5-year old boy announces he might be gay. Or maybe not.

"I'm never getting married to a woman"
"Errm, what are you going to do when you get older then?"
"Eat lots of sweeties"

Question time:

"Why do I have to do everything you tell me Daddy?"
"Because you've got lots of things to learn!"
"Like what?"
"Can you change a lightbulb or fix an aeroplane?"

"No, but I can open a chocolate bar"

Even his older brother was laughing...

My best friend was at my house last night for dinner then came over again today. My daughter came downstairs saw her and said what's she doing Here daddy promised she would only come once this weekend she as to go home ( ok not cute I nearly died of embarrassment)

5-year old

"Which countries speak English Daddy?"
"Well, you know a few - remember where we went on Holiday?"
"Singapore?"
"Yes"
"Australia?"
"Yes - very good...any more?"
"Errmmmm....errrmmmmmmmmm"

"A big country with a President Obama. President Barrack Obama"

"Manchester!"

President Obama of Manchester? I like it!

Listening to the radio in the car today when the song comes on that samples Supertramp's "Take a look at my girlfriend".

Six year old asks "What's a girlfriend?".

So I explain to her the concept of girlfriends/boyfriends.

She says "I have a boyfriend."

"You do?". News to me!

"Yes, but he doesn't know it yet."

The concept of Bravery.
To a 5-year old.

I'm watching some snooker:
"Wow that was a brave shot he took on there!"

"I did something brave Daddy!"
"Oh yes?" dreading what's coming next...
"When I was 4 years old, I went to Monika's house and ate carrots"

Speechless again...

My son (10) and I were listening to the radio in the car. During the news they played a tape of Ueli Maurer talking about the leaks in his department regarding the Gripen jets. What he said roughly translated to: "That's a f%ç&ing impertinence that those &ç%%&ç&%ç/)/) were *ç*ç%*ççing."

My son's reaction: "That must be a redneck"

"Mami, why do these guys from Big Bang Theory look like your brothers?"

That's OK, as long as she thinks you look like the girl across the hall ...

putting the plates in the dishwasher hubby whistles at me to take his plate to put it in the dishwasher, i tell him get lost, my son asks why, i said daddy whistled at me, my son said oh mummy daddy thinks your hot lol

Children don't miss anything.

Mrs OM is on her own in the kitchen wearing just her knickers.
No one else around.

I come in, like the view and say
"You look good! Can I have a quick go at your pu..y?"

A little head pops up immediately from behind the sofa:
"Can I have a quick go at the computer?"

We looked at each other and laughed...

We walked through Konstanz today and I pointed out a house that is beautifully painted. My son (10) looked at it, shrugged his shoulders and said:

"That was painted in the romantic period. They are killing each other but no blood is visible."

I was like

It's my birthday. Son (6) decides he wants to offer me the kindle I want. I ask him how he will pay for it. He looks at me like I'm mad: "it's the internet mommy, you click and it comes home!"

My son (4) likes his baths tepid, at best. Tonight he wanted me to have a bath with him. I stepped in and said, "This is too cold for me!"

"Just get in, Daddy," he replied, "you'll get used to it!"

Talk about swapping roles ...

My nearly 4 year old has a 'new' trolley rucksack thing that she insisted on taking with her today, so in the supermarket I try to pack our shopping in it, which she flat out refuses to allow. "NO! It's MY bag" so I have to use the flimsy plastic bags. I try to expain that they are bad for the environment.
"Whats the vironent?"
"The planet..... the Earth, where we live"
"We don't live at Earth, we live at (name of street)"
"yes, we live at (name of street), which is in Zurich, which is in Switzerland, which is on Earth"
"No it isn't"
"yes it is"
"NO IT ISN'T"
"Yes we live on Earth, everybody lives on Earth"
"NO. YOUR NOT MY FRIEND"


Later when she is calmed down I try again. She is less worked but but insists that she is right and I am wrong because...
"Not everyone lives on Earth, some people are on planes"

I give up.

I have one.
My 8-yr old son.

Me: There are too many hungry people in the world, without food and water, like in Africa. China also has too many people.

Son: Yes papa, and I know why.

Me: Why?

Son: Because they have too much sex!
==============

Me: Don't come into our room, son. Mama and I could be having sex.

Son: Don't joke papa, you only have 2 times sex in your life.

Me: Why only 2 times?

Son: One time for me, one time for my sister. And mama says "no more children".

Me: ????
==============

Remembers me of the time my then 8 year old walked in on us. He looked at us, chuckled and said: "That's just gross" and left...

Me and minime where on the 13 tram going past Esher-wiss-platz, and it was packed with people going to pride. They all get off and Mini says
"Why are all those people so happy"
"They are going to a big party"
"I want to go to party"
"we can't, this is only for gay people"
"When I grow up I will be a gay person, then a bus driver then a horse vet"

I always tell my kids to say please and thankyou, i asked my son to bring me a glass of water today he said no you didn't say please

9-year old asking for social advice

"Should I talk to someone who says he hates Rooney?"
"How do you mean?"
"Shall I talk to him ever again - he says he hates Rooney"
"Look let's wait for the Match tonight and if Rooney scores, you can remind him tomorrow"

Cross fingers everyone....

Our 21/2 yo son is the sleeping bag Houdini so we brought a some safety pins to keep him in.
Me: Darling can you bring the pins?
Son: Mommy bring the penis, bring the penis!!

His favorite car (from cars)at the moment is Betonmcmissile, a combination of Finn McMissile and Beton Mischer (concrete truck).