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  #121  
Old 04.11.2010, 15:01
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Re: Have you made yourself and your husband miserable?

Poor Pipi, absentee father, no mother, left to her own devices for months at a time. Is there a support group for superhumanly strong girls who don't know that their life is awful? Someone must tell her...
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  #122  
Old 04.11.2010, 15:17
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Re: Have you made yourself and your husband miserable?

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Is there a support group for superhumanly strong girls who don't know that their life is awful?
I have no idea, but you are stealing ours...Shooooooooo


I say...D...O....G........H............O............ ......U........................and
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  #123  
Old 04.11.2010, 15:19
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Re: Have you made yourself and your husband miserable?

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I have no idea, but you are stealing ours...Shooooooooo


I say...D...O....G........H............O............ ......U........................and
Dog hound? You mean hound dog, dear .
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  #124  
Old 04.11.2010, 15:24
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Re: Have you made yourself and your husband miserable?

Wrong thread, here.


Sometimes I regret signing you in here, shooo shoooo shoooooooooo
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  #125  
Old 04.11.2010, 16:45
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Re: Have you made yourself and your husband miserable?

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Oh yeah. And wash those stairs and windows too, darling, while you are completing the appreciation mission...

I think you have missed the point of somebody being relocated from a familiar environment and bitching over hesitation of jumping right in and obstacles that come with not knowing what will happen next, in a few weeks, months. Priviledge or not, it is a question of personal situation. Besides, I don't have big girl's pants, mine are pretty extra small.

I have been outside a lot today, thank you very much, pondering why on earth did I get paid less than last year, for a job bellow my edu and experiences, why do I have to prove myself worthy when somewhere else, we have worked hard on being in a great situation and were able to work full time, in our languages. Wealthiest countries? For everyone? Really? Some people's living status is lower here than before. Some people do not like it and are trying to figure out how to attack the task. It's cool to hang here and share our stories. You still want to shoot down our efforts? Because you think we are lucky? Everyone should feel this way, right? No matter how their life really is, what do you know.. I don't even want to get into this.

So, stuff your little lecture, hahaha...




Well, good for her, really.

Yes, some partners do not want to make the main breadwinner's life even more complicated and feel guilty for not being able to cope with flying colors..Isolation sucks, kinda prevents people from using a lot of normal, self-preserving mechanisms...so, good for your wife.
Ok, You'll have to stop this for a bit, sista.. I already gave you some rep and I can't give you more for a while... So keep it low!

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  #126  
Old 04.11.2010, 20:02
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Re: Have you made yourself and your husband miserable?

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Oh yeah. And wash those stairs and windows too, darling, while you are completing the appreciation mission...

I think you have missed the point of somebody being relocated from a familiar environment and bitching over hesitation of jumping right in and obstacles that come with not knowing what will happen next, in a few weeks, months. Priviledge or not, it is a question of personal situation. Besides, I don't have big girl's pants, mine are pretty extra small.

I have been outside a lot today, thank you very much, pondering why on earth did I get paid less than last year, for a job bellow my edu and experiences, why do I have to prove myself worthy when somewhere else, we have worked hard on being in a great situation and were able to work full time, in our languages. Wealthiest countries? For everyone? Really? Some people's living status is lower here than before. Some people do not like it and are trying to figure out how to attack the task. It's cool to hang here and share our stories. You still want to shoot down our efforts? Because you think we are lucky? Everyone should feel this way, right? No matter how their life really is, what do you know.. I don't even want to get into this.

So, stuff your little lecture, hahaha...

Well, good for her, really.

