My nearly 3 year-old's been learning about manners from a funny kid's book in which a little girl who doesn't use a hanky when she sneezes is asked: "don't you know what to do? were you born in a zoo?"

A few days later my husband is talking to our neighbour, and the neighbour sneezes... naturally my son calls out across the garden: "Mummy, was (insert neighbour's name) born in a zoo?!"

Discussion between my colleague and his 4 years old daughter:
Him: look! there's a full moon in the sky!
Her: full with what daddy?

I brought my then 4 year old niece out for her birthday treat. Before we could, I told her that I had to go do a quick errand on behalf of mum, which was to drop off stuff at a relative's place. Conversation went something like this:

Me: ok, before we hit Toys R Us, we'll need to drop off something at Aunty R's place ok?
Her: Why?
Me: Because we have to do it. I promised her I would.
Her: What's pwo-miss?
Me: It means that you have to do something for a person, when you say you will - whether you like it or not. I wish we didnt have to, and its such a inconvenience but we have to do this.
Her: Whats an incon...con?
Me: A pain.
Her: Like stomach pain?
Me: (BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT) No, more like something you dont like to do. What dont you like to do?
Her: Pick up my toys when Nan tells me to. Brush my teeth.
Me: Thats exactly it, sweetheart.
Her: Ok!

We arrived at my relative's place and conversation went something like this:

Aunty R: Wont you stay for something to eat?
Me: No thank you, we need to get this little girl a special birthday present.
Aunty R: Well, thanks for your help.
Me: No problem at all. I am glad to be of help.
Niece: No no no, but you said it was as pain just now!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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Remember when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and b****-slap the mother-f***er upside the head.

when i am out driving if another driver is driving stupid i always mutter "plonker" not thinking my kids are taking any notice, or can hear me, then a few months ago i was out driving, and a car pulled out in front of me so i had o slam on my brakes, suddenly my son shouted "mummy look he`s a plonker" i couldn`t stop laughing.

A friend of mine lives here in GE with her two boys at "chemin de poussy" and apparently there are streets near by named after various flowers.. Jasmine, Rose, etc...

Mrs. G gave our friend some scented sachets.. Jasmine , Rose etc and the womans little boy picked them up... oh..this is Jasmine like the street, this is Rose like the street.. and this one must smell like poussy.



( he was about 6 at the time )

The words "cute" and "kids" don't go well in the same sentence..........arghh

Yes...I am very grumpy today.

How about "what's fellatio?".

I nearly tore off the steering wheel with that one.

So....luckily mum did know how to explain that one

I didn't want to answer as I usually do... "google it", so yes.

Many years ago I might have expressed concern about my dads general health one day at the dinner table and this was naturally being picked up by my oldest son, who at that time was about 4 or 5 years old.

Next time he saw his grand dad he said "My dad says you are going to die soon".

Once my son (4) came to the bathroom when I was there, just finished and he said: “Dad you have such a huge penis” Oh yeah. Only problem that The Dragon was there too and she could not stop laughing.


We recently had a newcomer in the family so we had some talk about her with him:
He: So she will live in the same flat as we?
Me: Yes
He: And she will eat at the same table as we?
Me: later but yes.
He: And she will use the same bathroom as me?
Me: Yes
He: How long will she stay with us?

My son loves bandaids. Anytime he hurt himself even if its very slight he puts one on. Now in Hungarian bandaid is “sebtapasz” where “seb” is gash and “tapasz” is bandaid. Problem is he calls it "seggtapasz" where “segg” is ass.

My boy went through that phase where he was fascinating with other people's genitals.

To his dad: "Wow, your willy is so big, why is mine so small? Will it get big one day, like yours???"

And to me: "Where is your willy? Have you lost it? Will mine fall down too????"

Dr Freud would be so happy to explain this...

So, one day in the elevator, 8fl GE Manor, yet again somebody ripping a mean quiet fart - and my child sniffs, looks at the people there, shakes her head and makes a face, saying, really loudly and crisp clearly "And they didn't excuse themselves".

We also had an evil look from a guy that my child pointed her little finger at, then looked at her chest and said "Mama, this guy has a lot of milk in his boobies for his babies"...

Sometimes I don't know where to hide.

Me neither, believe me...

My son is very good at observing people, and then wonders at a lot of puzzling (for him!) things.

He recently asked an ugly old lady if she was a witch. Well, to be honest she really looked like one!

Once, in the bus, a black couple came to sit in front of us. My son promptly explained: "Wow mommy, you see, those people they are ALL black! Why?" Big moment of solitude...

My toddler son, waiting outside a shop and finding himself next to a 'just nipped out for a ciggie' bloke:

Son, in loud voice: Whas dat ting there? <points to cigarette right next to his head>
Me: It's called a cigarette.
S: Whas it for?
Me: Well, it's a little tube of paper with some leafy stuff in the middle called tobacco, and some people like to set fire to the end, put it in their mouth and suck the smoke into them.
Pause...
S, in amazed and horrified voice: WHY?
Smoking man grinds it out on the floor and stalks back in as everyone around sniggers at him.

And around age 3, dashing to make an appointment to redo the mortgage, I'd just got us in the car when I realised I'd forgotten some ID documents and nipped back in the house. Back in the car:

S: Why did you need to go back in the house, mummy?
M: I needed some papers for our appointment at the bank.
S: But you already got lots of papers.
M: Ah, yes, these are different ones. These are so the bank man will know who Daddy and I are.
Pause...
S, in a puzzled voice: But he will know who you are... he will be able to see you.

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'Chance favours only the prepared mind.'

Another one, just this morning, from my 6 yr old daughter:

Daughter: ... and we got to play on the computers this morning, and Kevin was naughty so his behaviour peg was moved down...
Me: Oh dear... (not really listening)

D: ... and we went for a walk instead of gym and collected some leaves.
Me: That's nice... anything else happen?

D: ... and my teacher told me I'm not allowed to say 'putain' to people anymore.
Me: Oh, that's.... WHAT?

Typical - it was only the other week that I quizzed my 10 yr old son to see if he knew any English swearwords (he genuinely only seemed to know 'bum'; he would have looked more knowing and sniggered if he was keeping any back), and yet my 6 yr old's cursing like a docker.

__________________
'Chance favours only the prepared mind.'

this morning:


5 year old son: "I want to be a teacher when I get big"

Me: "great idea, do you want to teach little kids?"

5 year old son: "No, I just want to have eyes in the back of my head, mummies and teachers have eyes in the backs of the head, but daddies don't."

My son discovered the joy of exclaiming 'Oh s***t!' each time he drops or forgets something... It's at the same time so cute and so disturbing...

Son, 4 years, colored a Clown in his colouring book with very dark colours, brings it to me and says-- "It's Obama".

amusing to read this thread
just want to share this vid
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIVyM361FPM