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Old 28.11.2010, 15:28
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Re: Children hitting each other.

What to do when your child is brave enough to tell you about a bullying episode, you contact the school who are keen to help, but the older, larger, offending child denies being involved at all? Sigh. So now it becomes a case of one child's word against the other's...
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Old 28.11.2010, 17:16
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Re: Children hitting each other.

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What to do when your child is brave enough to tell you about a bullying episode, you contact the school who are keen to help, but the older, larger, offending child denies being involved at all? Sigh. So now it becomes a case of one child's word against the other's...
This is a really hard case - for teachers as well as parents!
Unless there is a witness, some evidence is left, or a pattern develops then all the staff can do is watch closely and wait for it to happen again - while giving the whole class lessons on bullying: why it is wrong, how best to resist it, and what can happen to bullies in the long run.

Keep on supporting your child as well, though - it's important that they don't lose the courage to report things like this! Depending on the child's age, it may or may not help to explain the teacher's position in this ...
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Old 28.11.2010, 17:39
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Re: Children hitting each other.

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This is a really hard case - for teachers as well as parents!
Unless there is a witness, some evidence is left, or a pattern develops then all the staff can do is watch closely and wait for it to happen again - while giving the whole class lessons on bullying: why it is wrong, how best to resist it, and what can happen to bullies in the long run.

Keep on supporting your child as well, though - it's important that they don't lose the courage to report things like this! Depending on the child's age, it may or may not help to explain the teacher's position in this ...
Yes - it is definitely difficult. It's consumed my thoughts all weekend. My son has my complete support and I've kept him abreast of the teacher's reactions. He's remained remarkably calm and level headed about the whole thing.

The school has asked him to give a written statement of the incident. He is willing, but honestly I am concerned that taking the situation to that level will incite retaliation.

There was a second victim - the one who was hurt physically. My inclination is to only allow my own child to give a written statement if the other boy does as well.

I have a feeling there is no easy answer here; I just want to do whatever is best now and in the long run for my son.
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Old 28.11.2010, 17:59
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Re: Children hitting each other.

With two victims involved, might be good if you can talk to the parents of the other child and see how you can stand together on this - since you're all in the same boat at the moment!
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Old 09.06.2011, 20:00
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Re: Children hitting each other.

OK I have suggested judo classes earlier on this thread but would appreciate any suggestion in this situation:this evening when my son was coming back from the school with his friend, there were some big boys who often seem to bring troubles to others, irrespective of their age. These guys, four of them came and hit the two boys, who said absolutely nothing to them and were busy talking within themselves. Out of the four boys, one of them(name:X) already hit my son earlier and I have warned him that if it continues, I will consider talking to police. Inspite of this, he often passes stupid comments whenever he sees my son, but my son simply ignores him, which irritates him furthermore . When I warned X that I will talk to the poilce, there were other two boys with him (not from these three though) and they took that warning quite seriously and never bothered my son again. However, this boy still continues to trouble him whenever he sees him alone.

Now these four guys often remain in group and I have never seen any one of them with their parents. I have told my son to hit back but today he said that those guys were having tri-scooter and if he would have tried hitting them, he was afraid they would hit him back using the tri-scooter.

My son is doing very well in studies and he gets quite upset with such things. He is often told by those stupid guys that his parents are very protective and they shouldn't be that way(hell I care for their comments!!). My son will be going to another school next year and I am a bit tensed thinking that those guys might be in the same school.

What should I do?

PS. My son is not the only one whom they trouble, I have seen them troubling other small kids also when I am in park with my son.
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Old 10.06.2011, 00:55
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Re: Children hitting each other.

