Lenny was getting above boisterous, so I said "Lenny that's enough" Lenny replied."Du enough auch"!

Mini mimi: Daddy, you're a retard
Daddy: Excuse me??
Mini mimi: *stroking his face* you're a retard
Me: Oh she means "you're a sweetheart"

My wife went to get her haircut on Saturday.

She explained to our two and a half year old where she was going.

"Are you going to buy yourself a toy car when they've finished?" he asked.

A tad stressed after a long day. Putting the kids down to bed.
5 year old:

"Why do you look angry Daddy?"
"I'm not angry son - am I ever angry?"
"Yes. With Mummy sometimes"
"Oh really - why's that?"
"Because sometimes she doesn't understand you a bit"

I'll hire him out as a Marriage Guidance Consellor.
Charge: 20 CHF per hour + unlimited apple juice.

Anger and Death.

Angry 5-year old going to bed:

"When you die, I'm going to watch Television on my own and NOT Channel 4 News"

Trying to explain sexual attributes to my two and half year old daughter:

Me: Yes, I have breasts and feed the baby with them...
My daughter Ryna:" Mami breasts!" (in a tone of conviction)
"Ryna breasts! Papi breasts!"

At a later date, I explained that her seven month old brother has a penis.
Ryna: Ryna also penis! (same tone of voice as when she insists she also gets to drink milk, when her brother does)

Animals?
5-year old logic:

"When there's not enough food, do animals eat their poo?"
"Errm, I don't really know"
"Why don't you know??"

I give up...

We were travelling California and along the coast we saw a lot of signs saying that the squirrels should not be fed. My son, about 4 at that time, asked me: "Mom, doesn't the man who owns America like if we feed the squirrels?"

For as long as I can remember, my son has believed that those long, skinny pieces of pasta are called "spaghetti bolognese" -- not simply spaghetti. For example, his favourite dish is "spaghetti bolognese carbonara". But yesterday was a milestone in his linguistic/culinary development.

Him: "What's for dinner, Daddy?"
Me: "Spaghetti bolognese, darling."
Him: "Well, I would like spaghetti carbonara, sausages and doughnuts, please!"

At least he's got the pasta concept sorted. And he did ask nicely.

We went skiing today. I bought the lift tickets at the ticket window, then walked over to my partner and gave her her ticket. My son, looking on, said "What about me?"

"You're free!" my partner told him, happily.

"No I'm not!" he replied, indignantly, "I'm four!"

Our neighbour's son to his dad, then about 6: "When I grow up, i'm going to drink wine and boss people around!" ..obviously taking after daddy

Taking 9-year old back from Football Training:

"I've got 10 Francs. If I get 20 million Francs, I can play for Manchester United!"
"Err, sorry"
"I need 20 million Francs then I can play for Manchestr United"

"Errm, son, I don't think you quite understand the football transfer system. Let me explain..."

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5-year old when I'm in a rush to dash out:

"What's metal made out of?"
"Errm...particles."
"And what's particles made out of?"
"Atoms son. Atoms"
"And what's Atoms made out of?"
"Protons and neutrons"

"Can Mike Tyson break atoms?"

Relief I can do this:
"YES! I'm sure Mike Tyson can break atoms, he's very strong, because he eats all his vegetables and drinks orange juice"

Memo to self: never show children a Youtube boxing video when they ask "Who is the strongest person on Earth?"

Don't dare tell Mrs. OM...

__________________
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Hüüt bin I Güet

Her: "Daaaddyy..."
Me: "Hmm?"
Her: <BURP> <giggle>

My 4.5 year old daughter told me recently:

"Mami, I will get married 3 times: First with XXX (a boy from her Krippe), then with YYY (another boy from her Krippe) then with daddy.."

Awww...



"Shut up!"

"No bad manners in my classes, kids!"

"Shut up, please!"

5yo son in tears:
Me-What Is wrong?
My bannanas broke, waaaahhhaaaa!!
Me-how?
I tried to open it and now it is broke and squidgy wwwaaaahhaa!!
Me- Well bite the end off and then the skin will peel off easy.
I ONLY WANT TO EAT THE INSIDE AND NOW ITS BROKE!!!waaaaahhhhha!!
Me-Hmm a big problem huh?(trying not to laugh)
DONT LAUGH AT ME WHEN I AM SO ANGRY AND SAD!!! waaahhaaahhaa!!

After some hours of sweating blood upgrading the children's PC, I get this kind of treatment.

Putting in the last Football game and watching it install, I am ordered:
"You can go now, I'll call you"

Don't call us. We'll call you.
Thanks son.

I was cutting fennel and carrots and filling the veggies into little bags for the kids' snack when my ten year old walked into the kitchen, saw what I was doing and said: "Oh, are our guinea pigs going on a field trip today?"

Your child shows signs of being a great comedian in later life.

from my 6yo son - 6 little words that you never want to hear...

"Mummy, I just washed your toothbrush"