Yes, some partners do not want to make the main breadwinner's life even more complicated and feel guilty for not being able to cope with flying colors..Isolation sucks, kinda prevents people from using a lot of normal, self-preserving mechanisms...so, good for your wife.
i really, really think you misunderstood the intent of the post you responded to. i dont think this person was trying at all to make light of those statements you present, they face us all who have spouses who gave up what they had to come here.

those of us who came here did so because we believed what we did was for the Greater Good of our family; one sacrifices for a while (or does something completely different and takes a break for a while) while the other bulletproofs his/her career. "cmon honey, you hated your job/boss/commute, lets go live in the alps, you take a few years off/write that novel/paint etc, and let me get to the point in my career here with this op that we didnt have back home".

the post you responded to i think is merely suggesting: enjoy what you have. if you're sitting in a nice flat in switzerland on a computer, you have more than most in the world, and even if your take home money is less right now, your vacation is longer, your pension is better, your job security is better, your partner's future is brighter... etc etc.

there are reasons why you came here that were based in reality and those which were based on what ifs and expectations, a number of which have probably not come true. But we live as guests in one of the most amazing societies in the world, and i'm grateful to be here; grateful for the ops its offered and the career push its given me, kissing the ground i walk on for the view i have from my balcony, loving living in a safe place where random violence is unheard of (unlike my last home, where a burglar assaulted my wife in our own home), weeping at the sight of the dairy case every time i go shopping, and loving living in a place 3 hrs from 4 other cultures. my door to door commute is 19mins. I dont own a car. I hear 10 languages a day. I am constantly stimulated by, and lucky to be immersed in, a culture i understand in which i was not born. How can i feel bitter, despite the shit weather, the perverse prices, occasionally grumpy and anal neighbors?

i hope you get through your dark cloud and see the sun here, its a bright and beautiful thing.
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  #127  
Old 04.11.2010, 20:44
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Re: Have you made yourself and your husband miserable?

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i really, really think you misunderstood the intent of the post you responded to. i dont think this person was trying at all to make light of those statements you present, they face us all who have spouses who gave up what they had to come here.

those of us who came here did so because we believed what we did was for the Greater Good of our family; one sacrifices for a while (or does something completely different and takes a break for a while) while the other bulletproofs his/her career. "cmon honey, you hated your job/boss/commute, lets go live in the alps, you take a few years off/write that novel/paint etc, and let me get to the point in my career here with this op that we didnt have back home".

the post you responded to i think is merely suggesting: enjoy what you have. if you're sitting in a nice flat in switzerland on a computer, you have more than most in the world, and even if your take home money is less right now, your vacation is longer, your pension is better, your job security is better, your partner's future is brighter... etc etc.

there are reasons why you came here that were based in reality and those which were based on what ifs and expectations, a number of which have probably not come true. But we live as guests in one of the most amazing societies in the world, and i'm grateful to be here; grateful for the ops its offered and the career push its given me, kissing the ground i walk on for the view i have from my balcony, loving living in a safe place where random violence is unheard of (unlike my last home, where a burglar assaulted my wife in our own home), weeping at the sight of the dairy case every time i go shopping, and loving living in a place 3 hrs from 4 other cultures. my door to door commute is 19mins. I dont own a car. I hear 10 languages a day. I am constantly stimulated by, and lucky to be immersed in, a culture i understand in which i was not born. How can i feel bitter, despite the shit weather, the perverse prices, occasionally grumpy and anal neighbors?

i hope you get through your dark cloud and see the sun here, its a bright and beautiful thing.
Did you heard the birds and violin?
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  #128  
Old 04.11.2010, 21:03
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Re: Have you made yourself and your husband miserable?

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Did you heard the birds and violin?
no i did not heard.
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  #129  
Old 04.11.2010, 21:07
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Re: Have you made yourself and your husband miserable?

All your bird are belong to violin.
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  #130  
Old 04.11.2010, 21:31
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Re: Have you made yourself and your husband miserable?

Awwwww.....hahaha, it is nice, all this positive thinking, please, I want more. I do think the same, about 85% of the time. Or maybe, 82%. So, yeah. On the other hand, glennsche - don't read so much into my posts. It's fun to vent here, rather than rant home/work/playground/playdates/parents/buddies/gayfriends/knitters..At least one gets an honest response. And I do vent, too, when the smiles on my face are fading and I am tired of the whole shtick.

