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Old 27.10.2010, 08:55
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Dealing with your children

How do parents manage to keep there tempers with there children? my son is driving me/us mad at the moment, he is nearly 11, example this morning, he had to fill out some birthday party invites to his friends, a simple task, I printed them out, cut them to size, all he had to do was fill in his friends name and his name, I come back 5 mins later and he's filled them in the wrong way round, crossed out the names, and redone them, in big felt tip pen, they looked terrible (and unreadable), so I told him to do them again, this time not in felt tip, so he did them in pencil, so you couldn't actually see the names, so I had to print them again and tell him to use a proper pen, not to rush and do it properly. we have to tell him to stop rushing things at least a couple of time per day, its driving me mental

his rushing is now seriously affecting his school grades too, in his rush to finish first he often misses questions out on test (if they are on the back of a sheet as well for instance)
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Old 27.10.2010, 09:02
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Re: Dealing with your children

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How do parents manage to keep there tempers with there children? my son is driving me/us mad at the moment, he is nearly 11, example this morning, he had to fill out some birthday party invites to his friends, a simple task, I printed them out, cut them to size, all he had to do was fill in his friends name and his name, I come back 5 mins later and he's filled them in the wrong way round, crossed out the names, and redone them, in big felt tip pen, they looked terrible (and unreadable), so I told him to do them again, this time not in felt tip, so he did them in pencil, so you couldn't actually see the names, so I had to print them again and tell him to use a proper pen, not to rush and do it properly. we have to tell him to stop rushing things at least a couple of time per day, its driving me mental

his rushing is now seriously affecting his school grades too, in his rush to finish first he often misses questions out on test (if they are on the back of a sheet as well for instance)
A question - after he has rushed his homework, or whatever task you have asked him to undertake, what does he do / is he allowed to do, next?

Tell him that after he's done his homework, he can tidy his room. That will slow him down with his homework.

Promises of TV or Playstation after a task will probably always mean the task is rushed.

Just a thought.
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Old 27.10.2010, 09:05
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Re: Dealing with your children

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A question - after he has rushed his homework, or whatever task you have asked him to undertake, what does he do / is he allowed to do, next?

Tell him that after he's done his homework, he can tidy his room. That will slow him down with his homework.

Promises of TV or Playstation after a task will probably always mean the task is rushed.

Just a thought.

he's not allowed to play consoles etc during the week, he usually goes off and reads.
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Old 27.10.2010, 09:11
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Re: Dealing with your children

Hhm. Must be something in the air. Our oldest (5.5 yrs) is being a royal pain at the mo over his food (again).

As for keeping tempers. Well, I look forward to reading the "how" part sometime on this thread today...
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Old 27.10.2010, 10:07
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Re: Dealing with your children

Hey, when my kids drive me mad by being slow, lazy etc. I try to remember that they're only children and they try their best most of the time. Adult standards of neatness, speed and focus are just impossible for them to achieve. To be honest sometimes I find them hard to achieve myself and we all can remember how hurtful parental critisim can be for a child, even when well intentioned. so my advice would be to chillax, no one will even notice messy writing on the invites.
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Old 27.10.2010, 10:16
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Re: Dealing with your children

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Hey, when my kids drive me mad by being slow, lazy etc. I try to remember that they're only children and they try their best most of the time. Adult standards of neatness, speed and focus are just impossible for them to achieve. To be honest sometimes I find them hard to achieve myself and we all can remember how hurtful parental critisim can be for a child, even when well intentioned. so my advice would be to chillax, no one will even notice messy writing on the invites.
I agree, it doesn't hurt also for them to mess-up once in a while & have to deal with the consequences themselves. This teaches them to be responsible for their own actions.

I never enjoy my time with them when I have to discipline on a daily basis & it will go in one ear & out of the other. When you do have to for a period of time equal amounts of affection & praise for what they are doing right balances everything out.
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Old 27.10.2010, 10:25
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Re: Dealing with your children

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How do parents manage to keep there tempers with there children? my son is driving me/us mad at the moment, he is nearly 11, example this morning, he had to fill out some birthday party invites to his friends, a simple task, I printed them out, cut them to size, all he had to do was fill in his friends name and his name, I come back 5 mins later and he's filled them in the wrong way round, crossed out the names, and redone them, in big felt tip pen, they looked terrible (and unreadable), so I told him to do them again, this time not in felt tip, so he did them in pencil, so you couldn't actually see the names, so I had to print them again and tell him to use a proper pen, not to rush and do it properly. we have to tell him to stop rushing things at least a couple of time per day, its driving me mental

his rushing is now seriously affecting his school grades too, in his rush to finish first he often misses questions out on test (if they are on the back of a sheet as well for instance)
my 2 cents on how to work this out..

