I took my then 3 year old to daycare one morning and when we walked in I said happy birthday to one of the staff members. I turned to my daughter and asked, "what do we say when it's someone's birthday?" She eagerly replied, "where's the cake?"

Hahahahahahaha, fantastic!

My daughter was recently plotting some small naughty thing on the bus and I said to her, "I can see the wheels in your head turning."

"I don't have wheels in my head!" She said, indignantly.

"I know, you have a brain in your head, not wheels," I conceded.

"NO! I have NO brains in my head!"

Kids spelling:

I like to watch the Canadian news at TV5 Monde in the morning. My daughter hates it because it is during her cartoons (but I am the boss, right?)

Anyway, the TV is programmed to switch automatically to that channel and every morning, my daughter will say:

- No Cadana, tantot Cadana, ok?

And more I tell her the proper spelling, the more she argues with me that it is not Canada but Cadana.

"Madame, est-ce que je peux avoir ma punition maintenant, s'il vous plaît?"

Awww. "I want my punishment now, so we don't forget it".
My kids are the coolest cats in the hood

A touch of reverse psychology on the teacher so she melts and doesn't punish anybody....
I'll bet you didn't dish any out after that.

Aww...Naw, I dished I dished, but the punishment is work and they like to show me they can do it.

One cannot ever afford not being consistent

Driving home earlier, my son was moaning about the fact he is not allowed play Wii today (long story)

..muttering 'n' moaning away in the back of the car, he said:

"I am really annoyed at you!!"

My husband asked him which one of us parents was he annoyed at, he then said:

"The one on the left!"

This was followed by those awful parental moments we all know well, when you twist your face into all sorts of amazing contortions and put hands over your mouth as much as possible in the hopes that no squeals of laughter will escape and further annoy the cranky had-enough-of-the-world kid in the back of the car.

'tis a tough job, my friends, a tough job..

Our son's version of taking away toys when he is naughty: "Mummy, i'm so upset with you - i'm going to take away your computer."

My 3 year old had some jabs yesterday, and refuses to take her plaster off. First thing she did when she woke up was make sure it was still there.
Anyway, she was sitting on my knees and I was telling her to get up and she said said. 'Don't talk mummy, or my plaster will fall off' Which had me in hysterics, so she retorts 'no funny (laughing) or talking or my plaster will fall off' She also can not walk properly, and limps with her entire right side, but it's OK to dance.

One of my student's parents called me and said we had to cancel lessons that day because my student was in the hospital. Details werent very clear yet but she will keep me updated. The next day, I received a call from her with news that the poor boy has broken his arm due to a fight and we'll have to cancel lessons for the rest of the term.

I asked to speak to him and the conversation went something like this:

Me: Hello my darling, how are you?
Him: I broke my arm.
Me: Yes I heard, how did you break it?
Him: I got into a fight!
Me: Oh no, why would you do that?
Him: Because (child's name) called me an ugly ginger!
Me: *tries not to laugh* Yes but that is no reason to start a fight. What did you hope to achieve? And I think being a redhead is beautiful.
Him: He is uglier than me. So he CANNOT call me ugly! Will you come and see me soon Mrs X?

*speechless*

__________________
Remember when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and b****-slap the mother-f***er upside the head.

Not cute.

8-year old football mad boy talking aloud as he carefully typed into Google:

"Gary...Speed...dead"

My response: "Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out...he was a good player and he died and Daddy's upset and shocked. Now get off the computer right now"

My baby girl started solids recently.

According to my son, she's now making Egyptian poo: it's shaped like a pyramid in her nappy...!

Watching Columbo; Falk is getting a confession of murder from Faye Dunaway in a tense scene when Lil Mud leans over and whispers, "Dad, I think they are going to smootch!" .

But what she wants to say is "Catalan",Where the cartoons are

"Well son...so what do you think a computer's really for?"
"It's for checking if the cinema is for big boys or little boys"

Oh great, I've bred a 5-year old Wirtschaftsinformatiker

The 8-year old is also on form.
It involves Hardware and a hard Swiss floor. Guess the rest.

"Do you know exactly what you broke?"
"No"
"It's called an HDD."
"HDD - that's a nice name, I wish I was called HDD!"

God, give me strength.

My little girl came home from school to say her friend is off sick
"cos she got chicken in a box"
(Chicken Pox)

My four-year-old was very excited. "Daddy, I have something to tell you. They took a photo of me today!"

"Really, darling? Who took your photograph?"

"My photo! They took my photo! Not a photograph!"

"Yes, darling. Photograph is just the long way of saying photo."

"Oh. Photograph. That sounds funny!"

"Ummm ... OK ... So, where did you have your photo taken?"

Loooong pause. "You said it was called a photograph."

"Yes, darling."

"What's a phototaken?"

A friend came over to Switzerland and her children where all clued up about the new language. Her 5 year old girl was very disappointed when she realized the television had learned German faster than she had.

our big boy (2yrs 9 month) wanted to show his grandparents that he can count to ten.

one, too, thee, fooouh, five, six, bike, seven, eight, nine, ten..