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Old 07.01.2011, 16:02
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I was stuck in a toilet.

I went to a dept store yesterday and visited the customer `rest room` - where to my surprise there was a small crowd gathered apparently because of someone stuck in the toilet (cubicle).
They were waiting for a `technician` to arrive in order to release the unfortunate occupant even though I offered to open it Bruce Lee style .
Its amazing how a crowd gathers around an `event` - what did they expect to happen the toilet was going to explode or something?
Actually it only served to remind me of an unfortunate time when I was also sort of stuck in a toilet with a cleaning lady.
You know what its like, you try and be a do-gooder and it backfires on you.
It was a couple of years ago in a big dept store in Berlin and they had a panoramic restaurant where I had met some friends for lunch.
Just before leaving, I went to the toilet and there was a kindly old lady bustling around cleaning everywhere in the mens room.
Poor old dear she was obviously having trouble because she pounced on me and asked if I could help her with something.
I tried to back away, claiming `No speeka Inglesi` but she just kept tugging (on my arm) saying `Bitte bitte`.
So in the end I said `Oh . . . okay`
To my horror she hustled me into a cubicle and thrust a plunger into my hand, pointing excitedly down to the toilet bowl . . . which was obviously blocked.
`Oh f**k` I thought `What am I getting myself into?`.
Deciding to get it over with I started plunging for all I was worth in the meantime, to get a better view, she actually CLOSED the cubicle door WTF?
With the toilet making slurping noises and the old dear shouting `Ja, ja, das ist gut, sehr Gut!` it was by then attracting the attention of every bloke that walked in.
Eventually there was an almighty whoosh and the blockage cleared followed by a toilet flush . . . followed by my new friend exclaiming `Ja du hast viel Kraft junge Mann!`
`Get out of my way` I pleaded as we jostled for the door latch and then we were greeted with hearty applause from the ever swelling and waiting crowd.
I can still see the looks on the faces of those guys it said `Boy . . Im glad that wasnt me` - despite that Im happy to say that the little old lady was pleased as Punch and on reflection, Im glad I helped her.
So . . . . . where have YOU been stuck? Uh?
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Old 07.01.2011, 16:06
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Re: I was stuck in a toilet.

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I went to a dept store yesterday and visited the customer `rest room` - where to my surprise there was a small crowd gathered – apparently because of someone stuck in the toilet (cubicle).
They were waiting for a `technician` to arrive in order to release the unfortunate occupant even though I offered to open it Bruce Lee style .
It’s amazing how a crowd gathers around an `event` - what did they expect to happen – the toilet was going to explode or something?
Actually it only served to remind me of an unfortunate time when I was also sort of stuck in a toilet – with a cleaning lady.
You know what it’s like, you try and be a do-gooder and it backfires on you.
It was a couple of years ago in a big dept store in Berlin and they had a panoramic restaurant where I had met some friends for lunch.
Just before leaving, I went to the toilet and there was a kindly old lady bustling around cleaning everywhere in the men’s room.
Poor old dear – she was obviously having trouble because she pounced on me and asked if I could help her with something.
I tried to back away, claiming `No speeka Inglesi` but she just kept tugging (on my arm) saying `Bitte bitte`.
So in the end I said `Oh . . . okay`
To my horror she hustled me into a cubicle and thrust a plunger into my hand, pointing excitedly down to the toilet bowl . . . which was obviously blocked.
`Oh f**k` I thought `What am I getting myself into?`.
Deciding to get it over with I started plunging for all I was worth – in the meantime, to get a better view, she actually CLOSED the cubicle door – WTF?
With the toilet making slurping noises and the old dear shouting `Ja, ja, das ist gut, sehr Gut!` it was by then attracting the attention of every bloke that walked in.
Eventually there was an almighty whoosh and the blockage cleared followed by a toilet flush . . . followed by my new friend exclaiming `Ja – du hast viel Kraft junge Mann!`
`Get out of my way` I pleaded as we jostled for the door latch and then we were greeted with hearty applause from the ever swelling and waiting crowd.
I can still see the looks on the faces of those guys – it said `Boy . . I’m glad that wasn’t me` - despite that I’m happy to say that the little old lady was pleased as Punch and on reflection, I’m glad I helped her.
So . . . . . where have YOU been stuck? Uh?
...you didn't wash your hands after you used the plunger?
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  #3  
Old 07.01.2011, 16:12
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Re: I was stuck in a toilet.

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...you didn't wash your ahnds after you used the plunger?
Oh yes . . I just washed my hands and pretended that nothing happen . . . then ran.
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Old 07.01.2011, 16:25
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Re: I was stuck in a toilet.

I also got myself and my sister locked in a toilet once.