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OK I have suggested judo classes earlier on this thread but would appreciate any suggestion in this situation:this evening when my son was coming back from the school with his friend, there were some big boys who often seem to bring troubles to others, irrespective of their age. These guys, four of them came and hit the two boys, who said absolutely nothing to them and were busy talking within themselves. Out of the four boys, one of them(name:X) already hit my son earlier and I have warned him that if it continues, I will consider talking to police. Inspite of this, he often passes stupid comments whenever he sees my son, but my son simply ignores him, which irritates him furthermore . When I warned X that I will talk to the poilce, there were other two boys with him (not from these three though) and they took that warning quite seriously and never bothered my son again. However, this boy still continues to trouble him whenever he sees him alone.

Now these four guys often remain in group and I have never seen any one of them with their parents. I have told my son to hit back but today he said that those guys were having tri-scooter and if he would have tried hitting them, he was afraid they would hit him back using the tri-scooter.

My son is doing very well in studies and he gets quite upset with such things. He is often told by those stupid guys that his parents are very protective and they shouldn't be that way(hell I care for their comments!!). My son will be going to another school next year and I am a bit tensed thinking that those guys might be in the same school.

What should I do?

PS. My son is not the only one whom they trouble, I have seen them troubling other small kids also when I am in park with my son.
I think you getting involved in boys' matters will make it worse for him both in the short and long run (especially, if you are the mommy). You cant be around all the time and, really, police wont do anything about it either. I think your kid lacks some aggressiveness or is fearful of getting in confrontation, which is understandable in such situations, but even the most mellow person can be taught self defense and use it effectively. Thats what I would do, send him to martial arts classes. Builds self confidence and real skills...Judo is good, karate even better. Stay away from taekwon do, aikido or kung fu (not practical). Boxing would be ideal, but its not nice to get beat up and constantly get hit in the head two times a week to prevent one possible beating in the next year or so...
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Old 10.06.2011, 09:17
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Re: Children hitting each other.

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I think you getting involved in boys' matters will make it worse for him both in the short and long run (especially, if you are the mommy). You cant be around all the time and, really, police wont do anything about it either. I think your kid lacks some aggressiveness or is fearful of getting in confrontation, which is understandable in such situations, but even the most mellow person can be taught self defense and use it effectively. Thats what I would do, send him to martial arts classes. Builds self confidence and real skills...Judo is good, karate even better. Stay away from taekwon do, aikido or kung fu (not practical). Boxing would be ideal, but its not nice to get beat up and constantly get hit in the head two times a week to prevent one possible beating in the next year or so...
What's wrong with lacking aggressiveness? I still don't understand why the Swiss attitude is to fight back and be confrontational. I still truly believe the best way to handle it is for the parents to approach the school, the parents of the other child and if necessary the police. I would do that for my daughter and would certainly not encourage her to fight fists with fists.

She will have self defence to protect herself but in no way will I tolerate her hitting other people.

If talking to the parents of the other child brings no results then I would have no choice than to have a firm word with the bully myself.
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Old 10.06.2011, 10:32
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Re: Children hitting each other.

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I think your kid lacks some aggressiveness or is fearful of getting in confrontation, which is understandable in such situations, but even the most mellow person can be taught self defense and use it effectively.
Agreed, martial arts helps.

He was a very quiet child until all these boys started troubling him. He is already attending judo classes and uses it whenever required. However, I don't know what he could have done surrounded by four big boys with their trottinettes who were ready to hit him without any reason.

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I think you getting involved in boys' matters will make it worse for him both in the short and long run
I don't want him to be dependent on me but I think as a parent I will not want him to get hit or insulted by others and will try my best to protect him.I don't get involved when I know he can take care of the issue.


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I still truly believe the best way to handle it is for the parents to approach the school, the parents of the other child and if necessary the police. I would do that for my daughter and would certainly not encourage her to fight fists with fists.

She will have self defence to protect herself but in no way will I tolerate her hitting other people.
I totally agree with you mimi.

These children are not in the same school as my son and this all happened after the school hours so talking to any teacher will not help. If it would have happened during school hours, I would have definitely talked to the teacher. Then, the parents: as I mentioned in my earlier post, I have never seen these kids with their parents. They are always in a group, playing in a group, traveling in a group and of course bullying and hitting others in a group.
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Old 10.06.2011, 10:38
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Re: Children hitting each other.

