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  #41  
Old 22.02.2011, 12:27
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Re: The Truth About Sex Addiction

C'mon you addiction nay-sayers. An addict is convinced that they don't have a problem. Similar to a depressed person who simply doesn't believe there can be relief. Addiction=illness.

A close friend of mine got into heroin some years ago. He knew the dangers, he knew he could become an addict, but he figured a little snort wouldn't hurt. He's done his share of other drugs without problems, and no needles, he's smart! right? He was down to the clothes on his back and homeless before he had the AHA! moment and sought help. Up to that point, in his mind, he was fully convinced that he was handling it, not that the drug was handling him. Luckily he's OK now, but he told me he still misses it everyday.

Choices, we all have them. But when we believe with all our heart that we are making the right choices, why change? If someone is in the throes of addiction their beliefs just don't align with what one would call common sense.
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Old 22.02.2011, 12:31
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Re: The Truth About Sex Addiction

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C'mon you addiction nay-sayers. An addict is convinced that they don't have a problem. Similar to a depressed person who simply doesn't believe there can be relief. Addiction=illness.

A close friend of mine got into heroin some years ago. He knew the dangers, he knew he could become an addict, but he figured a little snort wouldn't hurt. He's done his share of other drugs without problems, and no needles, he's smart! right? He was down to the clothes on his back and homeless before he had the AHA! moment and sought help. Up to that point, in his mind, he was fully convinced that he was handling it, not that the drug was handling him. Luckily he's OK now, but he told me he still misses it everyday.

Choices, we all have them. But when we believe with all our heart that we are making the right choices, why change? If someone is in the throes of addiction their beliefs just don't align with what one would call common sense.
Well said, Mud.
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  #43  
Old 22.02.2011, 12:34
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Re: The Truth About Sex Addiction

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C'mon you addiction nay-sayers. An addict is convinced that they don't have a problem. Similar to a depressed person who simply doesn't believe there can be relief. Addiction=illness.

A close friend of mine got into heroin some years ago. He knew the dangers, he knew he could become an addict, but he figured a little snort wouldn't hurt. He's done his share of other drugs without problems, and no needles, he's smart! right? He was down to the clothes on his back and homeless before he had the AHA! moment and sought help. Up to that point, in his mind, he was fully convinced that he was handling it, not that the drug was handling him. Luckily he's OK now, but he told me he still misses it everyday.

Choices, we all have them. But when we believe with all our heart that we are making the right choices, why change? If someone is in the throes of addiction their beliefs just don't align with what one would call common sense.
A choice is a choice no matter how good or bad it is. Not having the choice will be if he was tied up by someone else and that someone else will inject the drug in his arm against his will.

We are talking about choice or lack of it, not good or bad choice we do.
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  #44  
Old 22.02.2011, 12:45
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Re: The Truth About Sex Addiction

It is about choices. Addicts will chose themselves over other priorities and obligations.

Once somebody wise told me, addicts will seek whatever ways to satisfy their "needs", selfishly. Then, the rest of the world comes in play, as secondary. It is always about prioritizing oneself, if they have choice or not, depends on how far they have gone. Support, willpower etc, can only help in some degree, but it really is about being aware of the reasons why addicts feel the need to "protect" and "nurture" their own bobos, the minute they realize the addiction is just a secondary symptom of something far more serious, they are on their way to recovery.

Addictions manifest themselves very innocently, but it is always the same mechanism. Usually running away from extreme anxiety, communication issues, doubts, second guessing, lack of love in childhood, bad memories, extreme stress, you name it. It's a coping mechanism, compensation. Sex, work, booze, other stuff, even sports to some degree, controlling issues... Some folks even feel proud and "mature" that they can nail down as many beers, as many women, as many hours online sex, as many work hours depriving their families...It's a personality trait that causes people succumb to stuff they have hard time giving up. Unless those issues get addressed, the replacement addictions will be there. Unless people admit it to themselves, no change will happen. Quite often they also hate the people who remind them and penalize them for this.

Somebody asked what sex addiction was....I guess, it's when people prioritize their own sexual needs over other important needs, and needs of their partner or family. If two people do nothing than eachother and are happy like this, I wouldn't necessarily call that addiction, rather infatuation which usually progresses into the following phase..
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  #45  
Old 22.02.2011, 13:02
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Re: The Truth About Sex Addiction

10 ways to look after your mental health.

Simple but sound advice. It doesn't humble anyone to ask for help.
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  #46  
Old 22.02.2011, 13:05
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Re: The Truth About Sex Addiction

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She's working with addicts who are seeking help. That's the first step to getting over their addiction. All these people have made a conscious decision to get help. For those who are being forced into rehabilitation, it will not work until the addict is truly convinced he needs help.
Most of my patients were there under a judicial order. Either the Foyer or a prison.

