking cent.

This would not be my case, since I said to him many times I am willing to sign any papers needed taht he can come to see his son every day/evening he wants without any problems.
I love my child,I will not do a revenge on my husband using an innocent child
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  #33  
Old 30.10.2015, 10:15
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Re: Divorce - alimony issues / calculation

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I work,he got fired last week BUT anyway he will have to pay the money for our son and the rest for me until I reach the amount had during marriage.
Swiss law does NOT say that you will get the same as during the marriage.

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I do not care about the money
Good, because you may have to pay him, if you earn more than he!

Tom
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  #34  
Old 30.10.2015, 10:27
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Re: Divorce - alimony issues / calculation

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Swiss law does NOT say that you will get the same as during the marriage.

yes it does...asked yesterday a lawyer specialized in family and divorce matters.

Good, because you may have to pay him, if you earn more than he!

Tom
I do not earn more than him and anyway that case maybe would have been if we would not had children. But a mom that stays with the son receives AT LEAST the money for the child. in what world a mom raising a child ALONE has to pay money to a husband that never ever paid anything for her and especially for the child? if I want to give money to someone that needs it, I might just go to Red Cross
but then again, I am not focused on the ''money issue'' here, the important thing for me is having a normal life even separted. for some people ( actual adults) this works
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  #35  
Old 30.10.2015, 10:47
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Re: Divorce - alimony issues / calculation

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...you may have to pay him, if you earn more than he!

Tom
If she has the child registered with her and has the lion's share (or all) of the "Obhut" (I'll use the German terminology for simplicity), she almost certainly won't be paying him anything.

Note that in Switzerland, "custody" is not as simple a concept as in many other countries -- it breaks down into "Sorgerecht": the right to make important decisions that affect your child -- and "Obhut": the day-to-day care of your child (where s/he lives). As of last year, under Swiss law, "Sorgerecht" is now shared equally between parents who get divorced, but the question of "Obhut" has to be decided by mutual agreement or by the divorce court. "Obhut" can be shared (equally or otherwise), or granted entirely to one parent. In many cases, shared "Obhut" is not practical -- e.g. where the parents live far from each other, or even when one parent lives further from the child's school than is practical for commuting to and from school.
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  #36  
Old 07.11.2015, 14:06
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Re: Divorce - alimony issues / calculation

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Got to chip in here, it works both ways, I refuse to pay my ex (not married) alimony for our son.
Until I get the chance to see him and talk to him without control from her, have him here with me, at least on the holidays, she will not see one frisking cent.
That's quite hard on your child, because while the two of you are battling it out, he doesn't get to see you AND he lives with out financial support.
Get past yourself.. your kid is first.

______________________________________________



Does anybody know how child support works in regards to an adult child studying at uni?

I have found all the laws, rules and regulations, right down to the alinéa.
What I'd be interested in is hearing experience on this specific matter.
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  #37  
Old 07.11.2015, 21:37
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Re: Divorce - alimony issues / calculation

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That's quite hard on your child, because while the two of you are battling it out, he doesn't get to see you AND he lives with out financial support.
Get past yourself.. your kid is first.
There is no battle… we were never married.
First off along with her new husband she is more that capable to support herself.
Then. He never got to see me and I never got to see him in the first place, he is a normal kid, however she does not allow him to have or access to a computer because it is stupid toy, or a cellphone, totally unnecessary for children, internet is evil. Any contact was overseen, visits would be for one or two hours most, even when I rang she would sit next to him. Visits were accompanied, I used to pay her her due every month without fail, only to drive from Basel to Augsburg, almost a 1000 kilometer round trip, (it did not matter if I made the appointment a week in advance, a month or six, days, or turn up on the doorstep) to be told that I can't have him because he has to study/go to church/sport training/homework/practice piano.. yadda, yadda, yadda, in short excuses. She decided that I was not to get close to the boy, she has full custody and my lawyer told me that there was nothing I could do to improve things. Letters I wrote to him were torn up, money I gave him for birthdays and christmas was confiscated.
So you tell me in what world is refusing to pay not my last option?
In three years he will be 18 then we will see.
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  #38  
Old 08.11.2015, 08:56
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Re: Divorce - alimony issues / calculation

Your sensitive heartwrenching reponse moves me to tears.