I do have to point out, not all stay at home people's lives are the same, it's a wrong assumption. It's not all writing a novel/painting big art, sipping hot chocolate, being smitten by the views. People's lives are no longer one way or the other, most stay at home people mix it all up, share duties with partners, take different times with kids, have some odd jobs or another. I only know one stay at home parent and traling spouse who would be your stereotypical desperate housewife. So, don't assume. This thread is mostly about reaching out, not about realizing we don't notice how lucky we are/grateful we should be. I think we all already know this, so sorry if we do sound like a bunch if whiney girls...

I am sure all the women who posted here try to make the most out of it here.

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the post you responded to i think is merely suggesting: enjoy what you have. if you're sitting in a nice flat in switzerland on a computer, you have more than most in the world, and even if your take home money is less right now, your vacation is longer, your pension is better, your job security is better, your partner's future is brighter... etc etc.
I sit in a nice place, true, on a computer some stretches since I have two articles opened to edit for publishing.. I don't sit on the PC to pick my nose or cry on, although that also happens at times (the crying) . Ef is my distraction since it provides communication that is not easy otherwise, people I can relate to, funny issues I deal with as well as others do, it provides info I can't really get admiring alps, although I do walk around and admire, sure..LOads of people are likeminded, so it makes me feel less of an alien in here. My pension trully sucks, don't even get there. My job security is non existant, compared to home, life insurance a lot less likely, besides, have you met men insurers here who will tell you it's not worth for the wife to get a life insurance? Seriously...

My partner's future is a lot better and I am happy for that. It's a tough industry here, as welll, elsewhere even more.

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there are reasons why you came here that were based in reality and those which were based on what ifs and expectations, a number of which have probably not come true. But we live as guests in one of the most amazing societies in the world, and i'm grateful to be here; grateful for the ops its offered and the career push its given me, kissing the ground i walk on for the view i have from my balcony, loving living in a safe place where random violence is unheard of (unlike my last home, where a burglar assaulted my wife in our own home), weeping at the sight of the dairy case every time i go shopping, and loving living in a place 3 hrs from 4 other cultures. my door to door commute is 19mins. I dont own a car. I hear 10 languages a day. I am constantly stimulated by, and lucky to be immersed in, a culture i understand in which i was not born. How can i feel bitter, despite the shit weather, the perverse prices, occasionally grumpy and anal neighbors?

i hope you get through your dark cloud and see the sun here, its a bright and beautiful thing.
it's not a dark cloud all the time, but somewhat realistic nag, that we are sharing here. Sorry your wife got assaulted, doesn't sound like a solid place where you lived before. I grew up 20mins from 2 dif cultures. I don't feel like a guest here, I do appreciate the chance this society gave me, although it's making sure I know about how generous they feel about it..I enjoy learning all about different attitudes in this place, it's fun and really interesting. I do, however, miss familiarity, ways at home, power and independence for women easily attainable while here it's a struggle. I need to trust and it is not easy here. I am glad you feel like kissing the ground here and weeping at the sight of dairy. Now, wake up! Hahaha...there are other places in the world, where people have decent lives. I should have wept more at home It's normal people want to be independent and quit being somewhat a burden..especially in a place pricey as this is. It takes a while, though.

Thanks for your thoughts.
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Last edited by MusicChick; 04.11.2010 at 22:29.
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  #131  
Old 05.11.2010, 14:02
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Re: Have you made yourself and your husband miserable?

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i really, really think you misunderstood the intent of the post you responded to. i dont think this person was trying at all to make light of those statements you present, they face us all who have spouses who gave up what they had to come here.

those of us who came here did so because we believed what we did was for the Greater Good of our family; one sacrifices for a while (or does something completely different and takes a break for a while) while the other bulletproofs his/her career. "cmon honey, you hated your job/boss/commute, lets go live in the alps, you take a few years off/write that novel/paint etc, and let me get to the point in my career here with this op that we didnt have back home".

the post you responded to i think is merely suggesting: enjoy what you have. if you're sitting in a nice flat in switzerland on a computer, you have more than most in the world, and even if your take home money is less right now, your vacation is longer, your pension is better, your job security is better, your partner's future is brighter... etc etc.

