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Old 08.09.2010, 11:49
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Children hitting each other.

Hi all,

I'm wondering what I should do with my son with regards to his submissive nature. since arriving we've made a handful acquaintances I'll call them, and been out a few times with their children who are of similar age. it seems that the children over here all seem to think its ok to go around hitting each other and he finds it really upsetting. He's a big for his age, is not a cry baby and towers over these other children yet when these other children hit out he just walks away from the situation confused and thinks its his fault someone hit him and becomes understandable withdrawn.

This is also seem to be the case at Kindergarten too

For me it really annoying as the parents don’t seem to anything and its as if "yeah well they all hit each other" and so now I'm thinking I've got to drill into him that if someone hits him, he must hit them back otherwise he's just going to become a victim.

My wife doesn't agree with my strategy but I went to a rough school and if someone is seen as an easy target, they'll get picked on and there's no way I'm going to let that happen. if he doesn't start to stand up for himself, the other kids wont respect him and wont think twice about doing it again as its as I mentioned, he's big for his age and passes for a 6 year old so could easily flatten these other kids if he had it in him. Obviously though I don’t want him to destroy someone but to get a bit of spirit in him that if someone hits him, he has to do it back to send a clear message that he's not going to stand for it.

Problem is he's a sensitive soul, so he doesn't naturally want to retaliate as, dare I say it, we taught him that its wrong to hit where as other parents don’t seem to care.

I appreciate that some of you may not agree with me telling him he's got to retaliate but, telling the teacher or trying to address it with the parents isn't going to work. has anyone else had this and dealt with it effectively?

OBone
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Old 08.09.2010, 11:52
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Re: Children hitting each other.

tell him he should hit back, but only if he's hit first.
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Old 08.09.2010, 11:53
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Re: Children hitting each other.

Martial arts classes? It'll teach him confidence, the rationale for fighting, and how to simply block the other kids' attempts to hit him.
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Old 08.09.2010, 11:56
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Re: Children hitting each other.

I can only provide the example of my, then 5 year old, daughter. She was bitten on a regular basis by an unsociable child down the street. We complained to the parents who were horrified but it continued. One day she came in crying with a full set of nasher imprints on her arm and I said, in a sort of casual, throw away statement "Well maybe you should hit her back".

Oh dear. She stopped crying. Put determined look on face. Marched back out and gave the brat such a stiff armed bitch slap it knocked her 5 m down the street. You could hear it indoors. Got to admit I was quite proud.

Never bitten again .
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Old 08.09.2010, 11:58
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Re: Children hitting each other.

Let him join Martial arts classes and let others know that he is learning Judo and if required, he wouldn't mind going from Judo to Karate. Judo classes can be started at 6. It will help him build up confidence and he will know that he can defend himself as talking to teacher doesn't always help because they think, at times, that kids should solve their own problems.
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Old 08.09.2010, 12:02
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Re: Children hitting each other.

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Let him join Martial arts classes and let others know that he is learning Judo and if required, he wouldn't mind going from Judo to Karate. Judo classes can be started at 6. It will help him build up confidence and he will know that he can defend himself as talking to teacher doesn't always help because they think, at times, that kids should solve their own problems.
I've thought of that i must admit. i don't think its the problem of knowing how to fight as he can be quite ruff when play fighting with other children, i think he just doesn't want to purposefully hurt someone.
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Old 08.09.2010, 12:02
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Re: Children hitting each other.



Judo seems like a good option. BJJ little better for me though.

The gracies ->not my fav. (current ones) still, sound good advise
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Old 08.09.2010, 12:04
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Re: Children hitting each other.

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I've thought of that i must admit. i don't think its the problem of knowing how to fight as he can be quite ruff when play fighting with other children, i think he just doesn't want to purposefully hurt someone.
If he doesn't want to hurt, he should know how to defend himself, thats the main purpose of Judo.
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Old 08.09.2010, 12:05
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Re: Children hitting each other.

