In wartime children who lived in big cities had to be evaporated because it was safer in the country
Sometimes in the war they take prisners and keep them as ostiges until the war is over. Come prisoners end up in consterpation camps
Then Joan of Ark met her end. She was burned as a steak
Sir Walter Raleigh circumcised the world with a big clipper
MATHS
The total is when you add up all the numbers and a remainder is an animal that pulls Santa on his slay
I would like to be an accountant but you have to know a lot of moths
If it is less than 90 degrees it is a cute angel
RELIGIOUS STUDIES
A mosque is a sort of church. The main difference is that its roof is doomed
I asked my mum why we said old men at the end of prayers at skool, I don't know any old men apart from grandpa
If you marry two people you are a pigamist, but morons are allowed to do this
GEOGRAPHY
The closest town to France is Dover. You can get yo France on a train or you can go on a fairy
In geography we learned that countries with sea round them are islands and ones without sea are incontinents
THE ARTS
… and at the end of the show we all sing away in a manager
In last year's Christmas concert, Linzi played the main prat. I played one of the smaller prats and I would like to have a bigger prat this year
SCIENCE
Helicopters are cleverer than planes. Not only can they fly through the air they can also hoover
One of the most important farces is the farce that pulls things to the ground. This farce is called gravy
NATURAL HISTORY
Crabs and creatures like them all belong to a family of crushed asians
HOLIDAYS
On our activity holiday Dad wanted to ride the hores, but Mom said they were too ekspensiv.
__________________ "I'll say I can't tell you when, But if my spirit is strong, I know it can't be long, No questions I'm not alone, Somehow I'll find my way home" Rod
The following 4 users would like to thank Deep Purple for this useful post:
Many years ago, when I was 23-25 years old, I worked as a salesman in a furniture store in Germany. I had a goatee back then, and one day, some customers brought a small kid with them in the shop.
He points at a chair, and proudly says "Stuhl" , and his parents tell him how clever he is.
Then he points at a candle, and proudly says "Kerze", and his parents tell him how clever he is.
Then he points at a table, and proudly says "Tisch", and his parents tell him how clever he is.
Then he points at me, and says "Opa" (Grandpa), and I'm just standing there with a wtf-expression on my face, and his parents tell me, his Grandpa also has a similar looking beard, so the kid figured, man with goatee = Opa
Doc.
__________________
‘I had a bottle of whisky that I’d bought to take with me when I go to visit friends in Canada, but I thought, “I’m not opening that for him!”
- Gillian Duffy when Gordon Brown visited her
This user would like to thank Doctor for this useful post:
My youngest is not-quite-three, with a reasonably large vocabulary ... and loves to talk!
At the moment, though, he's lacking a few verbs ... but has a default verb to use! So, when he's not sure of the verb he wants, he uses, "crunching". Some examples I've heard over the past few weeks ...
"I'm crunching to go that way!" (trying)
"I'm crunching the bread." (in this case not eating, as might be logical, but buttering)
"I'm crunching my boots on!" (putting, clearly - in a hurry to get out the door ...)
Most often, it's instead of 'trying', but it's amazing what's being "crunched" at the moment! Just can't recall them all right now ...
The following 3 users would like to thank araqyl for this useful post:
My little one is a bit too small to really talk, but I just can't resist to post, how it makes my heart glow when she smiles. I could never ever imagine that a smile can be so moving and touching.
This user would like to thank for this useful post:
Our oldest had a lot of "problems" with personal pronouns, specifically I/me interchanging with you.
Me: "XXX do you want to try this, or shall I do it?"
Him: "No, you do it"
(me starts doing task or whatever).
Him: "NO! You do it, you do it, you do it!"
Me: "I am, I am, I can't do it any faster..."
Him: "NO! You do it, you do it, you do it!"
Me: *click* "Oh, you want to do it?"
Him: "Yes!"
Happened for a good couple of months. I was kinda' sad when he stopped speaking like that, as it was sweet in a way only said child's parent can understand .
__________________
Never let right or wrong get in the way of a good opinion
The following 2 users would like to thank Carlos R for this useful post:
A couple of days ago my nearly 3 year old daughter very nearly made me choke on my breakfast cereal with the following conversation :
Me : Are you excited about going to Grandma & Grandad's for Christmas?
Her: Yes
Me : You'll be sharing a room with your cousin, will that be OK?
Her : Yes. He's a boy?
Me: Yes darling, he's a boy.
(Pause for thought)
Her: Boys have willies, girls have foo-foo's (I know, blame her Dad for that one!)
I've got a foo-foo, you've got a foo-foo, Daddy has a Willy and XXX (her brother)
has a willy too?
Me : Yes that's right.
Her: When I get bigger, I get a spikey foo-foo too?
Me: (Spluttering my cereal over the table) Pardon me?
Her: You was bending over in the bathroom the other day and you have a spikey foo-
foo. I get one when I get bigger.
I laughed till I cried, but am really praying that this conversation isn't repeated over Christmas Dinner with the whole family present!
The following 5 users would like to thank EnglishRose for this useful post:
Decades ago, my grandparents gave my brother (aged about 3 at the time) one of those little cardboard tubs of ice cream with a peel-off lid. He studied it carefully, turned it around a few times, looked at the bottom - then stared up at his grandparents with huge, solemn eyes and announced in a bewildered tone, "No door!"
The following 2 users would like to thank for this useful post:
I always remember when one of my nephews, then aged 3, and I went to feed bread to the ducks at the local pond. One of them came right up to him, was about the same height and was quacking away like mad for food and he told it to shut up and stop shouting! It did .
The following 2 users would like to thank ximix for this useful post:
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(ducks for cover)
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