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Old 30.12.2010, 20:05
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The patterns that we live by

The patterns that we live by take some time to see. But see them you can and you will see them if you have a mind to look. Some are pretty, some are dull. Some are painted on our skins like tattoos, products of a painful stabbing life. Beauty can also set a ripple through your life, waves of pleasure that thrust you into living, lighting up your future path like an airport runway.

Once you know yourself you can see the future with more accuracy than a Delphi soothsayer. Predict the course of events, plan for the inevitable repetitions that are coming. Organise and prepare. Well, you can at least try your best. The art of knowing oneself is a complex one.

You might also think that you might be able to change your life. If you know why you act the way you do surely you can change the scripts you act by. Perhaps achieve a goal that you have not yet ever managed to achieve. Or more importantly prevent yet another disaster occurring.

It is so human to fight a war we often cannot win. To respect our immense efforts even when we fail. Full of bravery and at times so clearly a matter of madness. Often both tragedy and farce make up our lives. It's like trying to stop a tsunami by building a moat around a sandcastle. Such can seem to be the nature of our fate.

But no matter how difficult the task or seemingly impossible the goal it is our human nature to continue to strive to improve our lives. And with the help and support of other people we can make very real improvements. It might even be suggested that such is the very purpose of our lives. To learn, grow and improve. I have certainly known many people do this and they will always hold my respect for doing so.
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Old 30.12.2010, 20:07
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Re: The patterns that we live by

Life is a tale, told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
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Old 30.12.2010, 20:08
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Re: The patterns that we live by

Life is a stage - we choose our own characters we want to play.
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Old 30.12.2010, 20:15
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Re: The patterns that we live by



I'm a "42" man myself.
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Old 30.12.2010, 20:18
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Re: The patterns that we live by

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I'm a "42" man myself.
yep, so long and thanks for the fishes
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Old 30.12.2010, 20:58
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Re: The patterns that we live by

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I'm a "42" man myself.
To quote the Stones, "I'm a 2000 man"!

Not sure what that means, though?

I'd rather quote the great McKinley Morganfield and just say "I'm a man"

Tom
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Old 30.12.2010, 21:04
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Re: The patterns that we live by

what's this about? ...
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Old 30.12.2010, 21:21
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Re: The patterns that we live by

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what's this about? ...
I'm guessing it's about therapy of some sort?
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Old 30.12.2010, 21:56
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Re: The patterns that we live by

Importantly, in many cases people are often actively encouraged into some type of 'therapy' which is no more than basic common sense. This is almost deception and should be avoided at all costs.

Of course, people with real issues require real therapy but this is an entirely different subject.
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Old 30.12.2010, 23:48
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Re: The patterns that we live by

When you listen carefully even a fool has something of significance to say.

Life may seem meaningless at times but for the sake of our general sanity we must all find some meaning in our lives. Generally speaking the more the better.

We may choose to play the parts that we do but to what extent do we choose freely? Learning how to change our scripts may be the most important skill we ever learn.

I've decided not to get too Freudian about talking about being 42'' long.

I've never known anyone get deceived into attending therapy. I have known people get 'bad' or inappropriate interventions which may have damaged them more than help them. There are unethical people and organisations which use the term 'therapy' to control and make money from others (these may deceive).

The question of what is and is not therapy is a huge question. Therapists who do not have 'common sense' are in my experience some of the most incompetent and dangerous of those who are practicing. Having worked in large health and social care organisations it is the irrationality and refusal to do what most people know would be the most sensible thing to do with 'clients' therapeutically which causes the most harm.

The majority or research indicates time and time again that the most important aspect of the therapeutic encounter is the person of the therapist and the relationship between therapist and client. It has more significance that training, qualifications, or experience. And I say this as a very highly qualified and experienced therapist and counsellor.
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Old 31.12.2010, 00:29
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Re: The patterns that we live by

I will stick to Eric Berne, thank you very much. He got the patterns figured out pretty well.

