"Ma, is that a mermaid? A real one??"

"No, honey, it's a manatee".

Just finished a very "family-friendly" holiday.

"So, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much did you enjoy your holiday?"

My 6-year-old replied, "Five thousand hundred!"

3 am this morning, a scared 5 year old barges into our bedroom
5 year old: Mama, I had a terrible nightmare. Please can I sleep in your bed?
Me (wondering if he dreamt of something "scary" he saw at the Boogg parade yesterday): What was it, darling?
5 year old: It was really scary mama, I dreamt I was playing golf!

When our two were then 10 and 4. Sister (4) pinches brother (10) at the table.

Dad: This was not nice at all, what you did to your brother. What do you say?

Lips sealed, defiant look from little one.

Dad: I repeat, what do you say to your brother?

This goes on for a couple of minutes till I lose patience and say: you forgot our rule about being nice to each other, so you won't get any pudding.

Little one, eventually speaking: but Dad, you forgot rule number one that we're not allowed to talk with food in our mouth!

I knew we were in for an interesting teenagehood later on!

"I love shoes"...out of the mouth of an 11-yr old boy

My guitarist (Pittsburgh) raising his daughter had an interesting year when his little 3yr old Czech Sophie would welcome him at the door when he got back from work, while she was screaming "Darky?? Daddy, darky?"

He said it sounded just so wrong. Darky means presents in Czech.

I've recently moved into a 'group home'. Yesterday a friend and I took the two children of another friend out to the Salon du Livre in Geneva. On the way home, one announced she was thirsty and the other said he was hungry, so when we got to the place I'm living I invited them in.

It took some time to explain that I lived in this big house but it wasn't mine and there were other people living there so they couldn't wander everywhere.

Then I had to find something for child number two to eat. As I didn't want to take something from the communal cupboards, I brought out some cereal bars I had in my room.

The little boy couldn't understand why I didn't offer him chocolate biscuits or anything else...

In the end, as he was (reluctantly) eating his cereal bar, he said to me:

'Victoria, you must be REALLY POOR if all you can afford to eat is cereal bars!'

2014 7years later .I and my wife on a 2 week baby sitting mission, for the purpose there parents can enjoy a vacation .
Assignment completed I phrased sam for his outstanding behavior ,sams respond "Grand pa are you trying to be sarcastic" Oh do I hate smart kids

I'm 8 months pregnant. Yesterday I sat next to my son, admittedly a bit heavily.

"Gosh Mom, as soon as this baby is out, it's straight back to the gym for you!"

Child at school...Lynn why are you wearing a different face today?
Me...it's my new lipstick Sofia.

"What's that, mom, that's for lice?" my kid, getting all excited..
"No, babes, it's to detangle my hair."
"Oh, ok", all disappointed..
"Can I still see if you have any?"

I don't think I even ever had them, once..

"Ok, guys, we need to practice for our finals, let's pair up and do a bit of practice, I'll start - tell me something about your hobbies"

"Madame, my girlfriend is my hobby.."

"Ok, let's start over again.."

16-17 y.o. I suppose?

Exchanging lame jokes with my 5yr old.
Me - what do you get when you cross a kangeroo with a sheep...... A wholly jumper
Her - why did the sheep turn into a jumper..... Because it was silly
Me - what is green and goes up and down at the touch of a button...... A pea in a lift
Her - what is yellow and goes up and down...... Pee in a lift.

I nearly peed.

I just love Kids, they are most selfless and innocent one, you can ever know

Ok you've reached your 10 posts now so what are you selling?

Nice one Abi!

Mini mimi has some great jokes at the moment....i'm sure we'll see her on stage in the future

Mini-mimi: what did the cow do when it spilt it's milk?
Me: ?
Mini-mimi: it didn't clean it up!!!

*she breaks into fits of giggles*

Mini-mimi: why did the chicken cross the road?
Me:?
Mini-mimi: it didn't. It walked sideways.

On a cute note, i recently went for a scan to find out if baby two will be a boy or a girl. Turns out we are expecting a boy.

Mini-mimi: thank you so much mummy for making all of my wishes come true!!
Me: awwwwww, I'm glad sweetheart. But I thought you said it was going to be a girl and that's what you wanted.
Mini-mimi: "but mummy, you always tell me "I want, doesn't get" so I tricked the baby. You were right....you're a genius!"

Congratulations!

"Argh, I messed up.."
"But mom, you messed up really well..!!"

They are so cute. It made me laugh.

"Mom, who's a psychologist? It's the man who looks in the universe through a telescope to tell us the weather?"

I don't really understand this one but it seems she's got her uncles' jobs confused. I wonder what makes kids fascinated with meteo, stars, universe..their actual concrete, everyday world is so tiny.