Confused by this forum

[dmay]

So, here's what I don't get:

I look at the discussion threads here and see a bunch of cranky people hurling invectives around and generally annoyed with everything Swiss, expat, commercial, liberal, conservative, overly friendly, unfriendly, or, otherwise existing.

Yet, when we've gone to the social events, we invariably meet a large group of friendly people we can effortlessly have several hours pleasant conversation with.

Are there rules I'm not aware of here?

(yes, I understand sampling bias, and that nice conversations die fast where flamewars go forever, etc. etc. I'm more just commenting on how the discussion forums create an atmosphere where I have to talk myself in to social events that I always wind up having a great time at.)

[NSchulzi]

Do you think that demonstrates that people have a propensity to present an alter ego on Forums, or that they just take the opportunity to let off steam in relative anonymity, or both?!

However, this becomes a bit more complicated when there is an active social element to a Forum, such as this one. I suspect that there is a correlation between invective (or lack of), depending on whether or not posters have met in real life.

[TiMow]

Some of the antagonists obviously have too much time on their hands.

And some just need to ......

[Nil]

Beside the fact that subject has been talked to death, resurected and killed again, and transformed into vampire to stab it again and again and again until evitam eternam, I'll give it a go to answer it!

The forum is there to answer questions, share experiences, have a good time and give some moral support (whatever how nasty the form can be sometimes).

Of course it looks always worse in here than the real world outside... You don't hear about the good things all the time with fluffeh bunnies pictures all over the place in the newspapers and TV news? Same here.

Complaints and bitching make people talk, it is a fact.

When I go to an event here in Basel, I meet great, funny and very easy going people. Those same who may bitch and moan on the forum, me included! The atmosphere is completely different! And believe me, we love to have a good laugh at what made us or others talk on the forum recently.

What we don't see it is what is going on behind the scene in PM. People sending messages to get news, to ask are we are, what is going on, send great tips and support, etc.

I have much more going on behind the scene with lots of people in here that isn't shown on the threads. An exemple, I used to argue a lot with LIB (a flouncy bunny) moons ago on the forum. We were like cat & dog, bitching at each other and people were saying to calm down, let it go, etc. But what no one knew is that we were talking in PM and having a good laugh about it.

A forum is a place to exchange experiences and tips but also to let the steam out. Which give us the occasion to really enjoy an event where we don't feel the need to use to vent the steam out. We already did it on the forum!

And believe me, when you meet the members, it change completely the idea or image you have of them on the forum. Which makes the whole forum experience even better!

[summerrain]

You are confused because it seems to me like you are generalising and choosing to just look at the negatives. There are two sides to every coin.

Dig deeper and you'll find that its a place where help is given to people who genuinely need it, and many others have benefitted from the experiences of one another. I've said this before many many times - with the good comes the bad.

You simply choose what to take with you, and what to ignore.

[jrspet]

It is an acquired taste.

[nic80]

It would be a very boring forum if we didn't each express our different opinions.

Eg.

Member A: "I love cheese"

Member B: "Me too."

Member C: "Me three."

Member D: "Oh I love cheese! Off to get me some now."

Throw a bit of antagonism, humour or difference of opinion into the mix and the conversation is spiced up and interesting! What you miss on a forum is the body language that tells you when its humour and so what is written is open to interpretation by the reader, if you're having a crap day you may take what is written badly. But just like in real life, there are people who disagree with you and are happy to voice that opinion everywhere. This forum is a mirror to real life (unless you live in a very fluffy world )

Where can I buy brown sugar?

[Deep Purple]

	Quote:	summerrain
	You are confused because it seems to me like you are generalising and choosing to just look at the negatives. There are two sides to every coin. Dig deeper and you'll find that its a place where help is given to people who genuinely need it, and many others have benefitted from the experiences of one another. I've said this before many many times - with the good comes the bad. You simply choose what to take with you, and what to ignore.

I think you have summed it up really well. You get out of the forum as much as you want.

Personally, I avoid most of the controversial debates and subjects that are irrelevant to me. Some others obviously thrive on these and good luck to them.

No member is forced to contribute in a particular forum, or respond to every thread. Pick the bits that interest you and ignore the rest. Life's too short to let the rest bother you.

[mirfield]

	Quote:	nic80
	Member A: "I love cheese" Member B: "Me too." Member C: "Me three." Member D: "Oh I love cheese! Off to get me some now."

Let's shoot the cheese.

[stephanienie]

I love this forum! im not being cheesy but i learned alot. I wish i could contribute more but im just a newbie and actually enjoying it. My bf took a peek in here and gave me thumbs up for not wasting my time on the internet (honest!)

I do have a complain though.
1. Being told not to use Deutsch. My bad i forgot swiss has 4 official languages but still. i see others doin it. Why scold me?
2. "no text speak"...is that really necessary? Even my educator friends dont mind. We should be able to even read texts consisting only of consonants! I like to get my message across as fast as possible!
3. Some bad comments get to my nerves and i cant resist but to take it personally) but thats all part of the beauty of anonymity

[Nickers]

	Quote:	stephanienie
	I love this forum! im not being cheesy but i learned alot. I wish i could contribute more but im just a newbie and actually enjoying it. My bf took a peek in here and gave me thumbs up for not wasting my time on the internet (honest!) I do have a complain though. 1. Being told not to use Deutsch. My bad i forgot swiss has 4 official languages but still. i see others doin it. Why scold me? 2. "no text speak"...is that really necessary? Even my educator friends dont mind. We should be able to even read texts consisting only of consonants! I like to get my message across as fast as possible! 3. Some bad comments get to my nerves and i cant resist but to take it personally) but thats all part of the beauty of anonymity

1. It is an English speaking forum
2. It is an English speaking forum (not an english txt spk forum)
3. Form a thicker skin

[stephanienie]

I just felt abit bullied. Using txt language sometimes and adding some deutsch is not offensive. And i now see alot of it here. But i had to be picked on when i did it. ugh

[summerrain]

HTFU.

u wanted txt spk rt?

