apart from the fact that you obviously do not know very many Swiss women since they like to wear their hair long - my son was very confused once when he saw a man with long hair and beard. he kept saying "man? woman? man? woman?"..

New gem from mini-nil;

She likes to let us know when she pass air (girls don't fart). This morning we were getting ready when she expressed a burp only her can do and said;

- Maman, I did a mouth-fart! Sorry!

thanks to share....

Clearly my daughter is in the running for the next Gordon Ramsey....

Coming home tonight she came into the living room, turned to me and said:

"mummy, where's that bloody cat gone?"

Must. Watch. My. Language. More.

My first word was 'bugger', and my family are still arguing about who was to blame for that one

The Written word.

Remember those childhood Letters to Father Christmas?
How times have changed.

First, my 8 year old printed a photo:

http://www.adidaspredator.org/images...ow%20white.jpg

Then he wrote underneath in German

"Halo Christmas Mann,
I want these shoes and they are on Page 50"

Page 50 of what, I'm not quite sure, but I'm sure HE thinks Father Xmas will know.

Surely page 50 of the Laminated Book of Dreams (laminated to catch the tears of joy)?

Okay, so my son is trying desperately to get his 3 year old sister to play noughts & crosses, and with paper and pencil in hand, asks her:

"What do you want to be, X or Os?"

and she answers:

"I want to be a werewolf!"

After going through the whole protracted routine of brushing teeth, riding on Daddy's back to the bedroom, reading stories, asking for a glass of water, kissng the cat, and hugs and kisses good night, my four-year-old had finally run out of procrastination options and was yawning mightily. I closed the door softly and walked away. Ten minutes later came the call, "Daddy! Daddeeeeeeeee!"

I walked back in. "You said you were sleepy!"

"I am, but my brain is not tired!"

"Ok, so what do we call the Xmas guy in English..?"

"Pére Christmas"

"No...no no, ce n'est pas pére, what is is S...S...."

"Santa Christmas, madame"

"Close, anyone?"

"Santa Claude...Santa Killer...Santa Crib...Santa Closet?"

Mini-Nil is getting a big head to hear people around calling her pretty as she goes around now saying: Mini-Nil guapa!

So we were walking back home after school and I was listening her talking about her day when she started on Mini-Nil Guapa!

Her -Mini-Nil Guapa!
me -yeah, we know, we know!
her -Mama Guapa!
me -Well, Thank you! Mini-baba? (my son)
her -Mini-Baba Guapa!
me -No, Mini-Baba is a boy so it is Guapo.
me -Juan? ( a little friend)
her -Guapo!

So she goes: Mini-Nil Guapa, mama Guapa, Mini-baba Guapo, Juan Guapo.

Me -and Baba?

Baba Angry!

5-year old is going through a Learn about Marriage Phase.

Carefully viewing our Wedding Photo in the hall, out came the questions:

"Why did you get married?" Answer: we love each other
"Did you kiss?" Answer: Yes!
"How long for?" Answer: ask your Mother! "It was about 1 minute"

Too much cute stuff over Xmas and New Year to remember - plus some arguments of course...

But this one I liked.

5-year old:
"How many days will I be 6?"

"Errmm...167" plucking something that sounds high from the air

"Thursday?"

A tad optimistic son, but good try.

Watching a programme about sports cars on TV, I said how beautiful I found the new Porshe Carrera.

Son: you could ask it for Xmas!
Me: it's terribly expensive you know
Son: you don't care, it's Santa Claus who pays!

Oh, if only!

My 2yo son is knocking a few gems out, half German/English.
Facinated with me on the toilet proclaims:
"Mehr putzen" (more cleaning/washing)
Ok I say and get up.
No Daddy, mehr putzen, naughty daddy dirty!!

Setting your children a good example. Not.

5-year old
"Can I watch this DVD?"
"No, it's a 15 certificate. You have to be 15 years old or older"
"Why?"
"Errm, because it's got bad words in it"
"What - like "sh*t" ?"

Silence.
Wife looks over with that "It's all your fault" face on.

"Yes, but don't use words like that. They're Daddy's words only"

One day, I'm going to write a book of these.

5-year old again

"When are we going on Holiday?"
"It's in exactly 29 days" I reply
"When's that?"
"I thought you could count!"
"No"
"I know you can, you can count to 10 easily. Now what number comes after 10?"

"29" I had to laugh!

I gathered up a bunch of loose change and had a neat row of 20p stacks on the table beside my desk. Little Mud (5) spotted them the other day and was curious.

"I just counted them up so I can spend them."
That seemed to satisfy her.

Today, she saw the same stacks, still there.

"Daaad, why didn't you spend this money?"
Me-"'Cause I just haven't yet"
"Daaad, you spent time with this money."

I turned around and she had one eyebrow cocked and a half smile as she looked at me- she knew she had done something clever with words. Darn clever!

At breakfast this morning:

"I think I need some lots and lots of milk."

"You're off topic!"
"No you are Poo-head"

Bless them, kids are so cute when they fight.

My favourite student has outdone himself this time.

Me (stopping him after his many attempts to get the very few bars right, which he obviously didnt practice over the holidays): okay lets stop here. Did you manage to practice over the holidays?

Him: Yes (defensively)
Me: Its ok to tell me that you havent. I wont be angry. We all had fun over Christmas but its not right to tell fibs.
Him: Fibs?
Me: untruths, lies. Things that are not true.
Him: Oh.

5 seconds pause

Him: So Mrs X, its not right when Mummy says that she is 38 years old when she is actually 43??

Me: erm...

*Cues cough from the kitchen, followed by a "want to adopt him?"*

__________________
Remember when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and b****-slap the mother-f***er upside the head.