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  #81  
Old 21.03.2011, 15:17
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Re: EF safety valve (aka - why do you hate the British)

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huh? Where?
Ahem

(hang on, no, you're right )
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  #82  
Old 21.03.2011, 15:22
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Re: EF safety valve (aka - why do you hate the British)

To counter may I offer this

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You know, it's a curious thing, I don't know if you've ever thought of this, but England hasn't really got a national song, you know, just for England; there's plenty for Great Britain. That's quite different. You have to be very careful how you use these terms, too. The rule is: if we've done anything good, it's "another triumph for Great Britain" and if we haven't, it's "England loses again". Have you noticed that?
All the others, they've got songs about their countries, you know, the Scots, like "Scotland for aye" (or for "me" as it should more properly be). And the Welsh and the Irish have got songs saying how marvelous they are and making rude remarks about the English in their own languages. In the case of the Welsh I think this is the pot calling the saucepan "bach".
What English national song have we got? "Jerusalem" . . . "There'll always be an England". Well, that's not saying much, is it? I mean, there'll always be a North Pole, if some dangerous clown doesn't go and melt it.
I think that the reason for this is that in the old days - you know, the good old days when I was a boy - people didn't, we didn't bother in England about nationalism. I mean, nationalism was on its way out. We'd got pretty well everything we wanted and we didn't go around saying how marvelous we were - everybody knew that - any more than we bothered to put our names on our stamps. I mean, there's only two kinds of stamps: English stamps in sets at the beginning of the album, and foreign stamps all mixed at the other end. Any gibbon could tell you that.
But nowadays nationalism is on the up and up and everybody has a national song but us. The Americans have national songs, like "My country 'tis of thee", which they sing to the tune of "God save the Queen", I may say, and which together with their long range forecasting of our weather I find hard to forgive. Yes, and the Germans - and whatever you say about the Germans (and who doesn't) - what a marvelous song that was: "German, German overalls". Now there's a song.
Well, the moment has come, and none too soon; we have a song here which, I think, fills this long-felt want and I hope that all true-born English men and women in our audience will join in the last chorus. And if you don't have the good fortune to be English true-born, or a man, or a woman, I hope you'll join in as an ordinary mark of simple decent respect. This song starts with, I think, a very typical English understatement


The English, the English, the English are best
I wouldn't give tuppence for all of the rest.

The rottenest bits of these islands of ours
We've left in the hands of three unfriendly powers
Examine the Irishman, Welshman or Scot
You'll find he's a stinker, as likely as not.

Och aye, awa' wi' yon Edinburgh Festival

The Scotsman is mean, as we're all well aware
And bony and blotchy and covered with hair
He eats salty porridge, he works all the day
And he hasn't got bishops to show him the way!

The English, the English, the English are best
I wouldn't give tuppence for all of the rest.

Ah hit me old mother over the head with a shillelagh

The Irishman now out contempt is beneath
He sleeps in his boots and he lies through his teeth
He blows up policemen, or so I have heard
And blames it on Cromwell and William the Third!

The English are noble, the English are nice,
And worth any other at double the price

Ah, iechyd da

The Welshman's dishonest and cheats when he can
And little and dark, more like monkey than man
He works underground with a lamp in his hat
And he sings far too loud, far too often, and flat!

And crossing the Channel, one cannot say much
Of French and the Spanish, the Danish or Dutch
The Germans are German, the Russians are red,
And the Greeks and Italians eat garlic in bed!

The English are moral, the English are good
And clever and modest and misunderstood.

And all the world over, each nation's the same
They've simply no notion of playing the game
They argue with umpires, they cheer when they've won
And they practice beforehand which ruins the fun!

The English, the English, the English are best
So up with the English and down with the rest.

It's not that they're wicked or natuarally bad
It's knowing they're foreign that makes them so mad!

For the English are all that a nation should be,
And the flower of the English are Donald (Michael)
Donald (Michael) and Me!

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  #83  
Old 21.03.2011, 19:54
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Re: EF safety valve (aka - why do you hate the British)

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How do you spot a thick accent online, me ol' china?
see you are groaning on my english

i thought there was some life outside this forum ....FAIL!!
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  #84  
Old 21.03.2011, 20:34
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British. Collective noun for UK residents who can't claim to be English. And don't say you hate the English or we'll colonise you and nick all your valuables.
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  #85  
Old 21.03.2011, 22:57
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Re: EF safety valve (aka - why do you hate the British)

Bodyline..
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  #86  
Old 22.03.2011, 16:32
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Re: EF safety valve (aka - why do you hate the British)

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And don't say you hate the English or we'll colonise you and nick all your valuables.
Well you failed that already with the greatest country in the North-Atlantic. Over a cod, just over a little fish. And we don't even have an army!
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  #87  
Old 22.03.2011, 16:33
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Re: EF safety valve (aka - why do you hate the British)

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Bodyline..
Legitimate leg-theory, you mean?
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  #88  
Old 22.03.2011, 17:02
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Re: EF safety valve (aka - why do you hate the British)

Mrs. Horse would like to include the following on this thread:

Hates
1. The Royal London Hospital maternity ward
2. The Tube

Curiosities:
1. "You all drive to the sea and then sit in your cars and look at it. Why?"
2. "Nuclear" sandwiches. So named after the classic British motorway services vending machine dispensed sandwich as they would seem to have the ability to survive a nuclear blast.;
3. Cricket-"How can a game last 5 days?"-I am working on this correction as the most important.