Walk 5m behind your son with a baseball bat....no, no just joking!

I understand your feelings of protectiveness, maybe you should try to find out which school these boys go to and speak to the Headmaster. Sometime, parents are not even aware of the bullies that they have as kids.

Ar there no other kids that your son can walk home with?
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Old 10.06.2011, 10:41
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Re: Children hitting each other.

Back in the days, we used to bully this one kid from another class...until one day, he picked up a pitchfork. Needless to say, we've decided that he didn't fit the target profile anymore.
Fighting fire with fire isn't my thing...but sometimes it works.
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Old 10.06.2011, 10:41
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Re: Children hitting each other.

Next time it happens, demand to see some ID of the little sh1tes and threaten that you will be taking it to the police. If they won't give you their ID then take a picture.

That should scare them off without the need to actually involve the police.

Disclaimer: that is if these kids are not bigger than you and you don't believe they are a threat to you in any way...i.e. knives etc
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Old 10.06.2011, 10:45
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Re: Children hitting each other.

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What's wrong with lacking aggressiveness? I still don't understand why the Swiss attitude is to fight back and be confrontational. I still truly believe the best way to handle it is for the parents to approach the school, the parents of the other child and if necessary the police. I would do that for my daughter and would certainly not encourage her to fight fists with fists.

She will have self defence to protect herself but in no way will I tolerate her hitting other people.

If talking to the parents of the other child brings no results then I would have no choice than to have a firm word with the bully myself.
I agree that taking it further is necessary - these kids are showing a "gang" mentality and a child on its own is not going to come off well if they decide to launch an attack.

Even if they aren't at the same school as Zyxel's children, it might still be worth mentioning it to the teacher(s) because it is likely that another child from that school might fall victim to this little gang. How old are they, by the way?

I also agree that "lacking aggression" is not negative - I think "lacking assertiveness" is closer. I certainly wouldn't want my child to learn to be aggressive because it seems an awfully negative way of dealing with something. That's not to say I wouldn't support him if he was forced to defend himself by fighting back if he found himself in a threatening situation (especially if these kids are brandishing a scooter, as mentioned in an earlier post). Teaching aggression is not really the way to go.
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Old 10.06.2011, 10:46
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Re: Children hitting each other.

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Walk 5m behind your son with a baseball bat....no, no just joking!

I understand your feelings of protectiveness, maybe you should try to find out which school these boys go to and speak to the Headmaster. Sometime, parents are not even aware of the bullies that they have as kids.

Ar there no other kids that your son can walk home with?

I will try to find out which school they go to.

Yes, there is. He was also there when all this happened, those guys hit him too,poor chap
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Old 10.06.2011, 11:03
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Re: Children hitting each other.

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Back in the days, we used to bully this one kid from another class...

Fighting fire with fire isn't my thing...but sometimes it works.
L_B, can you come to Lausanne for one day...I will send you to school with my son ...btw, how did you decide the target profile

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Next time it happens, demand to see some ID of the little sh1tes and threaten that you will be taking it to the police. If they won't give you their ID then take a picture.

That should scare them off without the need to actually involve the police.

Disclaimer: that is if these kids are not bigger than you and you don't believe they are a threat to you in any way...i.e. knives etc
I did think of this yesterday. Will do that next time.

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I agree that taking it further is necessary - these kids are showing a "gang" mentality and a child on its own is not going to come off well if they decide to launch an attack.

Even if they aren't at the same school as Zyxel's children, it might still be worth mentioning it to the teacher(s) because it is likely that another child from that school might fall victim to this little gang. How old are they, by the way?

I also agree that "lacking aggression" is not negative - I think "lacking assertiveness" is closer. I certainly wouldn't want my child to learn to be aggressive because it seems an awfully negative way of dealing with something. That's not to say I wouldn't support him if he was forced to defend himself by fighting back if he found himself in a threatening situation (especially if these kids are brandishing a scooter, as mentioned in an earlier post). Teaching aggression is not really the way to go.
Yes these kids do have 'gang' mentality and they are always troubling some or the other child/adult(using insulting words) when they are in group. They are around 14-15 years old, two of them have heavy buildup so they look more aged.My son is 10.

