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  #21  
Old 19.10.2010, 23:05
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Re: Father Not wanting responsibility

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What happened, happened....guess it's time to help and be supportive not to blame the op


You might want to re-read my post...
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Old 19.10.2010, 23:09
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Re: Father Not wanting responsibility

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That is indeed the law.

We do not know the circumstances or the other half's story so we should not be criticising the man immediately.
They are were both responsible for contraception and I would think the female (carrying the child and ultimatly left with the baby) would be even more concerned.
We don't know whether this was an accident or though unlikely a basting (had a colleague that went through this).

The male actually gets the bad deal in sexual relationships/flings because it is the woman that decides all the way.

1) The woman can decide whether she is going to have sex
2) The woman can decide whether she is going to use contraceptive
3) The woman if she becomes pregnant can decide whether she will terminate the pregnancy or not
4) The woman can decide whether she wants to make a claim for maintenance or not.
Sorry but utter.bollocks.

It takes two to tango. She didnt tie him down and sat on top of him to get pregnant. Not that I am aware anyway. Contraceptives are never 100% full proof. Sh!t happens.

If the woman decides to keep the baby, its her choice. A choice she has to live with for the rest of her life. The least you can do is man up and pay up. If not, think twice before sticking your d*** into some one in the future.
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Old 19.10.2010, 23:11
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Re: Father Not wanting responsibility

Like they say it takes two to tango. Do not know circumstances exactly to judge but man is almost always the one to be blamed. Having said that hope that the OP will manage to solve the situation one way or the other. In such, the law is always on mother's side.
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Old 19.10.2010, 23:13
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Re: Father Not wanting responsibility

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You might want to re-read my post...
Corrected

Last edited by Mowvich; 19.10.2010 at 23:26. Reason: Change due to misunderstanding
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  #25  
Old 19.10.2010, 23:18
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Re: Father Not wanting responsibility

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Heard of condoms? Something the guy can use and prevent paternity.

To the OP: Best of luck and strength in this hard time.
But surely a woman must take responsibility too - if a woman who is not taking contraceptive agrees to have sex with somebody who dos not use a condom.... In the 60s, I could never understand why some of my friends had sex without being fully protected, and without being fully responsible. Agreed it should be a shared thing - but if not then YOU SAY NO - OR TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR CONTRACEPTION OR WHAT HAPPENS.

I sincerely hope you find a solution, and I am sorry for the above. But as a woman I feel very strongly about this.
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Old 19.10.2010, 23:36
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Re: Father Not wanting responsibility

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But surely a woman must take responsibility too - if a woman who is not taking contraceptive agrees to have sex with somebody who dos not use a condom.... In the 60s, I could never understand why some of my friends had sex without being fully protected, and without being fully responsible. Agreed it should be a shared thing - but if not then YOU SAY NO - OR TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR CONTRACEPTION OR WHAT HAPPENS.

I sincerely hope you find a solution, and I am sorry for the above. But as a woman I feel very strongly about this.
She has taken responsibility as she has had her child and is raising him/her on her own.
For the rest, Summerrain sums it up beautifully.
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Old 19.10.2010, 23:55
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Re: Father Not wanting responsibility

But why do women not say NO if they know they are having unprotected sex, and are not using contraception? Why? Yes, men are responsible too, and should use contraception - but why do women allow them have sex without. WHY? I was just a teenager when I walked into my GPs to discuss contraception, and earned his respect for taking responsibility.
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Old 20.10.2010, 08:03
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Re: Father Not wanting responsibility

Hi Lula, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I've been through the same thing. What you need to do is talk to your local gemeinde (not sure of the word in French) and explain your situation. They will force him to pay maintenance and if he refuses to accept he is the father they will even organise DNA tests. Be aware though that you do not receive a huge amount of money and to be honest some days I would rather not have my exe's money just to have him out of my life. On the other hand it's good for my daughter to know her father and I know it's the right thing even if it's a nightmare for me.

One of the hardest lessons to learn when you become a parent.....you are never going to put yourself first ever again. Still, it's worth it when they give you their complete love and trust.

For the daft wotsits here who are harping on about men being stitched up....you have no idea how hard it is to be in the OP's situation. I was on the pill and using condoms yet I still got pregnant. As others mentioned, no contraceptive is fail proof and if you are willing to have sex you should be willing to take on a baby if it happens to come along be it financially and/or emotionally.
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  #29  
Old 20.10.2010, 08:10
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Re: Father Not wanting responsibility

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Sorry but utter.bollocks.

It takes two to tango. She didnt tie him down and sat on top of him to get pregnant. Not that I am aware anyway. Contraceptives are never 100% full proof. Sh!t happens.

If the woman decides to keep the baby, its her choice. A choice she has to live with for the rest of her life The least you can do is man up and pay up. If not, think twice before sticking your d*** into some one in the future.
Disregarding the current situation this lady is in, why is the decision to keep the baby solely the woman's ? This should be a joint decision surely ? I disagree that from day one of conception the male has no further say in the matter whatsoever.
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  #30  
Old 20.10.2010, 08:11
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Re: Father Not wanting responsibility

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If the woman decides to keep the baby, its her choice. A choice she has to live with for the rest of her life. The least you can do is man up and pay up
I totally disagree with this bit. If a woman decides to keep the baby while the man is ademently against it then she should pay for it herself.

How about I get an expensive Ferrari (even though the GF is against it) and I demand my GF to pay part of the running costs for the next 18 yrs, even when in the future we may not be together anymore ?
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  #31  
Old 20.10.2010, 08:13
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Re: Father Not wanting responsibility

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....
Honestly, males today, they think they can get anyone up the stick and then when they are later to be informed they have a new baby they say they don't want it. Unbelievable.
Judging from the responses here, I think most men don't think like this. I certainly don't.