there are reasons why you came here that were based in reality and those which were based on what ifs and expectations, a number of which have probably not come true. But we live as guests in one of the most amazing societies in the world, and i'm grateful to be here; grateful for the ops its offered and the career push its given me, kissing the ground i walk on for the view i have from my balcony, loving living in a safe place where random violence is unheard of (unlike my last home, where a burglar assaulted my wife in our own home), weeping at the sight of the dairy case every time i go shopping, and loving living in a place 3 hrs from 4 other cultures. my door to door commute is 19mins. I dont own a car. I hear 10 languages a day. I am constantly stimulated by, and lucky to be immersed in, a culture i understand in which i was not born. How can i feel bitter, despite the shit weather, the perverse prices, occasionally grumpy and anal neighbors?

i hope you get through your dark cloud and see the sun here, its a bright and beautiful thing.
Yes, its an amazing country. I love the air, views, how safe and efficient everything is... blah blah blah. I could have cried this morning when the sun was shining on the beautiful lake, the trees in 300 shades of yellow, gold, brown...

Whats your point?

Does that satisfy or fulfill your self confidence in any way? Does it cure your isolation from your friends and family back home? Does it soothe your constant worry that you are too far away from home to make it back in time, if something unfortunate happens?

I dont think so.

At the risk of sounding defensive, we are not a bunch of ungrateful beetches, sitting behind our computers whining and not doing a single thing about it, other than just giving our husbands grief. My husband's career is flying and hand on heart, I am happy I've made this sacrifice. But that doesnt stop me from feeling a tad bit low about what I've given up in order to achieve this sometimes - I am only human. I guess we women want it all.

I have so much respect for all these brave women who've taken a similar step, contributed their experiences on here, and making the best out of their own individual situations. Its great to know that I am not alone. I personally love and learnt to appreciate my peaceful morning routines versus rushing between the shower, and coffee machine before going to work, and beating the morning peak hour traffic. I also appreciate that I dont have to worry about office politics, stressful clients blah blah blah. But I miss the adrenaline, the self worth that came with the job. Something, with all due respect, that the men who've told us to look on the bright side of things and appreciate what we have now, are really in no position to comment on.

What I would seriously love, is for one day, just one day - those husbands or men who've made the comment to "see the bright side of things" to do a role reversal. If not, I'll settle for a house husband to share his experience on here and see how much it differs from a woman's point of view. Dont worry, your man-points will go up in our eyes for sharing.
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  #132  
Old 05.11.2010, 14:22
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Re: Have you made yourself and your husband miserable?

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What I would seriously love, is for one day, just one day - those husbands or men who've made the comment to "see the bright side of things" to do a role reversal. If not, I'll settle for a house husband to share his experience. Dont worry, your man-points will go up in our eyes for sharing.
Well you ladies arent the only ones to give up your lives in your home country. I gave up a really good life in my country to be in Switzerland with my partner and little girl. I have traded travelling a wide brown land, setting up camp in an amazing spot each night, swimming with dolphins, sharks,ray, exploring ancient canyons and generally having a good time to being stuck in an office by myself all day during work for which I have no real passion for. And what were my options ? Turn my back on the responsiblities of raising my child my child because I wanted to have more fun ? I'm grateful that I have work and I try to enjoy this place as much as I can,all the while with the knowledge my parents arent getting any younger and my daughter is growing up not knowing the other (much larger) half of her family. And I work, and most nights my partner works so when I get home its housework, preparing meals and getting the little one off to bed. So no rest for the wicked or the weary. Do I regret my decisions ? Sometimes. Could have I done things different ? Sure. But when I get the time to see my little girl, I mean precious time when i am not cooking, doing dishes I wouldnt swap it for anything in the world
Glass is half full ladies.

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  #133  
Old 05.11.2010, 16:26
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Re: Have you made yourself and your husband miserable?