You know what guys? My hubby often needs to travel and is out of the country right now and I need to sort out this problem myself. Seeing all the helpful replies from you all is simply great. Thank you all for your support

Last edited by zyxel; 10.06.2011 at 11:26.
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Old 10.06.2011, 11:18
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Re: Children hitting each other.

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You know what guys? My hubby often needs to travel and is out of the country right now and I need to sort out this problem myself. Seeing all the helpful replies from you all is simply great. Thank you all for your support

If you weren't so far away I'd be happy to help come and assist you to ruffle their feathers. I used to be a black belt in karate and did kickboxing for years....even though I'm fairly rusty now I reckon I could still bust a few moves
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Old 10.06.2011, 11:30
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Re: Children hitting each other.

my son is also 10 and i know the sensitive age that it is with the kids who are bigger and bullying them.

we are in lausanne, and feel free to pm me- i do practice martial arts and being from where i am i've got a vicious mouth on me when i need, just give a shout-

it's a fine line with a 10 year old. you don't want to be too involved but then again they aren't that developed or big yet to protect themselves. at 10 you can still hang out where they are playing and bring a book or something. you can be there and not involved in what they do so you can keep your eye on them. that way he isn't alone. as for the new school, from what i have heard this is the age it starts for boys, when they go to 5eme with the bigger kids. maybe it's time he learns tactics for avoiding fights now so as to prevent them later on.
best of luck!
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Old 10.06.2011, 18:37
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Re: Children hitting each other.

Just an update:

As I mentioned in my earlier post, there were two boys whom those guys attacked-my son and his friend. The two friends decided to speak to their teacher after the school today. The teacher was very helpful even though none of those 4 boys were in the same school, she waited outside the school as my son told her that they usually come to school park after the school hours. She didn't have to wait long when two of the four guys came to the park. The teacher went and scolded both of them. She also mentioned that only coward people hit those who are younger/weaker to them and that if their behavior continues, the time is not too far when some concerned parent will send their complain to the direction, even though the incidence happened outside the school hours.She later told my son that X (refer my above post) was in the same school but had to change the school due to a lot of complains and lack of attention from his parents' side.

The two boys apologized to my son and his friend.
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Old 10.06.2011, 20:30
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Re: Children hitting each other.

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Just an update:

As I mentioned in my earlier post, there were two boys whom those guys attacked-my son and his friend. The two friends decided to speak to their teacher after the school today. The teacher was very helpful even though none of those 4 boys were in the same school, she waited outside the school as my son told her that they usually come to school park after the school hours. She didn't have to wait long when two of the four guys came to the park. The teacher went and scolded both of them. She also mentioned that only coward people hit those who are younger/weaker to them and that if their behavior continues, the time is not too far when some concerned parent will send their complain to the direction, even though the incidence happened outside the school hours.She later told my son that X (refer my above post) was in the same school but had to change the school due to a lot of complains and lack of attention from his parents' side.

The two boys apologized to my son and his friend.
Nice work by the teacher and what a good result. I bet that's a great relief for you and your son!
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Old 10.06.2011, 22:45
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Re: Children hitting each other.

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Nice work by the teacher and what a good result. I bet that's a great relief for you and your son!
Yes its a relief! We went out for dinner and had a long chat. During the conversation my son told me so many things that the other students have told the teacher about those guys...it totally shook me.Can you believe that one of them punched a teacher when he was in my son's school? I don't know whom to blame-them, their parents or their circumstances

I was feeling very upset yesterday and this morning. But after receiving some good suggestions from you all and then the help from his teacher, I am very happy
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Old 11.06.2011, 09:57
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Re: Children hitting each other.

its always useful to involove teacher in such matters....
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