Are there any other curiosities from our Swiss forumites?
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  #89  
Old 22.03.2011, 17:07
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Re: EF safety valve (aka - why do you hate the British)

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Mrs. Horse would like to include the following on this thread:

Curiosities:
1. "You all drive to the sea and then sit in your cars and look at it. Why?"
2. "Nuclear" sandwiches. So named after the classic British motorway services vending machine dispensed sandwich as they would seem to have the ability to survive a nuclear blast.;
3. Cricket-"How can a game last 5 days?"-I am working on this correction as the most important.

Are there any other curiosities from our Swiss forumites?
1. Cos it's normally pissing it down
2. Food of the Gods
3. Because it does, and it still might end in a draw
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  #90  
Old 22.03.2011, 17:07
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Re: EF safety valve (aka - why do you hate the British)

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Well you failed that already with the greatest country in the North-Atlantic. Over a cod, just over a little fish. And we don't even have an army!
it's just a matter of time. i will write to my MP to suggest that we send warships over to iceland to annex the whole country and territorial seas in satisfaction of the outstanding debts...
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  #91  
Old 22.03.2011, 17:19
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Re: EF safety valve (aka - why do you hate the British)

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1. Cos it's normally pissing it down
2. Food of the Gods
3. Because it does, and it still might end in a draw
I completely agree on no. 2
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  #92  
Old 22.03.2011, 17:31
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Re: EF safety valve (aka - why do you hate the British)

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it's just a matter of time. i will write to my MP to suggest that we send warships over to iceland to annex the whole country and territorial seas in satisfaction of the outstanding debts...
We already did that:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invasion_of_Iceland
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  #93  
Old 22.03.2011, 17:34
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Re: EF safety valve (aka - why do you hate the British)

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it's just a matter of time. i will write to my MP to suggest that we send warships over to iceland to annex the whole country and territorial seas in satisfaction of the outstanding debts...
You'll have to pass the four protectors first.

Not an easy task. Just ask the Danish...
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  #94  
Old 22.03.2011, 17:36
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Re: EF safety valve (aka - why do you hate the British)

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1. Cos it's normally pissing it down
2. Food of the Gods
3. Because it does, and it still might end in a draw
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I completely agree on no. 2
A quick question on point 3? Is it because you have to be immortal to digest this food?


A word of caution for "Mrs Horse" on insulting the game Cricket....... "Sledging" is as much a skill of the game as fielding, bowling, or batting.

By all means, sledge a player, National side, or club at will..... but never the game.

The colonies will unite against you.



Blessed be the English for bestowing upon us the joy of Cricket.
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  #95  
Old 22.03.2011, 18:13
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Re: EF safety valve (aka - why do you hate the British)

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The expedition was organized in haste and in a haphazard way. Much of the operational planning was conducted en route. The force was supplied with few and poor maps, one of them drawn from memory. No one in the expedition was fully fluent in the Icelandic language.
hah. how very typically english!
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  #96  
Old 22.03.2011, 18:23
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Re: EF safety valve (aka - why do you hate the British)

That was a bloody hilarious read.
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  #97  
Old 22.03.2011, 18:46
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Re: EF safety valve (aka - why do you hate the British)

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Bad teeth, big ears, strange head shape, fat girls, ugly faces, terrible food, The Queen, Jeremy Kyles....

Gosh! It does feel better to bash on you guys! Thanks!
Whats wrong with big ears?
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  #98  
Old 22.03.2011, 18:56
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Re: EF safety valve (aka - why do you hate the British)

fighters BTWfighters BTW
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We don't need a strong army, us Canadian.... Everybody loves us! Not like you, Brits!
Right Nil ,we are lover not fightersBTW the subs.we took of your hand ,DB, because we felt sorry for you ,now we usem as museum exhibit
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  #99  
Old 22.03.2011, 19:37
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Re: EF safety valve (aka - why do you hate the British)

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You'll have to pass the four protectors first.
So that's a duck, a lizard, a cow and some old fellow with a stick.

Don't you have any tanks or artillery or anything?
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  #100  
Old 22.03.2011, 20:19
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Re: EF safety valve

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God, i hate the way they queue!
They just stand around and waste time!

And who the h*ll came up with the idea of putting mint sauce on lamb?! Have they no culinary taste at all!?

Might i just add, that the Americans are all so loud, and the New Zealanders have absolutely no dress sense.

The Australians? They're just all damned sexy! Thick as a 2 x 4, but damned sexy...
Oi! You're not Swiss!

Ed., having not read the entire thread first time around, I now realise the Brit bashing was opened up to all! *Blush*.

Last edited by aschaz; 22.03.2011 at 20:42. Reason: Not reading the entire thread and therefore getting it wrong!
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