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I personally love and learnt to appreciate my peaceful morning routines versus rushing between the shower, and coffee machine before going to work, and beating the morning peak hour traffic. I also appreciate that I dont have to worry about office politics, stressful clients blah blah blah. But I miss the adrenaline, the self worth that came with the job.
Great post, summer. It's interesting that since I was able to start working, I absolutely love that silly rush from shower to coffee to train to work, to work intensely and hard and rush home, to kiddo, studying, cooking, etc...Just to have that a little bit of different perspective, to be away, to have my own schedule, to have to fit within a time plan, a team, sharing difficulties, to be part of something external and to be part of something Swiss...It's only when I was able to do that I saw how sad, desperate and isolating one can be at home in a foreign country no matter how many hikes/playgroups/concert/replacement activities one schedules in and how busy one keeps oneself..Just the amount of interraction a job brings, the sudden improve of language, ways of dealing with things, attacking the uknown...So, I wouldn't knock down anyone who at home, while giving priority to career of somebody else, feels a little out of place or lost. Besides, there are practical things to consider, being out of career is disadvantaging, no matter how many paintings we do, the retirement security, the look of the CV, the potential new future boss will probably be not so interested in the book we managed to write, the baby bumms we managed to wipe and photos we took...That's life, we live with it. But to hear how unappreciative one is by feeling a little low about this, uhm....Naw.

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Glass is half full ladies.
Good for you, making all the necessarry sacrifice, gracefully and gratefully...Now, that does not mean your situation is the same with other people and so they should see things in the same way...Being out of work brings consequences that longer one stays out of working world (and in a foreign place on top of it, often not knowing the local language since it takes a while to learn) more felt they are...
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  #134  
Old 05.11.2010, 18:28
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Re: Have you made yourself and your husband miserable?

At the same time, the stuff we do on our free time (painting, writing, photography, raising children, etc) can be some pretty awesome things, even if a future boss doesn't care. Right now it matters to us, and also provides a vehicle to connect to others with similar interests.
I don't think it's a career per se that will make any one happy, but rather finding a passion for what you love doing with your time, whether employed, or unemployed.
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  #135  
Old 06.11.2010, 11:54
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Re: Have you made yourself and your husband miserable?

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At the same time, the stuff we do on our free time (painting, writing, photography, raising children, etc) can be some pretty awesome things, even if a future boss doesn't care.
Of course, I completely agree and have worked hard on perfecting those skills, hahah...I wanted to give a few notions behind some of the gripe people can have when at home, since some working world people have absolutely no idea and wouldn't understand. Besides, I have met modern time bosses who do give credit for stay at home times, value the level of multitasking and organizing skills one gets so good at when being at home, loyalty and appreciation newly employed stay at home person usually offers, devotion, etc etc...Things are never black and white.
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Old 06.11.2010, 12:03
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Re: Have you made yourself and your husband miserable?

I have seen here lots of good suggestions here....It all means the same ,please keep yourselves occupied well which will take you away from all sadness. Go for a short holiday trip, and then try to regularly go to meeting and socialising with your friends...Friends ..they are magical medicines
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  #137  
Old 07.11.2010, 00:46
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Re: Have you made yourself and your husband miserable?

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I have seen here lots of good suggestions here....It all means the same ,please keep yourselves occupied well which will take you away from all sadness. Go for a short holiday trip, and then try to regularly go to meeting and socialising with your friends...Friends ..they are magical medicines

Holiday trip = $$$, £££, or €€€
Socializing with friends often also = $$, ££, or €€


I think that is / was part of what makes me hold myself back socially... that danged cash. Maybe it is easier for folks who "still" are in the habit of using credit cards for "everything"... knowing myself and watching my husband's spending habits, although it limits our "I want it right now" options some, it helps keep trouble from boiling over.


Ah well, rolling with the recent epiphany, hopefully I can get some things moving and changing between now and "Thanksgiving week" as I am to have surgery that week and I sure will feel a bit better having set myself on the path I actually want to be on.
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  #138  
Old 07.11.2010, 11:27
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Re: Have you made yourself and your husband miserable?