We were at Alton Towers on my hen night and in typical hen style I was rip-roaring drunk. My sister noticed I was getting a bit green around the gills so decided it was wise to escort me to the toilets.

Once in there I promptly threw up in the general direction of the toilet but missed by a mile and it landed on the floor. I turned around to wash my mouth and hands but realised too late that I hadn't quite finished my chucking up episode. I spun on my heel, ran to the toilet (where my sister, very kindly was cleaning up some of the floor), slipped in my sick and fell forward, headbutting the loo and having the loo seat slam shut on my head.

Somebody started to come in the bathroom so my sister shut the door to allow me a little dignity. She then removed my head and shoulders from the toilet but in doing so , wedged me up against the door, blocking us in. In my unconscious state I was a dead weight and with limited room to move me she couldn't do anything.

Apparently she shouted for 15 minutes before somebody came to free us. I was still passed out and had no idea what had happened until I woke up in hospital hooked up to a drip I still actually don't know how we got out

I had a cracking shiner the next day but sadly wasn't allowed on the rides in case I had minor concussion.
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Old 07.01.2011, 16:30
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Re: I was stuck in a toilet.

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I also got myself and my sister locked in a toilet once.

We were at Alton Towers on my hen night and in typical hen style I was rip-roaring drunk. My sister noticed I was getting a bit green around the gills so decided it was wise to escort me to the toilets.

Once in there I promptly threw up in the general direction of the toilet but missed by a mile and it landed on the floor. I turned around to wash my mouth and hands but realised too late that I hadn't quite finished my chucking up episode. I spun on my heel, ran to the toilet (where my sister, very kindly was cleaning up some of the floor), slipped in my sick and fell forward, headbutting the loo and having the loo seat slam shut on my head.

Somebody started to come in the bathroom so my sister shut the door to allow me a little dignity. She then removed my head and shoulders from the toilet but in doing so , wedged me up against the door, blocking us in. In my unconscious state I was a dead weight and with limited room to move me she couldn't do anything.

Apparently she shouted for 15 minutes before somebody came to free us. I was still passed out and had no idea what had happened until I woke up in hospital hooked up to a drip I still actually don't know how we got out

I had a cracking shiner the next day but sadly wasn't allowed on the rides in case I had minor concussion.

Thank you for making my day!!! I haven't laughed so much in a while!
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Old 07.01.2011, 16:38
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Re: I was stuck in a toilet.

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Thank you for making my day!!! I haven't laughed so much in a while!
Yep,
Both posts are awesome !!!

....... Finally "toilet humour" worth reading about.


Basher.... nah, I can't say it.
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Old 07.01.2011, 16:40
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Re: I was stuck in a toilet.

I do have one more toilet story but it turns my stomach to even think about it
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Old 07.01.2011, 16:40
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Re: I was stuck in a toilet.

ok... here goes... this isn't exactly stuck...

but did I ever tell you about the great toilet fire of '78 ?

my parents had gone to Fla. for the winter leaving my brother and I in charge of the house ( we view this as mistake no. 1 )

and so after enjoying a wee bit of 'herb we decided to wax our ski's... on the kitchen table ( mistake 2 )... using our new gadget... basically a hot iron attached to a blowtorch ( 3 )

after we were about half done said blowtorch device started puffing flame ( think huge fireballl ) where the iron device attached the gas cylinder.

ok.. time for some quick thinking.. brother is standing in kitchen holding what is now in effect a bomb... yes quick thinking....open back door tell brother to fling bomb... no no wait... back door.. the dog* is on his lead just outside the back door... next quick thinking... water.... need water.... where water....water... toilet...

open toilet bowl fling superheated torch into bowl and flush.

phew.....fire is out.

except.... superheated torch has managed to catch fire to toilet paper and vanity and crack the porcelain bowl neatly in half.

time for some quick thinking...

"Hello, fire dept?. yes I'd like to report a fire in my toilet"

( then we had the pleasure of trying to explain to my parents why we needed a new bathroom )




* n.b. - the dog was in fact in Fla with our parents.. they had taken him on holiday but not us.
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Old 07.01.2011, 16:40
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Re: I was stuck in a toilet.

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Basher.... nah, I can't say it.
Thanks mate . .
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Old 07.01.2011, 16:42
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Re: I was stuck in a toilet.

Grynch that was pure class. I am still giggling now
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Old 07.01.2011, 16:45
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Re: I was stuck in a toilet.

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"Hello, fire dept?. yes I'd like to report a fire in my toilet"
Classic - `Fire in the hole!`
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Old 07.01.2011, 16:48
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Re: I was stuck in a toilet.

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Classic - `Fire in the hole!`
that's what she said...


