Go Back   English Forum Switzerland > Off-Topic > Off-Topic > General off-topic  
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03.01.2011, 16:46
Nil's Avatar
Nil Nil is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Basel
Posts: 10,356
Groaned at 428 Times in 333 Posts
Thanked 16,045 Times in 6,322 Posts
Nil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond repute
Meeting the ex-lover

Hi,

I got a curious situation from a friend of mine today. His mother did cheat on his dad when he was younger. My friend found out but not with direct answers just a considential facts and a letter from his mom to her lover.

He has a pretty good idea of who the lover was and he asked me what I would do if I had the possibility to contact the ex-lover and ask him about the past.

I am absolutely no idea what I would do. Obviously I see how upset he still about this old story and he is looking for some sort of closure. He believes his dad closed his eyes on it and he has no intention to go to tell him. I think it is just for him to have someone telling him, yes it is true, yes, it did happened...

What would you do? Would you go to the ex-lover or mistress to have the truth?

By the way, I was looking for the male name of mistress on internet and felt on this: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/in...=1006050232561

Got me a very good laugh!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03.01.2011, 16:51
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: OOO
Posts: 3,724
Groaned at 79 Times in 55 Posts
Thanked 1,683 Times in 1,017 Posts
Sada has a reputation beyond reputeSada has a reputation beyond reputeSada has a reputation beyond reputeSada has a reputation beyond reputeSada has a reputation beyond reputeSada has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Meeting the ex-lover

Ooh I'm so disappointed Nil. I thought it was You who met an ex-lover of yours.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03.01.2011, 16:53
Nil's Avatar
Nil Nil is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Basel
Posts: 10,356
Groaned at 428 Times in 333 Posts
Thanked 16,045 Times in 6,322 Posts
Nil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Meeting the ex-lover

Quote:
View Post
Ooh I'm so disappointed Nil. I thought it was You who met an ex-lover of yours.
They are ALL very far away in the country I come from. But I have few of them as ''friends'' on facebook....

You were all good for a bit of gossip, he? :P
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03.01.2011, 16:54
Mud's Avatar
Mud Mud is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Romandie
Posts: 2,551
Groaned at 26 Times in 23 Posts
Thanked 5,004 Times in 1,827 Posts
Mud has a reputation beyond reputeMud has a reputation beyond reputeMud has a reputation beyond reputeMud has a reputation beyond reputeMud has a reputation beyond reputeMud has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Meeting the ex-lover

Did you ever play that game in school where the teacher tells one student something, then they pass it on to each student in succession and the last one writes it down? And it's totally different from what was said in the first place?

All one would do in this situation is get a different version of a story he has scant information on already. More questions, no "closure". It's not his affair (sorry ), in my opinion he should leave it.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03.01.2011, 17:05
The_Love_Doctor's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Zugerberg, Zug
Posts: 3,277
Groaned at 72 Times in 58 Posts
Thanked 3,728 Times in 1,752 Posts
The_Love_Doctor has a reputation beyond reputeThe_Love_Doctor has a reputation beyond reputeThe_Love_Doctor has a reputation beyond reputeThe_Love_Doctor has a reputation beyond reputeThe_Love_Doctor has a reputation beyond reputeThe_Love_Doctor has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Meeting the ex-lover

Quote:
View Post
What would you do? Would you go to the ex-lover or mistress to have the truth?
Affair springs to mind...

I really don't see the point in going to the ex-lover, what is he gonna tell him?
At best he will say "Your mum is a great woman, she made a mistake, but we were never meant to be together... your dad has forgiven her and so should you... it was a long time ago and you shouldn't let it affect you"

At worst he will say "Yes we ******, had a lot of fun, best part was, your dad doesn't have a clue and still doesn't!"

My question is why??
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03.01.2011, 17:13
hoppy
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Meeting the ex-lover

It's non of his business- unless he suspects that the man is his real father!

If not, then if he tries to make it his business, that gives his Mum free reign to to explore any affairs that he might have while in a committed relationship.

