... and has anyone mentioned yet that significantly large majority of folks that you will most likely befriend on your way into the US of A are commonly referred to as buddies (instead of mates)... with exception to vast quantities of Bud (commonly known as Budweiser) consumed by the aforsaid buddies... and although some folks with unspoilt taste buds (from Bud) would preffer Canadian Molson, the common folks which drive pick-ups (trucks) might strongly disagree subject to argument in the bar (pub) brawl...

Other than that you should not be affected by lifts (elevator) in large cities but mind you you might be asked to open the trunk (boot) of the car... I mean here you must not think in this context about tree trunk or any kind of shoe Other than that good luck

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A couple of important pointers from t'Other Half...

1. If the conversation does come round to "autos" (that's the American word for cars, apparently ), endeere yourself to the In-Laws by mentioning that you ride a chopper back home...
   
   Attachment 21737
   
   
   
2. Never, ever, ever, under any circumstances, use any form of the the B-word, not even in the "...ing away" or "busy as a ..." forms

Impress them by calling a flashlight as a torch, or the "TV" as the "Teli". Try to work in the word "garage" or "vitamin" with an English accent : geh-rage and vie-tamins, not gah-rage and vay-tamins. They'll be talking about you for years.

But DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT pronounce an "r" at the end of a word that does not have one: Virginia, not Virginiar. They will think you sound like Popeye and you could lose points for that.

- Wear a "Sarah Palin for 2014" T-shirt.
- A baseball cap of the local team.
- Keep a generous amount of chew in your lower gum
- Talk about your favorite rifle. Wait, scratch that. They won't be able to understand you anyway.
- Be quiet, smile nicely (wait, scratch that too. Brits have bad teeth)
- Open the door for your mother-in-law and treat her daughter with the utmost respect.
- Bring your father-in-law sufficient beer.
- Talk about country music and good sales at Walmart.

And if worse comes to worse, grab a bottle of Jack Daniels and a case of Guiness and let the inter-cultural drinking begin.

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Faith isn't about everything turning out okay. Faith is about being okay no matter how things turn out.

...it's called dip.

Now gettin serious, if you wanna make a hit, come across as a real man and do nothin but go along for the ride, right in tha beginnin, say it has been your boyhood dream to ride in or on anything and everything made by John Deere.

Read up:

http://www.deere.com/en_US/deerecom/...ind/index.html

I'd start off with this:

http://www.deere.com/media/player/pl...tart=true&r=-1

Guiness in the mid-west? I doubt that very much. Try Coors, Bud or MGD - ice cold.

We even had Guiness in Kentucky....but if you want the real experience, you get yourself a 40..but no any 40, it has to be Falls City or a Colt 45.

Sho'nuff - no way to beat dem 6-wheel John Dea' fo' dose mishin-critical applications, boah!

Attachment 21738

Ok, nobody said it, here is a hard one - Sir 'n M'am to your elders.

Yes Sir, no Sir, specially when being shown gun collections.

Yes M'am, no M'am helpin out in the kitchen.

...don't forget it or you'll be considered an upstart 'n an ingrate.

Juss sayin...

It would be tragic if DB actually followed through on all the advise he's been getting. They'll be saying to each other, "What a wierdo."

Alright, THIS is the BEST ADVISE you will EVER, EVER get......

Just be yourself. You'll be fine.

Be careful---in Wisconsin, those are fighting words!

1783. Brits don't give up very easily.

Oh yeah? Well here comes the hardest one.

Don't cuss (curse)!!!

Some kid slams your freezing, aching fingers in a car door, don't scream G******it!, F***!, AH S***!, just say OUCH! an' pray to Our Lord Charlie Darwin for forgiveness for the evil thoughts of killin the kid.

Where's DB ?
oh my.. have we frightened him ?

Andit is Diana, not Dianer!

Yes, and don't laugh when they suggest this. They are serious.

I live in rural America(Mineral Wells, West Virginia) and well its very boring(especially this time of year as theres no work to do outside and its too cold to go shooting or walking or whatever your into) also when your driving on the roads especially at night watch out for deer. As for social mistakes avoid using big phrases like that people tend to look at you funny wondering wtf does that mean(speaking from personal experience...) Also don't forget to have fun.

But unless they are religious nutcases, people who do pray at dinner will understand if DB declines to say grace. Saying grace, I should add, usually happens at private homes. If DB is on a business trip and he's eating in restaurants, this should be a moot point.

Oh, if somebody happens to ask DB "How about them Patriots", he shouldn't reply "Washington was a good leader of men, but as a general he was slightly overrated. I'm more impressed with what Nathaniel Greene did in the South..." The other guy wants to talk about NFL football and Tom Brady.

Wow that's a lot of advice there! I have been to many parts of the USA and enjoyed them all. It is a great pity it's so far away.

I won't tell you how I mistakenly told the California waitress I was bi-sexual: you'll find that out, ha ha!