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Holiday trip = $$$, £££, or €€€
Socializing with friends often also = $$, ££, or €€


I think that is / was part of what makes me hold myself back socially... that danged cash. Maybe it is easier for folks who "still" are in the habit of using credit cards for "everything"... knowing myself and watching my husband's spending habits, although it limits our "I want it right now" options some, it helps keep trouble from boiling over.


Ah well, rolling with the recent epiphany, hopefully I can get some things moving and changing between now and "Thanksgiving week" as I am to have surgery that week and I sure will feel a bit better having set myself on the path I actually want to be on.
Peg, I have no insight to your financial situation but socialising with friends does not need to cost much. Hiking, walks, price of a coffee, potlucks - all dont need credit cards at all.

Good luck with surgery.
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  #139  
Old 09.11.2010, 23:43
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Re: Have you made yourself and your husband miserable?

Maybe
we should do a chat get to know eachother for the ones that wish to
chat after all now we know more about ourself,and we are all in
similar situation
if any of you would like to go for a drink let me know
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Old 10.11.2010, 11:01
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Re: Have you made yourself and your husband miserable?

Firstly I think this is a great post, not applicable to everyone but EF (even with opposing opinions, sarcasm and twisted logic at times) can be a great source of support. Just knowing I am not the only one going through this "stuff" (not necessarily related to this thread) makes me feel a little less isolated in the "perfect country" we live in.

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I had an epiphany this morning...
I have been making my husband unhappy.
The saying 'miserable wife, miserable life' most definitely has a ring of truth to it.
To have a realisation like this, means the problem is already half solved. Realisically in our former "corporate world" life, how many times did we all sit in meetings trying to get problems acknowledged (often unsuccessfully) knowing that until a problem is acknowledged it can not be fixed? True this is your personal life but similar rules apply.
My question is (for the OP or others) "Before you came to this realisation, your everloving, patient, sometimes frustrated, supportive (in his own way) husband knew you were making him miserable, how should he point this out to you in order that you come to this realisation earlier? Whilst probably a suicidal move (with an unhappy wife) is it technically possible without a huge fight or divorce?

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Well you ladies arent the only ones to give up your lives in your home country. I gave up a really good life in my country to be in Switzerland with my partner and little girl. I have traded travelling a wide brown land, setting up camp in an amazing spot each night, swimming with dolphins, sharks,ray, exploring ancient canyons and generally having a good time to being stuck in an office by myself all day during work for which I have no real passion for. And what were my options ? Turn my back on the responsiblities of raising my child my child because I wanted to have more fun ? I'm grateful that I have work and I try to enjoy this place as much as I can,all the while with the knowledge my parents arent getting any younger and my daughter is growing up not knowing the other (much larger) half of her family. And I work, and most nights my partner works so when I get home its housework, preparing meals and getting the little one off to bed. So no rest for the wicked or the weary. Do I regret my decisions ? Sometimes. Could have I done things different ? Sure. But when I get the time to see my little girl, I mean precious time when i am not cooking, doing dishes I wouldnt swap it for anything in the world
Glass is half full ladies.
Hats off to you, I am in a similar situation and it is not easy.

Ladies, consider if the shoe was on the other foot, if you're partner had followed you here for you're career and he had to stay at home with the children. In Switzerland (moreso than elsewhere) a man is defined by his job/career, I was a stay at home dad for my first few years here and trust me, you really don't know isolation or alienation as much as a man. To receive strange looks and comments (politely in Swiss German) everytime you go to a playground or playgroup was damn tough, whilst language is a barrier at the start at least you are acceptable (being female) in these places. I now have a part time job which helps a lot but I used to earn in an hour what I now earn in a day, a pretty hard rock to suck for a man, but I am making a small contribution and have a happy/healthy family. I am not looking for sympathy just saying in any foreign land, the one without the career will face a new set of previously unimagined difficulties, regardless of sex.

Last edited by Longbyt; 11.11.2010 at 20:21. Reason: Tried to sort out the quotes so that the Thread makes sense!
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