-take a step back to realise that he is still a child..
-spend more time trying to relax /play with him
-the more time you spend with him, the more you can let him know about little things that you might want to communicate..
-dont say negative comments to any of the work directly..be patient -atleast he did it right the second time!
-One thing that always works for me is when I tell a story about my childhood when I used to do the same/similar thing(which is actually the case-usually) - and how I went about correcting it.
-any of the above could strike a chord..
-the most impportant virtue here is - patience from the parents..
-If you are tending to get angry..you need to take some relaxation - yoga/meditation might help..

xx
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Old 27.10.2010, 10:57
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Re: Dealing with your children

Be nasty to your little boy
And beat him when he sneezes
He only does it to annoy
Because he knows it teases.


Personally, I blame the parents.
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Old 27.10.2010, 11:36
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Re: Dealing with your children

Dear bigblue,

you would have hated me as a kid I did the same thing. My mom told me then that :"el flojo trabaja dos veces" (the lazy works twice) meaning if I am sloppy I will have to do it again until it was properly done (usually cleaning my bedroom ) and I learned (well sort of)...
So maybe explain to him why it is good to do things carefully then he will only have to do them once
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Old 27.10.2010, 11:40
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Re: Dealing with your children

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Dear bigblue,

you would have hated me as a kid I did the same thing. My mom told me then that :"el flojo trabaja dos veces" (the lazy works twice) meaning if I am sloppy I will have to do it again until it was properly done (usually cleaning my bedroom ) and I learned (well sort of)...
So maybe explain to him why it is good to do things carefully then he will only have to do them once
tried that several (hundred) times lol it still goes in one ear and out the other
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Old 27.10.2010, 11:43
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Re: Dealing with your children

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tried that several (hundred) times lol it still goes in one ear and out the other
They are just seeing how far they can go...(expert speaking) Remember if there are no invitations there is no birthday party
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Old 27.10.2010, 11:49
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Re: Dealing with your children

I just love this piece by Bill Cosby about dealing with kids...

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Old 27.10.2010, 12:00
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Re: Dealing with your children

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I just love this piece by Bill Cosby about dealing with kids...


thats our son! another example, last week he looked a bit off colour, so we asked him several time if he was ok "yes fine" he said, so told him to sort his lunch out, so he got to the kitchen, got all the food out ready and was promptly sick over it all, we asked you if you where ok!!!! arghhhhhhh
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Old 28.10.2010, 00:03
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Re: Dealing with your children

Oh boy that Bill Cosby made me laugh so much.

Sadly this is exactly our two boys also. Both of them are like that. And the younger one is only 3 years old - and already behaves like a teenager.

The silence when I ask a question - and nothing too tricky - just like "have you cleaned your teeth yet?" (the older one I'm talking about now) and the ignoring me and the rudeness. Drives me up the flaming wall. Then yes, there is the infernal slowness when they need to be fast and the race-speed when they need to slow down. And the whispering at me when we are in the car and I can't hear them in the back, yet shouting full volume at me when I'm sitting right next to them on the sofa.

I think there has to be a balance between when you ignore it and chill about it - because yes I totally agree they ARE just kids and they do not have to be as clever, polite and know everything that adults do - but on the other hand every now and then I do feel like they need a good kick up the back side (not literally obviously).

My personal weakness is the morning routine - trying to get the swines out of bed, fed and off to school/tagi so I can go to work. Every single day this is a battle of wills and it rarely ends nicely. Usually I'm tearing my hair out before I leave the house. And we have tried every single trick under the sun to sort this out - nothing works.

No tips here. Try and keep cool and don't let them wind you up too much is a good idea - but very hard to put into practice sometimes.
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Old 28.10.2010, 00:11
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Re: Dealing with your children

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How do parents manage to keep there tempers with there children? my son is driving me/us mad at the moment, he is nearly 11
Could i please request an update when he reaches puberty?
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Old 28.10.2010, 07:30
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Re: Dealing with your children

I keep my temper by not being with my kids 24/7 and yet, I can lose it pretty quickly.Actually, my husband is absolutely amazed to see how I can keep calm & collected with a class of twenty 13 year old or 7 year old kids but not be able to deal with one 2 year old at home.

Maybe he's right " good teachers make bad parents!"
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Old 28.10.2010, 08:08
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Re: Dealing with your children

my son is a bit like yours- he's 10, rushes through things as well although it has gotten better in the last year.

first thing i would say is if he wrote out the invitations sloppy and you had him do them again, and again they were rushed and sloppy-have him send them out. that way he can really see how important it is to have clear and correct info for the invites- and he has to take responsibility for his work.

also, what helped my boy stop some of the rushing, was just as angela said- he had to do twice the work. we also spoke with his teacher (who is great) and he was rushing the same in school- he wanted to be done first. so now when he is done first- he has more work to do, or he can choose to go over his finished work and check it. thankfully, he chooses to check through his work and it has made a big difference b/c he tends to lose points on silly mistakes for the same reason.

after all it is all about what is important to them, if you make them think that the work is important to you and your wife- that's great but not all that motivating for him. if you keep telling and showing him how it is important to him (esp something like the invites where people maybe don't show or understand directions,etc) he'll learn the importance of it on his own. and those are the lessons that stick...good luck. it's not easy 10/11/12 but it is also the time that (for us, i'm sure for you too) we see this really funny person growing out of our 'baby'. the sense of humor and fun at this age is great- and worth the frustration!
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