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Like they say it takes two to tango. Do not know circumstances exactly to judge but man is almost always the one to be blamed. ..
No-one, as far as I can see, is blaming anyone for the pregnancy. The man is being slagged off because he's not taking responsibility for his child.

Even if the OP "trapped" him - he still has responsibility for the sprog. In general, any time a fertile couple have sex, there's a chance of pregnancy. I'm the product of contraceptive failure myself!

(btw, what do you call couples who use the rhythm method?

Parents! ).
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  #32  
Old 20.10.2010, 08:27
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Re: Father Not wanting responsibility

I can see this getting messy later as the blokes and the girls have their say from their radically, opposite-end viewpoints...

Nothing sadder than bringing a baby into the world in a situation where the father wants nothing to do with it, even resents it, in my opinion. Also horrible for the bloke as well (having known one or two unlucky souls), though that and our opinion in general is of no significance of course because we can't bear the babies. I am thus, of course, pro-choice.

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I totally disagree with this bit. If a woman decides to keep the baby while the man is ademently against it then she should pay for it herself.

How about I get an expensive Ferrari (even though the GF is against it) and I demand my GF to pay part of the running costs for the next 18 yrs, even when in the future we may not be together anymore ?
The law disagrees, and as long as that remains true then that viewpoint counts for nothing. Personally I believe that if the man is completely, 100% against having a child and wants nothing to do with it, then he has the right to cut himself off from all obligations, with the result being that he loses all rights to ever see the child, indeed all paternal rights in all form for the rest of his natural life. He makes the choice, he lives with it no matter what the regrets (or not) later down the line.

If a woman chooses to have a baby after finding ou she is pregnant, knowing full-well that the man (who may well have used protection and been responsible, it's not bulletproof) wants nothing to do with the child, then the onus should (in my opinion) be on her and the government to support the child. She has consciously made her choice and committed to a lifetime of supporting the child... something which the man didn't and shouldn't have to commit to if it is unplanned and unwanted... and thus will be regretted till the end of his days. I can't think of any more tragic reason binding two otherwise indifferent people together for an entire lifetime than an unwanted child, I think it is heartbreaking for all concerned.

Controversial topic much.

Last edited by Chuff; 20.10.2010 at 13:32. Reason: Clearing up language and typos
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  #33  
Old 20.10.2010, 08:40
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Re: Father Not wanting responsibility

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Sorry but utter.bollocks.

It takes two to tango. She didnt tie him down and sat on top of him to get pregnant. Not that I am aware anyway. Contraceptives are never 100% full proof. Sh!t happens.

If the woman decides to keep the baby, its her choice. A choice she has to live with for the rest of her life.The least you can do is man up and pay up. If not, think twice before sticking your d*** into some one in the future.
But don't you think a woman should also think twice before spreading her legs and allowing a random d*** stick into her Agreed, sh!t happens even if you use contraceptives, but I believe we live in a time when it can be cleaned if you decide to ...

OK, controversial topic, nothing to do with the OP anyway
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  #34  
Old 20.10.2010, 08:45
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Re: Father Not wanting responsibility

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OK, controversial topic, nothing to do with the OP anyway
Ive asked the mods to split it into a seperate thread so we can debate without harming the OP's cause.
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Old 20.10.2010, 08:50
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Re: Father Not wanting responsibility

Good idea.
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Ive asked the mods to split it into a seperate thread so we can debate without harming the OP's cause.
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Old 20.10.2010, 08:52
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Re: Father Not wanting responsibility

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Judging from the responses here, I think most men don't think like this. I certainly don't.
I think the nature of the post seems to have passed by people. I am vehemently against pregnancy continuing if the male is against it. The nature of the posting I made - using phrases like "dont give him access to the child even if he does support you financially" was meant to highlight how often the male receives an unfairly harsh end of the deal in these situations.
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Old 20.10.2010, 09:18
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Re: Father Not wanting responsibility

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...I am vehemently against pregnancy continuing if the male is against it. ...
So you would impose a procedure on a woman that can have profound physical and mental repercussions? Whatever happened to a woman's right to choose.
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Old 20.10.2010, 09:20
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Re: Father Not wanting responsibility

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So you would impose a procedure on a woman that can have profound physical and mental repercussions? Whatever happened to a woman's right to choose.
And by reverse you would impose on the male who does not want the child a lifelong sentence that could have profound physical and mental reprecussions ?

Whatever happened to the males right to choose ?
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  #39  
Old 20.10.2010, 09:27
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Re: Father Not wanting responsibility

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And by reverse you would impose on the male who does not want the child a lifelong sentence that could have profound physical and mental reprecussions ?

Whatever happened to the males right to choose ?
You can't compare them directly, it's the woman who bears the burden of childbirth, so in that sense it will never be the same in terms of who has the right to choose if the baby is born or not. Nature gave females the ability to conceive, so they should never be forced to have a termination against their will, I think you just have to deal with that.

Hence why my suggestion for the option of the father voluntarily giving up all parental rights and having to pay no maintenance, rather than pay for the rest of his life for an unplanned child he wants no part of.

Life is never simple.
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Old 20.10.2010, 09:30
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Re: Father Not wanting responsibility

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And by reverse you would impose on the male who does not want the child a lifelong sentence that could have profound physical and mental reprecussions ?

Whatever happened to the males right to choose ?
I think men can choose not to have sex with someone they wouldn't want to have a baby with.
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