I think that might be a red flag.
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Old 07.01.2011, 17:13
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Re: I was stuck in a toilet.

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Grynch that was pure class. I am still giggling now


I think someone should invent something to quickly put out toilet fires.


remember as Smokey the Bear says " only you can prevent toilet fires "

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Old 07.01.2011, 18:38
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Re: I was stuck in a toilet.

OK to stop people PM'ing me to tell them the toilet story I'll tell it.

WARNING: This is just gross

I was 17 (many moons ago) and was at Reading Festival (http://www.readingfestival.com/home/). As most people know the loo's are notoriously disgusting at festival's and need to be avoided at all costs. Normally a bunch of us would take toilet trips to the nearest McDonald's but on this occasion I woke up in the early hours of the morning before anyone was awake (more than likely this was around 10am ). So with nobody to give me a lift and desperately needing to attend to a call of nature, I ventured to the Portaloo's

I opened the door to be greeted to the most vile stench I have ever encountered. My daughter's nappies can't even contend with that smell!! But a girl has to do what a girl has to do.

So whilst trying to hover above the hole in the bog so as not to have to sit on the wretched thing, I hear a lot of commotion outside.
Unbeknownst to me, a bunch of lads had decided that a really fun thing to do on a Sunday morning at Reading was to tip the Portaloo's one by one.

As you have probably guessed it soon became my turn.

Thankfully, they tipped it so the door was at the top so I could escape, but not before getting covered in about 20 tonnes of other people's sh*t and pee

I still suffer with nightmares and will NEVER use a Portaloo again!!!!

To the PM'ers....I hope you're happy that I have publicly shamed myself and may need to go back to therapy after opening those particular floodgates.......
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Old 07.01.2011, 18:39
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Re: I was stuck in a toilet.

I haven't been stuck in a toilet, but have a minor amusing story ... in Barcelona, at an internet caf, they have a power-saving light switch - you press the button, the light turns on and, after an 'appropriate' amount of time, the light switches off automatically.
You can probably guess the story - press button, start abusing the urinal then, before I've finished, the light switches off. Of course, the switch is on the other side of the bathroom, so I have the option of either completing the job in the dark or attempting to bend sideways from the waist and stretch out with my arm while hoping my aim doesn't 'wander' during these contortions ... I just finished the job in the dark.
There is, I noticed later, an extra switch inside the stall where the regular toilet is. Why not next to the urinal as well?
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Old 07.01.2011, 18:45
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Re: I was stuck in a toilet.

araqyl, I was in a similar situation... except the lights in question were motion activated and went out on me also half way thru my duties...

so I'm standing there in the dark at the urinal waving my free hand behind me trying to trip the motion sensor when someone else walks in.. the light switches on and there I am still waving my free hand...

quite a sight.

mimi... I've got a port-a-loo story for you.. but a nice one...
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Old 07.01.2011, 18:49
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Re: I was stuck in a toilet.

( why oh why do I have so many toilet stories )

mimi.. time for a good port a loo story?


I took a bicycle trip along the north rim of the Grand Canyon back in 1996, and because of drought conditions at the time we were van supported... the van figured out where we would be each night and set up camp.. complete with port-a-loo

a couple of nights we were in woods with no real view of the canyon but one memorable night/morning they set up the port-a-loo about 20 yards back from the edge of the canyon and then as were were quite remote, took off the door.

you could sit there doing your business with the most majestic of views at your feet ( so to speak )
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Old 07.01.2011, 18:52
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Re: I was stuck in a toilet.

Thanks Grynch.

Off to have a shower to wash away the memory of Reading.....
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Old 07.01.2011, 23:33
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Re: I was stuck in a toilet.

Ugghh yuk! These stories made me shudder!

My "stuck" story pales in comparison (read boring) and I am so glad that the only time I've been stuck anywhere (and thankfully alone ) was in a tiny lift at work years ago.

Until that happened, I had never considered myself as remotely claustrophobic. Although it was only for about 15 minutes until the lift personnel got it working again, when I tried to walk out I could barely move and had to be helped to a chair by one of the guys where I sat until I could walk properly again. Weird . . . Actually, when I think further on it, my reaction was probably due to the fact it happened quite late on a Friday evening and I had started having visions of being stuck there the whole weekend! . . . Yeah, that's what done it for me.

Since then, small lifts are a no-no.

Told you it was boring in comparison but Basher, you did ask!
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Last edited by ximix; 07.01.2011 at 23:43. Reason: added a sentence
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Old 07.01.2011, 23:50
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Re: I was stuck in a toilet.

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* n.b. - the dog was in fact in Fla with our parents.. they had taken him on holiday but not us.
Why I am not surprised?
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