Hey, easy. I stated that I do it too, and I reiterated it.

In this case I am talking about a few of my friends.

Later, they have right old whinge about why are all the decent men taken?!!

Grumpygit would like to thank bigblue2 for this useful post

Yes.

Or gay.

so organise an EF singles event, I'm sure there are loads of single desperate men here who would love the chance to meet some of your friends and treat them badly

All men are pricks.

There. Does anything else need to be said on the topic?

No?

Thought not.

i think therein lies part of the problem. the guy comes running back, the woman, as much as she may say different, feels like a failure or defected (of course though she isn't) because the relationship didnt work and so gives it another go to waste time eventually taking the same crap she took to begin with. i do think men do it too, but there is more pressure on a woman to feel like if she isnt in a relationship- she is at fault.

conversely, i have a couple of good friends who complain the same thing, but when they are in a relationship with someone, they are one foot in and one foot out through the whole thing- not consistently satisfied with what they have and not really wanting to give it up just yet. these same friends have just gotten married, but they also just realized that it is silly to look for someone that checks all the boxes of what they want- its impossible, its not that they settled for someone, but that they accepted that the men in their lives arent going to have everything, just as they dont. i do think part of it is maturity and getting yourself settled a bit but the other part is also timing and finding someone who is at that point as well, that is the difficult part...when i was in nyc, it was much harder for trying to have a relationship- men (and women to a lesser extent) are constantly looking for an upgrade and women are constantly trying to upgrade themselves to be everything but missing out on being happy in the meantime...complicated.

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'there isn't enough of anything as long as we live.
but at intervals a sweetness appears and, given a chance prevails'

Speak for yourself. I'm a wonderful chap.
Who has a prick.

nope, beautiful usually equals high maintenance, highly successful can maintain herself. Unless we of course think that successful woman is the one who can find a man to maintain her (highly), but that was probably not what Natasha meant.

as for why - well, if you're young and stupid and don't know what you want, of course you would go after the one everybody else wants. 10 million flies cannot be wrong about cow dung, right? Of course, an intelligent woman would learn after a few (dozen) bad boys and stop that nonsense.

It's not easy though, some of those guys are not so obviously "bad boys" and once you're in a relationship, you don't want to admit that you have invested all this time and effort for nothing, so you hang in there hoping that he will change..

Yeah, I know. I think it was Kafka who said that for some people, love is like a shadow. You get near, it gets far, you get far, it gets near. People associate self worth with making some other person chase them, unfortunately. And often this person can't emotionally handle being played with so lives in denial. Plus, there is this notion of oversaturation, chase...

I don't know. We keep getting these threads here, why do people prefer thin ladies, why does a friend allow her husband take advantage of her, why can't intelligent women get laid properly (or they can, but men don't seem able to handle them right..).

I think anxiety is the main reason. Fear of being dumped. Some people seem to attach value to something worthless just because it becomes so ephemeral..Denial is comfortable, does not require any adjustment.

I am usually pretty straight forward to tell my opinion to a friend about this. I'd appreciate the same, my friends do.

Let's not turn this thread in another man-bashing/woman-bashing event.

__________________
"L'homme ne peut pas remplacer son coeur avec sa tete, ni sa tete avec ses mains." J.H. Pestalozzi

“The only difference between a rut and a grave is a matter of depth.” S.P. Cadman

"Imagination is more important than knowledge." A. Einstein

That's what I said...

P.

How it used to be, in the `good ol' days`.

Ok, firstly, I did not know there had been an abundance of them lately, and I usually avoid these threads as they turn into a slinging match, which was not my objective.

I was not after the responses of "all men are bastards", "women are bitches", "women overvalue their looks", nor do I need an assessment as to whether my friends are hot. Nor am I talking about picking up people in bars.

I have no problem with men, and this is not a gender thing, I am sure guys do it too.

My point is the machinations of the mind, and what makes us do it. Thing is you know when you atre doing it, and if any of your friends are doing it then you have the perfect advice for them, but you can't take your own.

I think fear of failure at a relationship is prolly the most accurate so far, so have some rep .

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I resemble that remark.

My 5 raps:

Your question is just a "milder" version of this...

It's about self-worth and being blinded by your emotions/insecurities. As an outsider you can see where it is all going wrong, but as the person in the middle you don't notice or acknowledge you have a problem.

Usually those that fall into this kind of "submissive" behaviour have a weak link somewhere in their make-up that makes them fall for the same kind of pricks/bitches*, because to be "abused" is better than to be rejected.

*It isn't limited to either gender.

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Never let right or wrong get in the way of a good opinion

i think post #9 already answered that question. also from the blog of one of the bad boys:

i think only girls can answer the question why. but i've noticed that girls do go after the guys that reject them or mess them around. i just accept it as one of the many illogical things about women and don't assume there is a logical reason why they behave like that.

Simple psychology and math. Women are attracted to dominant personality traits, which include not being too easy to control or to get. Many nice guys have these traits too (in moderation), so there's no shortage of good men out there, but the a**holes are more plentiful. NO women are attracted to pushovers.

It's not a conscious decision to be attracted to a**holes, but most men who have the traits they're attracted to just happen to be. This NEVER changes, which is a common misconception. The common belief is that women "wise up" later in life and start going for the dweebs, when in fact I think the "wising up" is getting more picky and start looking more for guys who they find the attractive behaviour traits in, but without the a-hole warning signs. Some settle for wussies and pushovers, and that's where we get unhappy marriages and cheating.

Guys are no better, I might add, except with us it's simply looks. We have the crazy/hot dilemma. Which is where we get Barney Stinson's Crazy/Hot Scale:



In all cases, we can't control who we're attracted to and it's all about finding a balance.

Some what?

It's hard to take one's medicine. Honestly, people who come across as really really strong and dishing htfu advice frequently are usually this way for a reason. Usually they have a soft spot inside that they need to protect. Deep inside, they are fun and approachable and don't need this image at all, actually, they just go for it to protect themselves since they do know how vulnerable they are inside...

Now, it is not so difficult for a regular guy to figure this one out, and realize htfu attitude is usually a facade. And then he pushes, to see if you go after him. Don't you want to confuse him a tad, just out of principle? I wouldn't respond. Nobody will manipulate the way you live...why should he.

That would be my advice to a friend if she happened to find herself following a player. Players, by the way, are players often to protect themselves, too..It takes a player to recognize this, or, having a bunch of experiences with them.

If things are getting out of handle, it is always good to take time off. Or work out.

__________________
"L'homme ne peut pas remplacer son coeur avec sa tete, ni sa tete avec ses mains." J.H. Pestalozzi

“The only difference between a rut and a grave is a matter of depth.” S.P. Cadman

"Imagination is more important than knowledge." A. Einstein

i disagree.

Ah, but what about "On the Hook"?

http://fliiby.com/file/857807/9dcf8jxqdg.html