I agree with the gene theme. We saw families with many addicts, accepting help is down to the level of acceptable behaviour, and later of course the damage to their bodies.
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  #47  
Old 22.02.2011, 13:08
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Re: The Truth About Sex Addiction

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10 ways to look after your mental health.

Simple but sound advice. It doesn't humble anyone to ask for help.
Simple, and excellent.

Plus those with kids, remember that seeking help teaches your kids to actually seek help for theselves, if they happen to be in trouble one day.

Genetically....I am not so sure. I think addictions are coping mechanisms that get imprinted on people if they get exposed to them. There are families who cannot deal with stress or anxiety or other issues (ie MS has a link to addictions, or other mental disorders manifest themselves also through addictions since that's how people cope on their own with extreme pressures, ashamed to ask for help) and often they fall into the drinking/drugs/criminality spiral since that's what they know, they saw their dads, or other family members...Especially in families that do not talk about troubles, or where certain addictions get socially pretty accepted, like drinking, for example. There is a difference, btw having some fun with a loads of buddies every now and then and not necesarrily needing booze for it, and, secretely drink, on your own, keeping a level of booze in your veins at all times, I think.

If you happen to overcome this, and do not address the real issue, quite often you move on to other addictions. Collections, impulsive purchases, other substances or porn. Whatever releases that huge amount of pressure that other people use other coping mechanisms for (therapy, communication, reorganizing life, sorting some skeletons, etc).
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  #48  
Old 22.02.2011, 13:31
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Re: The Truth About Sex Addiction

I do agree with MusicChic, up to a point. I believe too that signs of an addictive personality can manifest themselves at a very early age. For example, take a child who self harms. They have an overwhelming compulsion to inflict wounds and pain on themselves; they do not know why and cannot normally stop, without professional help. Indeed, it is youngsters such as this who often go on to develop even more dangerous addictions in adulthood.

My point is, I do not see that such a child actually has a choice, as such, as they are driven by a compulsion that is bigger and stronger than themselves.

That is the nature of addiction. It is the compulsion to perform something, almost always to the detriment of oneself (not to mention others) that utterly takes over.
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  #49  
Old 22.02.2011, 13:34
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Re: The Truth About Sex Addiction

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10 ways to look after your mental health.

Simple but sound advice. It doesn't humble anyone to ask for help.
Yes, this is excellent advice.
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  #50  
Old 22.02.2011, 13:42
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Re: The Truth About Sex Addiction

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I do agree with MusicChic, up to a point. I believe too that signs of an addictive personality can manifest themselves at a very early age. For example, take a child who self harms. They have an overwhelming compulsion to inflict wounds and pain on themselves; they do not know why and cannot normally stop, without professional help. Indeed, it is youngsters such as this who often go on to develop even more dangerous addictions in adulthood.

My point is, I do not see that such a child actually has a choice, as such, as they are driven by a compulsion that is bigger and stronger than themselves.

That is the nature of addiction. It is the compulsion to perform something, almost always to the detriment of oneself (not to mention others) that utterly takes over.
I agree, it is a choice up to a point, to satisfy certain craving (even if it is a self distructive craving, can still be pretty egocentric) and then it becomes so big it's a compulsion. So is lying, or fibbing, in order to retain some sort of "control" over the situation. Unless a person addresses what is motivating destructive behavior, it won't stop.

And, it does not have to be self mutilation, can be hurting others. Or running from one bad relationship to another. Or, a chick who lets a partner get away with violence towards her, so often ends up with another bully.

Sex addiction is like any other. It's a way to quieten the obsessive and hurtful thoughts, to please and apeace oneself when one does not want to listen to oneself and actually deal with the trouble one needs to deal with. If I was addictive, I'd go for chocolate, at least it tastes good and there are no real side effects. Chocolate and gym addiction, yes.
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  #51  
Old 22.02.2011, 14:04
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Re: The Truth About Sex Addiction

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C'mon you addiction nay-sayers. An addict is convinced that they don't have a problem. .
So all those who are attend narcotics anonymous, who introduce themselves as "Hi, I'm Osama, and I'm a drug addict", are lying?

Some people can kick an addiction on their own. Some people need assistance. Some people recognise they're addicted but can't stop. Some people only seek help when they reach bottom. Some people seek help before then, when they realise without help, they will reach bottom. Some people just don't get addicted. Or haven't found their weakness.

Definitions of addiction, addict vary from one person to another. As does the idea of freewill, willpower, dependency, freedom to choose.

We're all different*, and can have many different responses to all the possibilities that addiction can offer.