Boys, obsessed with their mother's private lives, need a Freudian psychotherapist to set them straight.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 03.01.2011, 17:28
summerrain's Avatar
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Zürich
Posts: 4,350
Groaned at 4 Times in 4 Posts
Thanked 985 Times in 325 Posts
summerrain has a reputation beyond reputesummerrain has a reputation beyond reputesummerrain has a reputation beyond reputesummerrain has a reputation beyond reputesummerrain has a reputation beyond reputesummerrain has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Meeting the ex-lover

Nope. I wouldnt. Absolutely none of my concern what my parents did. Why dig up the past and open up old wounds when the innocent party (his dad) isnt even doing anything about it? It will just be looking to add unnecessary drama into your life.

But like what hoppy said, unless your friend suspects that the other man is his dad, its best to let sleeping dogs lie.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 03.01.2011, 17:34
mannie organ's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: rudolfstetten AG
Posts: 716
Groaned at 4 Times in 4 Posts
Thanked 418 Times in 227 Posts
mannie organ has a reputation beyond reputemannie organ has a reputation beyond reputemannie organ has a reputation beyond reputemannie organ has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Meeting the ex-lover

Leave the past in the past, it's no good opening old wounds, and cans of worms.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 03.01.2011, 17:41
hoppy
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Meeting the ex-lover

I think it's funny- when we are kids one of the biggest shocks is that our parents have or had sexual intercourse. I lied to my kids- told them I only did it twice to have them and they believed it, till late teens I think.

Then the next big shocker is that parents continue to have sexual feelings and not always just for their partners.
Worse still is when peers start to have sexual feelings for your parents, but the worst, perhaps, is if the parent reciprocates those feelings for your peers. So, in retrospect, you friend may still have a lot to be grateful for.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 03.01.2011, 18:03
flavio's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Winterthur
Posts: 769
Groaned at 69 Times in 40 Posts
Thanked 615 Times in 346 Posts
flavio has an excellent reputationflavio has an excellent reputationflavio has an excellent reputationflavio has an excellent reputation
Re: Meeting the ex-lover

Quote:
View Post
I think it is just for him to have someone telling him, yes it is true, yes, it did happened...
Maybe the guy doesn't give a damn
Have you considered that?
I mean why go through the trouble when the supposedly interested party cannot care less. Cases like this are quite common.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 03.01.2011, 20:38
Nil's Avatar
Nil Nil is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Basel
Posts: 10,356
Groaned at 428 Times in 333 Posts
Thanked 16,045 Times in 6,322 Posts
Nil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Meeting the ex-lover

Hum...

Those answers are all making sense. I kind of see where he is coming from though! I can understand the need to have a real answer but what to do with this answer next? What the answer will bring more?
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 03.01.2011, 21:48
Meisie's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Amriswil - Thurgau
Posts: 1,691
Groaned at 3 Times in 3 Posts
Thanked 1,262 Times in 584 Posts
Meisie has a reputation beyond reputeMeisie has a reputation beyond reputeMeisie has a reputation beyond reputeMeisie has a reputation beyond reputeMeisie has a reputation beyond reputeMeisie has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Meeting the ex-lover

Just let sleeping dogs lie. He has to consider what's more important:

A. The closure he thinks he'll get (which he won't) from approaching the so-called lover

B. Peace in his family
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 03.01.2011, 22:01
Ittigen
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Meeting the ex-lover

How will your friend know the lover is telling the truth? Tell him to let things be, drop it

.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 03.01.2011, 22:08
Sky's Avatar
Sky Sky is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Somewhere special far away
Posts: 4,322
Groaned at 69 Times in 51 Posts
Thanked 7,190 Times in 2,662 Posts
Sky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Meeting the ex-lover

Quote:
View Post
It's non of his business- unless he suspects that the man is his real father!
Hoppy hits the nail right on the head.

Quote:
View Post
Hum... (...) I can understand the need to have a real answer but what to do with this answer next? What the answer will bring more?
huh ? Why should his parents owe him an answer regarding an issue that does not relate to him or to his well-being or to his place as an adult son in his family ?
What ever was, could have been, may not have been, seemed to be or not, regards only the two people involved who shared a lifetime together.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 03.01.2011, 22:14
ximix's Avatar
Forum Veteran
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: UK (formerly Zurich)
Posts: 2,098
Groaned at 22 Times in 21 Posts
Thanked 2,315 Times in 1,179 Posts
ximix has a reputation beyond reputeximix has a reputation beyond reputeximix has a reputation beyond reputeximix has a reputation beyond reputeximix has a reputation beyond reputeximix has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Meeting the ex-lover