It's always happend, it always will. Kids live in a real world and the real world is cruel, survival of the fittest etc.....
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Old 08.09.2010, 12:15
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Re: Children hitting each other.

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It's always happend, it always will. Kids live in a real world and the real world is cruel, survival of the fittest etc.....
couldnt agree more. hit or be hit!
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Old 08.09.2010, 12:17
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Re: Children hitting each other.

Our (2.5 year old) neighbour bites. And there are hitters at the kindergarten too.
I tell my son to shout at him in his loudest voice *NO!*

he practices sometimes even at home..
in this instance the locals even understand english - but i am sure *nein* would work just as well...
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Old 08.09.2010, 12:35
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Re: Children hitting each other.

this morning i basically told him that i'll be watching him from my hidden camera and if i see someone hit him and he doesn't do it back, I'll know and he'll be in trouble.

not what i want to do but ....
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Old 08.09.2010, 12:52
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Re: Children hitting each other.

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Oh dear. She stopped crying. Put determined look on face. Marched back out and gave the brat such a stiff armed bitch slap it knocked her 5 m down the street. You could hear it indoors. Got to admit I was quite proud...
Not that I condone violence but... cool! Way to go girl.

When my kids were assaulted in the playground - one at kindergarten and one at primary, in each instance we spoke to the kids of the class directly - firmly telling them that it was appalling behaviour and that they must not do it again - (as opposed to pleading "please don't beat up my kids, it isn't nice" ) - and then spoke to the teacher, who repeated and reinforced what we said to the kids. And it stopped.

If parents can be prosecuted for frustrating their child's education, then I see no reason whatsoever that we should put up with it being frustrated by the bad behaviour of other kids. And regardless of any disclaimers the teachers might make, when my child is on school premises, the school is responsible for her safety.

On another occasion my son caught one child who would attack my daughter from time to time on her way home. I didn't enquire too deeply, but suffice to say, the attacks stopped.
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Old 08.09.2010, 13:01
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Re: Children hitting each other.

Show the other Children Movies with no foul language, nudity/sex scenes and violence recommendations films like this that should stop it
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Old 08.09.2010, 13:02
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Re: Children hitting each other.

Quite deep waters you are navigating there and I do not envy you.
Your son is bigger than his peers and therefore a target period, smaller kid stand to gain a lot of prestige if they beat a much bigger boy. Kindergarten and pre-school kids are vicious little predator apes of the worst kind as they lack the inhibitors of older children, give one of them a submachine gun at recess and you will get what I mean.
If your son has it in him he will assert himself, if you condition him against his nature it may go in the altogether wrong direction.
Not too sure about Judo and the other martial arts, if he lacks the aggression then even a black belt will not help him in a fight.
It sucks I know, but you are damned if you do and damned if you don't.
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Old 08.09.2010, 13:04
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Re: Children hitting each other.

We moved back here a year ago with our 8,10 and 12 year old kids, yesterday i saw(then stepped in) at the school during morning tea my 12 year old son put in a headlock by one kid while the other boy held his head and rammed his knee into my sons face repeatedly, the Swiss school system has a masive problem with mobbing, every day at the school I see fights, starting from the kindy kids to 6th class. My boy does karate and that only sort of helps. The teachers only talk about it nothing happens. I am a 6ft 2inch kiwi male with full beard and still get no respect from the school kids, they call me every name under the sun when I see them down the street.
I have no answers.
I got told he should fight back and he does daily but this doesnt help.
We live in a decent area and its not the foreign kids who are the problem its the swiss kids.
And dont think about talking to the parent/parents they will also yell and screm at you.
I know this wont help but Im glad Im not the only one that has this problem
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Old 08.09.2010, 13:06
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Re: Children hitting each other.

This probably just stressed him out more. Now he's gonna feel forced to react so as not to get in trouble from you. Poor bugger.
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this morning i basically told him that i'll be watching him from my hidden camera and if i see someone hit him and he doesn't do it back, I'll know and he'll be in trouble.

not what i want to do but ....
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Old 08.09.2010, 13:07
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Re: Children hitting each other.