* Except me.
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  #52  
Old 22.02.2011, 14:08
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Re: The Truth About Sex Addiction

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So all those who are attend narcotics anonymous, who introduce themselves as "Hi, I'm Osama, and I'm a drug addict", are lying?
No, the fact that they are in NA means that they have recognised that they have a problem and are seeking to control it.
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  #53  
Old 22.02.2011, 16:15
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Re: The Truth About Sex Addiction

Declaring an addiction of any sort causes drama to the uninitiated. The older one becomes, the more apparent it is we're all dealing with demons in various guises and there's far more "Jeez, man, me too / my brother has / Christ, I thought it was just me" reactions. Talking sincerely to people about oneself is important, as well as listening. It can be scary to be sincere about one's problems. No wonder it's still a sort of Taboo.

Oftentimes, an addiction only says "Hello" when it's too late. Look after your buddies and listen when they talk. It can take great nerve to open up.

Of course, recklessness and ruin are unattractive qualities. Behaviour and motivation have a huge part to play, but when going down that route it's better to blame the sin, not the sinner.

"If you're born to hang you'll never drown..."
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  #54  
Old 22.02.2011, 16:39
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Re: The Truth About Sex Addiction

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Declaring an addiction of any sort causes drama to the uninitiated. The older one becomes, the more apparent it is we're all dealing with demons in various guises and there's far more "Jeez, man, me too / my brother has / Christ, I thought it was just me" reactions. Talking sincerely to people about oneself is important, as well as listening. It can be scary to be sincere about one's problems. No wonder it's still a sort of Taboo.

Oftentimes, an addiction only says "Hello" when it's too late. Look after your buddies and listen when they talk. It can take great nerve to open up.

Of course, recklessness and ruin are unattractive qualities. Behaviour and motivation have a huge part to play, but when going down that route it's better to blame the sin, not the sinner.

"If you're born to hang you'll never drown..."
I have dealt with addicts in my family for over 25 years. The sin is caused by a weakness in the sinner. Until this weakness is addressed, the sinner will keep on sinning and sinning. Allelujia, amen.

Thank God for Alanon.

Last edited by olygirl; 22.02.2011 at 16:39. Reason: better wording
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  #55  
Old 22.02.2011, 16:59
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Re: The Truth About Sex Addiction

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I have dealt with addicts in my family for over 25 years. The sin is caused by a weakness in the sinner. Until this weakness is addressed, the sinner will keep on sinning and sinning. Allelujia, amen.

Thank God for Alanon.
EDIT: Removed original comment.

I don't wish to get into a discussion on what constitutes a disease.
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  #56  
Old 22.02.2011, 22:22
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Re: The Truth About Sex Addiction

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So all those who are attend narcotics anonymous, who introduce themselves as "Hi, I'm Osama, and I'm a drug addict", are lying?
Yes they're all liars Huh? I was trying to make a point that an addict, when in the thick of an addiction, is the last person who's going to recognize that they have a problem. Or some may some may not, some may and not care due to the fact that they are fundamentally pr1cks, some may and try to climb out of it but fail because those around them tell them they're a failure, and so on and so on and yada yada. I suppose all that could be taken apart too and exceptions make the rule and that's why I try to stay out of dramatic threads. But I just can't stop! But it sure as schmit ain't as simple as Option A or Option B.
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  #57  
Old 22.02.2011, 22:26
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Re: The Truth About Sex Addiction

Indeed, not to mention the fact that most addicts are usually full of self-loathing. In other words, they are aware of their perceived weaknesses and the effect that they have on those close to them, yet feel powerless to overcome them.
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Old 23.02.2011, 07:54
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Re: The Truth About Sex Addiction

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C'mon you addiction nay-sayers. An addict is convinced that they don't have a problem....
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...Huh? I was trying to make a point that an addict, when in the thick of an addiction, is the last person who's going to recognize that they have a problem. ...
Sorry. Thought you were saying that all who are addicts are convinced they don't have problems.
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Old 23.02.2011, 09:22
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Re: The Truth About Sex Addiction

Doctor Wolfgang Basler,

I no like mucho cogiendo, I no cabron. I only like to be around women. Is that also an addiction? Or maybe Ghaddafi syndrome?

Also mujeres get addicted to me. Is that also my bad, addiction?

Doctor Wolfganf Basler, before you make any assumptions about me, let me tell you that I am no bad guy, only victim of circumstances. Im only looking for true love.
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  #60  
Old 01.03.2011, 10:19
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Re: The Truth About Sex Addiction

I don't want to take any kind of stand on sex addiction (ie, what it might be, if it exists etc) but some of the views expressed of addiction in general, in particular the rather absolute intolerance towards someone who is addicted, were rather disturbing. I consider myself fortunate that I don't have an addictive kind of personality. Others are not so fortunate and I have also had the misfortune to see the effects of addiction (heroin) at close hand. It is heartbreaking.

Anyway, I thought this article might be of some interest, or rather the pictures in it:http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41787410...th-addictions/. These pictures showing the effects of addiction must make people stop for a minute and ask whether some addicts really have it in their own hands to stop and get help. Although it might seem otherwise, I don't find everything heartbreaking, but these photos really are.
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