Would you accept my apologies for my initial message?

How terribly unfair to act that way towards a father.
Could you not give him his own bank account at 16 so that he knows his dad is taking care of him? Even if he cannot touch it without your consent until he's 18, at least he knows it's there and she cannot access it.

No matter how hard it may be, I hope you find a way to stay in touch with your child.

---------------------

I am genuinely seeking people's experience about fully providing for an adult child (in uni) during separation, divorce and after.
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Old 08.11.2015, 18:05
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Re: Divorce - alimony issues / calculation

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Your sensitive heartwrenching reponse moves me to tears.

Would you accept my apologies for my initial message?

How terribly unfair to act that way towards a father.
Could you not give him his own bank account at 16 so that he knows his dad is taking care of him? Even if he cannot touch it without your consent until he's 18, at least he knows it's there and she cannot access it.

No matter how hard it may be, I hope you find a way to stay in touch with your child.

---------------------

I am genuinely seeking people's experience about fully providing for an adult child (in uni) during separation, divorce and after.
No probs, I have a kind of thing in place for when he is older and we have at least a rudimentary form of contact when he can get access to email at one of his friends places.
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Old 15.02.2018, 21:28
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Re: Divorce - alimony issues / calculation

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thanks for the information
while in theory i agree with what you are saying
in my case there was abuse, and the swiss police did nothing,
in the states he would have been put in prison, here he was released within an hour
having said that, with all due respect, sometimes it happens people grow in different directions, i definitely think people should be able to work out their differences but unfortunately very destructive ways of behaving evolve, and i can imagine not always defined as abuse but just as destructive,
too many people stay together in bad destructive situations
as for marriage being a haven for children, it is not always the case at all..
i think divorced women have a very bad reputation and it is true that divorced men have it way easier than before,
my ex found a girlfriend, a single mom, who obviously has no clue or else does not care, i dont know which is worse..that he has a history of domestic violence,, in any case he has the children very little (fortunately but difficult for me as i am on my own)
i dont know about other single moms but i am very very careful and would never introduce anyone to my kids without intensive screening and to quote shelly winters
"before you marry a man, have lunch with his ex wife"
I am not sure i believe in marriage at all anymore,perhaps what a lot of swiss couples do, live together , have kids THEN marry,is wiser but i suspect it is to the advantage of the man..
I have not found a divorce lawyer yet but have been given the advice not to drag it too long
i suspect when and if i get divorce i will lose money , and i dont see how at my age, mid 40's i can earn enough and cover child care, i dont know if there is anyone i can have walk the dogs, clean the house, cook ,shop and take the kids to their activities and do homework, i must have forgotten something on the way..
being a single parent is draining, i do wish people would sympathize rather than criticize or be afraid of us,
having said that it is a heck of a lot better than to be in a marriage where you are punching bag of your spouse physically or emotionally..
even if you just fight or just dont communicate kids suffer too..
it is far better to be alone and well
for all involved.
i am not sure if it is true that most marriages break up because of an affair , i think the affair is the result of a bad marriage for all sorts of reason, perhaps marriage is just not for everyone..
some people need more space, etc.
as i write my child is singing , playing,
if my ex would still be here, he would be hiding..
and abuse by the way is suffered by 30% of women according to the UN
in switzerland as the paper sometimes shows it is not a rare event for domestic violence to occur, sometimes after separation or divorce..
just to express my opinion..divorce is not necessarly bad, but marriages are not necessarly the best places to raise children , it all depends ..
I would like to hear from either men or women who divorced in switzerland , if you care to share , thanks !
ziggi

dear Ziggi,
Signing under each word you wrote and hope that you and your kid are doing good.
As for me ...I am a victim of domestic (physical and emotional) violence since our kid was born- 4 years . Living in hell and still hoping to fix the relationship I am melting like a candle, loosing my hope , my power and belief that things can be good again like it was 7 years ago when we got married.
Hate the saying “ if man treats you bad means you allowed him to do so”, allowed or forgave without taking an action, now I understand and agree...
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