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  #21  
Old 21.03.2011, 23:43
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Re: Getting involve in your friend's life

Blind allegiance distorts my view of the truth. Issues can onlyproperly be dealt with objectively based on facts. From that men can advise, whereas lady folk just need you to listen to their side. Objectivity is best obtained from a neutral distance.
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  #22  
Old 21.03.2011, 23:45
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Re: Getting involve in your friend's life

Girls, don't try to understand men, you're better off with the mistery:

If you discover in your enlightment that you like everything about being a man, you'll want to be one;
If you discover in your enlightment that you dislike everything about real thoughts of men, you'll regret being heterosexual.

It's a lose-lose situation.

Last edited by Faltrad; 22.03.2011 at 10:57. Reason: lose, not loose. I've learnt something today.
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  #23  
Old 21.03.2011, 23:59
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Re: Getting involve in your friend's life

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If you discover in your enlightment that you dislike everything about real thoughts of men, you'll regret being heterosexual.
Being a man has nothing to do with sexual preference. Or do you think as per your post above that homosexuals cannot be real men or have the thoughts of a real man ?
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  #24  
Old 22.03.2011, 00:21
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Re: Getting involve in your friend's life

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Girls, don't try to understand men, you're better off with the mistery:

If you discover in your enlightment that you like everything about being a man, you'll want to be one;
If you discover in your enlightment that you dislike everything about real thoughts of men, you'll regret being heterosexual.

It's a loose-loose situation.

Lose - lose? I don't think so.

Medical procedures can help with the first case, a change in social groups can help with the future for the second. No biggie.

(Not meaning to belittle the true wants, needs and desires by honest homosexuals but sometimes close friends can be very close. )


So far as the subject goes:
I think it is best to lend an ear to a girlfriend but otherwise stay out of the marriage, even if you're talking about what's going on for siblings within their marriages.
The problem is there's always going to be a matter of the "fact" that there tends to be three versions of a problem; what each partner says (1st and 2nd versions) and then the truth (3rd). Unless you have a recording (including both audio and video) of whatever is happening, you have no way of knowing what's REALLY going on, so it is best to stay out.
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  #25  
Old 22.03.2011, 00:22
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Re: Getting involve in your friend's life

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Being a man has nothing to do with sexual preference. Or do you think as per your post above that homosexuals cannot be real men or have the thoughts of a real man ?
Total misunderstanding, I meant something totally different. Proud outed gay man here. Obvously, my bad English was not clear enough, I appologize for this failed joke.
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  #26  
Old 22.03.2011, 00:56
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Re: Getting involve in your friend's life

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Total misunderstanding, I meant something totally different
Made sense to me!
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  #27  
Old 22.03.2011, 01:37
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Re: Getting involve in your friend's life

For the ladies here, from about 6:22 on:



For the guys: any man here breaks ranks, and tries to say otherwise:

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  #28  
Old 22.03.2011, 06:51
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Re: Getting involve in your friend's life

well, it depends of what you call friends.....


if it's just friends, I'm not involved, if it's a real or intimate friend, then, yes, I'm involved and we share everything.

(can be male or female friend.)

Actually my only "real" friend is a girl, and I've got quite helped by her this last months
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  #29  
Old 22.03.2011, 09:36
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Re: Getting involve in your friend's life

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Being a man has nothing to do with sexual preference. Or do you think as per your post above that homosexuals cannot be real men or have the thoughts of a real man ?
UTH, I think he meant the opposite of what you thought he meant.

In any case, for me I've learned time and again to keep my opinions to myself in real life. It's why I voice them so much here
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  #30  
Old 22.03.2011, 09:44
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Re: Getting involve in your friend's life

Wow, I thought people outgrew this pretty early. Years ago I stopped being naive enough to think that other people (men or women) actually take advice and aren't just looking to either 1) Discard it if it's not what they want to hear. 2) Want validation for something they were planning to do in the first place. I mean, they'll take your advice on something insignificant ("Should I put this on my CV?") But if you think what you're saying is having an actual significant effect on a life-changing decision and is giving them the proverbial kick in the behind, think again. Either it'll have no effect (and may turn you into the bad guy), or they were heading that way to begin with. At best, it a gust of wind to speed up momentum, not a kick.