I think I disagree with your definition of what's important in therapy. I think it is not the relationship btw patient/therapist. Loads of them think they are some kind of gods. I think it is actually the patient realizing how much power is in his self healing. It is fast and efficient with a good, ego-less therapist, it can be as efficient without those costly sessions. One needs strength and good support network, no matter what.
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Old 31.12.2010, 08:23
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Re: The patterns that we live by

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When you listen carefully even a fool has something of significance to say.
Or something foolish.
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Old 31.12.2010, 10:25
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Re: The patterns that we live by

This has been a difficult decision for both parties and everyone at Port Vale would like to thank Micky for his hard work during his 18 months at Vale Park.


Said Chairman Bill Bratt: "We thank Micky for everything he has done at Port Vale and we wish him well.


"I've made no secret of the fact that we did not want Micky to leave us. That has never changed and we have done everything we can to keep him. He has been a huge asset to the club and we have certainly been victims of the success he has had to date at Vale Park.
"When Micky joined us, we were struggling in League Two and he has turned us around to be real contenders. He has been a pleasure to work with.


"I know that everyone connected with Vale Park will be bitterly disappointed to see him leave and I am no different. We have to ensure that our next appointment is the right appointment and everyone is working hard behind the scenes to get it right.


"We have negotiated what we believe to be an appropriate compensation package with Sheffield United, which we are obliged to keep confidential.
"For the immediate future, Geoff Horsfield and Mark Grew will step up to the role of joint Caretaker Managers. I am sure that all of our supporters will get behind them, starting this Saturday against Rotherham, as we aim to continue our good start to the season."
Added Micky: "I've had a fantastic 18 months at Vale Park and I genuinely hope that Port Vale do well this season and beyond, as the club deserves success. I don't have a bad word to say about anyone here and I have never actively pursued a route out of the club.


"This was an incredibly difficult decision for me - probably more difficult than many could imagine. I've made no secret of my desire to manage Sheffield United at some stage in my career and that time has arrived now. That is no reflection on anyone at Port Vale - Vale Park is full of fantastic, committed people and the backing I have had from the supporters has been nothing short of phenomenal.
"When I first joined Port Vale, I thought that the club had enormous potential and that hasn't changed. My biggest regret is that I didn't manage to finish the job at Vale Park and help the club into a higher division.


"There have been many highlights in my short time at the club and it's a little ironic that beating Sheffield United last season was one of them! I think that the progression on the field has been there for everyone to see and I really hope that continues and that the club can make the step up from League Two into League One.


"I wish everyone well and I'd like to thank all of the staff, players and supporters I have met along the way who have made my time in the Potteries so enjoyable."
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Old 31.12.2010, 10:36
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Re: The patterns that we live by

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When you listen carefully even a fool has something of significance to say.
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Or something foolish.
yep...
and this forum is living proof of what happens if you allow these fools five minutes on the soapbox(!)
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Old 31.12.2010, 11:03
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Re: The patterns that we live by

Well at least I moved it too Off-Topic yesterday.
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Old 31.12.2010, 11:30
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Re: The patterns that we live by

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Well at least I moved it too Off-Topic yesterday.
Thanks, Longbyt.
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Old 31.12.2010, 12:12
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Re: The patterns that we live by

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The patterns that we live by take some time to see. But see them you can and you will see them if you have a mind to look. Some are pretty, some are dull. Some are painted on our skins like tattoos, products of a painful stabbing life. Beauty can also set a ripple through your life, waves of pleasure that thrust you into living, lighting up your future path like an airport runway.

You might also think that you might be able to change your life. If you know why you act the way you do surely you can change the scripts you act by. Perhaps achieve a goal that you have not yet ever managed to achieve. Or more importantly prevent yet another disaster occurring.
Dr. why do same kind of things keep happening in my life? Why do I enjoy doing things which I despise? Who does my mind wander from one thing to another?

Please help me how can I understand myself and be more in control of my actions? Please.
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Old 31.12.2010, 13:52
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Re: The patterns that we live by

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I will stick to Eric Berne, thank you very much. He got the patterns figured out pretty well.

I think I disagree with your definition of what's important in therapy. I think it is not the relationship btw patient/therapist. Loads of them think they are some kind of gods. I think it is actually the patient realizing how much power is in his self healing. It is fast and efficient with a good, ego-less therapist, it can be as efficient without those costly sessions. One needs strength and good support network, no matter what.
Any therapist who thinks he (or she) is a God is in more need of therapy than the person they are seeing. Indeed if not psychotic they are most probably dangerous.