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If he doesn't want to hurt, he should know how to defend himself, thats the main purpose of Judo.
Kids doing judo is a great idea - they love it, get to bundle around on the floor like little puppies, they learn discipline, etc.

But it's not (a) a martial art, or (b) defensive in a way that will be useful here. Judo consists of throws and joint locks - either of those could be very nasty in a playground situation with a young child who doesn't understand that bullying Little Johnny doesn't know how to breakfall or that you tap when the lock is about to go too far. It's a sport, and unless you're very experienced it only works if all the players know the rules.

Straightforward karate would be better for learning blocks, and how to counterattack at an appropriate level of force.

kodokan (who's done karate, judo, ju-jitsu and taekwondo over the years)
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Old 08.09.2010, 13:08
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Re: Children hitting each other.

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Quite deep waters you are navigating there and I do not envy you.
Your son is bigger than his peers and therefore a target period, smaller kid stand to gain a lot of prestige if they beat a much bigger boy. Kindergarten and pre-school kids are vicious little predator apes of the worst kind as they lack the inhibitors of older children, give one of them a submachine gun at recess and you will get what I mean.
If your son has it in him he will assert himself, if you condition him against his nature it may go in the altogether wrong direction.
Not too sure about Judo and the other martial arts, if he lacks the aggression then even a black belt will not help him in a fight.
It sucks I know, but you are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

There is nothing a good old choke won't cure. And you don't need to be aggressive. There is this missconceptions that all judo, Bjj people are some sort of mouth foaming dogs who are hyped.

Just think of this guy...


So yeah, classes do not hurt his chances.

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But it's not (a) a martial art, or (b) defensive in a way that will be useful here. Judo consists of throws and joint locks - either of those could be very nasty in a playground situation with a young child who doesn't understand that bullying Little Johnny doesn't know how to breakfall or that you tap when the lock is about to go too far. It's a sport, and unless you're very experienced it only works if all the players know the rules.


kodokan (who's done karate, judo, ju-jitsu and taekwondo over the years)
i disagree, scarf hold can keep a dude there until bell rings again. i mean judo guys just love to stall :P
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Old 08.09.2010, 13:15
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Re: Children hitting each other.

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Hi all,

I'm wondering what I should do with my son with regards to his submissive nature. since arriving we've made a handful acquaintances I'll call them, and been out a few times with their children who are of similar age. it seems that the children over here all seem to think its ok to go around hitting each other and he finds it really upsetting. He's a big for his age, is not a cry baby and towers over these other children yet when these other children hit out he just walks away from the situation confused and thinks its his fault someone hit him and becomes understandable withdrawn.

This is also seem to be the case at Kindergarten too

For me it really annoying as the parents don’t seem to anything and its as if "yeah well they all hit each other" and so now I'm thinking I've got to drill into him that if someone hits him, he must hit them back otherwise he's just going to become a victim.

My wife doesn't agree with my strategy but I went to a rough school and if someone is seen as an easy target, they'll get picked on and there's no way I'm going to let that happen. if he doesn't start to stand up for himself, the other kids wont respect him and wont think twice about doing it again as its as I mentioned, he's big for his age and passes for a 6 year old so could easily flatten these other kids if he had it in him. Obviously though I don’t want him to destroy someone but to get a bit of spirit in him that if someone hits him, he has to do it back to send a clear message that he's not going to stand for it.

Problem is he's a sensitive soul, so he doesn't naturally want to retaliate as, dare I say it, we taught him that its wrong to hit where as other parents don’t seem to care.

I appreciate that some of you may not agree with me telling him he's got to retaliate but, telling the teacher or trying to address it with the parents isn't going to work. has anyone else had this and dealt with it effectively?

OBone
Learning break away moves and blocking techniques is always an answer, marshal arts such as Aikido teach an individual to be reactive and use the aggressor’s strength or speed against him to restrain him, to prevent the aggressor landing a punch, without actually hitting.
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