I read a wonderful quote a while ago: "Life got so much easier when I realized that there really isn't a little piece of me in everyone."
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  #31  
Old 22.03.2011, 09:53
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Re: Getting involve in your friend's life

Nil. To answer your question, without diverting the thread, getting involved in and advising friends on their relationship can be a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it can help them if they are off track, on the other, you can lose your friends for ever. More than once I have seen this. The best example I can give you is of a friend of a friend, who intervened in a fight between a man and his wife ( a real fight). The girl turned round and stuck a knife in his chest and he died.
Its not always,(thankfully) so dramatic, but the risk of advising is the potential loss of two friends .
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  #32  
Old 22.03.2011, 09:58
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Re: Getting involve in your friend's life

I don't discuss my personal stuff with other people neither does my girlfriend. If my girlfriend has a problem she talks directly with me and not her friends.
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  #33  
Old 22.03.2011, 10:04
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Re: Getting involve in your friend's life

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UTH, I think he meant the opposite of what you thought he meant.

In any case, for me I've learned time and again to keep my opinions to myself in real life. It's why I voice them so much here

Re-reading it after Faltrad qualified his post, I have to concede that point. Apologies to Faltrad.
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  #34  
Old 22.03.2011, 10:09
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Re: Getting involve in your friend's life

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I don't discuss my personal stuff with other people neither does my girlfriend. If my girlfriend has a problem she talks directly with me and not her friends.
This is what you believe.... but if she has a very best friend, the chances are that she does talk about personal stuff and seek her opinions.
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  #35  
Old 22.03.2011, 10:21
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Re: Getting involve in your friend's life

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This is what you believe.... but if she has a very best friend, the chances are that she does talk about personal stuff and seek her opinions.
I don't believe I know. I am her very best friend so yeah she talks about me with me
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  #36  
Old 22.03.2011, 11:35
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Re: Getting involve in your friend's life

Having observed how my other half interact with his mates in their natural habitat, I conclude that men and their best mates interact differently from us females. We girls love a good natter, and when things arent going very well - a good bitch, laugh or cry. Men on the other hand simply internalise alot of things and even if they are going through a tough time, sitting with their mates, they'll simply talk about it for a brief moment before moving on to sports, or some other blokey thing. I find it really amusing.

hubby: sorry about the breakup mate
friend: yea, sucks.
hubby: you'll be alright.
friend: i know. *grunt* Say, did you watch the Man Utd match the other day? Bloody ref.....

Come on boys, tell me that isnt true?
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  #37  
Old 22.03.2011, 12:22
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Re: Getting involve in your friend's life

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Blind allegiance distorts my view of the truth. Issues can onlyproperly be dealt with objectively based on facts. From that men can advise, whereas lady folk just need you to listen to their side. Objectivity is best obtained from a neutral distance.

Completely agree.

Nil - from personal experience, I'd say stay out of it.

You have no idea what's really going on. You hear only what your girlfriend tells you. Not to insinuate that she may be lying, but human nature dictates that she sees only her side of the story.

You are not an objective third party, and risk losing one or both friends.

I've been there. Both on the giving and the receiving end of unsolicited advice. both incidents ended badly. very badly...
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  #38  
Old 22.03.2011, 12:27
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Re: Getting involve in your friend's life

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I don't believe I know. I am her very best friend so yeah she talks about me with me
I think that's a truly lovely thing to say about your relationship.

There are all sorts of people... there are women who like to keep their personal matters private, and there are also men who talk about their partners full time.

I think if something is really in need of help, s/he would have asked their best friends to interfere already. Sometimes time is all they need?
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  #39  
Old 22.03.2011, 23:27
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Re: Getting involve in your friend's life

I really suggest you enjoy a lovely evening out with your other half.
This one-man-show addresses exactly the subject of gender psychology and is absolutely worth it.

The show has been written in French, English and German.

http://www.caveman.ch/

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  #40  
Old 22.03.2011, 23:33
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Re: Getting involve in your friend's life

I used to confide in a friend (male) until he started giving me his point of view about everything, he thought his marriage was perfect (yeah right) so I decided not to disclose my stuff anymore and if someone asks I will say everything is OK, because it is and nobody needs to know what goes between my significant other and I. Now I will talk the general talk but the rest belongs to me and my husband...
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