It's entirely his Mom's business and he should leave things well alone. Why go looking for potential trouble where none currently exists? Could open up a whole can of worms that he's just not prepared for or able to deal with in the aftermath.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 03.01.2011, 22:19
Nil's Avatar
Nil Nil is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Basel
Posts: 10,356
Groaned at 428 Times in 333 Posts
Thanked 16,045 Times in 6,322 Posts
Nil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Meeting the ex-lover

Quote:
View Post
How will your friend know the lover is telling the truth? Tell him to let things be, drop it

.
I think he just wants to know if it did happened or not. The lover did meet him a few times in the past and some hint as been made that made him believe that he was the guy. Surprisingly, he isn't mad at the lover at all. His mother was the cheater not the lover, he just took and used his chances.

My friend's mother always said that her ex-husband cheated on her and that she was just the poor victim. But apparently, she was the one cheating on her husband. She keeps pretending to be just the poor wife who got abuse and cheated on.

I think he wants to know the truth more for the lies part than the fact that she cheated itself...
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 03.01.2011, 22:22
Nil's Avatar
Nil Nil is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Basel
Posts: 10,356
Groaned at 428 Times in 333 Posts
Thanked 16,045 Times in 6,322 Posts
Nil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Meeting the ex-lover

Quote:
View Post
What ever was, could have been, may not have been, seemed to be or not, regards only the two people involved who shared a lifetime together.
Totally! but with the extra piece of information I just gave after your post, it goes a bit in different way...

It is true that this is just between two people but his mother had brang this subject to him by bad mouthing his father on this very topic. I think this is why he wants to know. Does it make sense?
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 03.01.2011, 22:26
Sky's Avatar
Sky Sky is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Somewhere special far away
Posts: 4,322
Groaned at 69 Times in 51 Posts
Thanked 7,190 Times in 2,662 Posts
Sky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Meeting the ex-lover

.... Nil you do come up with the most twisted complicated subjects. It's like watching a soap opera

Oh and then she found out that she was actually the daughter of the gardner's son who fell passionately in love with the young beauty (in the 50s) and bequethed his eternal love to her memory, in the hope to catch a glimpse of her passing shadow one day... any day... at least once more before he closed his eyes..... Oh but it was not possible.. it was not to be.. and he took his secret with him.
There she remained, wondering, dreaming, did this strange young man ever love her mother ? And if so... why did he leave ?
And the world turned... on and on and on ..

Addendum:
And no it doesn't make sense. The story doesn't regard him. Hoppy's messages are completely spot on
__________________
.
"Il mondo è fatto a scale, chi le scende e chi le sale"
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 03.01.2011, 22:34
Nil's Avatar
Nil Nil is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Basel
Posts: 10,356
Groaned at 428 Times in 333 Posts
Thanked 16,045 Times in 6,322 Posts
Nil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond reputeNil has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Meeting the ex-lover

Quote:
View Post
.... Nil you do come up with the most twisted complicated subjects. It's like watching a soap opera

Oh and then she found out that she was actually the daughter of the gardner's son who fell passionately in love with the young beauty (in the 50s) and bequethed his eternal love to her memory, in the hope to catch a glimpse of her passing shadow one day... any day... at least once more before he closed his eyes..... Oh but it was not possible.. it was not to be.. and he took his secret with him.
There she remained, wondering, dreaming, did this strange young man ever love her mother ? And if so... why did he leave ?
And the world turned... on and on and on ..
I'm sorry! I guess I am someone people likes to make confidences and ask advices...

I do love those kind of topic as well, because it brings people to open up and share their opinions and thought on a different level. More the phychological level!
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 03.01.2011, 22:37
Sky's Avatar
Sky Sky is offline
Forum Legend
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Somewhere special far away
Posts: 4,322
Groaned at 69 Times in 51 Posts
Thanked 7,190 Times in 2,662 Posts
Sky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond reputeSky has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Meeting the ex-lover

Quote:
View Post
I'm sorry! I guess I am someone people likes to make confidences and ask advices...
Oh Nil you're really a sweet lady. Don't get me wrong, I like reading you
Reply With Quote
Reply




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
something to consider if you are a vinyl lover.... crimson General off-topic 2 12.09.2010 19:42
Salsa Lover Peg A General off-topic 11 12.03.2010 22:34


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 06:32.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0