Central to the development of the therapeutic relationship and subsequent alliance is to help the client realise their own ability to self help and self heal. Not everyone has had the good fortune to have had a life in which they have been able to acquire these skills through everyday living. The sooner you are no longer needed by your client the more successful your work has been. You are not there to make your clients dependent on you - quite the opposite.

Central to our being human are the relationships we hold with other people. If we have had a good enough life and subsequently have good enough relationships to carry us on through life it is unlikely we would need formal therapeutic help. The majority of people who seek formal help often lack the ongoing support and help they need in their everyday lives. As a therapist you are a catalyst seeking to help your client bring about changes outside the room in which you meet. Those changes are in their current (and sometimes new) relationships. People seek to change their inner worlds in order to bring about change in their outer world.

The question of being 'egoless' in therapy is a significant one. There is a long tradition of attempting to be a 'blank screen' onto which your client can project their inner world so as to make it available for analysis. You mention Eric Berne who understood how we all occupy roles for each other in life. There is a therapeutic role which the therapist needs to know and understand. Winnicott and many of the British School of psychotherapy have long discussed Transitional Space - the intuitive unspoken link between therapist and client in therapy. There is also every opportunity for a placebo effect to be in place.

I personally believe that it is not so much what you say or do in therapy but who you are that helps your clients the most. This is something we can all do and be for each other and is above all else a matter of letting go of preconceptions. I have the good fortune to have found friends (some of whom are therapists) who have those core therapeutic attributes of being caring, emphatic and sincere. These are the people I rely on to help me through life. Not everyone has my current good fortune. There was a time when I also did not.
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Old 31.12.2010, 14:02
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Re: The patterns that we live by

So far a lot of broad pscyho jumping roping going on here; let's get specific and double-dutch; fever says sex.

Wait, I just read this post before mine... shouldn't this be posted in "job wanted"?
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Old 31.12.2010, 14:02
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Re: The patterns that we live by

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This has been a difficult decision for both parties and everyone at Port Vale would like to thank Micky for his hard work during his 18 months at Vale Park.


Said Chairman Bill Bratt: "We thank Micky for everything he has done at Port Vale and we wish him well.


"I've made no secret of the fact that we did not want Micky to leave us. That has never changed and we have done everything we can to keep him. He has been a huge asset to the club and we have certainly been victims of the success he has had to date at Vale Park.
"When Micky joined us, we were struggling in League Two and he has turned us around to be real contenders. He has been a pleasure to work with.


"I know that everyone connected with Vale Park will be bitterly disappointed to see him leave and I am no different. We have to ensure that our next appointment is the right appointment and everyone is working hard behind the scenes to get it right.


"We have negotiated what we believe to be an appropriate compensation package with Sheffield United, which we are obliged to keep confidential.
"For the immediate future, Geoff Horsfield and Mark Grew will step up to the role of joint Caretaker Managers. I am sure that all of our supporters will get behind them, starting this Saturday against Rotherham, as we aim to continue our good start to the season."
Added Micky: "I've had a fantastic 18 months at Vale Park and I genuinely hope that Port Vale do well this season and beyond, as the club deserves success. I don't have a bad word to say about anyone here and I have never actively pursued a route out of the club.


"This was an incredibly difficult decision for me - probably more difficult than many could imagine. I've made no secret of my desire to manage Sheffield United at some stage in my career and that time has arrived now. That is no reflection on anyone at Port Vale - Vale Park is full of fantastic, committed people and the backing I have had from the supporters has been nothing short of phenomenal.
"When I first joined Port Vale, I thought that the club had enormous potential and that hasn't changed. My biggest regret is that I didn't manage to finish the job at Vale Park and help the club into a higher division.


"There have been many highlights in my short time at the club and it's a little ironic that beating Sheffield United last season was one of them! I think that the progression on the field has been there for everyone to see and I really hope that continues and that the club can make the step up from League Two into League One.


"I wish everyone well and I'd like to thank all of the staff, players and supporters I have met along the way who have made my time in the Potteries so enjoyable."
I would imagine that the point here is that if you are a very successful person in a very successful situation achieving great success why would you want or need to change? I'm sure if I ever manage to be such a person in such a situation I will not want or need to change. Sadly I've never fully known such a situation so wouldn't truly know. Thank-you however for your insight into success.
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