[Nickers]

	Quote:	stephanienie
	I just felt abit bullied. Using txt language sometimes and adding some deutsch is not offensive. And i now see alot of it here. But i had to be picked on when i did it. ugh

I don't think anyone would have told you it was offensive it's just not very polite to use deutsch on a forum for english speaking people (unless in a language area of the forum where it may be useful etc..) or using txtspk on a forum where English is hard enough for a non English mother tongue speaker to understand without throwing txtspk into the equation

plus textspk came about for exactly that SMS/TEXting where you had a numerical keypad and only a few characters for a text - there's no excuse for it on a forum which has no character limitation and most people are typing on a keyboard

[MusicChick]

	Quote:	stephanienie
	I love this forum! im not being cheesy but i learned alot. I wish i could contribute more but im just a newbie and actually enjoying it. My bf took a peek in here and gave me thumbs up for not wasting my time on the internet (honest!) I do have a complain though. 1. Being told not to use Deutsch. My bad i forgot swiss has 4 official languages but still. i see others doin it. Why scold me? 2. "no text speak"...is that really necessary? Even my educator friends dont mind. We should be able to even read texts consisting only of consonants! I like to get my message across as fast as possible! 3. Some bad comments get to my nerves and i cant resist but to take it personally) but thats all part of the beauty of anonymity

Stephanie, glad your other half approves, spending a lot of things online is a relationship tester, isn't it. In the worse case, just sign him up here. And get out of the house every now and then, too...

Using other language prevents from including everyone in the debate and info sharing. If it is some benign thread, wouldn't maybe matter, when info on permits, practical tips, rules regarding safety and family come in play..You can imagine.

Same goes for text speak. Show how cool you are by sharing interesting thoughts, text speak is so overrated. I am an educator, slip into txtspk every now and then for the joke of it, but honestly, consistency to how nice good language can me helps people, especially newbies who aren't fluent and "oldbies" who work hard on maintaining what they have left of their mother tongue, here, after decades.

Bad comments.....Hm. Cabin fever, or pointless hostility coz people search power, one upping people, just ignore it. I wouldn't grow a thicker skin since if bugs me too at times, but ignoring is good. Let them live with their poor manners, right?

Welcome here.

[MusicChick]

	Quote:	stephanienie
	I just felt abit bullied. Using txt language sometimes and adding some deutsch is not offensive. And i now see alot of it here. But i had to be picked on when i did it. ugh

Sorry it happened, but it happens in normal life, anytime..Not nice. But, do you go to a Migros manager after a cashier frowns or patronizes and ask to have the "politness" installed, for all? Or, you shrug it off, move on and don't waste time taking things personally..People who need to gang up or trash others are often sad people, online or offline.

Don't think these rules are personally used against you. They have been here, are here and will be, no matter of who signs up. You were not reminded to stick to them because of some personal reason. People work on this place being good for everyone. Bullies get shot down, sooner or later. People who take things too personally, learn how to shrug off. If you go to social events, you will realize everyone is super nice.

There are also bunch of cultures here, so the sense of humor, jokes and gentle rubbing just sometimes does not cross the culture borders. It's ok. Some cultures are a lot biting, some more bitter, some more affectatious, some more direct, to the point of seemingly offensive, some cultures require formal niceties, procedures or ceremonial formulas, while others can live without it. I wouldn't sweat it, it is actually very interesting.

	Quote:	stephanienie
	I wish i could contribute more but im just a newbie and actually enjoying it.

Oh, you can contribute, opinions and knowledge of issues both local and from your homeland are always welcome.

	Quote:	stephanienie
	My bf took a peek in here

Blimey. What does your husband think of your boyfriend?

	Quote:	stephanienie
	I do have a complain though. 1. Being told not to use Deutsch. My bad i forgot swiss has 4 official languages but still. i see others doin it. Why scold me? 2. "no text speak"...is that really necessary? Even my educator friends dont mind. We should be able to even read texts consisting only of consonants! I like to get my message across as fast as possible! 3. Some bad comments get to my nerves and i cant resist but to take it personally) but thats all part of the beauty of anonymity

Well, technically that's three complaints, but that's OK. Nicky's summed things up rather well:

	Quote:	Nicky
	1. It is an English speaking forum 2. It is an English speaking forum (not an english txt spk forum) 3. Form a thicker skin

[Mud]

[stephanienie]

Thanks for the responses. As you can see, im now avoiding both txt speak and inserting some deutsch. It got noticed on the very first posts i did. This i guess only improves my english so whatevs. As for my bf, im not sure if i call him husband or bf coz were not yet married but engaged and he tells me i can refer to him already as my husband but still not feeling it much yet so i know i get inconsistent. Atleast only until May.

Would love to go out but im feeling a flu coming up. Spring (although it is quite lovely, my very first) is not comfy enough for someone who´s used to 35 degrees everyday her whole life. I enjoy this site in between all the hausfrau tasks.